Loving Couple Corrupted by Riches plus some thoughts on writing (Patreon)

A loving couple find themselves, and their relationship, changing as they become more affluent.

A patron was kind enough to commission this image based on a suggestion submitted by a different patron back in March. It was fun to revisit the "money corrupts" trope from Spoiled.

I've analyzed my approach to drawing a bunch of times. Today, let's talk about writing!

I'm a huge fan of brevity and concision. I'll often avoid text entirely, letting the visuals carry the story on their own (my paycomic Study Break is entirely wordless). 

Of course, text can add a lot to a sequence, particularly to gradual transformations taking place over a long period of time, like the one above. Figures standing against a plain background can only convey so much through body language alone. Dialogue offers context. It can reveal both the character's inner world, as well as their environment, their changing relationship to it and to the people around them. Text also makes a sequence "feel" longer, since it takes longer to read. 

That last bit cuts both ways: words demand more effort from readers than images. Whenever I add text to a drawing, I ask myself: "Could I convey this visually? Am I offering new information? Am I adding to the image, or just repeating what's already there?" Repetition can be useful, but too much filler and the reader will start skimming, jumping from image to image. They might miss important details. In turn, that can lead to them getting lost, confused, and even disconnecting from the narrative.

I also find value in mystery and leaving things to the imagination. I might overdo it sometimes,  but I prefer to err on the side of brevity.

With all that in mind, here's my first script:

1. The loving couple holding hands, wide-eyed. "Honey, this place is huge!" "Only the best for you, bunny."

2. First signs of friction and change. "You're working late, again?" "I'll get you that purse you wanted, OK?"

3. Each has become self-involved. "Ugh, stop staring at that slut." "You're just jealous 'cause she's hotter."

The basic idea is there, albeit in weaker form. As I worked on the pencil sketch, I tweaked the dialogue to make it spicier. "Don't sprain your neck" became "stop staring." "This place" became "our house." "I'll get you that purse you wanted" became "buy yourself something nice" and "you're just jealous 'cause she's hotter" became "you're just mad nobody cares you flopped your tits out."

At first, I kept their speaking order constant: she talks first, then he responds. This maintained their relative positions --in western comics, you generally want the person speaking first on the left.  However, the guy came across way meaner than the gal. It also felt like she was passively following, whereas I wanted both to be active participants in their transformation.

Moving on to inks, I decided to flip the middle panel. That gave the woman a chance to get the last word in. Rather than being placated with expensive gifts, she actively requests them. This highlighted a new theme, about their loving relationship becoming a transactional one. In an attempt to double down on that motif, I changed the final line to "How 'bout I fuck her and you get a new car in exchange?" Ouch, I know.

In the end, that felt too harsh. But I liked the idea of them openly and begrudgingly having sex with other people. "I'll just visit your masseur. Does he take cards or only blowjobs?" sounds lighter, more soap opera catty. It's a more fitting response to "sprain your neck" and it's also punchier, with "blowjobs" right at the end.

Thanks for reading! Hope you found all this interesting! And a HUGE thank you to the commissioner for being patient with me as I explored all these different variations, looking for the best fit for their request.

I'll leave you with the loving couple photo I used for reference.

<3 Sortimid