The Death of Dignity Mystery Mansion, Pt. 1: The Suspects (Patreon)

“Oooh yeaaaah!”

A soft moaning came from the bedroom. Apparently it was someone in need of some alone time because they sounded very passionate behind that door.

It didn’t matter though.

The door was opened anyway and sneaking over to it to catch a glimpse of the person responsible for the lewd sounds was an intruder.

Noticing all too late that they were being spied on was Morgana.

He was laying in bed, making out with a huge teddy bear while in just a small white t-shirt and a pair of Strawberry Shortcake underoos.

He blushed and gasped in fright as the camera was put to his face!

“NO! GO AWAY! HOLD ON! STOP!” Morgana screamed, tearing up right as he lurched and hit a violent climax.

It was very messy and it was captured all on film.

This film was then posted on the internet for all to see.

Morgana found himself at a loss for words and at a loss for cohesive thought.

The next day, he stumbled around on the sidewalk, head down with intense contemplation wracking his jumbled brain. The intruder left as fast as he came. He had no way of knowing who was responsible for what was done to him.

All he had to look forward to were endless comments and pings to his phone about it and people on Twitter talking about the O-Face he made when he erupted all over that teddy bear.

It tore him up inside. Reading comments from people who didn’t know him about how much of a desperate beta-male loser he was didn’t sit right with him. He had resolved himself to find out who it was that burst into his house to take that video of him in his private time.

A short time after making that resolve, he was sent a letter.

He was a bit reluctant to receive mail lately since, even though no one online knew where he lived, he still had a somewhat irrational fear of being sent mail from fans of his embarrassing video.

However, when he opened the letter, what he saw inside of it was rather interesting.

“Hello Morgana. Recently, you’ve been dealt a great injustice. There’s more to this than you know, however. I’ve gathered together a group of three other like minded individuals that have recently gone through a similar situation. However, one of them is a fraud and is the one responsible for humiliating all of you. It could even be you for all I know.”

Morgana snorted. Yeah right. His was too real and too out in the open for it to be a fraud. He was off the list of suspects for sure.

“I’ve gathered them all at an abandoned mansion where this mystery will be solved post haste. Come alone.”

Morgana folded up the letter and looked to the side, standing in his room wearing just his shirt and undies again.

“A creepy invitation to a murder mystery party… but with humiliating videos as the qualifier instead? Interesting…” He trailed off before grinning. “What kind of a Phantom Thief would I be if I didn’t partake in a journey to steal the truth?”

—

Lightning crackled outside the mansion.

Morgana was dressed in a full black outfit. He had a yellow scarf, a black shirt, and matching black pants with pockets and a black fanny pack.

He thought about knocking but figured it would just be a formality. This mansion wasn’t that big anyway.

He entered and was greeted by an expansive looking foray and the other people who were, apparently, supposed to be the other put upon victims of exposed humiliation were standing around or sitting in a chair off in the corner.

“Another one showed up,” a small reindeer boy in a yellow and white striped shirt and burgundy pants said, with his brow raised.

“Hello. My name is Morgana,” The cat boy said. “You all are–?”

“Chopper,” The reindeer said back before his eyes traveled to the others in the room.

Sitting in a chair, overlooking the letter again was a two-tailed fox in a blue shirt and white shorts, lost in thought. He eventually seemed to catch on that a conversation was happening and turned to look. “Hmm? Oh! Hello, uh, I’m Tails.”

Morgana gave a silent nod of acknowledgement before his eyes shifted to the final person in the room.

They were a small duck wearing a green sweater and a pair of tan cargo shorts. One hand was in his sweater pocket while the other was cradling the expensive looking golden ball on a stand by the fireplace. He seemed more like he was intentionally ignoring the rest of them rather than lost in thought.

That seemed a bit more or less apparent when he just said, “Louie,” and trailed off.

“So, Chopper, Tails, and Louie…” Morgana said, scanning them all. “You’re all victims of… the humiliation exposure thing that was talked about in your letters?”

They all stopped to look at him.

“I suppose we are,” Chopper said. “But no one seems to want to talk about it.”

“Pfft,” Louie scoffed, still not looking their way. “Why should I? I don’t know who any of you people are.”

“Because if we don’t we’ll never find out which one of us is the fraudster,” Tails said, looking serious. "We're all here now seeing as how the letter said three other like minded individuals were coming. From each of our points of views, three more people have shown up. We're it."

Louie turned to look back at him. “What if there isn’t a fraudster though? Huh? What if this was just an elaborate trick to get us to come here and waste our time?”

