AnimeCon Harem Bonus: Mayday, Mayday (Patreon)

“...Uh-oh,” Brian abruptly said. He awkwardly held his skull helmet in the crook of his arm, switched his prop Komari-mart bag to his other hand, and tugged one of his bulky costume gloves off with his teeth so that he could unlock his phone.

“Uh-oh?” Kelly echoed. With a graceful swish of her gothic lolita skirts, she stepped over to take a peek over his shoulder.

“What is it?” Stephanie asked in a timid voice.

Together, they’d eventually been able to squeeze into one of the convention center’s hallways, and were currently meandering along within the sluggish procession of attendees. While the previous day at AnimeCon’s venue had been busy, today it was a madhouse. Everywhere the trio went was gridlocked with anime fans and cosplayers. Even simply moving down one of these halls wasn’t much like walking—it was more like shuffling and stopping and then shuffling forward again in a slow-moving line.

Brian’s companions seemed to have formed some unspoken agreement—wherever he went, the two girls always fell into step on either side of him, sandwiching him in the middle. On his left, the pink-haired Stephanie was timidly clinging to his arm, adorably cute in her brightly-colored cosplay sundress, tall boots, long gloves and a pair of rabbit ears. She managed to appear chipper and jumpy, excited and nervous all at once, all too often sneaking glances back up towards him. On Brian’s right, the ever-seductive Kelly had gracefully linked her arm with his, in her impression of a proper lady’s behavior. Her demeanor—aloof disinterest with just a hint of mischievousness, perfectly suited the dark beauty of her gothic dress, an intricate and voluminous affair supported by the many folds and layers of her petticoat.

“Trouble, I think,” Brian managed around the glove’s finger he was holding between his teeth. He held his phone up so they could clearly read the message he’d received.

Zero-the-Hero: MAYDAY! MAYDAY! ANYBODY HERE AT ANIMECON HIT ME UP ASAP!!!!

“Friend of yours?” Kelly inquired, arching a lovely eyebrow. She presented another one of those amused, distant smiles of hers to him, one of those that seemed to complement her Calamity Queen outfit all too well.

The air of indifference she was affecting had a subtle possessive quality to it, a slight shift in her attitude that happened every time she caught herself staring at him, captivated. Though yesterday she’d been making fun of each and every one of these weeaboo convention-goers for being hopeless geeks, now she considered him in on the joke, somehow. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t look down on a lot of these AnimeCon losers, but she didn’t consider Brian one of them, anymore.

“Yeah, my buddy Mark. Him and I go way back, known each other since high school. He’s always gone to AnimeCon every year, but not really with our group. He’s always off doing his card thing here.”

“Card… thing?”

“Mana: the Mastery. It’s a really popular—”

“I’ve heard of it,” Kelly cut him off, jerking her chin back towards his phone. “There’s more people talking, now.”

Mick95: whaddup?

Zero-the-Hero: thank god

Zero-the-Hero: u at the con mike??

Mick95: nope lol

Zero-the-Hero: …..?!

Zero-the-Hero: where the fuck is everyone

Mick95: think everyone but emily bailed this year

Zero-the-Hero: wtf guys

Dropping his glove down into his upturned helmet, Brian quickly thumbed a response into the group chat, while a beautiful face peered with eager interest over his either shoulder.

Oberon: Im here at the con, what you need?

Mick95: no way brian

Mick95: thought u werent goin this year???

Oberon: Said who?

Zero-the-Hero: oh thank god

coffee-vein: wtf Brian.

coffee-vein: ...

coffee-vein: (?°?°??? ???

Zero-the-Hero: can u or chloe meet me

Zero-the-Hero: im in game room 4

coffee-vein: didn’t you say you weren’t going to the con?

Mick95: lol

“You go by Oberon?” Kelly observed, the dry tone of her voice suggesting she should have expected as much. “‘Oh, Brian?’ ...Do I even want to ask?”

“That’s so cool!” Stephanie gushed, blinking quickly. She flashed one of those bright, infectious smiles that seemed to light up her entire face, and Kelly found the way she brushed fluffy pink locks of hair away from her glasses incredibly distracting.

