Mantras Parts 1, 2 and 3 (Patreon)

“When I get that feelings, I just start peeeing, I just start peeeing. When I get a feeling, I start peeeeing. Heheh.” Hillary giggled to herself. She tapped away on her laptop. It was hard to stay productive today. Normally she found 11 am was her most efficient time to get work done. But she couldn’t seem to overcome this strong sense of boredom.

“Don’t worry if you’re dumb, just have fun!” That free-wheeling thought process was enough for her. She clicked away from her work tab. Her eyes yearned to see something cute. Her fingers hovered over the search bar for a second. They typed on their own. ‘Adult Sized Baby clothes.’

She smiled, delighted at the website that came up. Her brain rewarded her with strong waves of ditzy pleasure. Her vision brightened, the saturation cranked up. She mindlessly started scrolling through the rows of different colorful onesies and plastic pants. Each picture was another hit of dopamine. “Ooo these diapers look kinda cute.” She thought, clicking on a picture. She really wanted to buy them. At the moment, it didn’t seem strange. Even though she’d never thought about buying adult diapers in her life until that moment. “$100 for a pack of 40 isn’t a bad deal…” She reasoned, looking around for her purse. She didn’t see it around her desk, but her eyes caught a glimpse of the clock.

“Wait, I’m supposed to get this report in before noon.” She muttered, it was 11:30. She took her airpods out. For the first time all morning, she heard silence. “Damn, yeah I need to focus. I need to stop listening.” She thought, feeling strange. Something didn’t feel right, like a piece of her was missing. Hillary didn’t have time to dwell on it. She tried focusing back on her report.

It was hard. She was just riding a wave of intense flashing fun. Work was boring. She still had three pages to go, but she only mustered one paragraph in a mere fifteen minutes. Her attention span waned. “I’m probably not going to get it in anyways…” She reasoned, looking back at the ABDL website tab. She thought of diapers. Taping a thick one around her waist. Letting go.

“Stop making plans, just go in your pants. G-g-go in your paaants. Haha such strange lyrics.” She thought, the words easily replayed through her brain. She felt giddy for no apparent reason. The serious edge that blanketed her thoughts dulled. Instead, she smiled. Feeling more and more mental weight lift.

“What if I did just go in my pants?” She thought deviously. That felt wrong. She wasn’t supposed to go in her pants. She was an adult, sitting at her in-home desk. It would certainly stain the leather. She couldn’t remember the last time she didn’t use the toilet. Still, the thought continued to bloom. She couldn’t distract herself. It went from a vague stray thought, to exciting rebelion.

She stopped thinking. Her heart fluttered with excitement. Pee reached the very edge, potty training stopped it. The less she thought about it, the more likely it’d happen. It took a moment for her bladder muscles to believe her. “I’m releasing when I’m peeing. I start streaming when I’m peeing.” Her muscles relaxed further.

Warm pee squirted out of her crotch. The feeling made her cheeks flush red. The squirt intensified into a heavy stream. She couldn’t suppress a fit of giggles. Having an accident was even more fun than she thought it’d be. The pee dumped unprotected into her pants. It easily saturated her cotton jeans. The pee pooled into her chair, slowly absorbing into the foam padding beneath.

“Uh-Oh!!” She yelled out automatically. Her brain flooded with sticky hazy dopamine. She hummed nonsensically in delight. Her lips grew into a geeky smile. Without thinking about it, she clicked back to the online checkout.

****

“Okay! I gonna be a really really big giwl today!” She thought cheerfully. If she said it outloud, then she reasoned it must be true. She hopped off of the adult sized changing table. She stood with a wide stance. Her second diaper of the day slung thick between her legs.

“I am protected from the unexpected. Pee pee deceives me. I wear a diaper because I wet like a windshield wiper. I am protected from the unexpected. Pee pee…” She babbled to herself. Her leg muscles weakened. Her vision went hazy. She took a couple of clumsy steps, before suddenly losing her balance. The back of her diaper hit the cushy foam squares.

The impact knocked her atrophying muscles loose. It was hard enough to recognize she was peeing now in the first place. Any disruption from absolute attention was a recipe for an accident. “I don’t stop it, or I’ll throw a fit. I don’t stop it, or I’ll throw a fit.” Echoed through her airpods. The idea of control ignited a deep frustration in her. Her mind pushed away that nasty thought. She let the pee gush into her diaper freely. It soaked into the saturating diaper.

