The Krampus Kids (Juvenile Jenga) (Patreon)

The vibrant sounds of the television were echoing throughout the house as Troy, Ian, and their newest friend Bourbon sat together and mashed buttons on their Nintendo Gamecube controllers. Super Smash Bros. was always the favorite for get togethers like this and what better way to celebrate the holidays then beating your rivals by spamming King K. Rool’s blunderbuss attack.

“Come on man, is that the only move you know how to do?” Troy asked, annoyed that his Meta Knight kept getting sucked into Bourbon’s character’s gun.

“It’s the one I use a lot because it feels the best to do,” Bourbon admitted. His logic never seemed to extend beyond simple pleasantries like that.

“It must feel good to be so simple minded,” Ian said back, attacking them both with his mastery over Ike.

The three of them were having quite the fun time but then that thing that you always hate to see happen whenever you’re having fun and don’t want to be disrupted took place.

Yup, the party pooper of the house stepped in front of the TV, eliciting a bunch of shouts of distress from the kids playing. They had to quickly pause in order to leer directly at the blonde hair rule setter, Chris Collins himself.

Standing in his Christmas sweater and traditionally red and white striped blue sweatpants, he cleared his throat before speaking.

“Apologies children,” Chris said, condescension radiating throughout his voice, “But my friend Mario and I are taking over the television from this point forward. There is a program we’d like to see involving a particularly violent Santa Claus.”

Troy grew annoyed, instantly. “You never watch stuff like that unless Mario is over.”

Chris shrugged, “He makes it fun.”

Ian rolled his eyes, “Mario is a steel wall that once you collide into, fun immediately dies.” He then looked around. “Where is my brother anyway?”

“Surprise Christmas Wedgie!” Mario zipped up behind Ian, sliding in from the right in his bike shorts and green Christmas muscle shirt. Like a true expert, he reached his hand into the back of Ian’s white shorts and held firm on the red waistband for a split second. He needed to feel the fear waft over Ian as his eyes bugged out with heavy realization at how much pain he was about to endure.

Once that was clear, Mario yanked upward and Ian’s jaw unclenched to belt out a tremendously loud scream. He was suspended off the floor as his underwear was shot skyward and stretched like top ramen.

Troy and Bourbon’s eyes got big as they witnessed this. Ian was blushing and flailing about, making his wedgie worse even before Mario started bouncing him up and down like a dick.

“I’m sure you guys don’t wish to get on the bad side of your betters, correct? Please, I do not wish to resort to violence, especially on Christmas,” Chris said, slyly with a narrow-eyed grin as he leaned forward.

“I don’t care what time of year it is,” Mario slurped, spinning Ian around on his finger and making the embarrassed young scientist go swirly eyed and spew drool everywhere.

“STOOOOOP! PLEEEEEEASE! DIZZZZYYYYYY!” Ian screamed, already feeling light-headed from all this.

Troy watched the scene unfold and then shared a concerned glance with Bourbon. The boy with the white, red, and green Christmas stripe in his hair merely shrugged. Seems he had no form of retaliation in mind. That’s all Troy needed to hear.

“Eh hehe… a-absolutely!” Troy raised a finger, sweating a tad. “The TV is all yours! Come friends. Let us be off so that we may do good natured children things on this fine December evening…!”

He sprung up and grabbed Bourbon’s hand, attempting to bolt out of the living room. Mario saw them going and let Ian slip off his finger in mid-twirl, watching the young boy scream and pee himself slightly as he flew through the air like a disk and slammed into Bourbon’s back. Bourbon fell and his face smacked against Troy’s butt which made a funny ‘BOING’ sound effect.

Bourbon face planted the floor, Santa Claus underoos on display and eyes rolling. Ian was toppled over him, eyes spinning and a wet spot on his shorts.

Troy was blushing as Chris and Mario began laughing at him from where they were.

“The lard in his butt is really squishy!” Chris giggled. “It just went BOING!”

“I bet he never needed to learn to swim. His butt can clearly be used as a floatation device!” Mario laughed.

