Turf War 69 (Splatoon) (Patreon)

“Come on, put your hands in! We’ll win this as easy as one, two, three…!” Inkling Boy grinned, putting his hand towards the center while standing in the locker room amongst his team. The blue squid haired boy with his tight bike shorts and white shirt was practically beaming with intense furiosity. He was certain that victory was in the cards for him and his buddies today. It wasn’t a matter of if but when.

His two teammates looked a little less sold on the idea though.

“You know you say this every time, right?” A lighter blue haired boy with spectacles on his face and a polka dotted shirt stated with a bit of a sigh at the edge of his voice. He was often accused of being the smartest of the three because he wore glasses but really it was mostly an aesthetic thing. In reality, he figured the three of them shared a similar intelligence but he was a bit more cynical. How could he not be though? They were basically a team of losers.

“Come on Specs,” Inkling Boy said with a sparkle in his fangs. “Don’t give me that right when we’re about to go out there and kick butt in the Turf War.”

“Can you blame him?” Their third member, a darker skinned Inkling Boy with green squid hair and a scary looking black bandana that had the pattern of what looked like false vampire teeth on it spoke up. He had on a green winter’s coat too, which was often confusing to those who played the game with him. The boy shorts he had on seemed to insinuate that he knew the weather wasn’t appropriate for it. Maybe he was naturally cold all the time but the coat just balanced things out?

“Not you too Bandana…” The main Inkling Boy pouted a tad.

“I’m just saying, if we humiliate ourselves out there again that bravado of yours is going to continue to be less convincing,” Bandana stated while tugged down his face mask. He then smirked. “That said, I’m no quitter. I’m going to show those girls out there that this is a Turf War that’ll make it rain not just ink but the fabric of their outfits. That’s how big of a loss they’re going to suffer today.”

“Oh! See, Specs? Bandana has the right idea!” The main Inkling Boy narrowed his eyes at the spectacled one.

Specs sighed. “Alright Cobalt,” He said to their de facto leader. “I suppose I can give this another go with a spring in my step. After all, with how much trash those girls talked before today’s Turf War, I’d feel lame not punishing them for it.” He said with a smirk and a glare in his lenses.

“Haha! That’s the spirit!” Cobalt smirked with an even wider grin as he put his hand forward again. “Now, on three! We make a declaration that the ink we spray will explode into them so hard they’ll go home crying all nakie and stupid! Let’s hear it!”

“You sounded so convincing until that last part,” Bandana chuckled, putting his hand on top of Cobalt’s. “I’m in though. I’ve been doing some heavy duty training since the last one.”

“Hmph. Yes, yes. You’ve told us about five times before we got in here,” Specs grinned as he rested his hand on the pile lastly. “Let us put that bravado to good use!”

“Three, two, one, INKLING BOYS!” They shouted and raised their hands in unison.

Their rallying cry was loud enough to echo across the locker room and with a gusto, they each grabbed their ink guns and sprinted for the map where they’d engage in this, their surefire win of the century.

—

A Turf War was about to get underway.

It was a game where two teams took to covering as much of the map they were on in as much ink as they could and whoever had the most at the end would be the winning team.

The opponent of the boys were ahead of them now. They were three Inkling Girls. One with Orange hair, named Tangerine, one with violet hair named Hair Pin, and one with yellow hair named Grid.

The way the boys came onto the map and posed with the bright shinning sun behind them was a sight to behold, for sure. They looked cool and confident as the announcer called them up. Their team name was “Insane Victory” if you could believe it.

It sounded impressive but then the announcer laid out the details behind the three boys and their confident smirks turned into embarrassed uncomfortable half-smirks as they tried their best to maintain the cool looks on their now sweaty faces.

“Team Insane Victory is quite the ironic name,” the announcer began. “This particular team of boys crashed onto the scene quite a while ago and a record that currently sits at 0-68. That’s zero wins and sixty-eight losses. If after today they walk away with a win they’ll have deprived everyone of an illustrious sixty-nine losses. Still, it would be quite the promising feather in their cap.”

The crowd watching was pretty loud but the sounds they were making weren’t that unmistakable. It was clearly mostly laughter.

