Regression Chapter 8: Finale (Patreon)

The dull sound of a high note on an old child’s piano. Madison was already bored of it. The jumbled notes she’d been playing didn’t translate to the happy singalong-songs in her head. A more exciting toy, that Tina had brought in yesterday, caught her eye. She felt a deep urge to grab the light-up wand. She moved her hand to the floor and gripped the yellow-plastic handle. Moving her arm into the air, she smashed the plastic bulb onto the ground. The lights inside of it activated from the sudden impact.

Madison watched the rainbow lights flutter inside the bulb of the toy. When they stopped, she lifted it above her head again then smashed it back down on the carpet. The lights activated and whirled back to life. Madison giggled at the pretty colors. It was easy to watch them go again and again.

Her mind didn’t entertain any reason to stop. That felt like too much work. Not to mention how boring that was compared to watching the lights. She smashed the bulb on the ground to reignite it. This time she brought it right up to her eyeballs.

“Woaah…” She muttered, letting her pupils dance around them. Each flash of color sent the same spark of simple joy through her brain. It felt like her neurons were dancing too. Without thinking about it, Madison threw the toy up into the air, then watched it crash back down on the floor a few feet away from her. She snickered at how silly that was.

She shifted her weight from criss-cross to her hands and knees. The weight of her diaper sagged heavily from the new force of gravity. The apex of her diaper drooped heavily halfway down her thighs. It was nearly indistinguishable from when Tina taped her into it. The back had darkened into a grayish-brown. The center and front was grayish-yellow. Even she could tell it was desperately time for a change. The leak guards were starting to feel wet as they rubbed across her thighs.

The diaper wasn’t the only part of Madison that was a mess. Her hair hadn’t been washed in weeks. It had devolved into a dry, clumpy frizzy mess. It looked like Hermionie on her worst hair day. Oatmeal stains from breakfast caked over her chest and cheeks.

Madison crawled toward her toy and picked it up. She let her butt fall back down to the carpet. The diaper squished under the weight. It sounded like dropping a wet towel on the floor. The smell of dirty diaper puffed out of the waistband. It didn’t consciously register though, she was nose-blind to it.

Her teeth yearned to feel the plastic bulb of the toy. Saliva watered underneath her tongue. She didn’t hesitate on emotional urges anymore. Chewing things had become a fun new hobby too. Her mouth opened wide. She shoved the toy into it, then immediately bit down, flexing her jaw muscles to vary the chew. Her lips managed to wrap around half of the bulb. She sucked on it as her teeth relished in the relief it brought them.

It felt too childish for a split second. And it was, for an adult to chew on a flashing baby toy. She doubled down. She pushed down her self-deprecating adult thoughts and feelings. Her mind regressed into a deeper childish state. Instead of stopping pooling saliva from slipping out between her lips, she let it drool onto the toy. Numbing bliss ejected into her brain.

Her mind was quiet as she gurgled and drooled. Baby toys were doing that. The simple pleasure they brought were easy to latch onto. Madison relaxed her mind even further, pushing through another boundary. Pee sputtered out into her diaper. No part of her mind or body alerted her to it. Instead, her eyes dulled into a vacant stare out the window. She focused her entire being into her blank yellow mind. She drifted in it for a long time.

“Gggna- gggna-” Melinda gurgled from across the room. Madison blinked the dry haze out of her eyes. She didn’t form an inner monologue, she just looked over in that direction.

“Bwooh? Mama?” Madison said, popping the toy out of her mouth. Drool connected from her lips to the toy. The line snapped, then spilled onto the ground. She grinned a wide drooly smile. “Mama you’re awake from your nap!!” Madison squealed in delight. She dropped the toy onto the floor and immediately started crawling over.

“Gggna- g-ggna-” Melinda said again, she was on her back looking up at the ceiling. Her arms and legs kicked in a repetitive pattern. Her left leg twitched, then her right arm jerked. Her head was starting to grow noticeable peach fuzz. It didn’t grow around the scars on the back of her head. The surgery scars formed the outlines of a box.

“Ggna Ggna??” Madison copied her mother. She smiled. This was one the highlights of her day. It was so exciting when her mother was verbal. She savored it. Melinda’s pupils flicked to the side to get a better look at Madison.

“M- Ma-” She mummed out of her mouth. She opened wide for a toothy smile. Her hands stayed where they were, but her fingers started grabbing.

