What's Going On and Moving Forward. (Patreon)

I think I will try to give a better update on things and make it a bit clearer what my current situation is. This might be seen as giving too much information or trying to gain sympathy, but I do believe in being clear and honest so that other can understand what is going on and leaving things up to assumptions might not be the best thing right now. 

The last post I made here was written after I watched my mother vomit blood and what we both believed were her dying words. As you might guess, this was not a pleasant experience. I had brought all my stuff with me, so I was able to do my requests/commissions. I was in shock after what happened. This is something that I had been preparing for, but you can never really be ready for when it strikes. No matter what happens, this illness will take her and nothing will make it better. There are other things that come with this that don't help; family drama being a major thing. Over the last year I have also been involved with family members that had decided that they needed me to look after them and in turn started making their problems also mine. It's now to the point of them expecting me to be there when they need it and not the other way around. The one-sidedness of the relationships had taken an awful toll and was leaving me being unable to work. Everything kinda mixed together and while it's not as bad now as it was a few months ago, it is still a lingering problem that I've been working hard to deal with. 

With things getting stressful, I found myself unable to draw anything. Drawing is like a mantra for me and being unable to do it was messing with me quite a bit. That is why I had decided to go on a hiatus, so I could concentrate on picking up what pieces I had and put them in order. So with tickets booked to return to my mother's so I could spend Christmas with her, I went back home to prepare. I was unwell on my way back and I thought I caught the flu (this is never a good thing for me). After about two days of suffering, I decided to call for help and they took me to the hospital right away. Turns out I was infected viral meningitis! I spent five days being pumped with fluids, antibiotics and painkillers. It took a few days to find the best combination of painkillers so that I was finally able to sleep. I went home still taking a crap-load of medication and only yesterday found to be in the clear. 

I had missed my booked tickets, so that was a cost I really wish I did not miss. My new year will be spent with my mom after buying tickets at what I can only call an extortionate price (we have a bad rail system here). To be honest, I'm not sure how I will react when seeing her again. I am hoping to spend more time and be at her side, but I have also seen in others and personally experienced how this can effect you. The downward spiral is devastating and it's very difficult to get out of it. It takes a lot of work to be strong and people are looking towards me for support. While it's hard to say what will happen, no amount of planning and preparation will stand when things start getting tough. 

I want to get my backlog cleared and have been avoiding it as there is the worry that when I start, something will come up and take me away from it. Leaving me feeling that I've let you all down. This is wrong of me to think as this happened before a few years ago and I'm working on fixing the way I think, this is why I am being quite open right now. Avoiding the elephant in the room will not help me grow and improve. You need to understand, work and deal with these major events so that you are able to move on. I've been to the lowest of the low and worked my balls off to get back up, I refuse to ever get that low again. 

Sorry about this long post and any tangents I've gone on. Again, this is about me being open and clear to the best of my abilities so that we all know what is going on.  So that leaves me to ask this of you all; can you be patient with me while this is going on?   

EDIT

I have started drawing again and am working my confidence back to doing my backlog.