Cobalt blushed and his annoyed face had an eye twitching a bit. He was still smiling but it was clearly an angry, bothered, forced grin. Seeing the girls giggle at them across the way wasn’t helping. Specs simply fixed his glasses and Bandana clenched his fists repeatedly. He was more than ready to show them how viable a good training regime was.

“Across from them is Team Powerhouse. These girls have an impressive record of 48-20. That’s a considerable amount more than half the number of Turf Wars they’ve been in won by them. Of course, the other teams they face off against are also formidable. These boys seem to be the only outliers but perhaps today will see a change in the old guard.”

“Well… he ALMOST had our back there…” Specs commented.

From the stand across the way, Tangerine picked up a megaphone and spoke into it to have a pre-battle chat with, but mostly to lightly taunt, the boys.

“Before we begin I’d like to congratulate you boys on this special occasion. Your 69th loss is going to be very NICE!” She said with a giggle at the edge of her voice.

Grid and Hair Pin all chanted, “NICE!” over and over again before Tangerine couldn’t take it anymore and broke out into a laughing fit.

“Ah yes, 69,” Bandana muttered. “The funny number.”

Cobalt picked up a megaphone and spoke into it as well. “You girls have no idea what you’re in for. We’ve been training heavily since our last match. We’re confident you’re going to get ink exploded into you so hard you’ll run home crying and nakie.”

“Nakie?” Hair Pin said.

“Naked,” Specs corrected before turning to Cobalt and whispering, “Please use big boy words.”

“Why? I’m trying to talk to them like they’re babies,” Cobalt said.

“Yes, but when you say it like that it sounds more like you’re talking like a baby!” Specs grumbled.

All of this was coming through on the megaphone and it was really not making them look any better.

“Hey. How about we show you boys who the actual babies are in our own way when this is done?” Grid shouted back over.

“You’re on!” Bandana shouted. “We’ve already committed ourselves to doing so anyway! Let’s get his game on!” He voice rang out, making a loud screech over the device. Still, it was enough to ignite the fervor of the crowd so they all began chanting with excitement.

“I guess that’s a good enough cue to start,” The announcer began and raised his flag. “Three… two… one… GO!”

The game began quickly with the boys gripping their blasters and sliding down to the lower main decks of the map. They each split apart instantly and attempted to circle around towards the front tower the girls were on.

“I’m going to head them off at the pass,” Bandana said as he spoke into his ear piece. “Don’t complain if I take them out first.”

“You might have some trouble doing that,” Cobalt said as he spoke up next. “They’re already gone from their perch.”

“WHAT?!” Bandana stopped and looked around. Suddenly, a huge explosion of orange ink went off right beside him. He was coated in a little bit of it as a result but not too much of it, thankfully. “Dammit. They’re fast!”

He got to spraying the area down, certain that they must have ran off and threw bombs from where they were hiding to get a head start of dousing their side of the map with ink. Granted, the whole map was fair game. He just needed to make sure it was covered mostly in their team’s blue ink.

“I guess I’m staying to deal with these bombs they’ve thrown,” Bandana spoke into his ear piece. “Find the girls and demolish them guys!”

“Will do!” Cobalt and Specs said in unison before Cobalt heard the sound of ink firing a bit from above. He turned his head and noticed Tangerine running along the side of a walkway, spraying the ground and heading for the area they just came from.

Cobalt grumbled in annoyance. It was really bothersome how fast they were.

“New plan,” He turned to Specs. “You head for the girls’ base and set up ink bombs there. I’ll handle Tangerine.”

“Alright. Should be simple enough to do,” Specs said as he charged ahead. “RAAAAAH!”

Cobalt smirked and made a gracious leap onto the walkway above before firing a blast at Tangerine’s back.

The girl stopped and ducked at the last second before swiftly turning and firing at him!

“WHOA!” Inkling Boy jumped back and the orange ink landed in front of him. He growled and pointed his rifle at her. “Ha. You’re not the only one with good dodging strats!”

“Yeah, but I’m the one who’s ahead of you!” Tangerine grinned and stuck her tongue out at Cobalt, blowing a spit raspberry at him.

An angry anime vein popped on his head. “Think you’re so tough eh?!” He then charged at her, spraying ink out in front of her while shouting, “GET INKED!”

Tangerine licked her lips and charged a huge blast in his direction.

Cobalt’s eyes got big but he put on a steely determined look.

