RE: Trailer Trash, 6 pt 7 (Patreon)

Elena didn’t know what to think when Mrs. Seelbaugh dropped off her and Alicia at Springton General Hospital to visit with Tabitha for a few hours. There wasn’t any secret Elena could think of that would justify what had happened, nothing that could absolve Elena of her own wrongdoing. But, against her better judgement, she hadn’t pressed the subject, instead allowing Alicia to defer the explanation to Tabitha.

“Sorry! I can’t say any more—I really can’t,” Alicia had said, holding up her hands in a helpless gesture. “Not my secret to spill. I’m sorry. We DEFINITELY do need to talk with her about this real soon, though. Maybe your mom can take us after school today?”

So Elena stalked after Alicia down the bright hallway of the hospital ward dressed in her new black attire. She didn’t walk anymore; she stalked. Simply walking was old Elena. She wasn’t quite sure yet how everything she did was redefining her, but it was helpful discovering and exploring the new outlook. People looked at her differently, an entirely different person was reflected in their eyes as they glanced at her. Even if it was just curiosity, even if they were just bored receptionists at Springton General, or the people idling about in the waiting room. What Elena wore and how she looked was making a statement about who she was.

She just needed to figure out what exactly that meant.

“Do you think she’s gonna freak when she sees you?” Alicia asked, giving Elena a look of excitement as they closed in on Tabitha’s room.

“I don’t know,” Elena tried to keep her voice in a neutral tone. “If she does, she does.”

Tabitha had still been groggy and delirious the last time they’d visited, so Elena couldn’t help but fill with unbridled terror at the thought of confronting her for real, now. Elena had made up her mind, however, and even if Tabitha held nothing but hatred for her now, it was her responsibility to bear it.

However she reacts—I need to face it, Elena took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. I’m just as responsible for putting her in here as Erica Taylor. I was the one who put her at risk. I—

“Knock, knock,” Alicia called, rapping her knuckle on the already open door of Tabitha’s room and leading Elena inside. “You still alive and kickin’ in here, Tabs?”

“Oh! Hi, you guys! I wasn’t expecting any—Elena?!” Tabitha exclaimed.

Against all expectations, Tabitha completely lit up into a brilliant smile upon seeing them, possibly the happiest and most exuberant expression Elena remembered seeing on the girl ever. Elena had braced herself for any level of condemnation, she’d prepared herself to be berated or even screamed at, she’d readied her emotions to see raw hurt and anger written all over Tabitha’s face. She’d forgotten to prepare herself for an eventuality where Tabitha was thrilled to see her, and Elena drew a total blank on what to do.

“Oh my God, Elena!” Tabitha’s eyes seemed to dance as she admired Elena’s new look. “You look amazing! When did you do all this?! I thought the whole emo thing was— um, well I wasn’t expecting to see this so soon!”

“Right?!” Alicia smirked, shooting Elena a patent I told you so look. “You’re lookin’ pretty great yourself, Tabs. I see they already took away your snake-charmer turban!”

“Oh my gosh,” Tabitha grinned, raising a hand to the remaining headband of bandage that wrapped around her head in a self-conscious way. “Can’t believe you all saw me when my head was all wrapped up like that—so embarrassing!”

“If you think that was embarrassing, you should’ve heard yourself trying to babble out nonsense when they had you all doped up,” Alicia laughed. “I like you better this way, though. I’m… Tabitha I’m so glad you’re doing better.”

“Yeah, I—it was a pretty close call, I think, hah,” Tabitha let out a nervous laugh. “Um. I didn’t… totally ruin the Halloween party, did I?”

“You… what?” Elena blinked, totally dumbfounded. “No, no you didn’t ruin it, Tabitha—Tabitha, no one cares about the party! You almost died.”

“I did die!” Tabitha said in a chipper voice, twisting on the hospital bed and leaning over to grab a framed certificate from the nearby table. “Sorta. I won a certificate and everything. Legally dead, hah ha. Mrs. Williams hates it, but Hannah thinks it’s really cool.”

“Oh wow,” Alicia mouthed, accepting the frame from Tabitha. “This is awesome. They’ll really let you keep this? Don’t they have to, like, invalidate it, or shred it or something?”

“Well, it’ll be valid someday,” Tabitha chuckled, giving her friends a cheeky smile. “They’ll just have to adjust the date, ‘cause it’s not gonna be soon. I’ve got way too much to do!”

The growing dissonance between Elena’s expectations for this meeting and the current playful mood was a chasm yawing wide that all of her lines of thought were spilling down into. She couldn’t help but stare in disbelief at the completely nonchalant way Tabitha was brushing off everything that had happened. It was frustrating, the situation was making her feel increasingly uncomfortable, but the now raven-haired teen felt so jarringly out of place that she had no idea what to do.

“Elena?” Tabitha’s bright expression began to falter. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Elena repeated, feeling stupid. “Tabitha. I—I almost got you fucking killed.”

“What?” Tabitha looked utterly perplexed by the assertion. “How? What?”

“She thinks it’s her fault that all that happened,” Alicia carefully mediated. “For like, convincing you to go to the party.”

“I made her go,” Elena corrected. “She didn’t even want to. I made her. I—”

“No, no—Elena,” Tabitha put on an exasperated smile. “You were completely right about the party, I had a lot of fun!”

“What,” Elena uttered.

“I mean, not counting what happened with Erica, obviously,” Tabitha rolled her eyes. “The rest of it, the dressing up and going with you guys, just, being there, it was great. I loved it.”

“What,” Elena said again.

