Locker Room Rumble (Anime Crossover) (Patreon)

“Then he started swearing up and down that he didn’t pee his pants and I totally called him on his bluff,” Naruto laughed to himself as he stood by the lockers with the door open.

“Oh really? What a loser,” Luffy laughed.

“I’m sure he’s trying his best… it is pretty funny though,” Gon chimed in with an equal amount of amusement at the edge of his voice.

Yes, these three were standing in the locker room, shooting the shit, right before they were expected to go out and compete in a four way match with one another and someone else who currently wasn’t here yet. There were no hard feelings between them as they all shared a pretty common element amongst one another.

They were all currently wearing briefs.

Sound a bit strange as a thing to bond over? Well, it wasn’t. After all, being in a locker room was the equivalent to being in the jungle. There were predators all over who were willing and ready to pounce on anyone they could for their taste in underwear.

It was just how this worked. If you wore tighty whities, the undies of choice that sapped your strength and coolness right out of your body, you were to be given immediate wedgies and swirlies.

These three had nothing to worry about in that department though. They were considered super strong and when Naruto bashfully yanked down his pants at the same time the other two did when opening their lockers, he caught glimpses of what they were all wearing and the atmosphere around them lightened up immediately.

Soon, they were telling stories about their lives to one another without much hesitation.

There were some colorful elements to these undies. Naruto’s had a green elastic and images of cartoon froggies on them. Luffy’s had a bright pink elastic and some unicorns on them which was prompting him to shuffle about and tug on his shift to cover the images a bit more despite them wearing the same type of underwear. Gon was simply in a pair of regular briefs.

The levels of which the undies were mature was noticeably different amongst them all, which kept a minor amount of tension in the air.

Right now, the stories were a distraction from that though.

“So, this guy with the duck butted hair–” Luffy began.

“Sasuke,” Naruto corrected.

“Soy Sauce. Yeah. Anyway, that guy peed his pants right there in front of everyone in the cafeteria?” Luffy wanted to make sure.

“Sure did. Said I spilled milk on his shorts but we all knew that was a lie,” Naruto grinned, waving that off.

“Oh really?” Gon raised a brow.

“Yup,” Naruto said, assured of his storytelling abilities. “He thinks he’s so cool and junk but that day he proved that he’s just a little baby.”

“Hmm…” Gon smirked, sipping on a juice box as he observed Naruto.

“What? What’s that look for?” Naruto asked.

“Nothing… I’m just… wondering if that’s the whole story, is all,” Gon confirmed with a shrug.

Naruto raised a brow. “If you want to say I’m lying then go ahead. It’s the truth.”

Luffy began laughing. “I dunno. I can sense that you’re a bit jittery right now. Maybe it IS a lie.”

Naruto suddenly felt a tad uncomfortable. He grumbled with his arms crossed. “You’re gonna call me a liar based on a feeling? That’s weird. I mean, what do you even know about me?”

“It’s just… if you don’t like the guy then why were you sitting next to him so close as to be able to spill milk on him?” Gon asked, perking up a bit.

“We were in the same squad…!” Naruto said.

“But didn’t you say that the Academy stuff was before you formed the squad?” Gon grinned.

“Ah-ha!” Luffy laughed and pointed. “Liar!”

“Shut up!” Naruto blushed suddenly. “Ugh. Fine! The milk spilled on ME okay?”

Gon and Luffy began laughing.

“Hey, you said he was lying about spilling milk… maybe you’re lying about spilling milk and you’re the one who peed his pants,” Luffy accused suddenly.

Gon’s eyes got big but he snickered as he contemplated the idea.

Naruto blushed and got more and more fed up. “You can’t just go and re-write my story to be about humiliating ME. It happened to Sasuke!”

“But your story makes no sense anymore,” Luffy pointed out with a toothy grin. “Haha! Big baby ninja went pee pee in his pants!”

Naruto’s face steamed red as he leered at Luffy. “Oh yeah? Well, what about you! That story you told me of you beating up your two older brothers sounds fake as hell!”

