Kayla the Clumsy Cultist (Patreon)

a bumbling Lovecraftian cultist who keeps trying to seduce sacrifices, gets too horny, and always fuck it up. Never successfully kills a person but BOY is she tryin’, Lord Magog, sir!

It came with this hyper, dumb energy that I got really into and wanted to stage the scenes right to explore her properly. Get her in that not bad but sure does love evil kind of tone. Also a very last minute idea to make her grim, elderly leader a frustrated, tall toothpick vampire-looking chick that’s also somehow become her besty. Would love to put more Kay together sometime!

“Oh gosh! Oh shit! I’m gonna be late!”

Kayla leapt off her couch, dropping her Switch controller. She was a woman in her early 30s with a soft but slim build on the shorter side of things. Most peoples’ gazes were drawn to her big eyes and much bigger breasts anyway. The volleyball-sized orbs (her tits, not her eyes) bobbed around like excited puppies inside her baggy t-shirt and boxer shorts. She had half-circle glasses nestled between her button nose and bright blue eyes. The shorts rode up on her bubble butt, making her pick them out from her cheeks as she hurried towards the mirror to hastily smooth down her hip-length, chestnut brown hair that curled around the tips.

She worked as an assistant librarian, but she considered that a fairly coincidental part of her life. Her real calling came when she did some soul searching and got picked up by the Cult of Magog, who filled the easily persuaded ditz with talk of their dark and slumbering master’s wishes to consume the world. She fell for it hook line and sinker, signing up and eagerly serving her newfound cult.

She was just lucky that it was all true. She had actually seen some visions of “the goat-headed kraken of lost space” and was proud to be one of his chosen heralds that would rest comfortably in he/she/it’s dome of nightmares as the rest of the world and its non-believers were consumed like Kay going at a corndog at a county fair.

But that all had to wait. For now, she had a date! She had successfully seduced another potential sacrifice with her classically charming techniques (literally tripping over herself in front of them), and all she had to do now was seal the deal. Of course, she’d never actually gotten anyone all the way to the altar (and not for a wedding), but she had her ace in the hole. Enough failed attempts and the cult had provided her with a ceremonial dagger that would suck the soul out of them when they died.

Kayla ran into her bedroom and came back in a hot pink sports bra and some panties with a peach on the crotch. She tipped her head and hips a few different ways before darting back out.

“Nope! Too slutty,” she hastily decided.

She went back into her closet and raced back to the mirror. A lacey white set of underwear and some silk stockings. She pursed her lips and turned around, shaking her booty experimentally.

“Not slutty enough,” she determined and went back for another go.

Three more goes and she settled on something tight and black. Something tasteful at a glance but with a thong back for when she wanted to get flirty.

“Perfect!” she said, smacking one of her perky ass cheeks. The one with the birthmark she thought looked kind of like Magog if he was winking and you were also squinting pretty hard at the same time, which she was pretty sure meant something.

“Alright, great devourer! You and me are both gonna be eatin’ good tonight!”

She grabbed her purse and the ritual dagger and opened her door to leave… then doubled back and shut it behind her, pressing her back against it in just her underwear.

“I forgot the rest of the outfit! I’m so late already!”

The bumbling cultist hurried to grab and throw on the first clean things she could find. She yanked on some purple leggings with tentacle patterns and a t-shirt that wasn’t that wrinkled. She tugged it over her head, adjusting it on her boobs before pausing and reading it. Wearing the one she had custom-made that read “Honk if you <3 The Dark One” on the first date was a little on the nose, even for her. She doubled back and got a tasteful but low-cut pink top, teaming up with her tight bra to turn her cleavage into the perfect bait for unsuspecting mortals.

Finally confident that she was wearing pants this time, she winked at the mirror, told her cat to wish her luck and was out the door.

---

“Hiiii~! Sorry if I’m kinda late,” she excused as soon as she spotted her date.

Vince was a broad-shouldered and fairly in-shape guy. Between his pretty handsome face and lean muscle, Kayla really could have seen him being an alright guy to go on an actual date with. Of course, she knew that Magog had to come first. Way before the wishes of mortals outside and cult, and even more than her own.

“It’s no problem. You’re worth the wait,” he said with a warm smile.

That made Kayla’s heart race and her eyelids flutter in response before she got her head back on straight. Nope! Thinking of the cult this time! She tried to make herself think more about his dick than his handsome face, sweet voice and his silky hair she just wanted to dig her fingers into…

“I like your tattoos, by the way,” Vince added.

“Hm?”

“Your tattoos. Are they hieroglyphs or something?”

Kayla’s eyes went wide. She had been so caught up in showing off her boobs that she forgot that she had opted for the ceremonial tattoos. The occult pictograms (which described Magog’s loving threat to the world) encircled the base of her breasts before snaking across her chest on either side from underneath her shirt.

