The Death of Dignity Mystery Mansion, Pt. 2: The Culprit (Patreon)

“There is one guilty party behind it all,” Morgana said, looking serious as his eyes shifted between the people in the mansion.

Tails was in his soaking wet Care Bears briefs, laid out on the couch in the living room of this mystery mansion they were occupying. He was panting with his tongue out and struggling to keep the haziness in his eyes at bay.

“And I won’t stop until I find out who,” Morgana shifted his gaze again.

Louie stood with his hands in his sweater pockets, sweating a bit with an air of discomfort radiating off his person.

Chopper was just standing there, glancing down at his butt and ahead at the area they were all inspecting right now.

While Tails was left on the couch, the remaining three ran up to where the dart fired at them to inspect the area.

There was a little mechanical device setup here. A timer was set to go off and it was supposed to fire a dart when the countdown reached zero.

Morgana stood up after inspecting it and dusted off his hands. “Yup, whoever set this up knew we’d be here. They also probably knew where we’d be standing when it went off too…” He pondered this.

“That’s ridiculous,” Chopper interjected.

“Yeah,” Louie agreed. “How could anyone know that right down to the purest detail.”

Morgana pouted. “Well, the proof is right here.” He said, gesturing to the dart gun and the timer attached to it.

Louie rolled his eyes, going over to it and kicking at it lightly. “Yeah, sure. OR this thing is just a red herring.”

“A red… what?” Chopper looked confused.

“Why would this thing be a red herring?” Morgana sighed. “We just saw it fire!”

“Yeah,” Louie said. “Obviously. What we see with our eyes is often the thing that tricks us the most. I’ll bet whoever set this up wanted us to inspect it to make us think it’s what we needed to observe and thus have us take our eyes off the prize.”

“What prize is that?” Chopper asked, tapping his foot.

“I’ll uh…” Louie looked around the room, his finger raised. “I’ll let you know as soon as I figure that out.”

“Ugh,” Chopper groaned. “You know what I think? I think you just said all that nonsense to keep us from thinking about this dart gun because YOU set it up!”

“WHAT?! Oh come on! Seriously?!” Louie snapped, stomping his foot.

“You are the con-artist,” Morgana said.

“Ugh!” Louie wiped a hand down his face. “Con-artist this, con-artist that! Instead of judging based on what I am, how about we judge based on the facts! I’m no good with machines! How did I set this up if it were me?”

“Well, you’ve got a smart-aleck brother right?” Chopper raised a brow, smirking. “Maybe you asked him to do it.”

“Huey? Pfft! Please! He’d never allow himself to get caught up in one of my schemes!” Louie said, pointing a thumb at himself.

“What if he didn’t know it was a scheme?” Chopper interjected, leaning in closer.

Louie sweated. “Th-Then… he’d… well…”

“HA!” Chopper pointed.

“That proves nothing!” Louie snapped.

Morgana was standing off to the side, pondering this as he looked down from the rafters towards Tails on the couch.

“Well, Tails is a smart guy. Maybe it’s like we said before and he set it up,” Morgana said.

“Yeah!” Louie snapped his fingers. “That’s exactly it! We have a smart dude right there on the couch! It’s totally him!”

“But he got hit,” Chopper said.

“Yeah! Because you dodged the dart!” Louie snapped. “He’s smart but there’s no way he could have known you’d do that.”

Chopper rolled his eyes.

Louie’s eyes narrowed. “OR maybe he did because you told him you’d do it and you’re in cahoots with him!”

“WHAT?!” Chopper snapped, growling as he got up close to Louie. “Say that again!”

“Oh you heard me!” Louie said, beak to Chopper’s blue nose. “Or are you hard of hearing as well as stupid!”

“Why would I want to do that? What sense does it even make to team up with him to take out you two and then take out HIM in the process… with him KNOWING he’d be taken out?!” Chopper stammered.

“Maybe you two have a very specific grudge against me and Morgana or something!” Louie said, hands to his chest. “It’s plausible, right Morgana?”