“Uh, yeah? ‘Oh Brian’ is—”

“It’s, ah, Oberon,” Stephanie grinned excitedly towards Kelly as she continued, “he was often depicted as the king of faeries in stories, from the middle ages all the way through the renaissance period. He—”

“Hey, there’s a li’l guy flipping a table,” Kelly interrupted quickly, rolling her eyes. “That’s cute.”

coffee-vein: wtf dude where have you even been?

coffee-vein: not cool.

Oberon: Not with Chloe, I can head over though

Becca-chan?(???)?: Wat

Becca-chan?(???)?: Nah wai!

Becca-chan?(???)?: Nah wai!

Becca-chan?(???)?: Brian.

Becca-chan?(???)?: Brian.

coffee-vein: lol mark

Mick95: uh not up on current events huh buddy

Becca-chan?(???)?: BRIAN.

Becca-chan?(???)?: You’re at the convention???

Zero-the-Hero: cool thanks man. game room 4. hurry

Becca-chan?(???)?: Nah wai!

coffee-vein: fuck off, becky.

Mick95: fuck off

Becca-chan?(???)?: Nah wai!

Zero-the-Hero: fuck off, becky

“These are your friends?” Stephanie asked, incredibly interested and even a little delighted. “They’re all very…um.”

“...Dorky?” Kelly supplied helpfully. “What’s with the weird names?”

“Uh… yeah, they’re… something,” Brian chuckled, unbuttoning one of the utility belt pouches at his waist. He swapped his phone for the folded AnimeCon schedule booklet—a map of the convention was printed out on the back. “The goofy names are from forever ago, I guess I just got used to them as the years went by. Game room four, game room four...”

In all honesty, they didn’t need the map on the back of the booklet to find it; all of the game rooms were along one of the hallways he’d toured hand-in-hand together with Stephanie just the day before, and Kelly had wandered through that area exploring after hours. However, if Mark really needed him, Brian proposed they should try to head there through the mess of people as directly as possible.

As the three squeezed their way through the masses together, Kelly took the AnimeCon schedule booklet from Brian’s hand. As discreetly as she could, she made eye contact with Stephanie, raised her eyebrows, and tilted her head meaningfully in Brian’s direction. Say something.

“Uh, um,” Stephanie blustered. “Brian, your, uh, that is, I was wondering, the thing your one friend kept saying, what did it mean? Nah… nah-why?”

“Oh, Becky?” Brian chuckled, shaking his head. “Her new little catchphrase is ‘nah wai.’ Apparently, this airheaded girl says it a lot, in one of the animes Becky was all into. It’s actually the Japanese character suddenly exclaiming using the english words—‘no way,’ as a thing that’s trendy over there in Japan. I guess, just with the way they sound when they say it, it comes out as ‘nah wai.’”

Stephanie’s face broke out into a grin, and she quickly glanced down at her feet in embarrassment.

“Go ahead, try it,” Brian prompted, laughing.

“...Nah wai,” Stephanie tried in a small voice, barely audible over the murmur of the surrounding crowds.

Kelly glanced up from the booklet she was pretending to read and looked across Brian towards Stephanie to smirk.

“Huh. That’s weird,” Brian remarked, smiling at Stephanie.

“Wh-what is?” She asked, blinking.

“It’s annoying when Becky keeps doing it, ‘cause she’s like, so insistent with it. Overusing it, always kinda tryin’ to force it down your throat with repetition,” Brian explained. “But when you say it, for some reason... it’s really cute.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Ah, uh, w-well, thank you,” Stephanie managed, and the girl’s cheeks reddened. She shyly searched Brian’s face, as if she was half-sure he wasn’t being serious with her.

“Wait—not fair, I didn’t hear it properly,” Kelly protested, swatting Brian’s shoulder with the borrowed booklet since she couldn’t reach Stephanie.

“I-I don’t want to overdo it,” Stephanie refused, blushing.

“Excuse me, girl in the gothic lolita! Can I get your picture?” A girl sporting a Shinobi Souls scarf called, worming her way through the opposite flow of the slowly-moving crowd towards Kelly.

