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His eyes opened slowly, the gunk and blurriness making it hard to see right away. His head was swimming, and he shook it to clear some of the cobwebs out of his mind. Through the haze of his vision, he could see an orange glow with a large shadow sitting in front of it. The sounds of wood crackling from a fire reached his ears.


Galwit sat up and rubbed his eyes, clearing away the vestiges of unconsciousness. His vision cleared, and he was surprised to see that he was in a completely unfamiliar location.


Where is this? How did I get here? He looked around frantically, but he couldn't recall how he got here at all.


He was sitting in a small clearing. He didn't recognize the species of any of the surrounding trees. The darkness told him that it was deep in the night, but he coulnd't see any of the stars due to the light pollution from the campfire. A large man in a black robe was sitting in front of the fire, facing the other direction. Galwit could barely make out that there was another person standing unnaturally still behind him.


A hacking cough coming from the robed man brought Galwit's attention back to him.


"Umm, excuse me," Galwit called out to him. The man coughed once more, then motioned with an arm, directing Galwit to sit on a chopped log across from him on the other side of the fire. Galwit got up and cautiously made his way over.


Galwit sat down and looked up at the robed man. He noticed the man wore a blank white mask, but it was the person standing behind him that caused him to freeze, the hairs on his arms sticking up and a chill running down his spine.


Standing behind the Masked Man, with a wooden expression on his face, was himself. The person was an exact copy of him, minus the unnatural stillness.


The Masked Man noticed Galwit's gaze, and he turned his head to see what he was looking at.


"Oh," The man softly exclaimed. "Forgot that was back there." He turned back to face Galwit. "Don't worry about that. Just a puppet." He waved his hand in the puppet's direction, and it disintegrated into dust before being absorbed back into the man.


"Who are you and where am I?" Galwit asked, disturbed by the scene of himself disintegrating. The Masked Man chuckled before it morphed into a another hacking fit. He brought up a handkerchief and held it under his mask as he coughed. When he lowered his hand, Galwit could see drops of red on the white cloth.


"Straight to the point," The Masked Man examined the cloth in his hand before tucking it away in his robes. "I'm getting too old for this," he mumbled to himself. He turned to address Galwit once more. "I borrowed your appearance to pull off a bit of deception. While you didn't help me out willingly, you still helped me. One good turn deserves another. Karma and all that. Ask me what you want."


Galwit eyed the man suspiciously. He was keenly aware that the man had evaded his questions, but he was out of his element and in the other's.


"I want to go home," Galwit declared.


"No!" The Masked Man clapped his hands together, a thunderous sound emanating out from the powerful blow. Abyss Mana leaked out from the man's hands as he recovered himself. He stared Galwit in the eye through the eye-holes of his mask. "Ask me," he pointed to himself, "what you," he pointed at Galwit, "want."


Galwit paused and considered the question. The man clearly knew there was a desire in Galwit's heart, so he decided to be forthcoming.


"I want the System to recognize my family's Abyssal roots and not consider us to be heretics," he answered.


"Ask and you shall receive," the man nodded his head. "Tell me, why is it that Reivyn isn't considered a heretic by the Veridical System?"


"Because he's a resident of the Veridical Realm?" Galwit ventured. He was only slightly surprised that the Masked Man knew about Reivyn. He seemed to know about my desire before I said it, after all. What else does he know?


"Wrong," the Masked Man held up his finger. "Plenty of people born of that Realm fall into what their System considers heresy. Try again."


Galwit considered the question further. He had been a bit flippant with his first answer, but it seemed like the Masked Man wouldn't move on until he gave an honest attempt at the question.


"He told me he had the Tier 5 Abyss Affinity, so I'm guessing it has something to do with that?"


"Exactly," the Masked Man snapped his fingers. "But it's more than that. I've seen his Fate. He also has the Tier 5 Veridical Affinity. Without that Affinity, it wouldn't be possible for him to counterbalance the nature of the System to reject other Realm Affinities."


"Ok, and how does that help me?" Galwit was confused.


"As a descendant of both Realms, you, and your family, have it in you to acquire both Affinities," the Masked Man continued. "Once your family has both Affinities, problem solved."


"You make it sound so easy," Galwit retorted. "It will take years of effort for each individual person to gain those Affinities. I don't even know how to get those Affinities."


"Well, let me finish," the Masked Man chuckled. "The problem of requiring each individual member of your family to unlock both Affinities has a simple solution. Note that I said 'simple,' not 'easy.' What is the way for someone to spread their inherent characteristics to their descendants?"