He stopped and readied himself before leaping up right as the charge shot fired and blasted underneath his legs. He then spun over her while firing down at her body!

Tangerine yelped a little and had to do a bit of swift dancing about to avoid getting hit with his blue ink.

When Cobalt did the superhero landing right in front of her he stood back up and cocked his gun with a mighty grin.

“See? I’m in front of you now!” He said, a sparkle in his teeth yet again.

However, in the strange haze of blue and orange that came with his eyes adjusting to what was in front of him, he reacted a bit too late to the fact that Tangerine was already on the move… heading RIGHT for him with a large paint roller!

Cobalt’s eyes got as big as dinner plates.

SPLAT!

He was rolled over!

“Aaaaand now I’m back in front of you…!” Tangerine giggled.

Inkling Boy was flattened on the walkway, eyes crossed and tongue out. Not only that but the bristles of the brush had ripped off the front half of his clothes, exposing his Blue Clues briefs and bare chest and legs to the onlooking crowd. The heavy laughter was instantaneous.

His body popped back into shape as he murmured in a shaky voice, “W-Well at weast yer shot missed me frum before… duhh?”

Tangerine smirked at that. “That’s what you think…” She muttered.

Tangerine’s large charge shot did indeed miss Cobalt but it flew overhead and blasted a heavy ocean of orange ink right in front of their tower.

That just so happened to be the direction Specs was headed so when the area was suddenly coated in ink before him, he shrieked and pulled to a stop.

“Damn…!” He grumbled. “Now I gotta go around this. Trying to go through it will just slow me down… OR–!” He grinned and cocked his gun before pointing it at the ink before him. “I can just change it to blue!”

Before he could however, several shot rained into him from behind!

“GAAAAH!” he screamed loudly as his back was coated in the strength draining ink of the opposite team. He stumbled directly into the still orange ink before him and tried to turn to fire at whoever was behind him.

However, his gun was shot from his hands before he could fire!

“N-NO WAY!” Specs gasped, face drenched in sweat.

“Yes way!” Hair Pin smirked as she stood kneeled down in front of Specs with her eyes trained on him. “Now how hard do you want these shots to be? Ultra hard or super hard?”

Specs backed up. “I-Is there a difference?!”

Hair Pin cocked her gun. “Nope. I just wanted to see your eyes fill with a tiny bit of hope before I dashed it.”

“C-C-COBALT!” Specs tried to turn to run but found the tower he was headed to was right in front of him. He ended up kissing it when his face bashed into it. He wobbled back, eyes rolling with his tongue out a bit before more shots were fired directly into him! “GYAAAAAAH!”

Hair Pin launched her barrage into his body! He was dancing in place, trying to somehow get out of the barrage but eventually, his body flopped about as he was gunned down. The shots demolished his clothes and sent them fluttering off him in shreds before he was down to just his Superman tighty whities.

Specs clawed at the tower to try and climb up it but the shots kept pelting him until he was eventually knocked unconscious. He slid down the front of it, leaving a trail of orange ink behind, before slumping against it with his body in an uncomfortable looking position.

It looked like a scene from a horror movie, only it was clearly just ink thankfully. Hair Pin couldn’t help but laugh at the scene though. The shot that Tangerine gave did well to stop him in his tracks. Now she just needed Grid to finish setting up her trap so Tangerine could wrap this up.

Where was Grid? Why she was currently hurling ink bombs from her position over to where Bandana was.

However, Bandana was refusing to give in and was hurling ink bombs of his own in the direction he saw them flying at him from.

“You can’t beat me with these bombs! Show yourself so I can shove one down your pants and really make a mess!” Bandana growled as he held two more of them up.

Suddenly, about four more of them came and landed around him in a circle.

“Dammit!” Bandana sprayed a line of ink on the ground and dove into it. He then sprinted along it as the ink bombs exploded.

He burst from below and gasped.

He was surrounded by a sea of orange. There wasn’t an inch of blue in sight.

“What about all my bombs?!” Bandana snapped.

“Here they are!” Grid suddenly popped out of the orange ink and yanked back Bandana’s pants.

“Eh?” Bandana froze, face turning a bit pale as his scared, wide eyes shined with a realization as to what was about to happen.

