Regression Chapter 6: Home (Patreon)

“Mmm…” Madison murmured in discomfort, she felt disoriented. She shifted uncomfortably in the bed. It was hard to put in the effort to open her eyes. They felt heavy, nearly glued shut. Her thoughts felt like they were moving through sand. Instead of looking, she let her skin take stock. The sheets felt different than the ones back home. They were silkier, and smelled clean. The mattress didn’t feel right either. It was firm and smaller than usual. It felt familiar.

“I’m not in my house.” She suddenly realized, her fight or flight kicked in. The surge of adrenaline forced her eyes open. In shock, she sat up in bed.

“What the..?” She wondered, looking around. She wasn’t in her house, she was back in her old room. Not the one she left for college, but rather, the design she had back in elementary school. Jonas Brothers and One Direction posters plastered the wall. Alongside pictures of band class and friends. She hadn’t seen them in ages. She saw herself holding up an old saxophone like a tuscan raider. Her friends huddled around making goofy faces into the camera.

Her blankets were bright pink. It matched the walls. She remembered getting rid of them shortly before high-school. An old doll house, the one she used to play with religiously as a kid, sat neatly up against the wall.

“I’m dry?” She wondered, her hand had subconsciously pressed into her crotch. She usually felt the mush of a wet diaper. The surprise of being dry caught her off guard. She kicked the blankets off. She had on a light blue tank top and a diaper.

“Oh, I’m dreaming.” She thought. “This diaper, all the baby stuff. Hm, five dreams this week, that’s gotta be a new record.” Madison swung her legs out of the bed. She let her weight fall to the ground. She didn’t feel like putting in the full effort of walking, it was easy to crawl while dreaming. Madison had come to find that little dreaming was better if she didn’t fight it. She made it to the dollhouse.

The white paint was showing signs of chipping. Still, it swung open easily. Madison felt delighted at the sight of her old dolls. They instantly reminded her of the whimsical times she spent playing with them carefree. She grabbed them, easily slipping into an old habit of making them play house.

“Daddy! I am home!” She said, animating the figure as if it were coming through the front door.

“You make sure to hang up your backpack, Maddy!” She said in a low tone in an attempt to imitate her step-father. She hopped herself through the first floor, then up the stairs into the kitchen.

Madison felt a mild discomfort alert inside her bladder. Her legs worked automatically. She lifted her diapered butt slightly into the air. Her body released, sending a warm trickle into her diaper. The warm morning pee streamed heavy. Madison barely registered it happening in the first place. The dolls grabbed her full attention before she even finished.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“What?!” Madison thought, dropping the dolls.The stream didn’t stop. She spun her head around toward the door. The knocking sound was incredibly vivid.

This wasn’t a dream, it was real life.

The door handle jostled, then spun open. It all happened so fast, there was no way to cover anything up. Melinda, her mother, appeared in the doorway. She was taken aback by the sight of her daughter, huddled over a doll house, wearing only a tank top and a used diaper. She collected herself.

“I see you’ve made yourself right at home.” Melinda said, Madison’s face was growing increasingly red by the second.

“I-” She stammered, her mother pointed at the diaper.

“Are you wet?” She asked, Madison didn’t answer. She let her body slump criss-cross down onto the floor.

“Yes, but that’s only because I thought I was dreaming.” She said, it sounded like a good defense in her head.

“You know the bathroom is right here?” She said, moving out of the doorway. She pointed at the door directly across the hall. Madison could see the outline of the toilet in the dark. She didn’t say anything. Melinda leaned up against the doorway and folded her arms.

“What’s going on?” She asked pointedly, quickly continuing, “Sophia shows up, you’re unresponsive. The doctors said you were dehydrated. You went through two diapers while you were asleep. What is happening to you? What are you doing back in diapers? You’re way too old for this. Is this a medical thing? Did you catch an infection?” Melinda said.

“No, Mom, it's not anything medical. I saw a specialist and she said it wasn’t that. And I’m not ‘back’ in diapers. I’m…” She said, taking pause. She didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Melinda flipped her hands up in uncertainty.