"A Bloodline?" Galwit asked. The Masked Man nodded and motioned for Galwit to continue his thought process. "A Bloodline passed down from powerful individuals takes on the main characteristics of their chosen Path. People who gain powerful Martial Classes will have children with a Physical Stat advantage, and powerful Caster Classes will have children with a Mental Stat advantage.


"So, what you're trying to say, is if we can form a proper Bloodline of people who all unlock the two Tier 5 Affinities, the Bloodline itself will carry on the characteristics of not being rejected by the System?"


"Exactly," the Masked Man confirmed.


"Why play this question and answer game, though? Why not just tell me? It was a simple enough solution," Galwit asked, confused.


"Easy," the Masked Man answered. "If I just gave you the answers to your burning desire, it would count towards removing our Karmic link. I have to play by the rules if I don't want to die, and if I'm to actually help you, I have to have enough of the link remaining to do what I'm going to do next. Otherwise it would put too much strain on me."


"And what are you going to do next?" Galwit asked with concern.


"I can see your Fate," the man said. "You already have the Fate of one born to lead a powerful family. Well, relatively powerful. If you want to unlock the Tier 5 Affinities, you'll need to at minimum secure a foundation in a Tier 4 Empire. Anyway, back on topic. You already have the Fate to lead a powerful family. It only takes a slight tweak of your Fate Strings to alter that to the Patriarch of a Bloodline."


"I already have a Bloodline."


"Don't interrupt me. Altering a Bloodline just means you have to be a bit more powerful than the originals, and your descendants have to be consistent.


"I'll tweak your Fate slightly. The foundations for everything are already in place. It will be up to you to capitalize on the change, though."


Galwit nodded. The Masked Man stood up and waved his arms in opposite circles in front of himself. Galwit could sense the buildup of the Mana, though he couldn't see anything, even with his Sense Mana Skill. The amount of power he was Sensing, though, was startling. The Masked Man had told him that it would take a slight tweak to affect the change, yet he was sensing thousands of points worth of Mana being channeled into each of the man's hands.


The Masked Man stopped the circles and threw his hands out in front of himself, toward Galwit. A wind kicked up and blew Galwit's hair and clothes a bit, but he didn't feel any other change. The man collapsed to the ground, once more devolving into a coughing fit.


Galwit frowned at the apparent lack of change before reeling back in horror. Blood seeped from the eye-holes of the mask, and he could see even more dripping down from the man's chin behind the mask. The Masked Man groaned in agony as he suffered for several long minutes, Galwit unsure of what to do.


The spectacle finally ceased, and the Masked Man sat back up, panting hard from the exertion. He produced a pink towel from somewhere and wiped his white mask clean before once more dabbing at his mouth with the handkerchief. The man noticed Galwit's horrified gaze.


"Everything has a price," the man said, putting the towel away where it had come from. "That towel used to be white."


"Ok~ay," Galwit said. "Are you sure you're alright? Wouldn't it be easier to suffer through that backlash if you took the mask off?"


"If I could take the damn mask off, don't you think I would have?" The Masked Man rolled his eyes behind the holes.


"Well, I don't feel any different," Galwit mentioned.


"Of course you don't," the man snapped. "Fate is intangible. How are you going to feel it? Trust me, though, it worked."


"If you say so-"


"I say so!"


"Ok, ok," Galwit held up his hands. "Anyway, can I go home now?"


"No."


"No?"


"Yes. No."


"And why is that?" Galwit said, exasperated.


"For one, I'm in no condition to escort you back to the other side. For two, it's not time yet. If you go back now, hundreds of years of planning will go to waste. That's not happening."


"What do you mean by 'the other side?'" Galwit latched on to the first statement, conveniently ignoring the one about "hundreds of years of planning." For now.


The Masked Man stared at Galwit for a moment. He turned his head left and right, looking all around, before looking back at Galwit. He threw his arms up in consternation.


"Have you not been paying attention?!" He asked. "We're in the Abyss Realm. Can't you feel all the Abyss Mana surrounding you?" He took in a deep breath and let it out in a relaxed manner. "Just breathe it in. It feels so good to be back in the Abyss after all of those years on the outside. Just feel it. You don't have to hide behind your trinket anymore."


Galwit opened his eyes, and Senses, wide for the first time as he fully took in his surroundings. He had been so focused on the man and situation he found himself in, that he had neglected to properly inspect the environment surrounding them. The air was rich with Abyss Mana. He copied the Masked Man, taking in a deep breath, reveling in the liberating feeling.


