Renfaire Fantasy 2: Seven Years Bad Luck pt 2 (Patreon)

Pulling clean plates out for everyone’s breakfast emptied the cabinet, and Brian stared in surprise for a moment at the unexpected bare cupboard before closing it. He had eight plates in his apartment, and it wasn’t just him and Chloe living here anymore—the logistics of his new relationship meant that if everyone had two meals, all of his dishes would be used. If Rebecca joined them, or god forbid Chloe did as well, that would necessitate more dishes and tableware than he had space for right now.

It’s not even just that, it’s… everything, Brian thought, idly cracking more eggs to feed to the skillet. This apartment can’t accommodate that many girlfriends—not with just the one bathroom. Don’t have enough space for more than half of us to sleep over here, and we’re only allotted the one parking space out front, too.

Doing the math in his head as he scrambled eggs, he wasn’t even sure he could keep the fridge full for his girls on just his pay from working at the packing plant. Living with just one girlfriend had acclimatized him to covering expenditures for two, and instead taking care of a family of six would be a drastically different undertaking. A gallon of milk might be gone in a single day now, rather than lasting roughly a week like usual. Cereal, bread, eggs, cheese—whatever staple foods or things like toiletries they picked up would be vanishing fast, unless they either bought in bulk or went shopping several times a week.

So, a new place for sure once this lease is up, Brian couldn’t help but cast a wistful glance around the place at the thought. That, and I need to get back to shifts at the packing plant ASAP. I know Rebecca has a steady job, I think Kell is working part-time, now. Steph can’t even move in with us yet, but the moment she can transfer, I think she will. Definitely want her to. The five, or uh, potentially six of us will need to sit down and have a serious talk about how we all actually make this work.

He didn’t imagine that talk would happen today, but it did need to happen in their immediate future, sometime soon. For now, Brian didn’t want to spoil the already somewhat tense mood with serious stuff or weigh anyone else down with his worries. Instead he slid four slices of bread into the toaster oven, and continued to slowly stir the eggs as they cooked, the coffee maker burbling away and beginning to drip.

“Emmie, can you pull the coffee table back out for everyone?” He called over.

“On it, chief—soon as I can move Kelly,” Emily responded.

“Coffee?” Kelly asked.

“In a bit! Almost there.”

“Mmrrrr.”

“Emily… is that what I think it is?”

“Yep yep! Look at it, hehehe!”

“We’re keeping it for Chloe?”

“Yah, just in case, right? Cum conversion therapy.”

“Emily… I dunno if that’s ethical,” Brian called over his shoulder as he started scooping out scrambled eggs onto plates. “We can’t just—”

“Well, you didn’t want to kill her, so,” Emily huffed. “What other choice do we have?”

“We can just talk it out with her?” Brian suggested.

“Pffttt—yeah, right.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda…”

“Real funny, Brian.”

“Who the fuck would trust anything she says?”

“Alright, someone help me grab plates,” Brian sighed. “Coffee’s just about done.”

“I’ll help!” Stephanie volunteered.

“Oi, move over fatass,” Emily snorted. “We gotta pull the table out.”

“Did you just call me a fatass?” Kelly asked. “Seriously?”

“Well, you’ve got a whole lotta ass, and that ass is fat,” Emily reasoned, and Brian heard a meaty smacking noise. “Big ol’ fat ass. So—move it.”

“Just these?” Stephanie hopped up to the counter and looked over the plates.

“Yeah, if you can pull the toast out, and uh, I think we have the butter over there, just bring the butter thing over and then a knife for whoever wants what.”

“Okay!” Stephanie darted in to give him a peck on the cheek before gathering up everything.

She was wearing a shirt now but still going around without any bottoms on, and Brian wasn’t able to resist patting her butt as she went by. Stephanie flushed, unused to sudden attention and seeming like she had forgotten her state of undress. Because her hands were full she hurried off around the counter towards the living room with plates and butter dish. When she returned, she grabbed Brian’s butt with both hands.

“Whoa—hey,” Brian chuckled. “Guess I deserved that.”

“You did!” Stephanie relented with a giggle, instead wrapping her arms around him. “Good morning again.”

“Good morning, sunshine.”

Sitting down to breakfast with everyone was a quiet affair.

Emily turned out to be the only one who actually spread butter on her toast, and Stephanie was the only one who added a bit of milk to her coffee. All of them added generous shakes of salt from the shaker overtop the rather simple scrambled eggs, and then everyone but Kelly tucked into their meals with their forks, taking occasional bites of toast. Kelly was there with them but not really fully cognizant yet, simply sipping at her coffee with vacant eyes in an attempt to wake up for the day.

Stephanie showed herself to be a rather reserved, dainty eater, something Brian had started to notice last night, while Emily had crumbs all over her shirt within moments of taking an enormous chomp out of her toast. Towards the end she sat back and couldn’t even finish her portion, and with a sigh Brian swapped around their plates, with Stephanie helping him polish off the rest while Kelly caught up.

“That was good, Brian, thanks,” Stephanie beamed at him.

“Yeah, thanks Bri,” Emily chipped in.

“Thank you,” Kelly nodded.

“Figure we can worry about dishes when we get back,” Brian said, placing their stack of plates in the stuff already piled up in the sink. “Want to get going soon as we can, so. We’ll all get dressed, whoever needs to use the bathroom, use it, and we’ll hit the road. Sound good?”