“Ma- Mama!” Madison said, point down at her. “You’re my Mama!” She said, trying to relate as easily as she could by shoving her hand up between Melinda’s legs.

“Even if you have on a squishy pee pee diaper!” She said, her hand getting a handful of wet mush. It felt warm, she squeezed it a couple times then jerked it left and right, almost as if to tease her mother. Madison leaned down to dig her nose into the padding. She opened her mouth to get a full inhale.

“Peeeeyoooo! Mama you need a diapie change.” Madison said with a childish lisp. She looked down at her own diaper. It was dirtier than she expected. It made her chuckle. She shaked her hips to feel it jiggle around. It felt giddy to play in a full diaper.

“Itz okay, I needa changing too, Mommy.” She said, noticing in the moment how much her dialog was starting to slip. She winced at herself, feeling a flare of adulthood cringe. She looked uneasy. Instinctively, she focused on her childish thoughts. Lullabies from the TV echoed in her head.

“I’m safe, this is safe” She thought, her mindset slipped away from adult expectations. Anxious tension relaxed. The fun sticky thoughts from her toy and gurgling mother started to take over again.

“Hmmmm-Mmmm. Hmmm-Mmmmm” Melinda buzzed, her mummers devolving into hums. Her eyes looked away from Madison and back up to the ceiling. She maintained the twitch of her left, then right jerk. This was as long as Melinda could usually talk for. Madison kissed her mother on the forehead, then placed a hand on her wet cheek.

“I love you, Mom.” She said, feeling at peace. Madison heard footsteps coming up from behind her. She twisted her torso to look around. Sure enough, Tina was right behind her.

“I don’t have to check either of you. I could smell you from across the room. Both of you need changes!” Tina said poking fun. Tina was a 40 year-old nurse practitioner for the state department of health. Her navy blue polo had the department’s crest embroidered over her left breast. She was originally assigned to Melinda after her vegitative diagnosis. Her job was to take complete care of Melinda. Feed her, bathe her, change her diapers. It wasn’t that much different than Madison’s needs. Tina didn’t mind taking care of her too. She was there to help the mentally impaired. It felt natural to assist her.

Madison blushed, childishly trying to hide her diaper.

“I’m not THAT wet…” She said, knowing her defense was thinly veiled. Tina chuckled.

“Yeah? Say that to the little puddle in between your legs.” Tina said, pointing at the small wet stain on the carpet. Madison looked down in disbelief, but sure enough, there it was. She had started to leak without even knowing.

“That’s not from my pee pee! Thats- uh- Mama’s!!” Madison said wildly, looking for any scapegoat. She pointed at her mother.

“Uh-huh, blaming your own Mommy for accidents now? That’s not very nice!” Tina said teasingly, Madison didn’t respond, her face just turned deeper red. She looked away bashfully. “Come on, you know the drill. Let’s get you out of that icky diaper and into a fresh one.” Tina said, turning toward the changing supplies across the room. It made sense to keep supplies in both the living room and bedrooms. Madison’s demeanor brightened. It would feel nice to be dry again. Her hands dropped to the floor. She followed behind on her knees.

Tina walked over to the supplies. She grabbed the rolled-up Peppa Pig patterned changing mat, aloe wipes, plastic pants, along with an absurdly thick adult diaper. They were a new brand of adult diaper designed to hold over a gallon of pee. She gently rolled the mat out onto the carpet.

“Go ahead.” Tina said, patting the mat. Madison crawled onto it, then fell on her back. She laid there naked and diapered, with her feet flat on the ground and her knee-caps up. Tina pinched the top layer tapes then slowly peeled them off.

“You really went poopy in this one, huh? You’re such a good girl for not complaining about it!” Tina said, her fingers grabbing the next layer of tapes. Madison smiled, feeling pride light-up her chest.

“Thank you, Tina.” Madison said, recalling their chat a number of weeks ago. She had made it clear she couldn’t get changed right after every messy accident, even if it felt gross. She had to learn to sit in it. It felt really good to make Tina happy. The last tape ripped off. The front of Madison’s diaper collapsed with a flop onto the mat. The nose-pinching stench of pee and mess wafted out.

“Woaahh! Someone was going potty all morning long, wasn’t she?” Tina teased, Madison felt embarrassed. Getting talked to like a baby drilled bubbly childish thoughts deeper into her mind. Her ability to form fully fleshed adult sentences start to dissolve.

