My 2 month bed project (Patreon)

Was about to title this post "Beds and Performance Anxiety" which is indeed a great title, but might have given you the wrong idea.

I juuuuuust glued in the last piece of this madhouse of a bed I've built. I love it SO MUCH. Doesn't matter that it's only 5pm here in LA, I want to go to bed NOW.

Out of focus sneak peek.

I've been working on a video about building and designing this bed, and earlier today we started filming the final assembly. We hit record, and as I carried the first railing into frame, I slammed it into a wall and broke it.

Not my proudest moment. Only redeeming quality was that we got it on camera, and that we live in a world where wood glue exists.

This project was one of the main reasons I wanted to get into CNCing. I had an idea about lasercutting pieces of felt and gluing them into pockets of plywood to create a leaf pattern. And then do it a thousand times over to make a bed that looks like a tree canopy.

I made the first prototype in December 14th, so it's taken me almost two months to finish.

First prototype with and without felt.

It'll be a couple of weeks before the video is out because we have a lot of footage to go through. It feels like it's taking me longer and longer to do stuff, not because I'm slower than normal, just that time is somehow moving faster.

For as long as I can remember my self esteem has been very tied to performance. That's not a terribly unique thing, but it used to be way out of control for me. I'd be absolutely devastated if I got a bad grade. I remember storming out of my highschool when I was 15 because I got a B on a math test, kicking a trashcan on my way out. Thinking back, it feels equal parts sad and cringy.

On the day of my middle school graduation, wearing my mom's shirt

Two things helped me get out of this mindset: moving to China and getting a brain tumor. I can only recommend one of them. As many of you know, I lived in China for a year when I was 16, and when I came home my performance anxiety had gone down a lot. I remember getting my first C ever on a test and shrugging it off thinking "whatever, I can speak Chinese."

But my performance anxiety still lurks under the surface, and quarantine has definitely not helped. I try to avoid comparing myself to other people, but if I see someone who's really productive and who puts out a lot of creative content it can make me feel like absolute shit.

Side note: isn't it weird that "feeling like shit" is a bad thing but "feeling like the shit" is great?Project idea: neon lights where "the" keeps flickering on and off.

Long and lamenting story short: IT'S OK TO SPEND TWO MONTHS MAKING A BED AND FILM A VIDEO THAT NOT VERY MANY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FIND INTERESTING. Just a very specific piece of advice that I thought you might find useful. Also watch out for walls if you're carrying a project that you've just finished.

XOXO
Simone