『妬ましいです』update 001 (Pixiv Fanbox)

my working hours now really not stable desu.

right now about 1-2 hours per day desu.

I need to make the time for bed for rest for workout desu.

I do not want to force myself to work in exchange for the health problems desu.

but there are some problems that I can not let them go desu.

I need to solve them right there right now desu.

it ruins my schedule desu.

yesterday that CV maker takes 20$ just because I think I already unsubscribed desu.

I am still not sure If they are going to take the money again after 4 months desu.

this is just a little part of daily problems desu.

a lot of things, still new to me desu.

and I do not want my page to become like a scammer page desu.

If anyone pays by mistake on this Maxi Fanbox please feel free to PM me ne.

I just realize what it likes to be scam desu.

good thing that Fanbox can unsubscribe so easily and not suddenly force you auto to subscribe for the next four-month desu.

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but it is also my fault to be scammed by this CVmaker page desu.

it's just too many problems, and I want to depend on them desu.

in order to buy some time for me to work on something instead of spending time studying about proper ways to make a resume desu.

I already realize that the world is full of the dirty trick for people who need the power desu.

but personally, this is so pathetic desu.

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and more of some stupid problems desu.

today one of the people I know make a little success on something desu.

when I see him too happy about it, somehow it makes me frustrated desu.

maybe because I do not understand his success,

maybe because I think that he just succeeded in creating himself the cage,

what I see from his success is just the road to the dead-end desu.

I hate myself for not being able to show him some congratulations desu.

because I am not good with the poker face desu.

and I am almost in a panic and shaking because

I feel like he tries to show it to me desu.

maybe he is not sensitive that why he accidentally hurt my feeling by showing it off to me desu.

I also hate myself for not being honest and telling him that

[your success is just the simple dead-end you@!#)*(# desu]

I just simply show him my easy to predict action desu.

and look like he is satisfied with it desu.

is this called jealousy ? maybe it did desu.

jealousy or some kind of negative motivation is already part of me desu.

this person just happens to be part of people in my crew desu.

he did not really use much brain desu. he hurt my feeling a lot desu.

I think,

tomorrow,

I going to make him pay for all that he do to me until now desu.

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just want to complain desu.

somehow I feel a lot better desu.

maybe I going to let him go after all desu.