Morgana didn’t respond.

“Morgana?” Louie looked around.

Both Chopper and Louie glanced around and then looked down to see Morgana approaching Tails.

The cat reached over and patted Tails across the face. The fox began to stir, blinking himself awake and gurgling.

“Huh? Whaa…?” Tails moaned.

“Heya,” Morgana grinned. “Sorry about this but uh, you wouldn’t happen to know about this would you?” He asked, holding up the timer attached to the gun they found up there.

Tails inspected it while drooling. “Timer… gun… ugh? Set to…? Butt…”

Louie and Chopper ran down at the same time to reach them again, panting a bit when they stopped.

“What’s going on?” Louie asked.

“I’m asking Tails about the timer while he’s delirious,” Morgana said.

Tails’ eyes tried to focus on it. Then his eyes widened, seemingly with realization.

“St-Stolen… stole from me–!” Tails blubbered.

“What?” Morgana gasped.

“Ah-ha!” Louie laughed. “So it IS yours!” He pointed accusingly at Tails.

Morgana looked serious now. He began to pace back and forth while rubbing his chin.

“You’re just trying to get the target off your back,” Chopper said to Louie.

Louie snarled. “He JUST admitted it was his!”

“He said it was stolen from him though,” Chopper shook his head. “Who could have stolen it though.”

Louie’s eyes widened.

He then leered at Morgana. “A master thief. That’s who.”

Morgana stopped pacing. “Wait, what?!”

“Hey, yeah!” Chopper snapped, marching up to him alongside Louie.

“Now hold on!” Morgana got serious and pointed at the two of them. “Me being a Phantom Thief does NOT mean I stole this particular item!”

Louie got a sly look on his face. “But it does mean you’d be the best one out of all of us to take it. Right, oh MASTER thief Morgana.”

Morgana blushed and chuckled. “Well, I don’t wanna brag but–HEY!”

Tails was sitting up now, leering at the back of Morgana’s head, angry and drooling still. Morgana sweatdropped and backed away with the timer still in his hands.

“Okay, okay! Hold on! Now listen! There is a clear connection we all have that we’re not considering,” Morgana said. “We’ve all been humiliated in unexplained incidents involving a third party who was behind them all.”

The other three stopped and looked between one another for a second.

“Chopper and I both know what that feels like right,” Morgana gestured to the reindeer who looked to the side, annoyed as he recalled what he was talking about. “You know… a certain blue cat.”

“Happy,” Chopper muttered. “Yeah… but the incident that the letter I got didn’t mention anything he directly did.”

“Exactly,” Morgana said. “But the both of us are familiar with being humiliated by him.”

“So what?” Louie interjected. “What’s that got to do with me and Tails?”

Tails nodded. “Uh-huh! I knows no Happy cat!” Tails slurred, struggling to speak correctly. That dart did a number on him.

“You don’t have to,” Morgana said. “We didn’t know him until he met us one faithful day. I believe for Chopper it was during a wrestling match. For me it was when I was attempting to steal from a museum. The incident with you at the baseball stadium, Tails, might have been orchestrated by him. Same for you at the parade Louie. You even said you didn’t know who made the contract.”

Louie looked to the side, pondering this for a second. “So… what? You’re saying your and Chopper’s connection to that cat has to mean it was him?”

“I’m saying it’s probably the reason those incidents happened… but it might not be the reason we’re all here right now.” Morgana said.

“What?” Chopper, Louie, and Tails all said in unison.

“Make sense!” Louie shouted, annoyed.

“What if… someone wanted to achieve something and the rest of us were scapegoats to get what that person wanted,” Morgana said, raising a finger. “I’m convinced of it now. Whoever did this is definitely one of us! Not a third party!”

There was a moment of silence.

“Well, whoop-de-do…!” Louie rolled his eyes. “Fantastic. So I can at least focus on suspecting the rest of you. Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing!”

Morgana winced, confused. “Wha–?!”