Troy felt heat rise up within him. Momentarily afraid though he was, now he was just pissed. The “Big Butt Button” had been pushed and that sent him over the edge, everytime.

The normally happy boy was awash with anger as he grabbed a tennis ball off the shelf nearby and beamed it at Mario.

The laughing boy suddenly began chirping like a bird when the ball smashed into his chin! He spun around, eyes crossing and tongue out, before he fell into Chris. His best friend managed to catch the derped boy and the surprise of Troy’s action wore off and was replaced with anger of his own.

Troy managed to cool himself off enough to grab Bourbon and Ian by their arms and pull them out of the room and up the stairs. Bourbon had trouble due to his pants being around his ankles but time was of the essence!

“Ugh! There’s no way they’re going to listen to me for the rest of the night,” Chris muttered.

“W-We could always DVR the show…?” Mario suggested, a finger raised.

“Absolutely not,” Chris said. “I always make it a habit of cleaning out the shows I have saved on the DVR regularly and putting another one in after I just did so would be barbaric! Plus, this isn’t the kind of thing I’m usually into. I’m watching it because you wanted to see it.”

“Daaw, you’re the bestest guy ever…!” Mario said, eyes still rolling. He was still dazed but could at least carry a conversation.

Chris smiled and laid Mario down on the couch, who let out a tired breath and grabbed at his chin. The blonde boy whipped out his phone and dialed a number.

“I knew having a back-up plan was the correct course of action,” Chris said. “Where is he though? I called him about a half hour ago.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

“Aha-!” Chris exclaimed, happy and excited. He rushed towards the door and swung it open. “Hello there!”

At the door, dressed in a cool leather jacket amongst the snow outside and wearing tan pants was Arryn, the Bully Beater.

“Hello,” Arryn spoke with a smooth tone of voice. “I hear there’s some unruly kids you need to keep out of trouble tonight?”

“Yes,” Chris smirked. “Our program starts in perhaps an hour or so from now, maybe less. I was hoping you could show them what it means to be smart aleck children and not be prepared for the consequences.”

Arryn smirked. “Oh, I can. I’ll need your help of course. After all, what’s a Christmas party without a little festivities to liven things up?”

—

“UGH! He sucks so much! I hate him!” Troy snapped, closing the door behind him as his two friends stumbled in.

“Darnit,” Ian whined as he inspected his pants. “I hate fear wetting. I hate it so much. Why do I always–?”

“You guys didn’t see my underwear right?!” Bourbon sounded panicked, hiking his pants up and squeezing so tightly with an embarrassed blush on his face. Troy and Ian totally did but they looked at one another and then faced Bourbon before shaking their heads no.

They didn’t need him fainting right now.

Bourbon sighed and plopped onto the floor. “Okay, I’m going to be straight with you guys.” He raised his finger. “I very much do not care for your brothers. They are meanie meanie butt faces of the highest order.”

Ian and Troy nodded. “We agree.”

Bourbon then got a shockingly evil smile on his face. The lighting of the room even felt slightly off, as his face seemed to transition to a shade of harsh blue for a split second.

“So I say we retaliate against them,” The boy spoke and then looked at them more intensely with his smile disappearing. “Christmas is a time for joyous fun. If they don’t want to embody the spirit of Saint Nick then we’ll employ the spirit of the Krampus. All three of us.”

“The Krampus Kids you might say?” Ian suggested, holding his hand out with a grin.

Bourbon’s face seemed to return to normal there. “Oh! Swell name. Where’d you come up with it?”

“You… you just mentioned the Krampus so I–” Ian raised a brow.

“Oh? Oh right. I did do that. Sorry,” Bourbon chuckled and put his hand on top of Ian’s. “Let’s do it then! We’re fighting back!”

Troy laughed and slapped his hand down on top of both of theirs, making them wince. “I’m so proud of you guys. This sounds like something I would have suggested first and yet here I am, joining in last!”

With a nod of their heads, the clique of the Krampus Kids had been forged.

The stage was set. Our two groups of Christmas prankers were preparing to retaliate against the others.

With both sides aware of the other’s tendency to not let themselves be trampled upon or forgiven, they both began gearing up to take the other side out.