“I didn’ p-potty dat mush!” She tried to plead. Tina grabbed some wipes out of the pack.

“Oh yeah, you didn’t go potty that much? Huh??” She said, her fingers plunged into the side of Madison’s torso. She started wiggling her fingers. Madison exploded into a fit of snorting giggles. She squirmed to try and defend herself from the attack.

“Who went potty in their diapy? Huh? Did you go potty??”

“Ahehehe!! Stowp iwt Dina!!!” Madison screamed through giggles.

“Oop! Too many tickles!” Tina exclaimed suddenly, quickly grabbing the front of Madison’s saturated diaper. She lifted it up to catch the gentle stream of pee leaking out.

“Huh?” Madison said, flexing her abs to look up between her legs. She saw the accident peeing out of her. It was a strange moment. She hadn’t noticed herself peeing in a long time. Her body felt nothing. It was like watching a faucet. She couldn’t flex her pelvic muscles. They had completely atrophied. She flopped back down, and instantly stopped thinking about it, before the stream even tapered off. Potty control didn’t matter.

“Alright, lift your butt!” Tina said, Madison responded by lifting an inch above her diaper. The cold wipe started scraping the mess off her butt. “Come on, I know you can go a little higher.” Tina said, patting her messy cheek. Madison huffed, irritated she had to put in the extra work. Each wipe felt cooler than the last, as the mess wiped away and more skin came in contact.

“What do you want for lunch today?” Tina asked, grabbing a fifth wipe from the pack. She grabbed something else from the pile of supplies too.

“Uuuhhhhhhhh cawn I has Mac & C-cheese pweaseeeee?” Madison said, laying on her cutest tone possible to get what she wanted.

“Again? You’ve had Macaroni and Cheese three days in a row! You’re going to turn into Macaroni and Cheese if you keep eating it all the time!” Tina joked, lightly tickling Madison's side again.

“Eeeeheee!” Madison squealed, her mouth opened. Tina used it to her advantage. She dug an adult sized pacifier into her mouth. Madison’s mouth happily accepted it. Her lips tightened firmly around the rubber bulb. She sucked, pushing her tongue up into the bulb to get maximum pressure. Her mouth automatically slipped into rhythmically sucking. Her lips duck faced with each suck.

“Hrmm…hmmmmm….” Madison mumbled behind the pacifier. Her mind and body relaxed. Cool whisps soothed her brain. Everything that was running in the background stopped. Her muscles placated into docile soft tissue. She was completely captivate to Tina’s commands.

“Lift up again, Sweetie.” Tina said, Madison did it perfectly this time. Tina slid the fresh diaper underneath. “Aaand down.” Tina said, Madison followed along. She wasn’t consciously paying attention anymore. Her eyes rolled around aimlessly. Ever few seconds she let out a random feeble whimper.

“Aaeenwuwoo.” Madison gurgled inaudible as sweet soft baby powder sprinkled onto her skin. No effort went into using her lips properly. Cooing noises felt like enough. They often were with Tina. She had an uncanny ability to always know what she meant.

“Yeah? Do you like the powder, Baby?” She said rubbing it in. Madison’s finger looped around the ring of her pacifier. She nodded up and down. Tina took her time making sure every inch of her diapered skin was properly covered. “I don’t know if we need this much anymore, you haven’t gotten a diaper rash in a long time. But I know you love it anyways.” Tina pulled the front of her diaper up to her belly button. It was noticeably thicker than the ones she usually wore. Her thighs couldn’t touch because of the bulk. It felt good to have that much padding between her.

“I’m going to start using these instead of the ones your Mother wears. You need a little more protection than her.” Tina said. Madison wasn’t paying attention. She couldn’t really understand her in the first place. The words sounded mumbled, like she was talking through a wall.

“Pfffffff!” Tina suddenly buzzed her lips on top of Madison’s exposed stomach. The raspberry yanked her back into reality. She squealed at the top of her lungs.

“Yeee! Eeaahahhnahhh!!” She gurgled, smiling but still holding the pacifier between her teeth. She threw her hands up to try and stop it. Tina played coy for a moment, looking away as though she wouldn’t do it again. She faked Madison out by juking to raspberry one way, only to move in the other direction.

