RE: Trailer Trash 47 pt 2 (Patreon)

   “Just look at us,” Olivia lamented with a groan. “Tabitha, look at us cripples. All alone. In pain. Suffering, in complete misery!”

   “Don’t whine, dearie,” Mrs. Moreno reminded from the table next to them, not even looking up from her novel. “No one likes a whiner.”

   As predicted, shortly after making a symbolic lap around the rink with her boyfriend, Olivia attempted to actually skate at speed and immediately sprained her ankle. Now she reclined back sideways in the booth across from Tabitha, one sock-clad foot elevated up on the back of the bench, with a baggie of ice perched on her ankle. Michael had piled his and her coats beneath the girl into makeshift pillows before being shooed away, and Tabitha watched with amusement as Olivia cradled a paper plate in her lap and picked at cake crumbs with her fork.

   “I mean, we’re not all alone,” Tabitha pointed out, shifting the CD player box out of the way. “We have Barb here!”

   “Ah, right,” Olivia nodded. “Just us three cripples. I’ve got my gimpy leg, Barb’s got Barb’s barbs, you’ve gotta cast. Together—together we represent all the suffering in the world.”

   “Oh, please,” Mrs. Moreno muttered. “Will you just shut up?”

   “My own ma, she doesn’t even care anymore!” Olivia cried out. “She doesn’t understand my pain!”

   “You are such a baby,” Mrs. Moreno said. “I don’t know how anyone puts up with you.”

   Olivia shared the most childish grin Tabitha had ever seen, popped another tiny bit of cake into her mouth, and then pursed her lips into another purposeful pout. The pathetic pity act was surprisingly endearing on the girl’s rather severe features, and once again Tabitha found the relationship between Olivia and her mother endlessly fascinating. They were just so comfortable with one another. What she’d seen of Elena interacting with Mrs. Seelbaugh back then had already been equally interesting, because despite being playful and cool, Mrs. Seelbaugh somehow tended to bring out Elena’s serious side. One of Elena’s life goals was clearly to always make her mother proud of her.

   Whereas with Olivia—she’s—I don’t know, she can switch between being cool and snarky around us teens and being a melodramatic child to her mother in such a fluid manner, Tabitha observed.

   It’s strange yet so NATURAL, and I think I really love it. Figuring out how to act my age—whatever that even really is, and how to act around who—has become such a struggle for me. I don’t know how to just BE MYSELF, and sometimes it’s like I’m trying to figure out who I am, trying to cobble all of THAT together, by just borrowing from the different acts I put on around everyone else.

   Spending time away from her parents felt like it was instead adding weight to the other facets Tabitha presented to those around her, like it was shifting her personality away from the rigid, stoic, and somewhat defensive mask she wore around Mr. and Mrs. Moore. Tabitha was a fledgling teenager and she was also a world-weary time-traveler, but what she found herself really struggling with was letting herself ever be a kid. Being a kid should have been a natural component of being a teen, a building block of that process, but Tabitha felt like this crucial bit was glaringly absent within herself.

   Because for me, my childhood is a LOT farther back than it technically should be, Tabitha groused, toying with Barb’s shock of spiny little needles. There’s been tiny moments here and there, where the magic appears, but they’re oh so fleeting. Painfully rare. I crave them, I’m desperate for them, but reaching for them, the actual act of me grasping for those moments of innocence instead would render them… ARTIFICIAL, somehow.

   “Frustrated?” Olivia asked, and with a start Tabitha realized her new friend had been watching her.

   “Um, no, no,” Tabitha shook her head. Then she slumped down a bit. “Okay, that was a lie. I’m a little bit frustrated. No—I’m really, really frustrated. This here is great, this night, this birthday must be the new most amazing day of my entire life, but also I just keep sinking down into my own head and can’t get out of my own thoughts.”

   Tabitha noticed Mrs. Moreno brought a finger up to her book to keep her place where she was reading, but to her surprise the woman didn’t enter the conversation. Instead Mrs. Moreno was glancing towards Olivia, as if interested in how her daughter would respond, and that whole dynamic was fascinating to see.

   “So, talk about it,” Olivia shrugged. “S’all you can do. I mean doesn’t have to be to me, we basically just started gettin’ to know each other. But like, Alicia. Elena. Bobby, maybe, even. Just goin’ ‘round and ‘round in your own thoughts, it’s like—like do you know about J-B weld?”