Arryn’s team, as he coined it, were given an assortment of Christmas themed weapons to gear up with.

Chris thought it was tactless to be dressing for a Christmas themed war but did so anyway with a large candy cane provided to him by Arryn by his side.

Mario grinned as he was given a huge box. When he opened it, he slobbered with delight at what was inside. He couldn’t wait to use this on the opposition.

Meanwhile, Arryn had something special he brought with him. He showed it to Chris and Mario and they were immediately confused.

“It’s just a Gingerbread Man,” Chris exclaimed.

“It certainly looks that way…” Arryn smiled.

Ho’ boy. This was going to be fun.

Meanwhile, up top, Ian had managed to put together a few surprise weapons of their own.

Wearing bandanas around their heads to simulate army men, they were each handed something Christmas themed from Ian that was stated to be a weapon but looked quite strange on the outset.

“A mistletoe?” Troy looked confused when Ian handed that to him.

“Trust me,” Ian winked and then locked something on his own wrist. It was box shaped and looked a little heavy. What it could be was a mystery.

Bourbon was given a small metal stick. He was REALLY confused by this. It looked like the size of a tube of chapstick.

“When the time comes,” Ian began to explain. “Press the button on the side of this stick. You’ll get quite the nice Christmas gift.”

Bourbon was still skeptical but he trusted Ian. With a nod, the three of them scampered out of the room, ready to take on their opposition!

—

When Bourbon, Ian, and Troy rushed back downstairs and stood side by side in the living room, they weren’t surprised to see the older boys ready for them. They knew that whole “Go to your room” nonsense was a formality. What they were surprised by was seeing Arryn there.

“It’s… Arryn! The Bully Beater!” Troy exclaimed, shocked.

“Hello kids,” Arryn waved, looking cool with his jacket open now to show off his Grinch shirt underneath. “Ready to get some coal shoved up your stockings?”

“Don’t underestimate us!” Ian exclaimed. “We shan’t go down without a fight!”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t. That’s why I prepared by calling Arryn over. You guys never learn and never obey. You’re such naughty children.”

Bourbon smiled. “Couldn’t handle us yourselves? I’m flat-Earthed!”

Everyone in the room turned to glance at Bourbon and then tilted their heads, a question mark over them. All except Ian, who merely sighed.

“Flattered,” Ian corrected. “You’re flattered.”

“What?” Bourbon gasped. “No! I didn’t fart!”

“No! Not flatulence! Flatt-Nevermind…” Ian gave up and faced their enemies again. “Come! We have a War on Christmas to fight!”

The three on one side and the three on the others narrowed their eyes in an action scene that showcased the looks on their faces up close.

“Krampus Kids… ATTACK!” Troy shouted.

With that, they rushed towards each other, Christmas themed weapons ready.

Chris smiled as he rushed at Troy, producing his large Candy Cane weapon from behind him. He twirled it around like a staff and then jabbed it at the floor, making Troy trip forward when he didn’t see the move coming.

The poor red-haired boy saw his future and it was a very painful one that he wouldn’t be able to escape from. Unfortunately, this didn’t prepare him at all for it happening.

When Troy tripped, his balls slammed down hard on to the rod of the large Candy Cane weapon.

“DOOOOOOOOOGUH!” Troy’s eyes crossed and he sputtered his lips out. Pain soared through him and he grabbed his front, bouncing back with his large butt sticking out.

Chris laughed and twirled the cane overhead before slamming it down onto Troy’s head to make him eat carpet.

“I detest violence but I feel that allowing myself to indulge in it just this once shall act as a nice Christmas gift to myself!” Chris exclaimed as Troy’s face rested in the floor with his bottom sticking up and swishing back and forth.

Ian rushed at Mario, pointing his wrist forward that housed the small box strapped to it. He was about ready to fire when Mario licked his lips and produced his own weapon from the much bigger box Arryn gave him.

“Say hello to my little friend!” Mario shouted and was suddenly holding a Gatling Gun Super Soaker. Only, instead of firing water, it fired Sangria at him!