Luffy’s eyes snapped open and a small blush crossed his face. “N-Nuh uh! I did! I could beat them now at least!”

“NOW isn’t the same as back then and you said you did it when you were younger!” Naruto accused.

“No I didn’t!” Luffy snapped.

“Yes, you did!” Naruto snapped back.

“Actually, yes, you did,” Gon confirmed back to Luffy.

Luffy’s lip quivered a bit with an angry pout before he grumbled out a whiny, “Well… I didn’t MEAN to. I could totally beat them now.”

“Yeah right,” Naruto said. “You won’t even be able to defeat me.” Naruto said, pointing to himself.

“What? Yes I could. A baby ninja who pees his pants? Why not?” Luffy asked.

“First, I didn’t pee my pants. Second, because I’m higher up on the underwear hierarchy then you.You’re the biggest loser here! I could take you easy, you big baby!” Naruto sneered.

“YOU’RE a baby!” Luffy poked at Naruto’s chest, unconsciously tugging down the front of his shirt in a vain attempt to hide his embarrassing underwear.

“Everyone can see the cute whittle unicorns on your briefs,” Naruto chimed in. “Those look perfect for filling up with pee, like a dumb baby!”

“I… I don’t… GRRRRRNNNGH!” Luffy stammered out nonsense and began stamping his foot about in a childish tantrum.

Gon started laughing as he held his now empty juice box. The two arguing boys turned to look at him.

“So, you guys are saying that the underwear hierarchy works even when it comes to different kinds of briefs?” Gon asked, licking his lips. “Cause if that’s true then I’ve got you both beat!”

Both Luffy and Naruto blushed and clenched their fists.

“Not… not true!” Naruto said.

“Y-Yeah! B-Briefs are briefs. The colors and pictures on them don’t make them different underwear!” Luffy tried to argue.

Gon put his fists to his hips and smirked with confidence. “If that’s true then why even call them tighty whities and underoos? Eh? Wouldn’t they all be just normal briefs if that were the case?”

Naruto and Luffy began blushing a deeper red, sweating a bit as they looked at one another.

“Look, you–!” Luffy began before he was interrupted by the arrival of the fourth person.

“Hey, could you move?” Came the voice of a small sounding kid.

Luffy, Gon, and Naruto turned their heads to see entering from off the side a small in stature, Kid Goku. He sucked down on a bottle of water as he strutted his way in between them and then past them to reach his locker, all the while turning the dial to open it.

In doing so, he was presenting to them himself in a pair of light sky blue boxers.

The three older looking and taller boys just stared at him for a while before Kid Goku caught wind of the eyes on him and turned to look at them.

Silence hung in the air before he spoke up.

“Are you three wearing briefs?” He asked. “Krillin told me those are the undies of losers. You probably shouldn’t wear those in here.”

The three of them sucked in their lips, blushing profusely at the humiliation that came with being talked down to like that by this young as hell looking boy.

It stayed like that for a bit before Naruto spoke up in defiance of this once more.

“N-No! There are different levels to it though! Briefs aren’t all the same!” Naruto said.

“Y-Yeah!” Gon said, clenching his fists with determination. “I’m the coolest of these three. My briefs are plain. Naruto’s has little froggies on them and Luffy’s got a pink elastic and some unicorns on his. He even keeps trying to hide them.”

Luffy jolted, covered in sweat as he looked at Gon.

“Really?” Goku asked, turning around.

“Y-Yeah!” Naruto pointed at Luffy. “He’s the weakest of us! Clearly!”

Luffy gasped as he looked at Naruto this time. “Y-You… hnnngh!”

Goku turned around looked Luffy up and down. He then sucked more on his water bottle before wiping his mouth.

“Alright then, let’s test that out,” Goku said.

Gon and Naruto both got mischievous grins on their faces as they turned to face the now shocked Luffy.

“H-HEY! NO! STOP!” Luffy waved his hands back and forth, feeling his underoos dampen with a bit of pee.

“Make us stop!” Naruto smirked.

“FINE!” Luffy grunted and swung his arms back. “GUM GUM–!”

ZIP!

