February Month In Review (Patreon)

Hello,

I'd like to try (TRY) to get into the habit of doing monthly reviews in terms of what path I'm on artistically. What I'm working on, where I'm going, how I could be doing better, etc etc. I'd like to make it semi-public, too, because I know some people are interested in what form this path takes, and ultimately you supporting through patreon provides me the financial stability to take artistic risks (which leads to better art)—so you deserve to know where I'm at, and if you feel as though your support is justified.

For me, February was about getting back into the swing of things. I still suffer from massive Resistance in terms of getting things out—it's hard for me to release a creation into the world and the temptation is always to keep fine-tuning something indefinitely (yes, I know that it doesn't show). Committing to a MWF release schedule has been good for forcing me to press the publish button on a lot of things I would have normally been tempted to keep in the drafts.

This is hard for me to come to terms with (I still haven't really, completely) but the truth is I'm just not good at working on and finishing large projects. At this point, I have too much unfinished long-form artistic work including but not even remotely limited to:

-A documentary-style video on parasocial relationships (featuring interview with people who have a parasocial relationship with me, and people that I have a parasocial relationship with)

-An album about love (the very specific kind of cold cynical love that exists in the modern day juxtaposed with brief yet powerful moments of sincerity)

-A long-form artistic interpretation mental illness that afflicts one of my "loved-ones" (it's schizophrenia)

-A live debate wrestling tournament (this one's gotta happen I mean c'mon)

-A Top 1000 list I've been working on since early 2019

I want to get these done so bad, but as I keep living more and more projects pop into my mind that take precedent, either in terms of raw urgency or inspiration. This is also what stops me from starting another webseries—I would like to, but I really should hire help beforehand to ensure that it is good quality, consistently released, and most importantly, CONCLUDES SATISFYINGLY.

(On the note of webseries and self-contained stories spread out over multiple videos—obviously this is one of my favourite things to do, but it doesn't work algorithmically. Videos that work in isolation seem to do the best. That doesn't mean I shouldn't keep trying, but it may mean that I need to change my approach.)

One thing I am considering is spending all of my patreon income every month on hiring people to help me produce things (editing, scheduling, directing). Then I could tell you guys about how I spent the money and how it improved the quality and quantity of the art that I produced. This is massively outside my comfort zone though, as I'm sure you know that doing things like this can outsource the specific creative vision I'm trying to push—I would hate to produce work that doesn't feel authentic to me. It's also hard to find people that I trust, get along with, etc. to fill these roles. Still, I know that it's just something I need to get over.

I've also been self-conscious about not offering enough on this patreon for a while. I have been planning an overhaul with better rewards, but at the same time I do like the nature of just giving whatever you want to (this is probably another thing I need to get over)

Overall, I stuck to the MWF schedule for February well enough. Next month, I want to be able to continue sticking to this schedule while also building up momentum on longer-term projects (debate wrestling debate wrestling debate wrestling).

I think I've been a little blocked in terms of articulating what I'm doing and where I'm going artistically, probably mostly out of a fear of it being used against me in some way (the internet is not an empathetic place) but I post it not because I don't think that it will happen, but because I think the value (to myself & others) outweighs this fear.

Some of you guys are new patrons, some of you are older—either way, I do really appreciate the support and hope I can continue to make interesting, thought-provoking, compelling work for you all.