“You’re playing detective on us to get you off our train of thought!” Louie snapped, pointing at Morgana.

The cat doubled back. “No! Nuh-uh! I’m not–!”

Chopper chuckled. “Or, maybe he’s right and the person who orchestrated this used our similar incidents to get us all to come here so they could humiliate us one by one and reap the rewards.”

“Rewards?” Louie blinked.

“Yeah! Think about it!” Chopper said. “A viral set of videos humiliating people? It’d be the perfect scheme!”

“Scheme?” Louie blinked and then looked up, as if pondering this. “W-Well… I mean… I guess it would…! Oh yeah! Humiliating people and selling them as must-see viral hits! Oh baby! What an awesome–!” Louie trailed off and looked at Chopper’s smirking face.

Louie immediately began sweating. “N-N-No! Wh-What I meant to say was–!”

“Ah-ha!” Chopper poked at Louie’s chest.

“No fair! You can’t just put that idea into my head and expect me not to salivate over it! Besides, you’d want money too! You’re the pirate!” Louie snapped, pushing Chopper back.

Chopper yelped and stumbled before growling. “Oh yeah? Well, this timer belongs to Tails so how do we know he’s not lying about it having been stolen!”

Tails stood up with his fists clenched and his face red with anger.

“Me’s not lyin’! It was stole’d fwum me!” He said, still drooling and slurring like a baby.

“Yeah right!” Louie growled and stomped on Tails’ foot. “You’re just playing the victim card! I bet you set it up so that dart would hit you!”

“YEEEEOWUCHIE!” Tails screamed and jumped up and down, holding his foot.

Morgana’s eyes widened.

An epiphany suddenly hit him.

“Attacking us head on now eh?” Chopper shouted, snatching the thick timer out of Morgana’s hands and chucking it like a baseball at Louie.

Louie ducked and it beamed Tails across the face, sending him flying over the couch and landing on the other side.

The poor fox was out cold, brief clad butt sticking up, tongue out, drooling, and seeing chirping birdies over his head. It was no surprise that he peed a little more thanks to that.

Louie was completely enraged though. He jumped and tackled Chopper, angrily trying to pound at his face.

The reindeer growled back, grabbing Louie’s hands and then pressing his feet against the boy’s stomach.

“AAAH!” Louie screamed when Chopper launched him up and over so that he landed hard on his back.

Louie grunted and then rolled over to get back on his feet. “Try that aga–HOOOFFFFffff~!” Louie trailed off, eyes widened and wheezing out air when Chopper landed a hoof to his gut.

“You’re a con-artist but as a pirate I’m just better at fighting then you!” Chopper snapped, watching as Louie fell to his knees, holding his gut.

The pain he was enduring wasn’t over yet though.

Chopper grabbed Louie by the sweater and raised it over his head, leaving him down to just his pants.

Louie’s eyes crossed. The haziness in them was making him want to throw up. He was so dizzy.

He actually felt his pants zipper being undone and blubbered out a whimpering “No. Stop…!”

Chopper didn’t stop.

He stripped Louie to his Curious George briefs and then stood the dizzy duck boy up.

“Loser says WHAT?!” Chopper shouted.

“What?” Louie moaned.

Then Chopper punched him in the face!

Louie flew back and landed hard onto the floor, laid out and seeing chirping birdies too.

Chopper giggled as he stood over him, watching the delirious boy flop about on the ground with muscle spasms of pain. His underwear was also starting to get a bit damp.

“Aww. Whittle duckie went pee pee,” Chopper teased.

“Duuuuuhhhhhh~!” Louie giggled, drooling as his eyes rolled.

“Don’t mind me. Please, finish filling up those baby briefs of yours!” Chopper sneered and began beating the poor boy in a cartoonish fight cloud.

Morgana stood behind him, smirking with his arms crossed.

Eventually, after about a minute or so, Morgana spoke up.

“Are you quite satisfied now, Chopper?” Morgana said suddenly, uncrossing his hands and speaking in earnest with a low tone of voice.

