Chapter 2112 (Patreon)

ToC: https://www.patreon.com/posts/23899958

The abyss around them collapsed as his hand ripped into the internal space of Rage’s form and tore through his core. The energy sputtered and groped, but the important knot tying the storm together was severed. When the Grey Creature struck, it did not hesitate. It lashed out with intent to kill.

Rage growled, a soft noise in the spreading silence.

Meanwhile, Randidly felt strangely unmoored without the beating of the heart. His skin prickled. The organ had become the engine of more than just his body, tied implicitly to his Nether Core and the flows of energy that animated him. Energy was tied closely with its operations. Without the constant pumps, with his physical heart damaged, he felt hollow and empty. His energy flows slowed to a crawl. The two stood opposite each other on the bare island, the flames and heat dissipated.

Obviously, Randidly’s Stats were high enough damage to his heart rapidly began to heal. Yet there was something strangely cleansing and harrowing about those few moments of absolute silence inside of him. He stood without moving, feeling the fingers of death laying across the back of his neck. He didn’t even breathe. He watched Rage solemnly, the other version of him having a hand-sized canyon carved out of his upper body.

Blood dripped down from his fingers. Both of their wounds rapidly knitted back together. Yet that strange moment of repose lingered in his mind.

Rage proudly displayed his teeth. “You didn’t look away, even for a second. You are learning after all.”

“I didn’t need to learn. Like you’ve said, I’ve had you here for a long time. I live and breathe with you inside of me.” Randidly licked his lips. Despite the fact he knew it would heal, he couldn’t help but feel a surge of relief when his heart finally did right itself back in his chest and begin to beat once more. He cleared his throat. He had already wasted enough time here. “Alright, I’ve played your game. Show it to me.”

“Ha! You want more?!? The two of us can struggle for all eternity here, writhing in the flames of rage. I’m glad to see you are embracing who you truly are. A feral creature, sharpening his edge on combat.” Rage spread his arms, that jerkiness returned to his movements. At his gesture, the lake around the island began to bubble and seethe once more. “Let’s-”

“No, Rage,” Randidly felt exhausted and trembly as he said the words. It would have honestly been more enjoyable just to fight for a while longer. He had always found violence pure and direct. No doubts or waffling. But somehow he knew he needed the flames dim to get the heart of this area. That moment of silence whispered to him that he could not escape without walking to the core of this negative emotion, as well. “Let me see the memory. What is it that you are scared of?”

“I fear nothing.” Rage whispered. But the embers of rage being planted in the lake abruptly vanished. Everything once more settled back down to silence. They simply stood there, looking at each other. At the end of the long stair, Rage’s lip curled upward. “But I do protect you. I’ll always be there when you need to burn the darkness away.”

“Thank you, for that,” Randidly replied genuinely.

Rage’s face crumpled further. But he didn’t have anything more to say. He gestured with a hand and released a glimmering mote of light into the space between them. With a nod of acknowledgment, Randidly reached out and touched the memory.

It tasted bitter just on his fingertip, like over-steeped green tea. But it slipped over him like an old, ratty t-shirt.

Randidly sat in the back of the car, fourteen years old, looking down at his bony knees as his mother drove him home from the library. His birthday had been yesterday, but his mother had been out all night and let the day pass without acknowledgment. Randidly reached out and toyed with the thin fabric of his khaki shorts. That morning, she had blinked in surprise when he had passive-aggressively brought it up. Still, she had promised to make it up to him by cooking him his favorite dinner tonight. And after a long day reading in the library, he actually felt rather content with his life.

The current Randidly in the youthful body pressed his forehead against the cool window and closed his eyes.

“You ready for your big special birthday dinner?” His mom said over her shoulder. Randidly nodded, his face never leaving the car window. Small raindrops were still spread across the glass, but the clouds were beginning to part, just in time for the sun to set.

For a little while, they traveled in silence. However, his mom kept giving him glances through the rearview mirror. Eventually, she cleared her throat. “You know, I was thinking it wouldn’t be much of a birthday party if its just the two of us. So I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Rick over for dinner.”

In the past, Randidly had flinched from this news; Rick was her most recent man. He was relatively mild to Randidly’s face, just unforgivably smelled like friend cheese almost constantly. Current Randidly barely reacted; there wasn’t a point. He just nodded.