“You got it, boss,” Emily saluted.

“My bag’s already packed up—I’ll just brush my teeth,” Stephanie said.

“Let’s fuckin’ gooo!” Kelly sung out, caffeine now surging through her veins. “Listen, if I’m driving—we’re listening to metal, the whole way there.”

*     *     *

Mile after mile disappeared beneath the relentless march of their tires as electric guitars wailed and Kelly all but shouted along to the lyrics. One hand on the wheel and the other nursing a coffee thermos, Kelly seemed to be in her element simply rocking out, and it was a blast seeing her in her most natural state. Post-hardcore gave way to metalcore as interstate signs sped past their windows, and when Kelly switched the playlist to classic metal, Emily was able to sing along with her.

After surrendering up her phone for its GPS—and to play their music—Stephanie was content to snuggle up against Brian in the back seat with a shy smile. Brian sat back and was simply enjoying everyone’s company; the metal blasting out and the intensifying rhythms helped keep him from falling into a funk while worrying about what they were about to face. Rather than quiet tension as the car traversed the road it felt more like they were getting themselves pumped up for a big challenge—one that they would win, no matter what.

“Ohhh—she’s half virgin and half succubus~!”

“Heaven in her eyes and blood on her lii~iips!”

“End of the night and judgment arrives~!”

“Ohh she eats up your heart and tastes all your crii~iimes~!”

Kelly was just loud enough to overpower the singer in the recordings, and her voice was good. She possessed a deeper tone than Emily and Stephanie, nearing a contralto, but still managed to display a ton of range whenever she sung up higher onto the vocal register. Her sound when she went low was simply rich and full of body in a way few others would be able to hit, and Kelly was able to impart a certain special huskiness to the lyrics that made each sound coming out of her become pure sex.

Damn, Kelly, Brian shared a knowing smile with Stephanie. Practically getting a hard on just back here listening to you.

Emily, on the other hand, had enthusiasm. That was it. When she joined in she thrashed along, belting out the lines in an untrained way—but, that was cool, too. Together with Kelly she lent even more energy to the overall experience, kept the interior of the car from seeming like all of them were stunned silent by Kelly’s performance. It was fun, and Brian resolved to learn some of these songs so that he could join in next time. He’d done karaoke with Mike and Will and the rest of the gang a few times way back in the day, but back then they’d mostly played through oldies and meme music.

“Soo—take all my lovin’ and take all my soul~!”

“Consume every sinner drawn into your hole~!”

At that Emily devolved into snorting, fitful laughter, slapping at the dashboard and repeating into your hole, as if only now realizing they’d been singing about a young maiden fucking wicked men to death. Kelly displayed a lurid smile but continued to sing along, but this time the song cut out as the automated voice of the GPS cut in.

“Turn right on exit ramp two fifteen in one quarter mile.”

“Think that’s our Tionetta turn off,” Brian leaned forward and yelled as their music resumed. “Do we need to make a pit stop?”

“Yeah!” Kelly answered, tapping the volume on the phone down. “I’ve gotta piss.”

“Then, I’ve got to piddle,” Emily called. “I don’t piss, ‘cause I’m a lady. Geez, Kelly, have some class.”

“Then, I have to… tinkle?” Stephanie let out a nervous laugh. “A little bit?”

“Sounds about right,” Kelly nodded. “Yeah, I don’t see Steph as a piddler or a pisser.”

“You guys are so crass,” Brian shook his head. “Me? I just need to powder my nose and freshen up a bit.”

“Brian’s gotta drain the sea monster,” Emily said in a solemn voice.

“Emily!” Stephanie sputtered.

“We might need more coffee, too,” Kelly said. “For tomorrow, if we’re camping out there tonight.”

“Oooh, yeah,” Emily agreed. “Grab some last minute snacks, too.”

“Kell and I bought snacks already yesterday,” Brian reminded her. “When we were picking up stuff for lasagna.”

“Well, yeah, but we should pick up more, just in case,” Emily argued. “Like, what if this whole thing turns out super depresso, and we need comfort food?”

“That’s what Stephanie’s for,” Brian said. “‘Cause she’s such a snacc.”

“Brian!” Stephanie pretended to sound outraged.

“Mm-hmm,” Kelly smacked her lips. “My kinda comfort food, just have Steph spread those gorgeous thighs.”

“Kelly!” Stephanie giggled. “You all… behave.”

“There’s the jar, too…” Emily sounded thoughtful. “S’not like we wanna waste all of the good stuff on Chloe.”

“Still not sure that’s exactly ethical to—” Brian started to say.

“Yeah, well neither is her threatening to sic the Masters on us,” Emily retorted. “We are not bringing her back with us or letting her loose until we’ve done something to improve the quality of her character. Okay? That’s like, my bottom line if we’re not killing her. Some kind of magic guarantee. We’re still not killing her?”

“Emily…” Brian let out a long sigh, and Stephanie gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’re not killing her.”

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/// Then they arrived and immediately decided to kill her, the end! Fin.

May wind up doing extra passes of these sections, trimming bits back or fleshing out lines of thought or moods more in search of good stuff. Prob will finalize the Sofa Session stuff into a chapter at least before the start of the new month.