AnimeCon Harem Bonus: Back to the Cafe (Patreon)

The small, tastefully-appointed cafe was just as Brian remembered it from yesterday, although rather than empty, today a small group of overly-excited young girls cross-dressing as noble princes from Blood Butler had appropriated the far side of the eatery for a posh photo-shoot. Foxy led the way, followed closely by Mary, and then Brian entered while still trapped between Stephanie and Kelly.

“Shall we? If you’d like, I can buy you two lovely ladies’ meals as well. It’d be my pleasure,” Foxy offered, waving casually at the exorbitant prices brazenly displayed across the cafe’s menu board. “Can’t speak for Brian, but these numbers mean nothing to me.”

“No, thank you,” Stephanie politely declined.

“No thanks,” Kelly agreed. “We’re fine.”

“Are you sure?” Foxy leaned forward to send a frown towards Brian. “You girls don’t have to be polite—even if this guy won’t buy your lunch, it’s really no problem for me.”

“No thanks,” Kelly repeated, snorting.

“W-we really just ate not too long ago,” Stephanie explained. “Brian woke up early and went out to buy us breakfast, an-and brought it all back to the room for us.”

“Oh... I see,” Foxy said, disappointed.

“I think I even ate too much, I still feel full,” Kelly yawned, and she stretched out luxuriously with a satisfied smile.

“Th-that’s because you stole my pancakes,” Stephanie griped, grinning from where she still clung to Brian’s arm.

“True—but you’re not exactly innocent, either. At some point before we left, didn’t I happen to see my syrup on your fingertips?” Kelly asked, grinning wickedly and winking.

“Y-your…? N-no, I didn’t, I mean, I-I’d, I n-never—”

“Wow, look at how smart and thrifty you folk are,” Mary said with sarcasm. “It’s okay if you’re too cheap to eat here—you didn’t have to go and make excuses. It’s actually kind of embarrassing then, isn’t it?”

“Oh, totally. Definitely not like Steph and I ate here together just yesterday, or anything,” Brian mentioned, rolling his eyes.

“You ate here without me?” Kelly pouted playfully. “Tsk, tsk.”

“That was right before we first bumped into you, actually,” Brian said.

“I-I only had one of their salads,” Stephanie chimed in a chipper voice, so caught up in the memory of that intimate meeting in the cafe yesterday that she was oblivious to Mary’s verbal jab. That kiss! “It was pretty great, though, I think. Th-the salad, I mean.”

True to his word, Foxy bought a lavish meal for Mary and an expensive coffee for himself, and the group sat together at a large corner booth.

“What’re you gonna do ‘bout your boots? Are they too uncomfortable to wear?” Brian asked, stealing another glance up Stephanie’s lovely legs while struggling to keep his thoughts from spiraling into sin. Those legs, last night... were wrapped around my head.

“She’ll be fine—we were just in a rush to get here. A half-hour goes by without you and already she’s missing you,” Kelly answered in her charming voice. “Although, you know, maybe one of your magic massages would have her feet feeling all better?”

“O-of course not,” Stephanie blushed, but made no motion to put her thigh-high boots back on yet. “I mean, um, unless you want to…”

“Ew, gross. Please, not while I’m eating,” Mary scolded with a disgusted look.

“Ah, I was—I was actually wondering,” Stephanie spoke up, taking a nervous glance at Brian. “Would it be alright if you… added me into your chat group? The one you showed us before? I know we can text each other, but I, um, I thought that it would be a cool thing to be a part of. If-if that’s okay.”

“Sure, no problem,” Brian chuckled. “I’ll send you an invite now.”

Foxy frowned. Despite now being in the presence of three gorgeous girls rather than only one, he wasn’t feeling like he’d really gained anything. Stephanie and Kelly were clearly long-time companions of Brian’s—maybe they’d even known each other for years—and there was no easy way to wrest firm control of the conversations from them.