He felt the bombs he just tossed drop down the back of his pants and rest against his underwear before Grid led the waistband of his tight bike shorts go and snap against his butt.

She then dove back down into the orange ink and swam off.

Bandana began wetting himself right then and there. The yellow trickling down his legs wasn’t going to count towards marking their territory but the blue ink that exploded in his pants definitely did!

“WAAAAAAAAAH!” Bandana screamed, eyes spewing tears as he soared through the sky, coated in blue ink and in nothing but his Care Bears briefs with a neat pink elastic. His name was even on the waistband. It was cute.

Grid popped out of the ink and began spraying the pond of blue in front of her before contacting Tangerine. “It’s all set-up. You can finish this now.”

“Good,” Tangerine said on the other end before turning to face Cobalt. “Time for you to take a dive and go night night now.”

“What are you talking about?” Cobalt panted. He had a few orange ink splotches on him but nothing too serious… well, minus the front half of his clothes being completely gone.

Comparatively, it did annoy him that Tangerine was only mildly covered in blue ink. There wasn’t nearly as much of his on her as there was of hers on him. It was frustrating.

Just when Cobalt was about to inquire further, he heard Bandana screaming and looked up to see him soaring overhead.

“BANDANA!” Cobalt shouted, shocked by this.

Following that was a tidal wave of ocean ink from Grid’s bombs going off that saw the entire area underneath the walkway they were on getting completely submerged. Below him might as well have been a pit of lava.

“Eyes on ME!” Tangerine pointed her gun and shot off a round of machine gun like blasts of ink at Cobalt.

“YEEK!” Cobalt’s attention had been successfully divided! He swiftly, or as swiftly as he could, tried to dodge to the side but he was unable to watch his footing and he slipped on, ironically, a dropped splotch of his own ink.

“Watch your step loser, it’s a real doozy all the way down,” Tangerine taunted.

“BWAAGH!” Cobalt yelped as he fell over and banged his head on the steel walkway. His eyes crossed and he saw stars and birdies immediately.

However, the momentum of the fall wasn’t done with him. His entire body tumbled over the side of the walkway and he began falling, face first towards the ink while screaming with frightened wide eyes. “NOOOOOOOO! GWAAAAAAAH!”

SPLOOSH!

Tangerine smiled as she saw him fall right into the ocean of orange ink. He floated there, face down with only his butt and the top of his head, arms, and legs visible. She could see the butt of his briefs now as the fall tore apart the remainder of his clothes.

“That takes care of the opposition,” Tangerine spoke into her head piece. “Now let’s clean this place up while our babies here have their nap.”

With that, the crowd got to watch the remaining time tick down as the girls just freely sprayed the remainder of the map with ink.

“TIME’S UP!”

The time was called and the three girls dragged the unconscious, underwear clad boys onto their tower with them before they raised their fists in the air.

“THE WINNER… TEAM POWERHOUSE!”

The crowd cheered loudly for them.

The girls all laughed and hugged one another, jumping up and down with excitement. Easy win or not, it was still great pulling off a victory together.

Tangerine then grabbed the megaphone from before and let her voice boom into it with a gracious, but still cocky, sounding acknowledgement of the boys’ latest achievement.

“Hey everyone, let’s give it up for the boys too,” She said with a grin. “They’ve just made history. We’ve got a team with a NICE 69 losses! As a celebration, they ought to be dressed appropriately and put into the correct position eh?”

The crowd’s cheering and laughter mixed within grew insane.

Grid, Hair Pin, and Tangerine each gave one another a devious smirk and a nod before they reached down and grabbed the briefs of the sleeping loser before them.

Grid yanked off Bandana’s briefs and nudged his naked body off the tower so that it went splat onto the ink below.

Tangerine did the same with Cobalt and kicked him off so that his face landed on Bandana’s crotch while his crotch landed on Bandana’s face.

Hair Pin took Specs’ briefs off with her foot and then booted him in the butt so that he flopped on top of the two of them in a comfy pile.

The three girls raised their briefs up high and let them flutter in the wind as flags of victory.

In a way, “Insane Victory” was an apt name. It was quite silly to think that they had a chance at beating them. One could call their notion of possible victory ‘insane’ to be certain.

–

“DAMMIT!” Bandana screamed, standing naked in the locker room while ringing out his bandana with his hands. “I trained and TRAINED my butt off but she totally demolished me. I even peed myself!”