Suddenly, Goku had zipped in front of Luffy with his fist raised. Luffy looked right at him, eyes super wide with shock… right before Goku landed a devastating punch right to his chin for a massively powerful looking uppercut to the jaw!

Luffy’s eyes crossed and his tongue flopped out the side of his mouth. With glassy eyes, his arms fumbled at his sides and he teetered back and forth before his body began spasming and jittering.

He then, while drooling all over himself, flopped onto his back, arms and legs spread out, completely out cold.

“Whoa. That was easy…” Goku said, looking at his fist.

Gon and Naruto stood with their eyes wide and jaws slack.

“I-Isn’t he made of rubber?” Gon asked.

“H-How did that work?” Naruto asked as well.

Goku clenched his fist and looked at the two of them. “Oh. I heard one of the people I’m supposed to be fighting uses something called a Devil Fruit. I trained a bit to learn something called haki. Didn’t take long to figure out.”

Behind them, a puddle was forming around Luffy’s crotch.

“Anyway, I’m gonna get changed. I left my clothes in the locker and I just finished my shower…” Goku said, turning back to his locker.

“Hmph…” Naruto grinned. “See? It’s because of the underwear. It only took one hit to knock him out. Haki or no haki.”

Goku stopped. “No. It’s because I’m strong.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Look kid, you may BE strong but there’s no way you could land a hit like that without the underwear hierarchy working its magic.”

Goku looked Naruto up and down. “Or maybe it’s not the underwear’s fault. Maybe weaklings are just attracted to briefs.”

Naruto and Gon gasped in unison.

What a sick burn!

“WHO’RE YOU CALLING WEAK YOU-DOOOOOOF!” Naruto’s eyes got cartoonishly big and he began drooling all over himself when Goku beamed a punch to HIS gut next.

Naruto grabbed his gut, bent over with his butt sticking out, panting like a dog in heat as he gasped for air.

“N… n… nooo…” Naruto mumbled before he fell forward and hit the floor, butt in the air and asleep.

Gon shrieked and pressed his back to the lockers, shaking all over.

Why was he so scared all of a sudden? This wasn’t like him. It wasn’t like any of them really.

Was it… the underwear or was it… some sort of mind game?

Either way, Goku turned to him last and said, “You believe this stuff too huh?”

“Uh… well…?” Gon gulped.

Goku jumped and did a karate chop to Gon’s neck!

“GUH…!” Gon smiled dumbly and then his eyes fluttered. He stumbled about and fell, draping his body over that of Luffy’s, out cold too.

Goku sighed as he got dressed in his orange gi and was about to head out to fight. However, when he saw the three bodies on the floor he frowned in pity and began loading them into a laundry basket. Their butts and limbs stuck out of it like the weird mess of bodies it was.

He pushed the cart outside and left it there before heading to the ring to fight.

“Our first contestant has arrived folks,” The announcer shouted. “It’s Son Goku!”

Goku stood tall in the first of the four corners of the stage and waited with baited breath for his challengers to walk out.

“I can’t wait. All that dumb talk about underwear put me in the mood to face people who are actually strong fighters!” He grinned, peppy and happy.

The snoring losers in the laundry basket outside the ring were on top of one another in a contorted heap, unaware that the fight had started.

It was a very awkward time but eventually, someone pointed out the unconscious underwear-clad losers in the basket and the ref, in response to this, raised Goku’s arm and declared him the winner.

As the cheering went off, Goku stared out into space and blinked, massively confused.

“Wait… were those guys…?”

When the realization hit, he actually blushed.

He just thought those were some weirdos occupying the locker room.

Sucking in his lip, he marched off the stage and decided to try and find the promoter of these matches.

He wished to come again next week and also desired some fighters that were more worth his time.

Preferably people who wore boxers.

—

Another underwear hierarchy story in the bag. It continues to challenge the age old mystery of what truly makes the man. Is the underwear what makes you weak or are the weak attracted to the underwear? It’s a mystery, one I dare not be so bold as to pretend I have the answer to. Come again next time for something even more thought provoking, probably.

Who's loss was the most funny or satisfying?