“Ah,” Stephanie said after a few short moments. “Got it. Oh, b-but—what should I use for my display name?” She turned her phone towards him, where the cursor was blinking beside her default name.

Stephanie Brandt

“Your last name’s Brandt?” Brian asked, curious.

“Ah, uh, yes,” Stephanie felt her cheeks warming as she realized she’d just met Brian almost exactly a day ago—of course he never would have known her full name all this time.

“Cool. Mine’s Douglas,” Brian revealed. “Can I try setting a name for you?”

“Of—of course!” Stephanie breathed. Brian Douglas? I… really like that. It’s so much more… complete.

“And I’m Kelly Killy,” Kelly joined in with a smirk, watching Stephanie surrender her cell phone to Brian.

“And I’m Fawkes, Fawkes Loxly,” Foxy revealed, setting his coffee down in a hesitant manner. They’re telling each other their last names? Maybe they aren’t as close as I thought. Maybe they just see each other every year at the convention?

“Fawkes? Cool name,” Brian nodded.

“Fwwu—” Mary attempted around a mouthful of food. “Fwucking.”

“Ah, right,” Foxy laughed. “Fawkes of fucking Loxly, then. But you can call me Foxy.”

“And the young creature still learning how to chew would be Mary, Mary, quite contrary,” Brian chuckled, tapping a sequence across the screen of Stephanie’s phone and then sliding it back to her. “Here, how ‘bout this?”

“I’m nineteen,” Mary growled, as if that point made a difference to anyone.

“Perfect-in-Pink?” Stephanie read aloud, blushing fiercely. “I-I can’t use that. I’m not the least bit—”

“I think she should go with ‘Fanny,’” Kelly suggested. “Fanny as in, short for Stephanie, and also, you know—because of this amazing ass she’s got going on. Fanny. It works.”

“I’m—I’m not going by the name ’Fanny,’” Stephanie blustered out a denial, shaking her head quickly.

“Here, let me try one,” Foxy offered, gesturing for the phone. After a moment’s pause, Stephanie passed it towards their uncertain new friend across the table.

“Nineteen. That’s not little,” Mary insisted again, increasingly annoyed that no one was paying due attention to her anymore—not even Foxy.

“Righteous-Pink?” Stephanie read the name Foxy had inputted with a dubious expression.

“Never heard of her? She’s from Sentai Senkai,” Foxy explained. “It’s what they called the pink Iro-Ranger. Great show, you’ve gotta check it out sometime.”

“Alright, my turn,” Kelly snatched the phone from them and began altering the inputted name once again. “You accepted the invite? I’m gonna go ahead and say hello to everyone for you in Brian’s chat.”

“...Please tell me you didn’t change my name to Fanny, first,” Stephanie pleaded.

“Of course I didn’t, Stephanie,” Kelly blinked innocently as she submitted the message. “I’m hurt. Joking aside, do you really think I’d have you going by the moniker Fanny in front of Brian’s friends?”

Quickly pulling up the chat window on his own phone, Brian immediately saw the newcomer who’d entered their message queue.

Right-in-the-Pink: sup everyone

“Th-that’s not, wh-why would you—I can’t believe that you just did that,” Stephanie cried out, looking completely mortified. She stared balefully down at the screen as she seized the phone back from Kelly, looking absolutely betrayed. “That wasn’t nice at all!”

“Yeah, Kelly, that was kinda…” Brian shook his head in disapproval, though a faint smile was stubbornly tugging at the corner of his lip.

“What?” Kelly huffed. “It’s referring to her hair color... obviously. Isn’t that the cool little personal connection you two’ve got going on? Perfect handle for her! Even better than Fanny.”

“Uh, yeah. Hair color, definitely what comes to mind,” Foxy smirked, raised his eyebrows and hoisting his coffee up in the air as if announcing a toast. “Right in the pink!”

“Right in the pink!” Kelly agreed, pumping her fist.

“Right in the what?” Mary looked around at each of them and made a disgusted face. “You guys are all nasty.”

