You Are Not Alone (Blog Post) (Patreon)

People often make assumptions about me, whether it be that because I'm pretty, life is easy for me, that I've never been bullied, or that I'm full of confidence and never have insecurities. But all of that is so very wrong.

When I was growing up, I was never seen as a pretty girl, or a popular kid. I was very far from popularity. As early as Kindergarten, I was picked on relentlessly, and quickly became the class weirdo. All through elementary and middle school, I was picked on for my hand-me-down clothes, my frizzy hair, or how small and underweight I was. I struggled to make friends, and often stayed within a group of 3 girls that always made me feel inferior to them, and did petty things like cut my hair while I was sleeping at a slumber party, or purposely gave me lice when they knew they had it. They always spread rumors about me, and I stuck around because I had nobody else.

In middle school, I was teased for my lips. (As an adult, people love my lips- but growing up, I was told I looked like a clown with big lips.) I also acquired my very own personal bully. I never knew anything more about her than her name, yet she used to kick me in the school yard and push me down. She poured lip gloss all over my assigned seat and laughed when I unsuspected sat in it and ruined a brand new outfit my mom had gotten me for "Back to School" season. She poured an industrial sized bottle of white out into my hair, and the teacher didn't do anything but dismiss me to the nurse. A group of boys in my spanish class drew swastikas on my lunch box. Another boy pulled a knife on me at school, and when I told my mom, she told the vice principal (thinking it was an anonymous message.) The vice principal pulled me out of class in front of everyone, and for the last month of my Middle School years, lots of kids called me a rat or snitch, for telling my mom about being threatened.

Well into high school, I struggled with being underweight, even though I had a healthy diet and active lifestyle. This brought on plenty of petty comments from other girls who could clearly see I hadn't "bloomed" yet, and acquired many mean nicknames. I was teased for my height, my physical stature, my hair type, my lips, and my energetic personality. I found myself in and out of terrible relationships, one being physically abusive.

I started to dabble in photography in the many courses offered by my highschool. I completed 6 different photography courses and 2 digital photography / editing courses by the end of high school.

When I had graduated, I had a ton of crappy jobs. McDonalds, retail, and restaurant work. But I would have never imagined that between my late years in high school and now, that over 670,000 people would care about my arts, photography and crafts to the point where I can support myself with it. I can't tell you how many nights I spent wondering if anyone really cared about me.

Even now, as a semi-successful adult; for the last 4 years, I've dealt with threats from crazy people online. I get countless angry messages from people who feel entitled to a response when they message me on my social medias. I've had multiple hate pages made about me. I've had stalker issues (both male and female). I've had issues with vandalism of my personal property. I've had multiple, false rumors spread about me by other girls in the cosplay community, and those same girls do their damn best to try and keep me excluded from group outings / events with mutual friends, and keep local photographers from working with me.

I currently still struggle with depression, anxiety, family issues, and occasionally self image issues. If you deal with any of this kind of garbage in your life, please remember that you are not alone. And that even people who appear to be happy and thriving online, may also be struggling with their own problems. Be kind to those around you, and sever those from your life who are not kind to you. Hang in there.