Chopper stopped the beating and looked back at Morgana.

Louie was unconscious. He had a black eye, several gaps in his teeth, and his underwear was getting continuously soaked. Though, the nub on the front of it suggested his reaction to the beating was a bit odd.

Chopper let him flop to the ground as he leered back at Morgana though.

“What was that tone in your voice?” Chopper asked.

“An accusatory one,” Morgana said with a smile.

Chopper pouted and stood with his arms crossed. “Well, we’ve been doing that a lot lately so–”

“Yeah, but this time there’s actual meaning behind it,” Morgana said, with a point of his finger. “It was you, wasn’t it.”

The room got silent.

Chopper scoffed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you don’t,” Morgana said. “Well then. Allow me to break it down for you so that you can understand. The one who set all this up was you. As the one with the standing record of being humiliated the most by Happy, it makes sense it’d be you.”

“What does Happy have to do with this?” Chopper rolled his eyes. “You said it wasn’t him, right?”

“Right,” Morgana nodded. “And you’re not teaming up with him. You’re doing this to outpace him in humiliations against other people.”

“What?! N-No I’m not!” Chopper snapped, stomping his foot. “How’d you come to the conclusion that this was my doing anyway? The dart got fired at ME, remember!”

“That’s right,” Morgana said. “And you dodged it. It hit Tails instead.”

Chopper sweated, still gritting his teeth.

“Even though it would have made for a good alibi to have gotten hit by the dart to look like a victim, you had to make sure you weren’t taken out. That way you could humiliate the rest of us and get our humiliations on video for the plan to work.” Morgana explained. “So you took a gamble. You set up the timer you stole from Tails and when the dart fired, you dodged it at the last second and let it hit him.”

Chopper grumbled. “You’re saying I set it up so that it would fire when we were in those exact positions?”

“Yup. Wouldn’t have been hard to do considering we’re all cramped in this room. Walking around to get us in the right spots while being confrontational with one another would have been easy. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the time to go off.” Morgana said.

“Hmph,” Chopper crossed his arms. “You’re the thief though. How do we know you didn’t steal it?”

“You’re a pirate,” Morgana grinned. “You plunder and steal too.”

Chopper smiled. “Yeah, okay… sure.” He sighed and had a bit of an evil grin on his face now. “That sounds like a motive and a good observation but you’re still lacking proof!”

“I know why you snatched that timer out of my hands to throw it at Louie,” Morgana said.

Chopper’s eyes widened.

“It’s because you wanted an excuse for your hoof print to be on it, right?” Morgana smiled. “Well, I figured as much. When I grabbed it, I inspected it for prints myself and snapped a quick photo. If it shows up then I’ll know it was you–!”

“JERK!” Chopper snapped and rushed forward, attempting to palm Morgana in the face.

The cat dodged to the side and pantsed him.

Chopper yelped and fell on his face, cherry blossom briefs sticking up.

He then growled and faced him. “You think you’re so clever! It won’t matter if my hooves show up on that thing if I knock you out and humiliate you before it develops!”

“Thanks for the admission,” Morgana said, laughing.

“GAAAH!” Chopper got up, darting out of his pants and went to try and ram his hooves across Morgana’s face again.

Morgana ducked.

“You’ve been a very bad PIRATE!” Morgana snapped and then launched his head straight up into Chopper’s chin!

Chopper’s eyes crossed and his tongue flopped out.

He wobbled back and forth, seeing birdies now too and starting to wet his briefs with a giggle at the edge of his voice.

Morgana stood up and dusted off his hands before leering at Chopper.

“Oh, by the way, that was a lie,” The cat grinned. “I never snapped a photo and there’s no way I have a special camera that would make prints show up on it either. But a dumb pirate wouldn’t know that now would they?”

Chopper drooled, eyes spinning.

Morgana blew on him and watched him topple over and hit the ground, spread eagle.

“Hahaha!” Morgana laughed and dusted off his hands. “Mystery solved!”