“Then what? What’s the problem here? Are you wearing them on purpose?” She asked.

“NO! Come on Mom, I’m not a baby. I’m not wearing them because I want to.” Madison said. Melinda shook her head.

“I don’t understand.” She said, Madison sighed.

“It's… hard to explain. About a year ago I had an accident at work.” Madison started.

“You peed yourself at work!?! Melinda exclaimed.

“It wasn’t my fault! I was hit with all of these things at once and I didn’t make it. I had it in front of my boss. It was horrible. I started having more of them after that. They just happened. I had an accident in the gym, I peed myself in line at a food truck, this one time at an arcade. I tried going to the bathroom all the time but I think that only made it worse. I bought diapers to try and help, but they didn’t.” Madison said.

“Hm.” Her mother said she started scratching her chin. The silence was powerful. Madison shifted uncomfortably. The squelch of her cooling diaper made her feel like she belonged in this position.

“When did you change the room?” Madison asked to break the quiet.

“You don’t remember? I told you about it on the phone. If I recall correctly you were on your way to work.” Melinda said. Madison remembered it instantly.

“Oh yeah…” She said, “That was the day I had my first accident.” She said, grimmacing at how stupid she sounded right now. Nothing she said made her feel like an adult in this situation.

“You were different back then.” Melinda said.

“Thanks, Mom.” Madison said back offended.

“Don’t get mad at me. I’m not the one back in diapers.” She said matter-of-factly.

“I’m not back in diapers! I told you I only used this one because I thought I was dreaming!!” She said, throwing her hands up this time in frustration. Her mother shook her head.

“Be real with yourself, Madison. Where do you think I got that diaper?” She asked, Madison looked down. She knew exactly where the pack was in her house. Half open, right next to her bed. Reality started setting in.

“You were in my apartment!?” Madison said, the walls felt like they were starting to close in.

“Yes, unfortunately I was. Do you know how many used diapers I had to step over? You had to be nose blind to it. It smelled like a daycare in there. I didn’t know someone, let alone you, could even live like that.” Melinda said, her tone becoming increasingly harsh and critical. Madison acted on instinct.

“I-I I’m trying my best, Mom.” She said, her voice wavered. She fed into the pain, letting it overtake her. Her whimpering grew into quiet sobs. She craved her mother’s swift comforting response.

“Madison.” She said, walking out of the doorway to her daughters side. She knelt down beside her, placing her hand on Madison’s back. She slowly rubbed in a circle. Its what she did to calm her as a kid. “We’re going to fix this. It’s going to be okay. I’ve potty trained you before.” She joked at the end. Madison looked up irked.

“I don’t need to be potty trained again. I don’t need diapers.” She said, knowing fully well the barrage of truth her mother was about to throw.

“Honey, it’s time to stop kidding yourself.” She said, pausing until Madison looked her in the eyes. “You need diapers. The first step is to acknowledge it. I want to hear you say it.” She said genuinely. Madison looked at her in fear.

“Mom, I don’t-” She said, Melinda cut her off.

“Madison.” She said, pressing gently into the center of her daughter’s diaper. It felt warmer than before. “You need to say it.”

Madison looked down at her diaper. It was clearly wet. Her morning pee had produced bright yellow blotchy stains. She tried to remember the last time she woke up in dry panties. She looked back up at Melinda.

“I need diapers.” Madison said.

***

Madison fished around in the bag for the last doritos locos taco. Her fingers felt the paper at last. She hoisted it out, then unfolded it. Crumbs of cheese and lettuce fell onto her car’s floor. She took a large chomp out of her fourth taco.

“Why can’t I eat these every single day?” She thought, relishing in the salty deliciousness. She cleansed her pallet with a long slurp of Baja Blast. The food high necessitated the music getting turned up.

“Switchin’ the positions for you. Cookin’ in the kitchen and I’m in the bedroom. I’m in the Olympics the way I’m jumping through hoops…”

Madison bobbed her head up and down to the beat. She took another bite out of her dwindling taco. There wasn’t an onset. Madison didn’t even feel it slip out of her. She could only tell from the familiar feeling of sudden warmth.