“Can I still change it? It’s-it’s not set like that for good now, is it?” Stephanie fretted, flipping back through her message settings.

Mick95: who dat?

Oberon: Friend I met at convention.

coffee-vein: ah

coffee-vein: lol

Mick95: asl?

Tanya_Mykha: @Mick95 dont fucking asl ppl

coffee-vein: oh shit

Mick95: @Tanya_Mykha lol god damn

Mick95: @Tanya_Mykha was just asking

Mick95: @Tanya_Mykha chill

Tanya_Mykha: @Mick95 dont fucking asl ppl

Stephanie_Brandt: I’m so sorry about that. I received the invite to the chat, but then a friend had my phone. I’m so sorry.

Stephanie exhaled a slow sigh of relief at seeing she’d successfully reverted her username to its default, then furrowed her cute brow in concentration as she caught up on that message log.

“Um, A-S-L?”

“Age, sex, location,” Foxy reported. He couldn’t see the chat’s messages anymore from where he sat, but was familiar enough with internet slang to understand her confusion. “Asking for basic information people can associate with your name, so they have some perspective on your identity. Not that you should ever trust anyone’s ASLs on the internet, mind you.”

“That was Mike asking that,” Brian laughed, watching as a mess unfolded in the group chat on his phone. “And then his girlfriend Tanya jumping down his throat, ‘cause she doesn’t want him flirting with anyone.”

“Mike’s an asshole,” Mary commented, balling up her napkin and discarding it onto the tray she’d just finished clearing.

“Oh, so you remember Mike?” Brian asked, shaking his head.

“Uh, yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Mary challenged, making a face at him as she rose up out of her seat. “I want to go shopping now.”

“Cool, want me to show you around?” Foxy immediately offered, rising out of his seat as well. “There’s a lot of awesome stuff in the vendors room this year... if you know where to look.”

He’d originally planned to get to know the attractive young Chinese girl better over the course of the brief meal—or at the very least stimulate her interest in some subtle way, but instead he’d been forced to discreetly re-establish himself within the group hierarchy. Contrasting himself only with this guy Mary already seemed to dislike had honestly seemed too easy, but Brian’s ‘friends’ unexpectedly consisting of these jaw-dropping babes was another social paradigm altogether.

Nothing to worry about, though, Foxy smirked, crushing his empty coffee cup into a crumpled ball in his fist, and then casually tossing it over his shoulder. He heard the wadded-up cup clipping the edge of the waste receptacle’s stainless-steel funnel on the opposite side of the cafe, followed by the distinctive swish of it dropping down into the trash.

Mary noticed, catching his eye and breaking out into a smile. Good.

The others didn’t notice at all—the Kelly girl was bantering playfully with Brian as they all collected themselves and rose out of the corner booth, while Stephanie seemed completely unable to tear her eyes away from Brian, period.

Good, Foxy thought again, returning Mary’s smile, but saying nothing. Our little secret.

Besides practice, the only real secret to his little trick was squashing the cup into a ball first—he’d always score a shot at anything that was at a certain angles directly behind him. He didn’t have to try to capitalize on every single little gimmick he knew, though—he was wealthy in more ways than one, and there was still more than enough time to win Mary over. And perhaps one of the other two, as well.

“I don’t get why you hang around with this guy,” Mary stated, snorting at the scene across from her. Brian was kneeling down beside Stephanie at the edge of the booth’s bench and fussing with her boots, carefully pulling them back up her smooth legs, which she extended out one at a time. Look at her, blushing like an idiot. And for what? Him putting on this cringe-worthy chivalrous-guy act? I’d have kicked him right in the face.

“I was just pondering on why I stick around them myself, early this morning,” Kelly confided to her in a low voice, “counting off the reasons with my fingers, in a way. Don’t know how far I got in the end, but it sure was a lot of fun.”

This dark-haired girl, or rather, mostly dark-haired girl—she now noticed there were a few errant streaks of brilliant red—was watching for her reaction with a satisfied smile. It was as though Kelly was daring Mary to call her out on her double entendre, to turn unspoken tension into outright confrontation.