He could absorb the Veridical Affinity just fine, though he had to constantly work to alter it into Abyss Mana by running it through his particular Mana Circulation before it was usable. The Mana here felt like clear water, where the Veridical Mana was muddy water that needed to be purified. He felt lighter than he ever had, in a metaphysical sense.


"Perfect place for our purpose," the Masked Man interrupted Galwit's revelation. Galwit looked at the man in confusion.


"And what's our purpose?" Galwit asked. "I thought you were just paying me back for the use of my likeness."


"Well, I was doing that," the man replied. "Though I'm also going to have to keep you from returning for a few years." Galwit's eyebrows shot to the top of his head at that statement. "Yeah, sorry about that. Another Karmic link, though this one will be mitigated by our purpose:


"Training.


"If you want to succeed in your goal of acquiring a Bloodline that affords the characteristics of having two Tier 5 Affinities, you'll need a much stronger foundation than you currently have. I'm not a god. Fate magic doesn't work if you don't put in the work, too. It's still possible for you to muck everything up. It will just mean that you didn't live up to your Fate."


"So it still comes down to my own personal effort?" Galwit cocked an eyebrow.


"Of course," the Masked Man responded. "Fate isn't real."


Galwit gave the Masked Man the most confused look he had ever mustered in his entire life. His companion responded by throwing his head back and laughing boisterously.



---



Reivyn found himself floating in a familiar void. He was only partially aware of what was going on, but it was familiar enough that it had brought a bit of his consciousness awake within himself.


Unlike the last time, though, he knew who he was, and he remembered what had been happening to him. He was aware that something was happening to his body that was causing him immense pain, but it was being blocked out from where his consciousness currently resided by some force that he was unaware of. It draped over his awareness like a blanket, and it reminded him of his mother.


Reivyn was aware of what was going on within the deepest parts of his consciousness, yet he was unable to form coherent thoughts into any kind of internal monologue. He was only able to passively observe his inner self.


Something tugged at his awareness, and he shifted his focus somehow, turning around. It was hard to describe what he was doing, as there didn't really seem to be any direction or anything, but yet he could still feel his perception change.


Suddenly, there was a large, bright orb within his awareness. He couldn't see details on it, as he was more sensing it than seeing it. He could tell that it was perfectly round and perfectly smooth. From his perception, the orb appeared to be as large as he was.


A force unexpectedly came out of nowhere, slamming down on the orb. When it made contact, Reivyn's entire existence shook. A small splinter broke off from the orb, forming another, much smaller orb floating next to the first one.


Another force came smashing down once more, causing yet another splinter. The force hammer, as Reivyn perceived it, struck eight times total. Each time a splinter was separated from the main orb, and each of the new splinters were the exact same size. The main orb shrunk a proportional amount each time, but the final result was still a main orb that was significantly larger than the other eight.


He wasn't sure how it was possible, but each of the orbs maintained a perfect spherical shape. None of them had any cracks or blemishes in his awareness.


The force hammer wasn't done, though, and it came back once more. This time, it targetted Reivyn's semi-awareness directly.


His consciousness itself fractured into nine separate parts. There was no pain, only disorientation. He was still aware as if his consciousness hadn't been fractured at all, and yet, simultaneously, he was aware of himself from nine different vantage points.


It was a good thing that he wasn't able to actually think, because the paradoxical situation might have just broken him, mentally.


His nine-consciousnesses-in-one were sucked into the orbs, each consciousness proportional in size to the orb it was sucked into. Five of his awarenesses, finally went dark, descending once more into oblivion, including the one in the largest, core orb.


Four, though, remained awake.



---



"Another one of the internal orbs' light has started to darken," Ameliyn said to her husband. She was holding Reivyn's Soul Orb in her hands, stroking it as she stared into it. "The first one is also accelerating."


"Let me see," Refix said. Ameliyn held the orb up as Refix leaned over to get a look at it. "The luminosity hasn't changed, so I think everything is still fine."


Refix leaned back to his position in bed next to his wife. She pulled the Soul Orb back down so that the light wouldn't disturb her husband as he tried to go to sleep.


Both of them had been having trouble doing so ever since that first emergency message had arrived, weeks ago, though they had recently gotten over their insomnia. Ameliyn had the reassurance of Reivyn's Soul Orb, and Refix had the peace of a calm wife.


A strange turn of events had distracted the Party tasked with keeping an eye on Reivyn for only a couple of minutes, but it was enough for them to lose him completely. They had frantically searched and discovered that he had returned to the Dungeon with the prince from Eldiar and one of his followers. It sounded like a conspiracy to Ameliyn, and Refix had to talk her down from storming off to Eldiar to exact swift retribution before they had all of the answers.


