I dunno :( (Patreon)

does anyone get the feeling life can be real tough sometimes, I work and work and work yet I have nothing to show for it. I try so hard to be grateful for what I have but look at what I don't have as a negative to living. I am so confused to what I am doing wrong in life to see that I am constantly a problem for everyone. I am at a point where I don't know what to do, I want to draw but I have had no drive this week or last week or the week before to draw properly, I have no idea why, its just my brain in confrontation, its the constant worry I am not able to get a commission done on time, its a worry I am unable to message people back quickly or the fact that I let people down on a daily bases and it frustrates me that I can't get one single thing done when I am in this kind of mood. I have been sitting at my computer desk unable to have an imagination because all I am constantly worrying about is my life on the sideline of art, the fact that my tax bill this month was so big I had to get a loan out to pay it, because I been ill twice in 3 months and I am unable to sleep properly knowing I got to get our lives sorted out before we are kicked out our flat in 2 months, the fact that I have no idea what the future holds yet I am meant to know everything or do everything and I just can't. I am human I have a huge weight on my shoulders, I am constantly in stress mode over the last couple of weeks and covid isn't helping, what can I do now? I got no money, no place to live in 2 months and I am suddenly meant to magic up a house to live in or crawl back to family at aged 25, we can't do that, be a burden on people, we want to make as little footprint as we can. I want to know what to do but I am in denial every day on what is possible. I feel like I can't talk to people without someone interrupting with been there done that and know all the answers, I hate being told no but over the last two weeks no has been the predominant word in our household. I have no work, artwork has been my only source of income but I am barely making enough this month, we are in debt so badly with credit cards, loans and we just can't go anywhere, stuck like a rat in a trap, a mouse on a wheel spinning around unable to stop. I want art as a career but on my terms, knowing I can work on a bit daily and still be able to do other stuff rather than spending 24/7 drawing to keep people happy and pay the bills, I work on bare minimum wage but one time when I raise prices its too much and I am screwed because I got no work. Its like farming, you plant your seed and wait for it to grow but the harsh weather, floods and blistering sun all year round, you have no idea if your crops are going to survive, your lively hood your food, your structure. So many things could go wrong making a domino effect which ends up you owing so much hoping that next year you can make the money to pay it all back. Its why patreon is so much to us, Patreon is our field, we plant little seeds posting new content for people to see, each patron is a blossom flower in the field keeping everything happy but when you know you can't deliver whats expected of me and the flowers disappear I get so upset for some reason but I have to face it thats life. This isn't a rant this is more of an understanding for you all, what you need to understand is I have a lot of people on my shoulders, I owe so much and I only ask that you just be understanding of what I am going through and support because we are all human, we all have each other and thats enough!

I want you all to know I am getting back into drawing as soon as I can but I don't want you furs to assume I had left or something