Morgana shot Louie a glare. “If you thought that then why did you show up?”

“Uhm… w-well…” Louie rubbed the back of his head, now looking bashful.

“You hoped that there was a chance to take revenge on the person who humiliated you right? Well, now’s supposedly your chance,” Morgana said. “Unless YOU’RE the fraudster?”

“HEY! Nope! Nuh-uh! I did not come all this way to be immediately suspected!” Louie snapped, pointing down at the floor and stomping his foot.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Tails looked over at the duck boy. “I think I know you. You’re that con artist who tried to sell un-wedgieable underwear to people a week or so ago right?”

Louie blushed.

“Oh hey! I heard about that!” Chopper snapped his fingers. “It was a con… and they say the guy who did it was a con-artist who's bad at being a con-artist.”

They were all staring at the sweating Louie now. He had his hands out and his eyes darting back and forth between them at this point.

“Uhhh… l-look… okay, see here-!” Louie trailed off, finger raised but unable to say anything properly. “This is all not what it looks like–!”

“Then maybe we should try and tell our stories after all,” Morgana said. “I-”

“Everyone knows what happened to you,” Chopper said immediately.

Morgana’s eyes widened. “Meowwrr?”

“Yeah, sorry…” Tails giggled. “We’ve all seen the video... heh.”

Morgana flushed a bright red.

“Was the teddy soft at least?” Louie snickered.

Morgana clenched his fists and shot the duck boy a glare, making him raise his hands and step back again.

“I guess our stories are a little less recent,” Chopper said. “So it’s understandable if you guys don’t know the full details of what happened to me. Things only recently began to cool off for me.”

“What happened?” Tails asked.

Chopper winced. “Well… I was putting on a medical demonstration in front of a crowd and when I went to inject a syringe into my arm to showcase the healing properties it… derped my mind and…!”

“Oh!” Tails gasped. “You’re the Horny Deer Doctor!”

Chopper snapped. “Don’t CALL me that!”

Tails chuckled. “Y-Yeah! You’re right. I’m sorry…!”

Morgana smirked. “Another person accused of being horny?” He leaned over, hands in his pockets.

“Ooooh!” Louie exclaimed, hands in his sweater pockets as he observed them speaking. “It’s a pun on the antlers. People sure are funny when thinking up names to ridicule someone.”

“Can I finish?” Chopper asked, annoyed now and beat red.

“I think we understand what happened by the name,” Louie continued. “Let me guess. You injected yourself and started acting like a weird slut?”

Chopper puffed out his cheeks.

“It was like a weird Viagra thing that put him in heat or something,” Tails said. “He soaked his pants and started humping the floor. They had to shoot a dart in his butt to get him to stop.”

“Why am I even sharing this with you all if you know it already?!” Chopper snapped, raising his hand.

Tails laughed and doubled over a bit, hands on his stomach. “I’m sorry. I’m SO sorry. Honest. It’s just too funny.”

Chopper pouted but raised a brow when he observed the fox boy’s bottom. “Wait a second… I know you! You’re the weird scientist kid with the huge butt from the baseball game!”

Tails stopped laughing and blushed.

“Oh wow! That was YOU!” Morgana asked, stepping forward with a grin.

Tails winced and raised his hands. “I-I don’t… w-well, I mean…!”

Louie laughed up at the ceiling with his eyes closed, facing away from them. “I heard about this one too. You were doing a science demonstration for a half-time show or something and the chemicals exploded!”

Tails blushed and clamped his hands over his face.

“When the smoke cleared, you were submerged in the dirt, butt naked with your wee wee showing off to the crowd! Then you babbled some baby brained nonsense and wet yourself on national television!” Louie smirked.

“It wasn’t MY fault! The chemicals I used were solid! Someone messed with my act! I’m SURE of it!” Tails snapped.

“That’s the same thing I said,” Chopper stomped his foot. “No one believed me.”

Morgana rubbed his chin. “Interesting. I was ambushed alone in my home. How on Earth did the person who took my photo know I was… having my feel-good alone time at that exact moment?”

“I bet it was that asshole, Happy,” Chopper muttered, leering off to the side. “I’d stake my reputation on it. He’s responsible for this.”

Morgana perked up. “Happy? The blue cat you mean?!”

“You know him?!” Chopper exclaimed, surprised.

“He humiliated me when I went to try and steal–erm, borrow a gem from a museum… or, rather, no…" Morgana trailed off to see if he could spin this a different way. 

When he realized there was no point, he came clean. 

"I was trying to steal it,” Morgana admitted. “I’m a phantom thief.”

“I’m a pirate,” Chopper said.