“Uhhh yea. That’s what they are, alright,” she assured him.

She shrugged a shoulder, drawing her purse closer to herself. If things got that desperate she could try and sacrifice him now, but she was at least bright enough to not try and get herself arrested. She wouldn’t do the cult much good in jail.

“I just love uh… hyrothings. From… Stonehenge and stuff? Way into it.”

“You mean Egypt?” Vince asked uncertainly.

“MMMHM!” Kay mumbled, nodding and pursing her lips nervously.

She pressed a hand on her purse for assurance… but found the opposite. She groped at it a few times more, realizing how thin and light it felt. In all her efforts to make her tits and ass look good, she had forgotten the dagger! Again!

“Yeaaaa, I know we planned on getting dinner, but really… I’m starting to think I’m not that hungry. Not for food anyway,” she purred.

She leaned in closer to Vince, pressing her plump tits up against his chest. She batted her eyes and rested a hand on his shoulder, moving things along as fast as she could. Her warm cleavage pressed against the flesh of his arm to really rub it in. If she got him back to her place, she could finish him off and dump the body somewhere. Or at least call Triana about a good place to dump a body…

“Really now?” Vince asked, smiling and blushing as she charmed her way past her bumbling cover up.

“Mmhm. How about we got to my place and-?”

There was a long, steady growl of a noise. What she almost mistook for a summoned sligoth familiar she started to realize was her stomach.

“Actually I was kind of counting on eating so maybe we SHOULD…” she muttered, nodding towards the restaurant they were planning their date at.

There was no sense in sacrificing on an empty stomach.

——

Kay ate her fill, which was way more than her skinny build implied. She was lucky enough that it all seemed to go to her tits and ass as she put away a few pounds of steak and ribs. She didn’t make terribly much money at her job so she was voraciously grateful for any chance at a big meal.

Throughout their stay at Big Jake’s Discount Steaks, Kay went on dodging questions about herself and guided Vincent to fill the silence. It was surprisingly easy. Kay kept getting distracted by how interesting and sweet he was! He had fun hobbies and a mom he took care of and cute pictures of his dogs. She didn’t have the highest standards as a longtime single cultist living in a small apartment, but Vince felt like a real catch to her.

…for Magog, of course! She remembered her purpose eventually and refreshed her flirting. She leaned into the table, letting her tits squash and spread against the table. They pushed up in her low top, hinting at spilling out while making her runic tattoo ripple about. The move naturally drew Vinces

“You know my place isn’t too far from here. I even got a new bed I’d love to show…”

“Your uh… steak sauce,” Vince politely interrupted.

“Hm? Oh shit!”

Kay dropped her seduction to bolt up and hastily take a napkin to her saucier than usual tits. They were big enough that she forgot about her messy plate and had smeared the condiment beneath them.

“Oh Mog it… I’m super sorry,” she rambled, half to cover up her obscure curse.

“It’s fine! Not your fault,” Vince assured her as he handed her his napkin.

“It’s your color anyway. You look good with that shade of red.”

His mood lightener of a joke struck deeper than he might have thought. Kayla blushed. With the robes made to cover bloodstains, the sacred garb of the cult was in the same shade. He really did seem to get her…

Kay smiled and reached out, squeezing his hand with a shy smile.

“Thanks. That means a lot. How about we finish up here and you can help clean me up?”

Vince quickly paid and followed Kay back to her apartment. She quickly showed him around and introduced him to her black cat Bastion before taking them to her room. There, the curvy cultist confirmed she had her dagger left between her makeup and emergency stash of candy. She nodded certainly to herself before she started peeling off her sticky top. Her shirt pulled up then dropped down her heavy tits. Her sports bra bobbed and struggled to contain them as they stuck out far enough for Vince to see them swaying around while he was standing behind her. She smiled and winked over her shoulder at him.

“Mind helping me with that? I think I got some of that mess on my bra too…”

Vince stepped in like the gentleman he was, helping her strip down to the waist. She turned around while keeping her smiling eyes on him, making her swaying boobs follow and smack lightly against his chest.

“You’re so sweet,” she said with a bog, genuine smile.

“Wanna wait with me in the shower while I get cleaned up?”

For a secret cultist, Kay was never one for subtlety. Her inexperienced and open flirting did wonders for expediting her dates. She had barely gotten Vince home before she was topless, and about as long again before she had him in the shower with her. Kay’s hands were planted against the wall beneath the showerhead as Vincent fondled her tits and pumped her pussy from behind. The brunette’s wet curls swayed around her face. Her eyes fluttered in distracted ecstasy as the warm water trailed down her legs and nipples. It made the clap of his hips against her ass ring out louder and echo off the walls of her shower.