“GAAAH!” Ian yelped, dodging and ducking the shots as best he could. With this disruption, he couldn’t get a clear shot at him. Also, the choice of shots was confusing to him. “Sangria? It better not be alcoholic!”

“It totally is!” Mario laughed. “So you’d better not get it on you or else you’ll be an underage drinker!”

Ian yelped and jerked about, trying to keep dodging but slipped to the side when the wet carpet got under his feet. That’s when Mario took his chance and blasted into Ian’s body with shots that blew holes into his clothes and turned them into rags!

“BLAAAAAAUAGAHAGAAAAAH!” Ian screamed, body ragdolling in mid-air as the shots rang out and reduced his outfit to tatters. He was down to his Frosty the Snowman briefs and coated in scraps of his clothes hanging off him in mere seconds, toppling ass over tea kettle on the floor!

Bourbon rushed at Arryn. He looked ahead with a huff and jumped to launch a kick at him. Nothing fancy.

Arryn smiled and blocked it with his arm. The two of them landed and got into a fighting stance.

With a pan across both their faces, with Bourbon looking serious with sweat on his brow, and Arryn merely smirking, they then got to fighting again.

This was a kicking frenzy. Not a single punch was thrown. The clashes were magnanimous and impressive.

Arryn scooted back and grinned wider, producing the Gingerbread Man he had from behind his back while huffing and puffing.

“That was fun and all but I have a job to do. You understand correct?” He then thrust his arm forward and the gum drops on the Gingerbread Man glowed.

Bourbon continued to run forward, not understanding what just happened, before he felt his body stop.

“Wh-What?” Bourbon’s eyes darted all over the place. Confusion was abound now. He had no idea why he just stopped. Why were his arms by their sides? He felt all weird and tingly.

“Haha!” Arryn’s Grinch-like grin grew wider. “Do you like it? It’s the Gingerbread Man’s Gumdrop Hypnosis!”

“H-H-Hypnosis?!” Bourbon gasped. The flash of those gumdrops he saw. It got him! He was nailed. Beaten by a cookie!

“Let’s see. What shall I have you do first?” Arryn asked, fiddling with the arm of the pastry in his palm. “Ah. Give your balls a squeeze and a yank!”

“WHAT?! NO! HANG ON! STAAAAAAAAGH!” Bourbon screeched when he grabbed at his crotch and did the horrible, painful deed. The ball squeeze hurt bad. The ball yank hurt worse and got him on his knees.

“Punch yourself there…!” Arryn ordered. “About, say, 10 times!”

“NOOOOO! BALL PUNCHIES HURTIE WURTIE!” Bourbon cried but felt his fist raise itself up. “HOOF! HOOOGUH! FOOOUGH! DOOOF!” He grunted with pain with each hit. It accelerated the more he did so, teary eyed and feeling pee seep into his underwear the more he disrupted his own bladder.

“Slap attack! Go! Right across your face!” Arryn kept the humiliating orders coming.

“AGH! DAGH! BWAH! BAAGH! GWAAH!” Bourbon yelped and shouted as he slapped himself across the face with both his left and right hands, legs spread as he wet himself.

“Aaaaaand wrestling throw!” Arryn ordered.

Bourbon screeched, grabbing his own head and tossing it forward. This, of course, made his body flip and he slammed down hard onto his back.

“Oooooohhh…” Bourbon whined, laid out flat and jittering as Arryn pointed and laughed at him.

The Krampus Kids seemed as though they were at the edge of defeat.

However, their retaliation was now just beginning!

Ian’s weapons hadn’t seen proper use yet but they were about to now that they had been driven into a corner.

Troy’s phone had turned on when he was knocked onto his face. As if on cue, it slipped out of his shorts’ pocket and smacked against his index finger while he was on the floor. The button he pressed turned on the music he was previously listening to.

It was a rock version of Carol of the Bells~!

Oh yeah! It was time to stand back up!

“You… you haven’t won yet…!” Troy muttered, slamming the palms of his hands down onto the carpet and forcing himself to stand.

He then sprung his fists up and leered directly at his older brother.

“Hahaha! What a sad display. Give up young one. I have the high ground!” Chris said, gesturing to himself. He was just taller so technically he was the high ground.