“...Delighted to be of service to you, Miss,” Kelly answered in a slow, chilling voice, stopping where she stood. Rather than answering with a reflexive sure, or of course, Kelly had decided today to have fun playing around at being in-character whenever the mood struck. The attendees walking behind them lurched to a halt to awkwardly give her berth as she struck her pose.

Instead of a casual smile or even a practiced pout, when that scarf-wearing girl directed her camera towards her, Kelly’s expression transformed into a look of questioning wonder. She straightened her back, her eyes went wide, lips parted wordlessly, and she raised a finger to her chin. Her breath-taking look was actually more reflexive than planned, experience tempered through years of vanity and thousands of selfie shots. The effect was outstanding—it was an engaging look, a look that seemed to draw you in with its subtle poise and elegance, further magnified to new heights by the somber allure of her Calamity Queen outfit.

Despite the pressure of holding up everyone in the hallway, the girl in the scarf couldn’t help but pause to take one picture after another, and several of the others nearby raised their phones to snap shots as well.

“Thank you so much! I love your outfit, you look amazing!” The girl wearing the scarf managed, lowering the camera to show her beaming smile. The small bubble of space between them the crowd had given them quickly began to collapse.

“I’m undeserving of your praise,” Kelly answered expressionlessly, curtseying perfectly before turning to rejoin Brian and Stephanie.

“No, really—you’re amazing! That’s brand, right?”

“Yeah, Noblesse Oblique,” Brian chimed in quickly, noticing Kelly’s hesitation. The resuming traffic was already pushing forward and separating them from the photographer girl, but Kelly caught a last glimpse of her stunned expression before she disappeared behind an advancing group of fans.

“Nice! You’re even more popular than we are,” Brian congratulated Kelly, flashing a thumbs-up.

“Of course I am,” Kelly said, flashing him a quizzical look of disbelief that slowly morphed into her trademark stunning smile. How much did he really spend on this gothic getup? “All of you here are geeks, and I’m—well, I’m me.”

“We’re undeserving of your praise,” Brian grinned, nudging her playfully with his shoulder, and Stephanie giggled.

On route to game room four, Kelly was stopped twice more for pictures, and Stephanie was asked for hers once as well. Of course, it wasn’t until Stephanie’s picture that Kelly caught Brian discreetly slipping his helmet back on and flashing a subtle victory sign in the background of her shot. Have you been photo-bombing us?! You dickwad!

After giving Brian an exaggerated but well-deserved slap on Stephanie’s behalf—a slap that comically spun the loose skull helmet halfway around his head—Kelly realized that actually… she was honestly enjoying herself. She wasn’t just having a bit of fun, she… loved this. Being here, with these two dweebs. No, MY two dweebs. Maybe anime conventions really are my kinda thing, after all?

With a thoughtful quirk of her lip, Kelly turned her attention to the AnimeCon schedule, reading it for real this time. On one of the page spreads, the many events and panels were organized into a table based on the room they would be in and the time of day, and so at a simple glance she could see everything that was going on right now.

Game room four… hey, nothing’s going on in game room four. The little box is grayed out. Oh wait, there it is. In another half-hour, it’ll be a... ‘Mana: the Mastery regional tournament?’ Sounds like bad news. And then it goes on for the next three hours?! Kelly sincerely hoped that whatever his friend needed him for was just some quick errand before the tournament started. Let’s see, what else… AMV room? The hell is that? Aye-em-vee? Am-vuh? Amvee? Whatever. Voice-acting basics. Mechanics of mecha anime. Shinobi souls trivia face-off. Battle school anime for beginners? Hmm, Japanese sweets sounds like it might be good. Wonder if they have free samples? Oh, wait! Look at this one!

“Brian, check this out, look what panel’s just starting right now?” Kelly insisted, leaning towards him and tapping a finger in place at the listing she’d discovered.

“...Fetish 101?” He read aloud, and then shook his head with a sigh. “Weird. Normally they keep all the random kink panels as late night, after-hours kinda content.”

“Well, can we?” Kelly asked impatiently, looking at him with eager eyes.

“No way,” he laughed. “Emily and Becky went one year, and I heard it was bad. Like, they just do a rope demo and talk about safety, but all the weirdo creeper guys show up there to stare down any girls naive enough to attend. Desperate eyes and watering mouths, and all that.”