   To Tabitha’s amusement, Mrs. Moreno smacked a palm over her own face.

   “...J-B weld?” Tabitha asked.

   “Yeah, it’s like—it’s this epoxy thing, like a glue,” Olivia pressed on, indifferent to her mother’s apparent embarrassment. “Comes in two separate tubes, and on their own each mixture or whatever doesn’t do squat, but when you put them together—it’s this super strong adhesive bond.”

   “Okay,” Tabitha nodded slowly. “So, I need to… share my thoughts, for them to stick?”

   “Kinda?” Olivia set aside her plate. “To me, like, that’s how I’ve always thought of it. Thoughts on their own, worries, hopes and dreams, fears, all of that—they’re incomplete. All of them are like a conversation you have with yourself, when they need to be a talk you start having with others. Just with yourself, it’s never going to get anywhere. So, to go out and make your thoughts really something, to form into something that’ll last forever, they have to be exposed to someone else’s thoughts. Friends, parents. Boyfriends. You know?”

   “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of,” Mrs. Moreno complained, smacking her novel down. “J-B Weld? Really? I know you just used that to piss me off.”

   “It’s dad wisdom,” Olivia revealed with a smirk. “Moms? Just won’t get it.”

   “I—” Tabitha paused. “I really like that, actually.”

   “Yeah, plus J-B weld’s good for like, everything,” Olivia laughed. “Metal, porcelain, wood, pvc—you name it, J-B weld can fix it.”

   “I hate you,” Mrs. Moreno rolled her eyes, returning to her book in a huff. “I hate you all.”

   “I think I have really just been stewing in my own thoughts for too long,” Tabitha admitted, gently withdrawing her hand from Barb. “Just, at the same time, whenever I do open up about everything, it starts to feel like I’m just dumping all my problems on them. On Elena and Alicia.”

   “You’re just still focused in too much on your own tube of weld,” Olivia said. “Half the time when something’s bugging me, I don’t even have to talk about it or put my own thoughts out there. I can just ask someone else for their thoughts, and just me hearing them starts to mesh them with my own and give everything a stronger bond.”

   “Wow,” Tabitha laughed in dismay. “You’re right. It’s… honestly weird how great J-B weld works for that whole sort of analogy?”

   “I know!” Olivia preened. “Sometimes I amaze even myself.”

   “Hmhbbullshit,” Mrs. Moreno sneezed.

   “Gesundheit!” Olivia called, awkwardly pulling her raised ankle off of the booth and resituating to sit Indian-style. “Okay, so actually I didn’t come up with that one. My dad didn’t even come up with that one—Michael’s dad did! Oh. Hello there, little man.”

   Tabitha followed Olivia’s smile to discover Joshua hanging onto the edge of the table just behind their seating area, the young boy somehow managing to clomp over to them in his skates silently enough to not catch her attention.

   “Joshua!” Tabitha turned in her seat to regard him. “Are you okay?”

   “Uh-huh,” Joshua said. “I just fell.”

   “I’m sorry,” Tabitha winced, gesturing for him to come closer. “Was it bad? Are you okay? Are you still having a fun time?”

   “Yeah,” Joshua shrugged. “It’s fun.”

   “Sit with us for a bit,” Tabitha said, scooching in and then patting the bench cushion. “Did you get hurt anywhere?”

   “I’m okay,” Joshua said, carefully stepping over and then climbing up to sit next to her.

   “Are you excited for Christmas?” Olivia asked him.

   “I guess,” Joshua shrugged. “We already know what we’re getting. Nicholas went and peeked up in the back closet, and then when we all found out, Grandma just gave up and told us. We’re still not ‘llowed to play them ‘til Christmas day, though.”

   “Video games?” Olivia guessed. “Michael has a Playstation.”

   “Nintendo 64,” Joshua said. “We have our dad’s Nintendo 64. This year we’re getting South Park, and Legend of Zelda.”

   “Hmm,” Tabitha frowned. “Zelda; Ocarina of Time?”

   “Yeah, I think so,” Joshua said.

   “I’ve seen the commercials for that—it looks fun,” Olivia said. “I’m sure Casey’s getting it.”

   “It is fun, but…” Tabitha shook her head. “It’s also a single-player game. If my cousins have to share, it’ll be just one of them playing, while the others have to watch. I don’t know anything about the South Park one, but I’m not a fan of the show.”