“YES! YES! FFFFFUCK YES! You’re so gooood~!” the horny cultist rambled.

She locked her arms in place as Vince kept pounding her from behind. Kay’s head spun as she heard every wet thrust inside her and felt it three times as strongly. Her thick and excitable clit quickly hijacked her brain, flooding it with strong sensations of lust. Vince only had to run his wet hands under her flopping tits for them to rub against him and she humped like a bitch in heat, greedily swallowing his cock into her slit.

“OMG! Yes! FuuuUUUAAHHH~!”

Kay shook violently and squirted harder than the shower itself. Her hot, sticky juices coated his cock and lap as she slammed her hips back against him. Vince was backed against the opposite wall by her enthusiastic thrusts, bouncing and grinding her wet cheeks on his lower body before slowing down.

“Wow… that was fast. You’re into this position aren’t you?” he asked breathlessly.

“Oh I love ‘em all!” Kay blurted.

Shewas breathing heavily but had started bobbing her butt up and down again. She let out a long groan as she let herself get distrac once again. She was easy to get going, and once she did, she wasn’t one to stop until she was done.

“Wanna try out some more?” she offered, showing she was far from done if he could give her more.

And so they took it to the bathroom itself. She barely started to towel off before hopping onto her counter. Her legs spread wide, almost a complete split. She had washed out some of her cum but she was plenty sloppy with her intensely excited wetness. Vince took her insatiably open invitation to plow right back into her, pounding her pussy as deeply and firmly as he could. Her legs wrapped around his waist to draw him in and keep him there. She let out a shrill trilling tune as his cock pressed in and held snugly against her large and hypersensitive clit. Her hips bounced in place like a jackrabbit on a massage chair, grinding like wild against his cock. It milked him perfectly as he shot his load into her, caking her insides with an intense burst of cum.

“Ohhh fuck yes…” Vincent groaned, squeezing and pulling on Kay’s ass to stick deep inside her.

He drew out for a moment before her legs locked back around him. Kay just shook her head with a denying little “mm-mm!” noise before latching onto him with a deep kiss. She huffed a few heavy breaths as she rolled her hips and tongue against him. With eyes shut tight she shuddered again, squirting just as intensely and heavily as she had the first time. She gurgled a mix of eldritch curses and cumdrunk nonsense against his lips as she slumped over, dragging her wet and already sweaty boobs down his chest.

“God, you’re amazing,” Vince sighed as his cock finally started to give.

“God’s got nothing to do with me,” she giggled with a listless wink.

Vince’s shaft softened and retracted enough to slip out of Kay’s ussy, but the horny cultist cupped and caressed it lightly between her fingers.

“Aww, you’re not done yet, right? Need me to kiss it better?”

Kay had been on a dry spell for a bit. Dateless for most of a month, she was clearly intent on getting fucked silly at any cost. She came quickly and easily, but she was a marathon runner when it came to… well, cumming.

She was lost in a frenzy of lust, turning her night into a dervish of non-stop sex. She brought Vince to the couch where she sucked and nursed his cock back to life, charming it up again with her long tongue and juicy lips. She squatted in front of him the whole while, masturbating when she was too wound up to wait for him. She gushed twice during that before drawing him into the bedroom like she had planned all along. She rode his dick into another orgasm, letting him grope her bouncing tattooed tits until she took over for him when he went to control her hips. She pinched her own perky nipples, twisting and moaning until she was squirting again from the bottomless fountain of cum that she called her pussy. She quickly swept into a 69 position, gobbling down his dick while spreading herself out for him to feast upon. She treated him to two more strong squirts before she chugged down the last mouthful of his cum. Sensing he was drained and humping less eagerly, she just sat up and pinned his face beneath her slightly bushy pussy.

“Ooooohh, by the endless eyes~!” she cooed at last.

She had gushed three more times onto his face before she lurched off of him. Mostly because she couldn’t feel her legs let alone clench them around him, and she hadn’t felt him breathing in a few seconds. His huge gasp for air put her mind at ease as she crumbled next to him like a used up humanoid towel. She was so outlandishly wet that her thighs squeaked when they rubbed together.

“You are so… so way super sweet. I’m so fuck… fuck happy right now,” she rambled.

Her few last brain cells bumped together to form her almost sentence before she rolled over. She planted a sloppy, limp kiss on Vince’s lips before instantly passing out on him.

“Luv yoo,” she gurgled out before starting to drool and snore loudly on his chest.

---

“In his defense!” Kay emphasized in her retelling.

“He was a really nice guy. He stayed the whole night and made breakfast.”