Rope demo? Kelly wondered, frowning. When I think of fetish, I picture the normal stuff—black leather and latex, dudes jacking off while they lick the boots of their dominatrix, that sort of stuff. Rope demo like, hanging from a noose, that erotic asphyxiation stuff? What if one of those pervs ends up necking himself at the convention?

“They said it wasn’t worth my time,” Brian said, noticing Kelly’s frown. “Besides, I definitely don’t want to expose Steph to that—I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, alright,” Kelly agreed reluctantly, glancing past Brian to Stephanie. I think that’s a great idea, though.

As they neared the game room, the hallway’s traffic slowed to a crawl, and they saw game room four’s door was flanked on either side by staff members standing on their chairs, calling out for everyone to show their badges. After waiting several long minutes in the deadlock of packed people, the trio finally made it through the doors… much to their dismay.

“What. Is. That,” Kelly grimaced, dropping the elegant lolita facade and covering her nose with the back of her hand. The game room was enormous, but so overstuffed with people that it seemed downright claustrophobic inside. With so many fans packed in that it was standing-room only, and they could barely see the long tables for card players. Unlike the hallways outside, the entire room positively reeked of unwashed bodies, and Stephanie almost backed right back out of the room upon entering.

“Whew, yeah, wow. Shoulda just kept my helmet on,” Brian joked, standing upon his tiptoes in attempt to catch a glimpse of Mark amidst the sea of attendees.

“Steph, is that friend you were ‘bout to room with here?” Kelly asked, keeping her nose covered. “Did she play cards?”

“N-no,” Stephanie protested, looking queasy. “But, um, Brian, I can’t. I r-really can’t.”

“Yeah, me either,” Kelly agreed, squeezing an arm past Brian to take Stephanie’s hand. “We’ll wait outside somewhere, or… something. This is bad.”

“Yeah… alright, damn. Here, quick,” Brian said, settling his helmet over his head so that he had both hands free to dig through the pouches of his utility belt. He passed Kelly her phone, her crumpled twenty-dollar-bill, and the spare keycard to their hotel room. “In case we really get separated. I’m gonna find out what Mark needs me for, then I’ll text you guys soon as I can.”

“This servant eagerly awaits your command,” Kelly bowed her head gracefully, slipping back into character. Before she withdrew, she sighed and gave Stephanie a slight, expectant shove towards Brian.

“I’m sorry, I-I, uh, it’s just, I really can’t—” She apologized timidly, letting him take her hands.

“Totally fine, it really is bad in here,” Brian said through his helmet. “Try to stick with Kelly, okay?”

“I will,” Stephanie affirmed, nodding with a bob of her costume’s rabbit ears. “An-and, um… here.” She hopped up to give him a peck on the plastic cheekbone of his skull helmet before blushing furiously and turning away to follow Kelly’s dark dress out of the room.

“Hey, wait. Girls!” Brian yelled, lifting his helmet. She turned and caught his eye just as she was squeezing her way out the door. “...Promise me you two won’t set foot inside that weird Fet panel.”

Kelly smiled at him, a wide, magnificent and gorgeous smile that positively radiated evil, and he felt himself regretting even reminding her.

“As my lord wishes,” She called back obediently, bowing. “I give you my solemn vow. We won’t disgrace our feet with even one step upon the foul floors of that place.” Her eloquent, dramatic manner of speech earned some laughter from the people still pushing past her into the room for the tournament, and Brian gave the girls a lopsided grin and a parting wave as they disappeared from sight.

“S-sorry,” Stephanie managed, as soon as her and Kelly had broken free of the mob trying to get into the Mana: the Mastery tournament and found some breathing room. “I just, I c-couldn’t, with that smell, and-and I know I’m probably ruining your plan—”

“Everything’s fine,” Kelly said in a comforting voice, raising her hand to gently caress her fingertips across Stephanie’s cheek. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head. It’s not like I could stand that awful stink, either.”

“Wh-what are we going to do, though?” Stephanie asked, apprehensive.

“What do you think?” Kelly tilted her head at the girl, like the answer was already obvious. “We’re on our way to Fetish 101.”

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