   “It’s alright,” Olivia shrugged. “I like The Simpsons better.”

   “Well. I want you to be real excited this year, Joshua!” Tabitha couldn’t help but smile. “‘Cause, I managed to get a special surprise for you boys for Christmas!”

   “You did?” Joshua couldn’t help but glance across the spread of birthday presents Tabitha had received today. “Like what?”

   “Hmmmmm,” Tabitha used the cute tone she’d grown used to using with Hannah. “You’ll just have to see. It’s a surprise! It could be anything. Could be socks! Or cans of brussel sprouts for you to take to school for lunches. Spinach! Maybe even big ugly sweaters that each have your names on them!”

   “Uaagghhhh,” Joshua mimed rearing back in aggravation. “Just please don’t let it be clothes. Grandma always gets us clothes, so anything but that.”

   “I love the clothes my me-ma picks out!” Olivia laughed. “Old broad has great taste.”

   “I actually picked out a little something for each of you boys,” Tabitha said with pride. “So that you’ll each have something of your own and won’t have to share.”

   “Like what?” Joshua perked up with interest.

   “Take a few guesses!” Tabitha said.

   “Ummm,” Joshua floundered, and they could almost see his Christmas wishes dancing through his eyes. “Wrestling figures?”

   “Nope, it’s not action figures,” Tabitha shook her head. “But you will be able to play with them.”

   “Nerf guns?” Joshua lit up.

   “Sorry, no,” Tabitha gave him a sheepish grin. “That’s a good one though, I’ll have to remember that for next time.”

   “Uhhhh,” Joshua fidgeted, appearing to lower his expectations. “Hot Wheels?”

   “Not Hot Wheels,” Tabitha said.

   “Micro Machines?” Joshua guessed.

   “I—confess that I don’t know what those are,” Tabitha looked to Olivia for help, but her new friend just shrugged. “Are they like Transformers?”

   “They’re like Hot Wheels, but even smaller,” Joshua explained, holding his fingers together to demonstrate an itty-bitty size. “Like, this big.”

   “It’s definitely not Microed Machines, then.”

   “How expensive?” Joshua narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

   “I’m… not gonna say,” Tabitha grinned. “But, I think you’ll really love them, and there’ll be one for each of you. It’s something you can play by yourselves, or something you boys can play together.”

   “Something we can play,” Joshua repeated. “Not something we can play with. Is it a video game?”

   “It could be!” Tabitha said with an encouraging smile. “Who knows.”

   “But, then we only have one Nintendo 64,” Joshua pointed out.

   “True,” Tabitha nodded.

   “Then… I think… maybe… is it Tamagotchis?” Joshua’s eyes went wide. “Like, one for each of us? ”

   “Ssshh!” Tabitha made a show of ducking her head and glancing around, while putting a finger to her lips to indicate that he shouldn’t speak so loudly. “They’re… actually a lot like Tamagotchis. I knew you’d just about guess it, you’re really smart. Do you promise not to tell your brothers, though? I want it to be a really big surprise.”

   “Whoaa,” Joshua smiled. “Cool. I always wanted one. How much do they cost?!”

   “Don’t you worry about that,” Tabitha assured him. “You promise to keep it secret for me?”

   “Tamagotchis? They’re like, twenty dollars each,” Olivia remarked. “You got one for each of them? Four boys? Tabitha, that’s like eighty bucks right there.”

   “Eighty dollars?” Joshua turned a stunned look towards Tabitha. “You spent eighty dollars on us? I think that’s almost what Grandma spent on Christmas.”

   “Sort of,” Tabitha gave him a wistful smile and then put her arm around him so she could pull him in and give him a kiss on the top of his head. “I love you boys, and want you to have the best Christmas ever. Just, keep in mind it’ll be like a Tamagotchi, but maybe not exactly a Tamagotchi. Okay?”

   “I mean, still,” Joshua seemed dazed. “That’s so cool.”

   “So, like one of the off-brand sorta ones?” Olivia remarked. “Yeah, still though, that’s really cool. I know last year of middle school it was like everyone was just crazy about them.”

   “I think it’ll be really fun! I actually got one for myself, too,” Tabitha confided in a low voice. “Just, now Joshua, remember. Big secret, okay? I really want to surprise everyone. You promise not to say anything?”

   “Yeah, I promise!” Joshua nodded. “Thanks. Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!”

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