Just then, a knocking was heard on the door of the mansion.

Thinking it rather strange, Morgana went over to it and opened it up.

What he saw shocked him.

“YOU!” Morgana gasped, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

“Hello,” Happy the Cat stood in the doorway and waved. A small note was in his hand.

“What… what are YOU doing here?!” Morgana asked, still astonished and feeling his undies grow a bit damp. He hoped that was sweat.

“I was given this note and told to come here,” Happy said. “Apparently it’s from Chopper. He said that if I came here I’d see something that would make me respect him…”

Happy looked over Morgana’s shoulder and saw Chopper on the floor, knocked out and pissing his underwear with a goofy look on his face.

“Apparently that was a lie,” Happy sneered.

Morgana cleared his throat. “He sent the rest of us notes too. He told us to come here to lure us into a trap to humiliate us by pitting us against one another but I solved the mystery and took care of him.”

“Oh? Did you now? How cute. Baby Morgana fancies himself a whittle detective now?” Happy teased.

“Knock it off,” Morgana growled. “As you can see, he won’t be able to impress you in that state so you can just leave–” Morgana began to close to door on him but Happy’s paw pressed it back open.

He was leering at the cat with a wicked grin on his face.

“Now why would I leave when there’s four open targets right in front of me, waiting to be embarrassed before the world!” Happy looked like the Chesire Cat right now.

“Wh-What?! B-But I was just–!” Morgana stammered, backing up and sweating a lot.

“Hey! Didn’t you just recently have a picture of you humping your pillow going around?” Happy asked, stepping closer.

Morgana lost his balance and fell on his butt, full on peeing himself with fear now. His pants had a puddle around it that soaked through the carpet as he looked up at Happy, scared beyond belief.

“I-I-I-I-I-I–DUUUUH!” Morgana lost a couple of brain cells there.

“Heheh. Poor you!” Happy approached and loomed over him while pulling back a fist. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure people forget about that old thing in a bit!”

Then Morgana saw stars as Happy’s fist shot towards him.

Then darkness.

—

There was another parade happening.

However, today, the main attraction was something very special.

Happy grinned and twirled a baton, standing at the front of the parade float, dressed like a ringleader. He was clearly leading the charge.

Confetti rained everywhere as the crowd cheered for all that was happening before them. The cat couldn’t help but grin as he drank it all in.

After humiliating Tails with that baseball stadium trick, Louie with that diaper parade, Chopper with that medical demonstration that went wrong, and Morgana’s pillow humping pic, he wasn’t sure what his next trick would be.

Luckily, Chopper found out Happy did all those things and sent out those letters to the other losers to invite them to that mansion in the hopes of humiliating them and pretending he could do it just as good as Happy.

Then, when Happy came over and saw his work after being invited too, he’d think he’d earn his respect or something.

How adorable.

It never got that far though.

Happy got there and was treated to a smorgasbord of losers to humiliate.

On the float behind him were the main attractions for the day.

There were four losers wearing Dora the Explorer diapers and tied to four large pillows here. The four of them were blushing as they were made to hump the pillows relentlessly. If they stopped, Happy would press a button that would shock them all.

Morgana, Louie, Tails, and Chopper all panted and whined with intense humiliation as they were put on display like this in public for the large crowd.

“What do you say?” Happy called back to them.

With red faces and teary eyes of emasculation, the four of them cried out.

“WE LOVE BEING HUMILIATED, MASTER!”

It was a lie but so what?

So long as they had those pillows and each other, they’d never be alone as far as having a gaggle of losers to identify with.

Still, he wished he could have gotten the chance to play detective with them. It sounded like fun.

—

That’s the end of that mystery. The 5% of people who guessed Chopper were correct. It wasn’t Happy but he still ended up coming out on top in the end anyway. Oh well. There’s betas and then there’s alphas. Nothing we can do about that.

Tell me who’s humiliation you like the most and we’ll see you next time for another tale where someone else will most definitely be embarrassed. It’s the way of the world.