“Pfffff!” This time Madison squealed at her highest pitch possible. She dissolved into a fit of giggles as Tina grabbed the top left tape. She knew exactly where to stick it to get it perfect. The right one followed, then finally the bottom tapes. It fit thick and snug around Madison’s waist.

“You’re all set, Kiddo.” Tina said, patting the front of her diaper. Powder puffed out of it. She reached down and grabbed a plushy brachiosaurus off the floor. Madison sent grabby fingers up. She clutched it then hugged it tight.

“Eeee…” Madison hummed content. She felt better now that her waist wasn’t wading through a swamp. She rocked left and right, mindlessly animating the dinosaur’s legs.

*Ding Dong*

“Ohp! Maybe it’s your next box of diapers!” Tina said, getting up off her knees and back on her feet. She started walking toward the front door.

Madison swayed from side to side on her changing mat. The plushy engulfed her entire mind, envisioning the dinosaur talking to her. It wasn’t English, but simple expressions of bright happy nonsense. Her mind was too regressed to formulate letters. Sucking on her pacifier, playing with a plushy, snug in a fresh diaper. This was where she felt safe from life.

“Madison?” Sophia spoke from the doorway.

“Mwmm??” Madison said, her mind didn’t register the voice at first, it was still deep in the haze. She looked over lazily. When she realized who it was, those eyes filled with shock. Suffocating mortification engulfed her mind and emotions. She gasped, dropping the plushy then jumping up from the changing mat. Her exposed oatmeal covered breasts jiggled from the motion. The pacifier tumbled to the ground.

“S-Soph?” Madison stammered, she was still trying to pull herself out of it. A strong urge surfaced to thumb suck away the bad feelings. Her hands tried covering her diaper again. Sophia’s face twisted into a mix of disgust and disbelief.

“I’m sorry I came here.” She said to Tina, then turned away.

“Sophia, wait!” Madison yelled, running up to the door. It was difficult with the bulkiest diaper on the planet. It was more of a very fast waddle. She ran out into the driveway. It was cold, given it was nearly winter. “Sophia!” She yelled, grabbing her friend's shoulder to turn her around.

“Holy shit, get inside Madison. You look ridiculous. You don’t want anyone else seeing you like this!” She said, pointing toward the door.

“Sophia, I-I can explain. This isn’t me um…. I don’t know if you heard but my momm- mom. She, had an accident.” She said, waiting for Sophia’s response that never came. She filled the silence,”I don’t actually need diapers, I’m…” Stammering desperately, but she didn’t know where to go.

“Madison, just stop. You don’t have to justify it to me. This isn’t a game anymore. This is real. I came here because I didn’t want to believe the rumors. But...” She said, too sickened to keep going. Madison started getting goosebumps and a light shiver.

“But what?” Madison said, unable to fight the urge to cry. “I can fix this. I’m not sick, this isn’t who I am, my mom had an accident…” She said, trailing off. Sophia grabbed the door handle.

“You’re not your Mom.” Sophia said, looking away. “I’m sorry, Madison. I need to go.” She said, her voice growing sorrow.

“Sophia please!” Madison said, taking another step forward. Sophia held her hand up.

“Stop. I said I need to go. I can’t look at you like this. Goodbye, Madison.” Sophia said, she opened the handle, then got in. The car door shut, the engine turned on. Sophia looked into her rearview mirror as she rolled out of the driveway. She started crying too.

Madison folded her arms together to maintain body heat. She watched her friend back out into the road, then drive away. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She stood there for as long as she could. The few cars that drove by didn’t matter. Her body started shaking vigorously from the cold dry air.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Madison started repeating in her head as she walked back inside. Depression started dropping in like a mudslide. Her eyes darted right to it. She knew it wasn’t a good way to cope, but there was no way she had the willpower to fight it. Her walking stumbled into a crawl halfway to the vibrator. Her padded butt landed right next to it. She instantly noticed the slight mush of her diaper. She grabbed the wand and turned it on, pressing up against the center of her diaper.

“I had an accident in front of Sophia.” She thought, “I pissed myself like a little baby in front her.” Her mind started hurdling back toward puffy pink clouds. She let infantile thoughts bloom to push out her adult stresses. “She said people think I a big baby. That I big stinky poo poo baby that needs her DIAPERS.” She thought, pushing the vibrator harder into the padding. She was rewarded with more delicious bliss.

