Can I send you something random? (Patreon)

You guessed it: I've bought a house. I'm moving to LA! 

I feel so grown up I might as well be headed to my teenage son's graduation. I have a mortgage! And a house foundation that needs to be serviced! It's like skipping down a whole new field of untapped anxiety. I'm so excited.

From the first time I visited the house

The amazing thing about this place is that it has a huge workshop in the backyard. So I will once again be living and working in the same place, which feels like the ideal setup considering 1. LA traffic 2. quarantine 3. there's no way I'd be able to afford a mortgage and renting a workspace.

Part of my new 1000 ft2 (roughly 92 m2) workshop.

I was supposed to get the keys this Monday, so I started driving down to LA yesterday. Halfway there, I get a call from my realtor saying that we're running at least four days behind schedule. As I hang up, Scraps starts vomiting in the car. Five minutes later, she gets a fit of diarrhea and shits all over her paws and her leash. 

There are times I wish I didn't drive a car that yells "LOOK AT ME." Pulling in to the Kettleman City supercharger, reeking of poop, vomit and disappointment was definitely one of those moments.

So we charged up, and drove back to San Francisco. After nine hours on the road I came home to a house, workshop and a life all packed up in boxes.

Scraps is feeling better today and has managed to keep her breakfast down. And in case we have to go to the vet I have a catalogue of photos of both her poop and vomit saved on my phone.

Ok so we've finally arrived to the headline of this post: can I send you something random? No, not photos of Scraps' poop (I'll be saving that for my future OnlyFans account), but things from the workshop. 

As I sorted through my storage, I made a box of random things that I think you might enjoy. I probably won't be able to get to everyone, but we have at least 70 trinkets that need a new home. 

So if you want me to send you a tiny gift, just leave a comment on this post! 

And if you don't want me to send you a tiny gift, you can also leave a comment on this post, but make sure it contains some form of "STAY AWAY FROM MY MAILBOX SIMONE I DO NOT TRUST YOU but let me know when you open that OnlyFans account with photos of Scraps' vomit ok byyeeee"

XOXO
- Simone

PS. I sent a draft of this post to my mom before publishing because I like getting her feedback on things.

Mom: Really loved that OnlyFans joke about photos of Scraps' vomit!
Me: You know what OnlyFans is?
Mom: Yeah it's that place where celebrities sell nudes 

❤️mom❤️