Louie grinned. “And I’m a con-artist.”

Tails looked between them all. “Seems like you guys aren’t very good people in real life.”

The three of them turned to look at Tails.

“What?” Morgana asked. “Are you saying we deserved what happened to us?”

Tails held up his hands. “I mean, based on your professions I’ll admit I feel a LITTLE less sorry for you now.”

Chopper rolled his eyes. “Oh, look at you. It’s the heroic two-tailed nudist with the big butt come to lecture us on how to be decent people.”

“Ugh, I hate that.” Louie leered at Tails.

“I’m not LECTURING you!” Tails snapped, stomping his foot. “I’m just saying that it doesn’t shock me that someone would find it tantalizing punishing you three hearing about what you all do for a living.”

“Oh…?” Louie grinned. “Is that a confession Mr. Fox Butt?”

“WHAT?!” Tails looked offended.

Morgana smiled. “Hey, yeah.” He stepped forward a bit, looking at the sweating fox. “You’re the only one of us here who would be classified as traditionally heroic. You work as Sonic’s sidekick right?”

“Work is a bit of a strong word,” Tails raised a finger. “I’m his best friend. People just call me his sidekick.”

“He’s a sidekick,” Chopper nudged Louie, who giggled.

“Shut up!” Tails snapped and stomped his foot. “I’m not the one who did all this. I would never do something so petty for the sake of drawing out you people. Besides, are you saying I did that thing at the baseball stadium on purpose?”

“Not really,” Morgana said. “But you could have exploited it to make yourself fit in with us rogues.”

“Hey–!” Tails snarled.

Louie cleared his throat. “Speak for yourselves. I’m not a rogue.”

The others turned to look at him.

“I’m a well balanced member of society,” Louie said, pointing to himself with a small grin on his face. “Louie Inc. is a very upstanding and perfectly legitimate business that benefits society.”

“You’re a con-artist,” Tails narrowed his eyes. “The only thing you benefit is your wallet.”

“Pfft,” Louie sputtered his lips.

Tails then continued, not letting up on the condescending duck boy. “And if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly is YOUR story huh? You’re the only one that hasn’t properly told us what your deal is.”

Louie blinked and glanced between them all, noticing that all curious eyes were on him now. “I mean… I never agreed to the story sharing thing you all wanted to do.”

“Ah-ha!” Tails laughed and pointed at Louie. “He’s afraid his cover as the mastermind behind all this will be exposed.

“What?! No I’m not!” Louie snapped.

“I mean,” Chopper interjected. “If you’re the only one WITHOUT a credible humiliation story to tell then it stands to reason that you’re the most likely candidate to have done all this stuff to us.”

“Oh come on!” Louie grumbled, hating how the suspicion was being shifted to him now. “The letter outright said that the culprit was one of the people invited to the mansion. If it were me, I wouldn’t have hinted at myself being the culprit!”

“That’s likely because the person responsible thinks they’re smarter than the rest of us,” Morgana interjected. “And you seem like the type to act like you’re above everyone else.”

“I’m also very open to admitting that I’m a huge coward,” Louie said, putting his hands to his chest and backing up a bit. “Ask anyone who knows me. I tell people straight up that I’m always scared and terrified. Point a gun at my face and I’ll cry out loud that I don’t want to die. The amount of times I returned from an adventure with Uncle Scrooge in need of a change of underwear has matched the number of times Dewey has gotten kidnapped!”

His voice sounded a tad desperate here. He was blushing too, probably hating that he felt the need to admit to all this to keep them from bum rushing him as the number one suspect. It did a good job of convincing them that maybe he wasn’t the mastermind here.

“Who WOULD risk implicating themselves just so that they could bring us all here and have each other hash it out like this…?” Chopper asked, rubbing his chin and pacing around the room.

“It’s a trick, like I said,” Louie said. “You all really believe in this conspiracy theory stuff don’t you?”

“If you don’t then why did you come?” Morgana asked.

“I plead the fifth!” Louie said, hand to his chest.

“If you refuse to tell us your story, you’ll remain the number one suspect.” Tails said plainly, tapping his foot.

Louie sucked in a breath as all eyes were on him.

He then let out a breath. “Blugh! UGH! FINE! Okay!  It was the Diaper Duck Parade!” He belted aloud.

Diaper Duck Parade?

OH!

“Whoa! Wait a minute–!” Chopper got an amused grin on his face.

“That was YOU!” Morgana looked about ready to burst out laughing.

“Holy smokes! No way!” Tails giggled.