“Really.” Mary composed her face into an expressionless mask once again. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

“I thought you would,” Kelly’s dazzling eyes flashed, and she stepped over to Stephanie. “Steph, can I see your phone? I want to show Mary that picture you took last night.”

Snapping out of her dazed reverie, Stephanie this time actually looked hesitant to lend the girl in the gothic dress her phone again. But after a brief moment and a nervous smile, she relented and passed it into the waiting hand.

Kelly then swiped through menus on the phone with practiced flicks of her fingertip for a few seconds, and turned the screen to face Mary.

It was a picture taken in dim lighting, of a man seated upon an ordinary hotel bed. He was half-naked, wearing nothing but a pair of pants and some straps that may have been suspenders—it was difficult to tell. His figure lit only by the nearby table lamp, and the curving contour of every muscle in his chest was beautifully defined in warm, fleshy tones. His shoulders were broad, and although not buff, per se, Mary would absolutely define him as a rather scrumptious specimen. With one knee up upon the bedspread and the other leg draping down out of sight, a hand partially upraised as if to ask are you seriously taking my picture, he looked as perfect and iconic as that famous chapel ceiling painting in France. Or was it Italy?

“Very nice,” Mary said approvingly, before twisting her face in a smirk. “But, well—it looks pretty fake to me.” Can’t believe they actually took the time to shop Brian’s face onto the picture of some male model, and expected me to fall for it. Do I look that fucking stupid? What do they get out of pretending for this guy like this?

Curiosity having gotten the better of him, Foxy took a peek and had to agree—the guy in that picture definitely wasn’t Brian. When a dude works out to get a body like that, he then shows it off with the right kind of cosplay. He wouldn’t hide it under some goofy-looking skeleton minion getup. I don’t need to squint for mismatched pixels to tell this is a fake. It just takes common sense.

Hah. Mary glanced indifferently over to Brian, who was gingerly fastening up Stephanie’s boot, afraid to pinch the soft swell of her thigh between the teeth of the zipper. As if there’s even a comparison to be made in the first place. I bet under that dorky costume Brian’s just as pale, flabby, and gross as my brother. Fucking disgusting.

“Pffft! Fake, huh?” Kelly sputtered with laughter in the face of Mary’s apparent skepticism, stepping back over towards her friends just as Brian rose from his crouch and helped pull Stephanie up onto her feet.

“Aw, Brian—you can’t squat down like that, it gets your belt all twisted out of place on your outfit,” Kelly pointed out. “See? It’s all messed up.”

“It is?”

Before he had the chance to catch her blatant lie, she’d untucked the top of his costume bodysuit from his belt, peeling back the black fabric with the cartoony skeleton bones stencilled on.

Jesus, fuck, Mary’s eyes went wide at the sight. Splendidly sculptured muscle was revealed, the neat lines of a six-pack drawing her gaze down into the most delicious abdominal V she’d ever had the pleasure of witnessing in person. Okay, maybe he isn’t the guy in that picture... and maybe he is. Seriously, though… what the fuck? Since when does my brother have any fit friends?

Foxy, of course, didn’t stare hungrily like Mary did, but the glimpse he’d caught startled him. At least that explains why I haven’t been making any real headway—I haven’t been taking this guy seriously. Guess he’s like me, the kinda guy who hides his fangs until he’s ready to bite. Interesting. Been a while since I’ve even seen anyone who’s any kind of threat to me.

“Hey, it’s okay—I’ve got it,” Brian said, trying to brush Kelly’s hands away, but instead she lingered, as if slowly savoring each tug and pull as she finished righting his fabric to its proper position.

“There. All set,” Kelly announced, pulling away from him with a final friendly pat that landed square on the bulge of his cup-piece. “Are we all ready to go? I want to take a closer look around the vendor’s room, too. Wouldn’t want to miss anything, would we?”

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