Peeing was always the best part. Her brain rewarded her joyful pleasure. Her eyes glanced lazily around the room. It looked a little different now. She’d gotten rid of every shred of her adulthood. In fact, she threw away every piece of furniture, knick knack, utensil, everything she’d ever accumulated in life. She sunk most of her life savings into a complete overhaul. Replacing everything instead with an oversized baby crib, diaper racks, changing tables, and thousands of dollars worth of toys.

In her dreamy haze, she saw something different from the rest. Hillary peered into her open closet. On the floor, in the corner was a box. It survived the purge. She knew what it was instantly. It was her wedding dress.

“Woah what the fuck am I doing?” She thought, suddenly popping up from the floor. She ripped the earbuds out. They tumbled to the floor. She subconsciously bit her bottom lip. Her fingers trembled, wanting desperately to shove them back into her ears. The silence was deafening. It had been weeks of listening on repeat. She saw it, the devastation it was doing to her life. “Do I have the strength?” She wondered, genuinely doubtful. Her subconscious answered.

“Stop thinking, start sprinkling.” She thought, her bladder forced dribbles out. Her adultself waned. Instinctively, Hillary giggled, her brain pushed mind numbing pleasure back into place. The fleeting part of her adulthood tried fighting back. And for a moment, it won. Hillary stopped giggling, looking instead at the airpods. “I need to stop…” She thought.

“If you’re sad, press into your pad.”

Hillary’s muscles worked automatically. Her hand dug in between her legs. She pressed the padding up into her. “Mmff…” She whined, that was it. Her eyes rolled up, the intense sexual pleasure exploded like a grenade. Her butt hit the floor again. Her freehand felt around for the ear buds. She shoved them instantly. She ahegao face awayed the scary thoughts.

***

“Mwm, gbwum, bumble pfffff” Hillary babbled in her crib. Her jaw muscles didn’t work anymore. She streamed drool out of her mouth. Her hair felt wet from rolling around in it all morning. Her waist wasn’t much better. Every random kick or squirm squelched her mushy diaper. The feeling of mess and warm pissy mush was constant on her skin. She’d grown dependent on it, in fact she hated dry diapers. In her own words, ‘Being dry makes you cry’

“HILLARY!?” Amanda, her closest friend, yelled out from the doorway. Hillary’s face lit up, then gasped.

“Gbuwmumb!!!” She gurgled ecstatically. Hillary got up onto her knees and leaned over her crib’s bars. She shot her sticky hands out then started grabbing the air. Amanda looked at her friend in horror. In front of her very eyes was the most disturbing sight she’d ever witnessed. Her best friend, dressed completely like an adult baby in her own nursery, reeking of old used diaper. It was impossible not to pinch her nose.

“Eew! Mm- I’m gonna throw up.” Amanda said, she noticed then the sound of repeating mantras coming from a speaker. ‘A mental monument, I am incontinent. I am hyper when I think about diaper. I blush when I gush…’ She couldn’t understand what it meant, but it was oddly catchy.

“Ehehe! Heheh!” Hillary’s excitement started to overwhelm her. Her pupils pointed cross-eyed. All of the shaking and bouncing knocked bodily fluids loose. Hillary’s expression went dumb and vacant, she gurgled as mush helplessly pushed out into her full diaper. Hot slop piled into the back. If Amanda couldn’t tell at first, the sound of wet muffled farts gave it away.

“I’m done.” Amanda said, cupping her mouth to hold back the vomit. She spun around then instantly left. “What the FUCK!? I need to call 911. She’s completely delusional!!” Amanda thought, navigating through the house to get back outside. The smell of fresh summer air was a welcomed scent.

The car door slammed shut. Amanda pulled out her phone. “What was that music playing in the background too??” She wondered, her fingers punched in the digits. “I wet, I wet, even with no safety net. I pee, I pee, it gives me glee.” She repeated in her head. Unexpectedly, an exhilarating shiver shot through her spine.

“911, what’s your emergency?” Spoke from the other end. In a knee-jerk decision, Amanda hit the end call button. She sat in silence for a moment, before making her decision.

“Maybe I should listen to more of that music she had on, it might be a clue.” She thought, pulling her car keys out of the ignition. She opened the car door, and walked back inside. Much to Hillary’s, and eventually Amanda’s, delight.