“Uh!” She said, twisting her legs together. She clamped down as hard as she could. The feeling of heavy pain didn’t stop at her bladder. Her entire torso ached. Her muscles were weak compared to the weight inside her. She didn’t stop the flow completely. Micro-squirts still eked out. She tried flexing her thighs even tighter. She could feel the mush of wet diaper between them. It was way more than what she expected. She could only recall going right now.

“Come on HOLD IT!” She yelled at herself, “You’re almost home!!” She thought, trying to bargain with herself. She had less than a minute left on her ride. It was like holding up a 75 lb dumbbell. Her muscles started to falter. A good sized squirt rushed into her diaper. Madison barely stopped it from becoming a river.

She put the pedal to the floor. The car whipped around an intersection. Her house was at the very end of the road. Madison’s control was faltering. She could only stop it for a few seconds. A light trickle started growing inside her pants. Her muscles couldn’t stop it at this point. She could only restrict it from becoming a full stream.

“No, no, no!!” She yelled, as the car rolled into the driveway. The rate was growing. There was no time to waste, she threw the car in park, grabbed the bag of taco bell, then pushed the car door. She swung her legs out of the car, and stood up on the pavement.

“Nooo….” She groaned, looking down at her jean shorts. There was no stopping it anymore. She was full strength peeing herself. She could tell her bladder was nearing it’s end anyways. She huffed in frustration, deciding to stand there and let it finish. She let go of any resistance, instead pushing to get it over with. The pee took its time to soak into her already soggy padding.

The buckling of her pelvic muscles ignited a sharp pain. The tacos she had been munching on for the past 20 minutes were already through her body. Madison felt frustration make the decision for her.

“I already wet my diaper.” She reasoned. Her brain knew it was wrong, but a larger part of her didn’t care. She knew messing herself for convenience was bound to happen at some point. She could change when she got in. Her knees bent. Her bowels started pushing it through. The mess reached the very edge. It receded on potty training instinct. Madison’s face strained. She channeled her anger into it. Her body opened. Poop pushed out. Slowly at first, then suddenly all at once.

“Nuhh” She muttered, feeling the taco bell move out and into her diaper. She pushed her butt out further on instinct. The hot smelly mush pressed into the back of her. She pushed again to get the second round out. It popped out with a fart. The back of her diaper expanded. The stench wafted into her nose.

“Ugh, eww.” She thought, feeling shameful. “I could have made it..” Her messy diaper felt gross. She could smell herself. It was a constant reminder of what she’d just done. She blocked those feelings out. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” She reasoned to herself.

Each step she could feel the mess sway inside her. The leak guards were doing everything they could to keep it inside. They felt wet. As she walked up to the front door, she caught a quick glance between her legs. Faint crescent stains aligned beneath the edges of her diaper.

“I’m leaking, I smell like shit. I need to get to my room as fast as possible. I can hide this one in the closet.” She thought. Her mother had been taking stock of how many diapers were in her diaper pail. A wet and messy one would certainly set her off.

She carefully opened the door. In front of Madison was the stairway to the second floor. On the left and right were open doorways into other rooms. One of them was the living room. Madison froze in fear at the sight of her mother’s head turning around from the couch.

“Finally! You didn’t eat it all on the way here did you?” Melinda said, getting up from her seat instantly. Madison had no time to think about it. Her mother was already waking up to her. She moved on instinct, dropping the bag on the floor. She started walking toward the stairs.

“Madison!” Melinda said, she had made it to the bag way faster than anticipated. Madison had only just started going up the stairs. She stopped. “Turn around.” Her mother said. She did so. Her mother started sniffing the air.

“What’s that smell?” She said, realizing in real time where it was coming from. She rubbed her nose in disgust. “Madison, is there something you want to tell me?” She said seriously.

“...” Madison didn’t know what to say. She looked bug eyed at her mother. “No.” She lied, spinning around to continue up the steps.