Days had gone by without anyone emerging from the Dungeon, and Refix had found it harder and harder to calm his frantic wife down. It took everything he had to keep her sane. It had been a long time since Refix had seen her emotions get the better of her like this.


After five days of nothing happening, the Magic Academy student that had accompanied Reivyn and Galwit into the Dungeon finally returned to the real world. He was haggard and distraught, clearly not having taken enough supplies to last more than a few hours in the Dungeon, and yet he had stayed for five days.


It was a simple thing for Reivyn's protective detail to corner the teenager and extract the pertinent information from him.


Refix and Ameliyn had been shocked to hear about the appearance of an Abyssal Gate. There had been no indication of the existence of such a thing when Refix had led his Party to scour the real-world exterior of the Dungeon. They didn't know the specifics behind the gate, but they didn't think it was anything good.


They had been even more shocked that Reivyn had simply opened it and stepped through. They had no idea what their son could have been thinking, but the news had helped allay Ameliyn's fears that there had been some sort of kidnapping. From the account of the student, Reivyn had gone willingly.


Being separated by yet another layer of reality had gotten Ameliyn thinking about how they could possibly track someone across such a thing, and that had led to her remembering the Soul Orb.


They hadn't forgotten about the Soul Orb, but they just hadn't been thinking about it's primary function. Their state of mind had been on locating Reivyn, not verifying his life. They still checked the Soul Orb from time to time when Reivyn was off gallivanting around, but their protective details were pretty good about timely reports and keeping the abreast of what was going on with their son.


It had been a little while since they had last checked the orb, and Ameliyn immediately retrieved it from her pouch after she thought of it. She was pleased to see that everything was normal with her son's Soul Orb, and that had been the thing that finally allowed her to calm down a bit.


She had always known, intellectually, that it was likely for Reivyn to go off on his own for an extended period of time, but she wasn't ready for such a thing to happen so soon. He was still her little boy, despite his nearly fully-grown size and his adult-like personality and accomplishments.


Intellectually, she had known that the Soul Orb would one day be one of her main connections to reassure herself of her son's well-being. She had still had bouts of paranoia and panic throughout the days in the following weeks, and she pulled the Soul Orb out every time to calm herself down.


Ameliyn had started pulling the orb out every night to gaze at it for hours. Her husband had been worried that she was growing an obsession, though, so she relegated herself to only spending an hour or two at night before bed at his behest. The two of them didn't need that much sleep with how high their Vitality Stats were, but it still helped with their mental health.


She had finally returned to a modicum of normalcy after about a month and a half, and they had chosen that time to go to the Dungeon Town to reassure Reivyn's friends. They had actually had a longer time to cope with the news than his friends in the Dungeon Town had, as they hadn't known the seriousness of the situation until after a full week had gone by.


Ameliyn and Refix had been dealing with it since a few hours after Reivyn had re-entered the Dungeon. They also knew that their son was alive and probably well for a long time before they ventured to the Dungeon Town, both of which had enabled them to put up a cheerful front in the presence of Reivyn's friends.


Ameliyn hugged her son's Soul Orb to herself, enveloping it with her Celestial infused Mana.


"Goodnight, Sweet Prince," she whispered.

Comments

Tsula

I forced myself to read a chapter of a series I previously looked forward to today. I'll probably keep forcing myself to read the next few chapters. I guess this one fixed things for some people. I still don't like this turn. The mind control of the MC, and emotional control to the point that someone acts wildly out of character without noticing it is mind control with more steps. Puts me off. A behind the scenes character who knows basically everything and can manipulate events to that level puts me off, even if it has a cost.( also bloodstained fabric is never pink in my experience) MC's wierd looking soul should probably have been brought to his attention at some point. MC's parents were BETTER this chapter but STILL seem to be taking it rather too well all things considered. Also if that kind of Bloodline is the goal, shouldn't he use his magic know everything skill how high IS his divination even? to figure out MC's type and nurture a lady. =-P

Athena Alexandria

Interesting. I called it that there would be a twist. I’m thinking this is all some plot to help both of the realms fates be retied with whatever the other realms are tied too karmically, or perhaps tying them to some new place, or even together and making a closed loop system. I’m guessing that broken thread is why there has been no ascensions for many years and so this is all a plot to fix it.