“You did what?” Specs looked over at him.

Bandana blushed. “Uh… I-I mean… I… sp-spirtually… I… uhm…”

Cobalt cut in with a shaky laugh, “I-It’s okay. W-We’ll win eventually. I-I mean… t-technically we made history tonight r-right?!”

“Making history isn’t always a good thing! We look like a bunch of naked fools!” Specs snapped. “What could possibly happen from our loss here that would make this okay?!”

Suddenly, the door to the locker room was bashed open and the girls team rushed in, smirking brightly.

“EEEEEK!” Bandana, Cobalt, and Specs all shrieked and hugged each other. Then, when they realized they were all naked, they jumped away from each other and covered themselves with their hands.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!” Specs shouted.

“YEAH! GET OUT!” Cobalt snapped. “THIS IS THE BOYS LOCKER ROOM!”

“Yeah,” Tangerine said. “You’re right. This locker room is for boys. BIG boys. You three are a bunch of babies though, as proven by your loss today.”

“WHAT?!” Bandana snarled, angry and blushing a deep red.

“So, we brought you a special present,” Grid smirked and revealed a huge package of pink and white Hello Kitty patterned diapers.

“WHAT THE–?!” The boys all looked on in shock, eyes super wide with astonishment.

“You’re the ones who proposed this idea of the losers being babies,” Hair Pin shrugged. “We’re just here to show you what that really means to us!”

“As if you’re putting that on ME! Get OUT of here!” Bandana snapped and attempted to kick at Grid when the girls approached them.

Grid hummed a happy little diddy and grabbed Bandana’s leg.

“YIPE!” Bandana gasped as his body toppled over and his head bashed against the floor. Immediately, his eyes began spinning and birdies chirped as they flew around his head. He also began drooling and blowing bubbles with his lips. “Blubblublblurrb!”

“Wow. Such a tiny wee wee for a guy with such bravado.” Grid said as she observed him closely.

She then tossed Bandana and watched his smack into the lockers. He flopped over onto the floor, ass over teakettle with a goofy look on his face.

Specs and Cobalt looked at that and then turned to face the girls. They then looked at each other and swiftly tried to lunge at them in a vain attempt to take them out before they were done in!

However, Tangerine and Hair Pin were just too fast.

With a kick from Hair Pin to Spec’s chin and a punch to Cobalt’s exposed balls from Tangerine, the boys were downed immediately, twitching and jerking about on the ground.

The girls then laughed as they dragged them into a fitting diaper change position and hoisted their butts in the air above the laid out diapers.

The three of them were aware of what was happening but were too dizzy and dazed to stop it. They just blushed and whimpered as their crotches and bottoms were powdered.

Then when their butts were laid on their diapers, they were taped up and their fronts were patted, making a small poof of white powder spring out from each of their pampers.

“We got that ALL on tape too!” Tangerine said, revealing her smartphone. That was all done one-handed. She had excellent form. “So, unless you want this video to go public, you’ll make regular visits to us for more diaper changes and more videos of our bonding moments, alright babies?”

The three of them just nodded, teeth clenched as they laid there on the locker room floor.

“Good. Now it’s night night time again.” Grid said.

The three of them got an insane look of fear on their faces again before the sound of a loud cartoonish fight cloud complete with wacky fist sounds and screeching cats echoed throughout the locker room.

When it was done, Tangerine dusted off her hands as she exited the area, saying with a bright smile on her face, “Next time we need to get them a crib!”

The other two girls laughed.

Back in the locker room, the boys were stacked on top of each other again, their poofy diaper butts sticking out as they slept and drooled on top of each other.

The girls knew they were going to put them to sleep, which is why they were all dressed in Sesame Street themed footed pajamas. Blue for Cobalt, aqua-green for Specs, and a nice pink for Bandana.

They snored lightly in their loser pile as calls for the next match rang outside the locker room. Pretty soon, a team of boys who could actually win would show up and find these babies sleeping.

Whether or not their naptime would be disturbed and how was up to them.

—

I did a Splatoon story! I really, really like this one too! I pretty much cut loose with this one. A swift loss and a swift punishment. It felt good. I hope you enjoyed it too. Tell me which part was the most fun or embarrassing. See you next time.