“Not… really what I’m interested in, Twenty-Nine,” the tall, pale and wiry thin woman groaned from behind her desk.

They were in the meeting chamber of Seer Mila where Kay delivered her latest progress report. It was in the headquarters of the Cult of Magog; a simple office building in the city posing as an insurance vendor that ran bizarre hours. They kept some level of anonymity, especially with the lower ranks. It made them feel like they had something to prove and the higher ups like they were more disposable. The lesser ranks always wore hoods to conceal themselves, not that it helped Kayla much. Her hooded cloak didn’t do much to conceal her identity when there was a pair of telling bulges around her chest.

“You can call me Kay, Mimi!” Kayla chirped.

“I literally… literally can’t when we’re in a consultation.  Elder Mike needs us to use your limb number,” the exasperated woman sighed, rubbing where her long, stringy black hair covered her temples. Mila was high enough in the cult where she only had to wear an eye mask instead of a hood, and she wondered sometimes if it was worth it to have to oversee Kay as her underling.

“Oh. Okay, so I text Vince later that day, talking about how good a time we had~! And when he wanted to meet up again, since he’s totally cute and sweet. I might’ve come on too strong, cuz he hasn’t responded in like a week.”

“And what happened to the sacrifice part?” Mila grumbled.

“Oh! Yea. That part. I uh… well I seduced him. Got that part covered.”

“Mm,” Mila noted dryly.

“And then y’know… one thing led to another, I kinda forgot…”

“You passed out from fucking him shitless and completely forgot about the dagger and the sacrifice,” Mila summed up.

Kay nodded with tensely pursed lips. Mila sighed deeply and palmed her eyemasked face.

“This is what I’m talking about, Kay. You’re a real catch and we love your enthusiasm, so we’re not gonna sacrifice you or anything. Not as long as I keep telling them you’re like Magog’s biggest cheerleader. But you haven’t secured a single sacrifice this WHOLE time. It’s always ‘he was cute’ or ‘he had a puppy’ or ‘she had big suckable titties…”

“Ooooh yea. Katlyn…” Kay recalled.

Mila shook her head. Kay should have been perfect sacrifice-bait if she wasn’t an absolutely forgetful clutz. The cult didn’t have a ton of members, as an obscure doomsday cult and all, so they couldn’t be real picky with their members anyway.

“But I’ll do better nex time! Promise!”

“You always do,” Mila sighed, slumping back into her seat.

“Do I need to give back the dagger…?”

“No, keep it. They’re easy enough to curse. Just uh…”

Mila waved a hand, unsure how to punish her at this point in a way that hadn’t been done. Usually in a way she liked anyway.

“Spend an hour in the chamber of infinite tentacles~?” Kay suggested meekly.

“Yea. Sure. Go for it. Pretend that’s your punishment.”

Kay squealed with glee as Mila traced her finger through the air, muttering impossible syllables with her newly forked tongue. A beam of light shone up from the ground, forming a narrow gateway into a deep, red abyss loaded with writhing tentacles.

“Just leave your robes so they don’t get messy again.”

“I will~! Thanks for having my back, Mimi,” Kayla beamed at her dark overseer.

“And at least don’t call me that on the job,” she groaned.

She was unsurprised when Kay stripped out of her robe and she was wearing nothing underneath. She waved at Mila as she set a foot into the slimy void.

“And we’re still on for drinks this Friday?” she pried with a hopeful smile.

Mila shook her head wearily. How Kay had stumbled into the same changing booth as her, figured out her identity and charmed her enough to become her off-duty drinking buddy was beyond her, but Magog did mysterious, often entirely random things sometimes.

“Yea… yea I should be good.”

“Goody! Thanks for th-HUKKK!”

Kay gagged as a long, pink tentacle shot into her pussy and somehow came out her nose. She shivered with surprised arousal as the limb dragged her in to be tossed around and fucked for a while in what she had described as “like a horny ball pit.” Mila sighed and set her robes aside for her before going back to her deskwork. There was a surprising amount of it to be done within the cult, and at least it was better than her original office job.

There was just something about Kay that pushed her buttons. In all the right and wrong ways. She was probably the happiest person in the entire cult, unlike the zealous and grim followers. Elder Mike was chock full of corruption and couldn’t always operate in public depending how his mutations were for the day. Which made it especially weird that Kay was still around… that she hadn’t been tricked, corrupted, killed, driven mad, or any of the other doomed fates that awaited the disposable minions beneath Mila’s concern. She had such a strange tolerance for the dark magics and rituals they put her through. Just holding the dagger had melted a guy once. It was almost like Kay was connected to Magog in some deeper…

Mila shook her head sharply. No sense considering that Kay was anything more than a very useful and very horny girl… and an okay friend sometimes.