BLOG: NNN, The Future and Anxiety (Patreon)

Hello!

So just this past week we came to the end of two stories that have proven to be very popular. "Livy's New Family" and "The Cuckolding of Baby Anthony" are two very different stories but I'm really happy at how they were both received by people. I feel quite proud that the two stories couldn't be further apart in themes (well, without taking diapers out but as if I'm going to do that!) and yet both gatrnered a lot of appreciation.

I never planned for them both to finish on the same week, that happened all on its own. It's brought to the fore a worry that I always get when coming to the end of a story, especially a popular one, and that is... What next?

Look, I write mostly because I love writing but I also need to make money as well. I've said when posting updates that I can only do this because of my patrons and that is very true. If I didn't earn enough through here to pay bills I would have to find a different job and if I did that I just couldn't commit to writing like I have done up to now.

Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, but the anxiety is always that whatever I post next just isn't as popular. What if no one likes the two stories I start posting? What if I've lost my touch? What if I lose my audience and my income?

It's a scary thought. It is somewhat irrational. I've been doing this for over six years now and you all haven't abandoned me yet. In fact, I think I'm a better writer now than I ever have been before, but it does weigh on me. The need to live up to expectations and be worth the money you pay can be daunting.

It's perhaps a little too "Inside Baseball" to talk about this kind of stuff. To discuss the worries of an author and the financial side of things but I always thought if I was going to write blogs I wanted them to be authentic and to let you all in on what I'm thinking.

I just want to say that this Patreon is currently bigger than it has ever been. I am in no way complaining about the amountof support I have, it's incredible to have you all here support little ol' me. The anxiety comes with keeping you all here!

To change direction fast enough to give you whiplash I want to talk about NNN.

For those of you who don't know NNN stands for "No Nut November" and is basically a challenge to not have an orgasm for the entire month... Which must be REALLY tough for those who also do "Locktober" where you spend a whole month in chastity!

It is probably unsurprising to you all that I am a really horny person. I think you kind of have to be to do the writing I do. So I decided to set myself a challenge, quite on a whim, that I would try not orgasming in November... My girlfriend is visiting on December 11th and wants me to extend it to then. We'll see how I feel closer to the time but it feels like a big ask!

I know there are some strange people out there who think doing NNN can give a person some kind of power or make them stronger. I don't believe that but it's an interesting challenge to go cold turkey like this.

So how is it going?

Well, we are just coming up to the end of the sixth day and I am desperately horny! It is strange to deny myself this pleasure and there are frequently times when I'm in between activities that my mind goes towards masturbation and I have to remind myself I can't. I even had a dream in which I was having sex and stopped to tell my partner in the dream that I wasn't allowed to cum... Even my subconscious is teasing me!

It has it's positives and negatives. On the plus side I feel like I'm accomplishing something by doing this. I'm proving to myself I can live without it and being gently teased by my wife or girlfriend for doing it is fun. There's just a general submissive feeling that I'm being a "good boy" for doing this. I also think it's made me a little more productive as the time I would normally spend playing with myself is spent on other things instead. Finally, I know that when it is over and I can cum again it is going to feel spectacular!

As for negatives... Fairly obviously, I'm very horny. A lot. With no release valve I have to distract myself with other things which can leave me frustrated. I also think that masturbation actually helps me with anxiety which has proven to be a challenge (more on that in a bit.)

Overall the biggest thing I've noticed about this period of voluntary celibacy is that I'm generally feeling more... submissive. My fantasies have me on the receiving end of punishment or pleasuring others, I like people telling me I'm being good for doing it and I feel proud of it. One of the biggest things that stops me from giving up and just masturbating is knowing how disappointed in myself I would be and how I'd be feelnig like I was letting others down.

One of my online friends who is also doing NNN actually had an experience that sounded so incredibly hot. They were reading one of my stories whilst naked and got to a bit they found particularly sexy and found that they were suddenling cumming without touching themselves! I thought that was so hot and also a huge compliment that my story did that to them!

The last thing I want to talk about kind of circles back to the first part in that it is related to anxiety.

I'm a long term sufferer of health anxiety. For the last two months I have been suffering a mild lightheadedness which has also now come along with headaches. My therapy hasn't helped yet and neither has the blood test I got from the doctor (all the numbers were fine) so I have no clue what is going on. Hypochondria being what it is though my mind has become fixated on the idea that I have a tumuur or something.

It's honestly driving me mad the long chain of symptoms for me to worry about that happen one after the other. I just hope the doctors can either find something or finally reassure me it's all in my head before I lose my mind!