The Ultimate Self - Dirk Strider's Requiem (Patreon)

Heart.

The Soul. The essence of the Self, of what makes you, you. Many find comfort in a strong sense of identity, knowing themselves, learning more about who they are and what they are capable of...

But how does one cope seeing other versions of yourself commit atrocious acts?

What does it do to your identity, knowing the potential to become a manipulative mastermind exists?

This, is the struggle of a man, with himself.

Let's talk about Dirk Strider, and the Ultimate Self.

The Elephant in the Room

This little essay, about Dirk and the Ultimate Self, stems from the questions and answers raised in the wake of the Epilogues. So expect heavy and quite immediate spoilers after this paragraph.

We chill? Alright.

If you've heard anything about the Epilogues, or read it yourself, then you definitely know why this conversation has to take place. Rose's sickness, being tied to her mind's partitions starting to fade away, her reaching 'enlightenment' and becoming more attuned to her Ultimate Self. Dirk's actions, driven by this same expansion of his mind's boundaries. In the wake of these interpretations of the characters, and how the story develops, many concerns and worries have been raised. And I am here to showcase how I think the Ultimate Self works, and what this means for the various characters in tune with theirs, especially Dirk Strider.

So let's start with the most important Question, shall we?

What IS the Ultimate Self?

The first time we're informed, directly, about the concept of a Ultimate Self, is through the Sprites Squared, Davepeta and Jasprose. Namely the former, which brings to attention the fact that, after being Squared, not only do they have memories of both Dave and Nepeta- They're actually an amalgam of memories of multiple, if not every single iteration of these characters. They also mention how this merger of memories would be too much for a normal body to handle, but Sprites, as game constructs, are designed to handle this.

This is our first hint towards what the Ultimate Self is- A combination of a Character has been and could have potentially been. The different iterations from every single Timeline, merged into one. However, this depiction isn't exactly accurate.

Dave and Nepeta's selves compliment each other, and not only make them the happiest both characters have ever been- They give Davepeta a purpose, to defeat Lord English. Similarly, while Jasprose is sad that she has been shoved to a secondary role, and that her Kanaya is gone, she over-compensates with her cat-like mannerisms and her obsessive pursuit of affection, with no filter to speak of. They both appear happy, for sure.

But Rose struggles with her Ultimate Self in the Epilogues. She doesn't want the partitions of her mind to fade away. She's afraid of losing herself. And Dirk... Well. Dirk just seems completely gone, doesn't he? The concern and care for his friends is gone, and all that he seems to have is a manipulative attitude, not just towards those around him, but towards the very medium he inhabits. And once Rose gives in to her Ultimate Self, coerced by Dirk, she seems to fall into what seems like a nihilistic streak, leaving everything behind and following him.

There's no doubt this is heavily toxic for their characters. It's regression, it's painful to watch.

But there's yet another moment of someone getting in tune with their Ultimate Self, that some perhaps don't piece together.

Terezi, lost, unable to find the will to fight, doubting herself, uses her powers to see into other Timelines. To reach for what she's missing, to try and complete herself. It may not be as dramatic as a full Ultimate Self merger, but in this moment, Terezi is, not unlike Rose, shattering the partitions of her mind to get a glimpse at what she is. At who she is.

Who they are. Other timelines. Jasprose's Rose had just lost everything, and not only attained memories of other Roses, she lost her filter and started to express herself a bit too openly. Dave and Nepeta both have some heavy awkwardness and issues, with themselves, with romance, that get pushed aside once they're able to learn about more successful versions of themselves. Terezi, trying to complete her empty self, vicariously learning about the Game Over iteration that ended up with Vriska.

A combination of everything they are, have been, and could have been. The Ultimate Self is not someone who's attained this state- It's the state itself. It's not an entity, but the meta-narrative concept of their character. To Terezi, on the Retcon Timeline, learning about Game Over Terezi serves as a boost to get her through the fight, but leads her to chase her Vriska for months afterwards. She learns about the happy end of her arc, with Vriska, and becomes obsessed with it. Ultimate Selves aren't people, they're the core of a character.

But what does this mean for the characters that do achieve a closer communion with their Ultimate Self? And why does it seem so good in some cases, and so toxic in others?

Progression and Regression

Davesprite has always had issues with being the 'other Dave'. Feeling like he's not as relevant or useful, that his friends are better off with the 'real Dave'. Nepeta, on the other hand, has never had the courage to push for her desires, romantic or otherwise. And when their selves merge into Davesprite, we see them become happier. Acquiring more knowledge and memories of various Daves, easing Davesprite's worries. Seeing Nepeta be in a happy relationship, even if it's in the Dream Bubbles, just like Terezi, easing the Nepeta side.

But contrast it with Rose. Who's always had concerns about her role in the world. Predestination, doing the right or the wrong thing, being unable to stick with what's important, finding what is important to her in the first place. And so, when she starts to feel her Ultimate Self creeping in, she worries, she worries that all she is will be replaced, that she will lose all that makes her an individual, as she reaches for what seems 'intended' or 'relevant'.