It didn’t matter though. Troy knew what he was going to do!

Troy rushed forward, his weapon clenched in his fists.

Chris spun the large candy cane around and took several jabs at Troy, all of which he zipped and dodged around like he was Sonic.

All, except for one.

One jab caught his shorts and it momentarily frightened Troy.

“Gotcha!” Chris laughed.

Troy kept running though. His shorts ripped off and exposed his Rudolph briefs to the open air.

He blushed slightly but didn’t care enough to stop his assault. Instead he jumped and planted his legs around Chris’ neck, muffling his face up completely.

“HEY! Get your crotch out of my face you little water imp!” Chris snapped, stumbling back and dropping his large candy cane in a vain attempt to yank Troy off his head.

“Hey Chris!” Troy shouted and opened the palm of his hand. Dangling from his finger was a mistletoe. “Mistletoe!”

“What?!” Chris gasped, eyes going wide.

“That’s right. That means you’ve got to kiss me,” Troy snickered.

“No way! I refuse!” Chris snapped back.

“Oh? But you have to,” Troy narrowed his eyes. “Otherwise, you’d be breaking the RULES!”

Chris’ eyes shot wide open.

Crap.

NOOOOO!

Chris began sweating and blushed, eyes darting back and forth as Troy’s legs constricted around his neck.

“Well? Do you want to be a vile rule breaker? On CHRISTMAS no less?!” Troy shouted, adding on tidbit after tidbit that just made Chris feel awful!

He couldn’t… break… the rules…!

Chris closed his eyes and puckered up his lips, leaning towards Troy’s cheek. Troy leaned in and then… let his head roll back before he shot it forward and gave Chris a harsh headbutt!

Chris’ eyes crossed and he stumbled back, dazed and delirious.

Troy landed on his feet and pantsed Chris immediately, watching him stumble out of his pants and wobble around, confused and derped.

“N-No…! Y-You gotta let me kiss… you! It’s against th-the rules…!” Chris muttered.

“Nope, too late. I took the mistletoe away!” Troy grinned and then said with an evil whisper. “You just broke a rule!”

As if the entire world came crashing down on him, Chris screamed and clamped his hands onto his head.

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

Then, psychic damage bashed into his skull!

Chris fumbled in mid-air, flipping like a flapjack, out of his shirt, and then slammed down hard on top of the table, fidgeting and having random muscle spasms as he laid there, unconscious, eyes white, and drooling with his tongue out in just his Beauty and the Beast Enchanted Christmas briefs.

Troy couldn’t help but laugh as he started to wet himself too. He just couldn’t handle rule breaking. So pathetic.

Meanwhile, Ian had managed to recover… sort of.

“Ohhh you *hic* you’ve done it now dum dum *hiccup*...” Ian spoke, eyes fluttering as he wobbled about in his Frosty the Snowman briefs and the rags of his clothes hanging off him like an unwrapped mummy.

There was no sugar coating it. Ian was drunk.

He got blasted with shots of Sangria and the smell alone, let alone what little entered his mouth, got him plastered. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he was a lightweight.

However, his drunkenness came with a special random mood swing.

This one, unluckily enough for Mario, was rapid anger.

“BWAAAAH! Imma hurt yousss so bad!” Ian shouted and rushed forward again.

Mario was having himself a wondrous giggle fit. He loved making Ian look stupid. Smarty pants or not, anyone who ran around in their undies all drunk like that looked like a dumb idiot.

“I win!” Mario laughed. “Now time to blast you to bed, dum dum!” Mario said back, preparing to fire a huge charged shot from his Gatling Water Gun.

Ian slid on his knees at that exact moment though. Mario was actually a bit surprised by the action. When the shot went off it soared over Ian’s head, missing him entirely and spraying into Chris’ butt.

Chris slid off the table and face planted the floor, still unconscious.

“Gah!” Mario looked astonished.

“HEY! PAY ATTENTION!” Ian shouted and pointed his arm forward. The box on his wrist was still there and when Ian pressed the button, it opened up and launched whatever was inside out towards Mario’s face.