To her credit, Alicia didn’t make any comment, but the I told you so look that reappeared spoke volumes. Elena looked from Tabitha to Alicia and back again, but the discomforting sense of alienation just intensified. No one blamed her, no one at all. But, how was that possible, how were the feelings of guilt and grief that felt so true and real invalid? She opened her mouth to say something, but she had no idea what to say.

“It… it was my fault,” Elena finally insisted, shaking her head. “What happened was my fault. You were at risk. You shouldn’t have even been there.”

“No,” Tabitha refused her claims. “No, it wasn’t your fault. If Erica didn’t find me at the party, she would’ve just found me at home, or out alone on one of my walks or something. Can you imagine how bad it would’ve been if she attacked me when hardly anyone else was around?”

“No, I—no,” Elena argued. “You can’t know that. She—”

“Tabitha—you need to tell her,” Alicia said, giving the redhead a meaningful look. “Your secret. I’ve already been through this with her, and like, nothing’s getting through at all. This whole thing is really messing her up.”

“Um,” Tabitha squeaked, her expression turning apprehensive. “Has she… guessed anything?”

“No, not really, but—I mean, just look at her!” Alicia gestured dramatically at Elena’s new look. “This is like, affecting her!”

What secret can she even have? Elena frowned, watching Tabitha carefully. Was she... actually stealing stuff from the Taylors? That doesn’t seem like it fits her, like it fits what Tabitha would do at all.

“I... thought that we were going to be careful about this?” Tabitha said in a weak voice.

“Yeah, well we were—you were gonna have to tell her eventually anyways!” Alicia countered. “Better sooner rather than later, right? The longer you let the lie go on—”

“—I haven’t lied about anything,” Tabitha interrupted. “Not exactly. I just—”

“—Oh, come on,” Alicia retorted. “You know what I’m—”

“—I just haven’t been open about certain unbelievable things that would necessitate lengthy explanations,” Tabitha finished with difficulty.

“We need to tell her,” Alicia insisted firmly. “This is hurting her, and she needs to know. What happened at the party—that absolutely wasn’t Elena’s fault, right?”

“Of course it wasn’t Elena’s fault,” Tabitha said, turning her gaze from Alicia to Elena. “Elena, you—”

“It was. I made you go,” Elena said with a difficult shrug. “You didn’t want to. I practically made you. Talked you into it, all because—”

“See?” Alicia waved her hands. “She thinks it was her fault. But, it wasn’t, right?”

“Elena,” Tabitha started to say. “What happened wasn’t your—

“Don’t,” Elena warned, shaking her head. “Just… don’t. I’ve heard it. I’ve heard everybody tell me that.”

“Yeah, maybe ‘cause it wasn’t your—” Alicia started.

“I can make up my own mind,” Elena replied, crossing her arms and trying not to choke up. “On whether or not I deserve blame. For what I did. I convinced Tabitha to go, when she shouldn’t have been there. Mostly for selfish reasons. Okay? I was trying to, like, build us up as this thing. As part of—as this little group, taking advantage of Tabitha’s momentum. And then, when she withdrew from school—I didn’t know what to do. I was desperate for… leverage. Needed to feel in control of the social situation. It was selfish. Selfish, stupid games. Tabitha didn’t need to go to that party, I needed Tabitha to go to that party.”

“Elena—” Tabitha tried.

“—And you know what?” Elena bit out as tears formed in her eyes. “It didn’t even matter. It didn’t even matter! Matthew was already with Casey. For a long while, maybe, I just, I didn’t want to see or, or didn’t care or didn’t want to notice. The school situation is—it’s fucking stupid and trivial and even thinking about it now makes me feel sick. Us going there, us being there to make a point, it wasn’t going to do anything—nothing was going to change with us being there. It would have been fine, you would have been safe, if, if—”

“Elena, stop,” Tabitha held out her good hand. “Come here.”

“No, I—no,” Withdrawing a step, Elena shook her head in refusal, hugging her arms closer to herself and beginning to cry.

“Elena, come here,” Tabitha repeated, gesturing again. “I’m not supposed to get up. But, I will if you make me.”

“No,” Elena shook her head. “No, no, Tabitha, Tabitha I’m—”

“Oh, c’mon,” Alicia stepped forward, taking Elena by the arm and trying to force the unbudging girl over towards Tabitha’s hospital bed. “Both of you—Tabitha, you need to tell her.”

“You blame me, too,” Elena stammered, trying to pull her arm out of Alicia’s grasp. “Tabitha, you asked me which Elena are you, when we came in last time. When, when you were, you were delirious from your painkillers or whatever. I said to everyone, I told them I couldn’t make out what you were saying. But, I heard. You asked me, which Elena are you? That’s when I knew—”

“Alicia... let go of her,” Tabitha sighed, slowly settling herself back on the bed. “They’ll flip out if they catch you rough-housing in here. Pull up the chairs closer, please, and we’ll—we all need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Elena said in a bitter voice as Alicia hurried to rearrange the chairs in the small room. “I know what—”

“If you were ever my friend, Elena, you’ll at least listen to what I have to say,” Tabitha decided. “I won’t ask you to believe me. I just—please, will you listen?”

“Was I ever really your friend?” Elena challenged. “What does anything I’ve ever even—”

“Yes, Elena, you are my friend,” Tabitha reached over to pat the armrest of the first chair as Alicia placed it beside the head of her bed. “Now, come here. Sit.”

( 27, Tabitha's long convalescence. | RE: Trailer Trash | Next, 6 pt 8 )

/// Hold on to yer butts. RE:TT today, AH tomorrow, RE:TT the day after that.