In both cases, it all stems from the new information the characters gain about themselves and the world they inhabit, through their shared memories with other versions of themselves. They access the concept of who they are in the story. And so, of course, some characters take this memory merger with gusto, taking solace in seeing themselves be happy, giving them the courage to continue. While others, instead, fear this loss of their self, amidst the hundreds of thousands different iterations of who they are.

The Ultimate Self erases personal development. In every Timeline, characters undergo different experiences, that shape them differently, and make them go down different routes. But if there's no distinction between Timelines, and you truly experience everything you could have done, suddenly you lose what made this development special in the first place. You become the archetype of your character, for better or worse. For Davesprite, who spent years feeling irrelevant and expendable, suddenly feeling the rush of Heroism and relevancy made everything better. For Rose, who struggles with her identity and relevancy, and who finds solace in her personal relationship with Kanaya, losing this development is devastatingly horrifying.

And then there's Dirk

Dirk Strider, whose entire Arc revolves around his struggle with his splinters. Versions of himself that speak for him, diverging iterations that deviate from his intention, and his entrenched sense of self.

The Ultimate Self for someone like Dirk is not reassuring. It's his worst nightmare. His entire life, he's built himself on the image of being reliable to his friends, while he struggles with the potential of becoming a manipulative asshole. And now, all of sudden, the distinction between who Dirk Strider starts fading away, and all the progress he's made falters.

Specially someone like him, whose splinters also form part of his Ultimate Self? The unfeeling robot that tugged the strings of their Session like a puppet master behind the scenes, and that eventually became a part of Lord English and Doc Scratch. The uncaring guardian that put Dave through hell and back for 13 years of his life and scarred him for life. 'Dirk' is a man who struggles with himself precisely because of this manipulative potential of his, and attempts to do the best for his friends. But once that's gone, and you only have the Archetype, with AR and everything tying him to Lord English, the Negative overpowers his development.

What's left is a Machiavellian Manipulator. In the Epilogues, as Dirk takes over the narrative, he's even compared to Caliborn by Calliope herself. To make things worse, getting to see the bigger picture, Dirk has realized the Medium he's in. To top the already awful state he must have been left in, mentally, you add the fact he's become aware of the narrative he's trapped in. If it stops, if it doesn't continue, then nothing will happen, ever again, and they will all fade into obscurity and cease to be. So he takes the reins of the narrative. Calls the reader out. Raises hell. And then leaves, to try and do something, to either perpetuate their existence, or to tear it away from the framework they're trapped within.

He vilifies himself, openly, and knows what he's doing is wrong. But he's realized everyone he's ever known is a Chess Piece in a board, Cogs in a Machine. And thinking himself to have ascended past this, what's left behind is hollow carcasses devoid of any meaning. They're bound to narrative rules, but he's not.

In this sense? Dirk almost becomes a tragic figure. He's lost himself, he's lost all progress he made with his friends, all sense of his identity, and become intertwined with iterations of himself that did horrible things. He's become unable to give a shit about those surrounding him, realizing their own fictional nature. And in an attempt to keep a semblance of legitimacy and a stable existence?  He's gone off the rails, twisting the lives of those he used to care about, and becoming the Ultimate Villain they must face eventually. Ironically enough, in becoming more like the 'concept' of what 'Dirk' embodies in the story, through his various iterations, he's also become completely unrecognizable for us.

Does this excuse the shit he's putting everyone through? No. No it doesn't. But, that doesn't mean it's the end of the line for him. Even in this narratively ascended state, Dirk messes up. He's unable to control some things, he's surprised by others. The Ultimate Self is a reduction of personal development- But, it's also not a person. It's a concept of a character. A perfect blend of everything they have been. And when you personify this mix of alternate versions? Suddenly you're losing what makes the Ultimate Self what it is. You're giving it individuality. The ability to develop. The ability to be, and grow. And if he's able to liberate himself from the influences tainting his self, and see his wrongs, I do believe Dirk could step down from his role as Villain.

After all, if there's anyone capable of shredding away the dark side at his core, it would be the Destroyer of Souls, wouldn't it?

The Ultimate Self raises a lot of interesting versions. It is not inherently good, or evil. It's not inherently toxic or benign. How would you react, to a glimpse into what you have ever been and could have become? What would you be, if you suddenly lost all individuality, and became every iteration of yourself at once?

They're philosophical queries that don't have easy answers. It's good for some. It's painful for others. It leads some to acts of Heroism, but sinks others into Villainy. But what they mean for us, what they showcase, is a battle of Nature vs Nurture.

It shows us that through our experiences, and trying to better ourselves, we can overcome any apparent evil potential or influence people could have. How bad circumstances can twist people that seemed good into doing something harmful. It shows us that giving in to toxic tendencies hurts those around us. Dirk has gone off the rails. Rose left her life behind. But we, as Humans, can't lose our sense of self like they did. They show us the horror of stopping to care about what used to be important to us.

So make the best of your life, and be kind, because the only Timeline that matters is this, and how you use your potential is up to you.