“OH NO! IT CAN’T BEEEEE!” Mario screamed, scared as hell.

Yes. It was!

Soaring through the air was a mound of Fruit Cake!

It fired like a rocket directly into Mario’s mouth!

Mario dropped his weapon and stumbled back, going to grab at his face as the fruit cake got caught in his throat. His attempts to hack it up weren’t working and instead he ended up seeing no choice other than to swallow it.

So he did.

“BLAGH! BWAAAAAAAAAAGH!” Mario screamed, jolting and fidgeting about like he was short circuiting.

Ian looked up at him and smirked. “I know ALL your weaknesses Mario! Heheeeee *hic*.”

“SOOOO NASTY! GROSS! AAAAAAGH!” Mario was crying now, his body humping and jerking about like he was being tased. The fruit cake did not agree with Mario’s body! It was shutting down!

Ian wasn’t going to let the pastry do all the work though!

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GO DOWN THAT MERCIFULLY!” Ian shouted and rushed forward, fist clenched.

“C-Can I PLEASE at least get something to wash it down with?!” Mario cried.

“SHORYUKAN!” Ian shouted, launching a fist into Mario’s chin!

Mario shot out of his clothes from the force of the superpowered punch from Drunk Ian. The drunken fist was strong in this one indeed!

Mario landed hard on his back and then laid there, spread out, in his increasingly soaked Barbie Christmas Time briefs. The pink elastic was practically his contrasting trademark.

Ian stood tall over the wetting, drooling, eyes rolling boxer.

With another hiccup and a raised fist, Ian said. “Wash that fruit cake down with a knuckle sandwich why dont’cha?!”

Lastly, we had Bourbon still on the ground. Arryn was standing over him with his fists at his sides, ready to make Bourbon eat this supposed defeat even worse.

“Oh, what a wonderful feeling this continues to be,” Arryn mused to himself. “If only bad boys like you would learn to be good. The Bully Beater wouldn’t need to come along and teach you a lesson! Such a shame you couldn’t learn the error of your ways before this had to happen.”

Bourbon was jittering on the floor.

“Now then, stand up!” Arryn ordered.

Bourbon did so.

“Pants down!” Arryn ordered.

“Huh? N-No! NOOO!” Bourbon begged, feeling his hands already going to them.

“Yup. Now take em DOWN!” Arryn pointed down for emphasis.

“NO! PLEASE! I CAN’T TAKE IT! NO MORE! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING! NOOOOO!” Bourbon cried.

Then his pants fell.

The Santa Claus briefs were on open display again.

Bourbon went wide eyed and his mouth formed an “0” shape of confusion.

His mind went bye-bye.

The electricity being delivered to his brain to make it function properly started to make his mind spark and he started to babble and gurgle relentlessly.

“Blabababababalalbagguahabluuh!” Bourbon’s eyes crossed and he began drooling all over himself.

Arryn started to giggle. “What on Earth? What happened to you? Can’t handle a little exposure?”

No. He couldn’t.

Bourbon swooned and was about to fall down.

However, he steadied himself.

His head was down and his hair covered his eyes. The shade looked kind of off. A bit creepy even.

It made Arryn do a double take.

What just happened? Did he shut down while still standing?

Oh well. It was time to finish this.

“Alright, I had fun but I’m a professional so I’ll end this and take my leave,” Arryn smirked as he gripped the Gingerbread Man tightly. “I command you to–!”

Bourbon’s hand reached out and grabbed the Gingerbread Man back.

Arryn was surprised to see that. “Hey! I didn’t tell you to–”

Bourbon’s hand crushed it.

“GAH!” Arryn yelped and dropped the crumbs in his palm. The remains of his Gingerbread Hypnosis item collapsed to the floor. “What gives?! How did you do that?!”

Bourbon poked his head up and a flash of his bright yellow eyes seared into Arryn’s. The shading of his face was a scary dark blue.

Arryn flinched. His eyes were wide and his face was covered in sweat.

What the hell? Was this the same guy?

It must have been because mere seconds after he saw that face, Bourbon’s features returned to normal. The glow in his eyes was gone and the coloring he thought he saw had returned to normal.