Louie was blushing really hard and put both of his clenched fists at his sides. “Seems you all know about it…”

“The Diaper Duck Parade was that time when a duck boy got on a float and started giving a speech about the money spent on a parade float they were using to advertise a diaper company,” Tails said.

“But the duckie didn’t realize the contract he signed made him eligible to be a live demonstration,” Morgana said. “He was stripped on the parade float and then diapered in front of the passing crowd.”

“Then he had to do a stupid butt dance and sing “Barbie Girl” on live television all the way down the street!” Chopper giggled.

Louie was growing more and more heated the more they kept talking.

“Remember when he was shaking his fists up and down and swishing his butt back and forth?” Chopper asked. “We thought it was just a dumb dance but then he screamed out, ‘I GOTS TA GO POTTY!”

“OH NO! I’M PEEING MY DIAPEEEEE! NOOOOO~!” Both Morgana and Tails mockingly cried out in unison, mimicking Louie’s voice on that day. “Please don’t spank me on TV! I’ll be a GOOD BOY!”

They kept laughing and repeating the lines he said together.

Louie had steam rising from his head.

“Then someone noticed the front of his diaper poking outward,” Chopper snickered. “HE ENJOYED IT! HE LIIIIIIKED IT!”

“SHUT UP!” Louie snapped.

They all laughed harder.

“You know the story now alright! My suspicion is cleared!” Louie growled.

“Is it?” Tails asked. “How do we know that wasn’t just a con?”

“What?!” Louie asked, confused.

“You’re one of three triplets right? It could have just been someone who looked like you that day,” Morgana suggested. “Or did you really get tricked by a contract?”

“I see ALL the angles,” Louie snapped. “I just missed ONE line in the contract that day! Except that line WASN’T in the contract I signed! I’m SURE of it! I was tricked by somebody but I never found out who because it was an online interaction with what I thought was a legit company setting up the float. So yes, it WAS me on that parade but… screw you guys!”

Chopper stopped laughing and looked ahead, wearing a serious face. “If we really are all in the same boat then that means that one of us has an ulterior motive for doing this. We need to be vigilant and watch our backs. If there isn’t someone else pulling the strings and we were lied to in the note for the sake of being tricked into fighting each other then the only other answer is that the person responsible is one of us, standing right here in this room.”

“Right,” Morgana said. “We need to be vigilant. Stay close but not trust any of us. Still, how are we supposed to weed out which of us is the guilty party if we’re all equally suspicious of one another?”

“Well, I’d say–” Louie began.

“AH! Chopper, look out–!” Tails gasped and pointed behind the reindeer.

In an instant, a dart shout out towards the reindeer’s butt!

Chopper yelped and dodged to the side at the last second.

It whizzed by him and shot towards Tails.

The fox yelped and turned to run but it nailed him right in his big butt!

Tails’ eyes crossed as the pain soared through his system. Then, a shock to his body went off!

The dart was electrified and it was bursting with a ton of energy too! Tails was sent several hundred volts throughout his body!

He jittered about, suspended in mid-air as he was electrocuted. His clothes turned to ash and he began wetting his Care Bears briefs while his drooling tongue stuck out and his eyes crossed.

The other three stood by and watched this happen with awe on their faces before the volts finally ended.

Tails fell over and laid out flat on the ground.

His eyes spun, his tongue was out, and he was soaked.

The unconscious fox laid spread-eagle on the ground, demolished and humiliated.

One of them was just taken out.

Chopper, Louie, and Morgana looked between the three of them as they hovered over the jittery, wet fox boy before them.

“That… was clearly set-up…” Morgana spoke.

“But by who?” Chopper asked.

“One of us, obviously…” Louie said. “Or maybe it was set up by HIM and he fell for his own trap?” He said gesturing to the fox boy.

Tails jittered and jerked about on the floor, eyes fluttering and tongue out, drool caking the floor.

It was hard to believe looking at him but they had to consider it.

“But he warned Chopper to dodge,” Morgana said.

“It could have been to keep himself looking innocent,” Chopper said.

“I know a thing or two about that,” Louie said.

The other two stared at Louie who chuckled nervously.

Morgana stood up straight and rubbed his chin. “The Humiliation Mystery thickens…!”

Who is the culprit?

Out of the four of them, there can only be one answer!

Stay tuned to find out!

—

I have a mystery set-up for you all to experience. I wonder who the mastermind is. Is it the four of them? Is it an unseen third party? Is it all just a weird miracle? The answer to that last one is, No. Someone is behind all this. But who? That’s for next time. Until then, tell me who YOU think the culprit is. We’ll see if you’re right, next time!