“Did you poop yourself!!? Do not lie to me, young lady!” She said, following her up the stairs. “I can smell it! Oh my god, Madison. Are you serious!? Did you seriously poop your diaper!?” She yelled out. Madison felt unrestricted fury engulf her thoughts. She was an adult. She didn’t need to listen to her mother.

“It-It doesn’t MATTER!” She yelled out, purposefully stomping her feet onto the steps.

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter!? Madison you’re pooping yourself now. Do you realize how crazy that is?? Jesus Christ you’re going backwards!” She yelled out, still a couple of steps behind her.

“Noo I’m not!!” She whined, getting to the top step. She slammed her foot down hard. “IT DOESN’T MATTER!” She screamed this time, then gritted her teeth. In protest, she pushed down hard onto her pelvis. Another wave of mush plopped out of her. A groaning fart escaped. Her bladder dumped processed Baja Blast into her saturated padding. The diaper couldn’t hold another accident like that. The pee split out over the guards, and into her jeans. The crescent stains darkened and started to streak.

“MADISON STOP THIS!” Her mother yelled back, she was right behind her. She grabbed Madison’s arm into a death grip.

“Let me go!!” Madison screamed, yanking at her mother. She couldn’t get out of it.

“This is ridiculous!! You are a grown woman and you just completely messed yourself?? Do you think this is what adults do?? Are you turning into a baby again??” Melinda yelled, her words cut Madison deep. She tried yanking her arm free. The momentum of getting yanked back toppled her balance. Madison fell butt first onto the floor.

Her diaper was over maximum capacity. The crash squeezed out an overload of pee and mess into her jean shorts. The crotch of her shorts drenched in pee, then leaked a puddle onto the floor. Her mess did exactly the same. It went up the hem, and out the sides.

“*Sniffle* *Sniffle*” Madison didn’t stop herself. She pushed the tears out. If her mother thought she was a baby, then that’s exactly how she was going to act. She balled her fists and started slamming them on the ground. Her feet kicked up and down on the hardwood floor. Simultaneously she started belting a crying whale.

“EHNAAAAHHHH!!!! EH-EHAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” She screamed, letting it all come out.

“Oh my god, this is insanity, Madison. Stop crying Madison. Stop crying!” She yelled, but Madison only dug into it further. She looked up at her mom with ferocity in her eyes. She screamed as loud as possible.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT I WEAR DIAPERS!!!” She screamed, banging her fists in unison.

“ENOUGH!” Melinda yelled, slapping her daughter across the face. The shock of it stopped Madison in her tracks. She turned back, face blushed red and wet.

“You let that accident define you! You could have just moved on from it. We all make mistakes. Who cares that it was in front of your boss? But no, you let it determine how you are, and now look at you.” She said, pointing directly at the puddle between her legs, “You can’t keep your pants dry to save your life. Do you see how far you’ve fallen? You have no job, no friends, no money. You’ve become exactly what you are. An overgrown Baby.” She yelled. When the dust settled, Madison didn’t know how to react. She just felt deep unrestricted anger.

“I hate you!” She yelled, getting up from the floor. She could feel a warm mixture leak down her legs. She scuttled to her room a few feet away and slammed the door.

“Don’t say that to me! I AM YOUR MOTHER!” Melinda yelled from behind the door. “Open up right now. You need to take a shower, you are covered in it!” She said, but Madison didn’t stop. She picked up her clock from across the room and threw it at the door.

“I DON’T CARE!” She yelled, ripping the button off of her jeans. She yanked them down. Her fingers grabbed at her tapes, and ripped those off too. The diaper landed with a squishy thud. Madison didn’t even attempt to clean herself up. She simply grabbed another diaper out of the pile, and shoved it up her legs. She fastened the tapes, and hopped into bed, grabbing her headphones in the process to drown out the banging on the door.

“This some shit that I usually don’t do, but for you I kinda, I kinda want to…”

The song played. She turned it up to max volume, then shoved her thumb into her mouth. She sucked on it hard until she stopped thinking.