“Mmmm I wanna be a baby again.” She finally admitted to herself. That idea felt scary. Her adultself wasn’t too far away, but it was the truth. She leaned into it, letting that build the walls of her self identity. Being an adult was too much for her. The trauma she’d experienced the past two years was personality altering. It was simply too heavy for her heart to hold. Something had to break.

She started letting all the embarrassing moments flood her mind. Normally she had enough willpower to hold back, but it didn’t matter anymore. She thought about peeing herself in Dr. Elon’s office.

“Why didn’t I have my diapie on? Oohh…” She moaned, feeling that taboo thought elicit another level of pleasure. “I should call her, tell her I’m just a baby now. I actually like diapers.” She thought, focusing on that. She thought about pissing herself in front of everyone she knew. To prove to them she wasn’t a big kid anymore. “Mhmm I go diapie pee pee.” She looked down at it, then pressed down on her bladder. Warm piss instantly flooded into the padding. Every ounce of it absorbed into the sogging padding. That made her feel crazy. She adjusted her position, sitting instead on the vibrating wand. Her hips started bucking.

“I’m not potty trained anymore. I can’t go back. I’m not good at it.” She thought, thinking back to flooding her Pull-Up in the Ice Cream Shoppe. That ripped unsolved trauma out into her mind like an infected scab. She focused those crushing feelings on using the toilet. She pressed the dark swirly scribbles into her mental potty training.

“Make it go awwaayyyy.” She thought, pinpointing it, she envisioned the concept of the bathroom. Babies didn’t think about using the bathroom. They just used their diapers. That’s what Madison did. It’s what she always did. Every memory in her head, she painted over them with diapers. She made it permanent. She never got out of them. In the deepest core of her heart, she believed that. Her whole life smelled like a stale messy diaper. She wanted this. The shear sexual pleasure helped rewire the memories. Things were starting to get scrambled. Thought control was evaporating. This was real neurological damage. Her face started to relax into a blissful state.

“Heh, hehe, I’m making myself stooopid.” She thought, feeding even deeper into it. Her brain spun up the dream. Ice cream plastered all over her face. She thought about her mother falling. It was her fault she was like this. That erupted the darkest thoughts yet.

“Madison.” A voice came through, it was her own. “Do you really want to do this?” She could see her adultself. She knew this was a limit she never reached before. It was a hard limit. There was no going back.

She clicked the wand into the highest setting. She gently gasped at the heightened ecstasy. She started leaving her body.

In her mind, she grabbed her adultself’s hand. Then yanked it backward.

“Ahh!” It yelled, before falling head first onto the pavement. The crack reverberated through her neurons.

“I want this.” She whispered. White hot fusion started in the back of her brain. It raced through to the front. The chemicals in her brain changed forever. Her eyes widened. Her pupils rolled into the back of her head. Her tongue flopped out of her mouth. Drooly gurgles sputtered out of her.

“Bye-Bye” Was the last adult thought she had, until it all disintegrated into neurotic mush. Her brain lost the ability to think. It was physically impossible now. This was how she decided to finally cope with it all.

“Gwneh eenneeehhh!!” She babbled, forever unable to say anything smarter. She lost control of herself. Her body exploded into a brain crumbling orgasim. It was like all the lights in her head flashed as bright as they could, then all popped at the same time.

“Deuh.” She said, flopping onto her back.The ceiling above her swirled. Babyish imaginary friends danced. Her body twitched from the reaction. Everything in her head was gone. She had become exactly what she wanted to be all along. Childish thoughts filled the void. She didn’t think, only wants pinballed through her skull. Toys, flashy baby cartoons, wet and dry diapers, Tina’s nipple, mushy play doh.

“Madisooonn! Your Mac & Cheese is ready!” Tina yelled from the kitchen.

“Ggnah, neegh” She babbled, her limbs wobbling aimlessly. Tina walked back into the living room.

“There you are! Are you gonna come?” Tina asked.

“Beh.. gneh…” She gurgled, floating in the rapture of her new life.

“She’s really gone right now, I’m gonna have to get the chair” She said. It wasn’t that strange in the end, loading up the disabled Madison into a wheelchair. Even if it was the first time. It especially wasn’t weird feeding her for the first time too.

Because that was typical for someone like Madison. Tina knew it, Madison knew it, everybody knew it.

She was just a safe little baby.

The End

MC

2022