But a small ember began to hiss and spit in his chest.

She gave him several more looks, perhaps surprised by the lack of response. They continued home, Randidly allowing the sound of cars to lull him into an unfocused state.

When they arrived, the two carried in the groceries and set them on the cheap green countertop of their kitchen. Originally, Randidly had gone back to the bedroom and finished reading a fantasy novel he had borrowed from the library. He had obliviously read and decided Rick’s presence wasn’t so bad, as long as there was cake, which he had noticed amongst the groceries.

So he had been rather completely blindsided by first the smell, then at the meal, he had seen when he had walked out to his ‘special birthday dinner.’

This time, Randidly began taking each item out of the brown paper bags and laying them out in a tight and exact pattern. When his mother came back inside with the last bag, she gave him a weird look. “Thanks for the help hun, but most of these will need-”

“What are you making for dinner?” Randidly said quietly. His heart trembled, echoes of past disappointment still lingering there. He reached out and tapped a finger against the packet of frozen shrimp, to make sure the conversation proceeded as it needed to. “What’s this?”

“Ha! Well it was supposed to be a surprise, but it is your favorite, so I’m not showing you anything you don’t know.” His mom gestured broadly. Pale light streamed in through the cramped little window of the kitchen. “Shrimp cocktail to start, then some spaghetti with marinara. Sorry, we are a little tight on money right now, so no meatballs-”

“Mom,” Randidly looked at her across time, a solemn expression on his face. “That’s not my favorite. You know I don’t like shrimp. And I don’t eat red sauces if I can help it.”

“What?” She had a look of genuine surprise on her face. Randidly’s heart sank. “What are you talking about?”

Because in the end, that was why this memory really hurt him, even though it was just confusion over a meal. She had made Rick’s favorite meal on Randidly’s birthday, a day late because she had been too tired from working over the weekend to recall. The mundane slip had been devastating. Because to him, it had shown that he hadn’t been special to her. That someone else could easily replace him.

Originally, he had come out to the finished meal and paled immediately, putting together what had happened. Then he had spent the entire meal surly and silent, believing that she would see how he was feeling and suddenly realize what had gone wrong. Then she would have apologized and then would have maybe gone to one of his favorite restaurants anyway, and it all would have been better.

But she had never noticed.

Randidly knew she was overworked. That she struggled to support both of them, even with the payments that Ezekiel sent them every month. That she had been too young when he had been born and wasn’t ready to raise a son.

But he also knew that between the two of them, she was the parent. He was just a kid.

Even thinking about it now, that small spark of irritation rapidly flared into something more.

“It’s Rick’s favorite, isn’t it?” Randidly prodded. He felt almost dead with exhaustion inside, a dry sort of tinder that his rage ate up. Then he bit his lip to keep himself from shouting. Because he was furious, but anger didn’t always need to be loud. “You made someone else’s favorite meal on my birthday. After forgetting it.”

“What? That can’t be right. I mean he does-” His mother sputtered in confusion. The wheels in her mind were turning. But then some of the day’s exhaustion caught up to her. Her expression darkened. “Hey, listen, you can’t talk to me that way. I’m your mother, and I’m not claiming I’m perfect, but I’ve gone out of my way to make-”

“Can we just be honest with each other?” Randidly whispered. Opening up this tight bundle of emotions felt like he transformed into a child once more. “You don’t very much want me around, do you?”

He felt mad. Furious. And scared. Because more than anything else, he didn’t want his mother to forget him. Incendiary, because he wanted to stuff himself so full of flame he wouldn’t look and see a world where he didn’t matter to her.

Anger and affront warred on her face. But then she just sighed. “Look, it’s not always easy. Sometimes… I’m not going to lie and say that sometimes I don’t wish things ended up differently. But.” She raised a finger, a visual confirmation of the punctuation and emphasis. “But That never means I don’t love you, Randidly Ghosthound.”

Love means something very different to you that I needed it to, Randidly realized, still lingering with that strange clarity from when his heart had stopped. A strange metaphor occurred to him. To you… love just needs to be Nether. The connection. And it’s true, that will never leave. But all I wanted… was a bit more Aether, some more shape to this thing. Because…

Randidly pressed his eyes closed. He left the memory without replying to her.