“Looks like your hypnosis item is gone,” Bourbon said simply, staring at it on the floor before grinning up at Arryn. “Thanks for that gift of humiliation. Here are my thank you cards!”

Reaching into his discarded pants pockets he yanked out several Christmas cards and with a loud ninja like grunt, he tossed them all forward like kunai.

Arryn was still frozen in shock and unable to process what had just happened.

The cards slashed across his body and in seconds, his clothes turned to shreds, leaving him standing in just his elf themed Christmas briefs.

“WHA–?!” Arryn shook his head and glanced down at his underwear clad self. “YEEEK! HOW SHARP WERE THOSE CARDS?!”

“It doesn’t matter!” Bourbon snapped, stomping his foot down and producing the small stick Ian gave him. As instructed he pressed the button on it and it expanded!

Like a transforming weapon, the small silver stick grew in size until Bourbon had in his hands a large gardening tool with the tip of it coated in electricity.

“WHAT IS THAT?! WHAT?! WHAAAT?!” Arryn was panicking now, already wetting himself before the final blow came as he pointed at what Bourbon had in his hands.

With his position at the ready, Bourbon swung back and shouted at the doomed boy,“This… is my Ho Ho HOE!”

Bourbon then swung the large Hoe forward and bashed Arryn like a baseball high into the air.

“BLAAAAAAARGH!” Arryn soared across the room, spritzing pee into his briefs, before slamming into the wall, bouncing off of it and then landing hard on to the floor.

He twitched only slightly and then his body relaxed. His eyes were rolling, his tongue was out, and he was seeing tons of little birdies with jingle bells on them circling his head.

Bourbon planted the hoe down and took in a short breath. “And that’s why they call me Az–I mean… Bourbon… master of… gardening tools!”

Ian and Troy looked over at him and tilted their heads again.

Bourbon giggled. “I’m not good with cool one-liners after a fight.”

Ian and Troy shrugged and then began laughing.

The Krampus Kids had succeeded at their first mission together!

—

About thirty minutes later, the set up of the living room had changed a bit.

The three winners were on the couch, cheering at the TV as they watched the movie that Mario wanted to see. It wasn’t being recorded so the unconscious losers were just going to have to miss out.

“This is great!” Troy shouted. “Did you see the way Santa beamed that guy with his giant candy cane! Awesome!”

“If your brothers weren’t such jerks we probably could have sat and watched this together,” Bourbon added.

“Yay! YAY! YEAH! *hiccup* Kick his butt Santa! WHOOO WHOOO!” Ian cheered, standing on the couch in his underwear and Christmas top, with his head tucked in between his legs and his butt sticking out. He was watching the movie upside down right now and was cheering like a mad man. Yes, he was still insanely drunk but whatever. He was having fun.

Troy shivered suddenly. “Ah man. It’s a bit chilly in here. Hey, Bourbon, could you get a blanket from the closet?”

“Sure,” Bourbon slid off the couch and went to the closet.

He then opened the door and watched as a hand flopped out. “Whoops. Sorry.”

Inside the closet, stacked on top of each other with Mario on the bottom, Arryn in the middle, and Chris on top were the three losers of the match. They were still in just their wet undies, eyes rolling and smirking with gaps in their teeth as they watched birdies circle their heads.

Arryn lifted his head up and raised his finger and said with a shaky voice, “N-No problem Mr. Moose! I wuv you fer all the candy and popcorn you gave me! It felt good shoving it up my butt! Duuuuuh!”

He then flopped back down and had a few more muscle spasms.

Bourbon nodded. “I agree.”

He then grabbed the blanket and closed the door, making sure to shove the arm that flopped out back in properly.

The three boys enjoyed their time together for the rest of the night.

They couldn’t wait for when the Krampus Kids rode again!

—

Arryn belongs to my friend Aladdin-Kun. Be sure to give him all of your love!

Christmas Time is here and we started things off with a tale of two groups of boys. One was older than the other and as such was OF COURSE doomed to lose. Still, let me know which team you liked seeing get humiliated the most! See you next time for more Christmas goodies.