SodaBoBomb

Honestly I'm fine with most of everything, the manipulation of Fate guy showing up this early is annoying, but whatever. The only thing I'll criticise is that this pain ball/split minds thing is obviously going to be yet another power up. Already. My guy hasn't even gotten his true Tier 2 Class yet. He JUST fully unlocked his Bloodline and got insane Stats. He's already way stronger than normal in-tier. Can't he just power up the relatively normal way by forcing his class like he planned before we start adding in even more extra broken power ups? How are his friends POSSIBLY going to keep up even a little bit like this? I just hope this is going to be a delayed power up for later rather than another immediate one, causing our MC to be 11 years old fighting people 3 full Tiers higher than him. Let some time pass man. Idk why authors always think we have to jump straight into the world ending threats. Other than that, I've really enjoyed everything so far. Probably one of the best I've read tbh, so keep up the good work!

Joseph

Parents seems rather blase about their sons soul slowly being destroyed.

Anonymous

I read the comments and people say this one is better than the last one but I just can't get myself to read this chapter... This story was amazing but at some point it started feeling weird to me. The MC is only T2 in a T1 Kingdom that means we are only at the beginning of his journey but for some reason the current arc and the last couple of chapters are basicly "endgame" events that will change the entire realm. I started writing more but I'm to tired to continue thinking about it... I'm out for now but might try to read this again in a week or two...

Alex R

They have to be left behind, Reivyn is already a lot stronger than them and has a higher growth rate as well as trains harder than them. Otherwise the others are going to have to get some stupid power ups like TOG did with Kuhn because Baam is too strong.

SodaBoBomb

I mean, eventually sure. But seeing as how they're going to the next regions Academy with him, I figured it would be a more natural event after a few years. Like they go into a dungeon that's extremely hard and decide they don't want to be risking their lives constantly like that. MC is still only like 11, idk why we're rushing his progression. Is he going to be Tier 5 and ascending into the Divine Tier at 17?

Athena Alexandria

rereading it, I even think that the old man didn't actually affect fate or anything as well. Since obviously he didn't really truly control the prince. Curious curious. I'm guessing it was just some light inhibition controlling or something, which is within the realm of possibilities, and all this is to somehow get Reivyn to "defy fate" or something.

Quasimotolovesbells

Not that it in anyway fixes whats happening for you, but the author already said their years are measured longer than ours, its like 16 to 12 months, so he already said the MC would be about 17 years of age, or slightly older, if measured in our timeline. I'm willing to ride out the story with the author hoping they have a planned through line for the story, but the parents reactions are off to me... the father just destroys the residences of some kid that targeted his son, but then goes no big deal, when he goes missing and the soul orb is showing some kind of unexplained corruption? Hopefully they will get a handle on that issue other than, the parents just decided to chill with his sisters and hope for the best.

Fullfirewall

It seems to be a lot of emotional manipulation to somehow push Reivyn for something. Added quite a bit of layers and intrigue to the whole dungeon break community (if the old man is even a part of it). Who knows? Maybe that old man lied about everything to rile up Reivyn and took advantage of his fear from sense threat. It has me wondering what happens next actually.

Anonymous

This Fate mechanic doesn't really seem to fit the overall structure of things. Unless I'm misunderstanding the masked man managed to manipulate Fate in such a way that Reivyn got to meet what amounts to basically gods who also happen to not only save him but also bestow upon him the affinities needed to open the gate but somehow these gods didn't notice the Fate manipulation even tho even Reivyn could automagically see Fate? I just don't see how this guy could be powerful enough to manipulate the fate of these beings (because manipulating Reivyn's Fate to interact with those two is also manipulating them) and this other chain of basically innumerable events but can't open the gate. IMO Fate is always a terrible mechanic because from then on the story and everyone in it basically lacks free will. How do you know what you're doing isn't what was already fated? How do you know your "manipulation" wasn't what was actually predetermined by Fate?

Kyfe

He had nothing to do with that. He was telling Reivyn he exists because his parents got together when fleeing their empire, and thus, he was taking credit for all of his achievements and things that happened. Fate mechanics are not going to be a driving force in the story, and it will hardly ever appear, and when it does it will be minir. It's in their for a reason, but it's not a factor for Reivyn's story.

Anonymous

Still confused on why the followers he went into the dungeon with couldn't have gone in after him?

Kevin Caffrey

A number of readers (including myself, indirectly, in a previous chapter) have commented regarding their dislike of Fate as a plot device. I thought about it for a bit, because one of my favorite series (Cradle) features Fate quite prominently and I find it very well done in that series. I'm not 100% sure what the differences are that made me recoil at the inclusion of fate here, but I have some thoughts: - At the beginning of Cradle, the manipulations of fate were so far removed from the main characters setting that it really only served as world-building. By the time it actually did impact the MCs trajectory, there had been plenty of world-building and foreshadowing about the role and limitations of fate in the universe. In contrast, fate appeared out of the blue in this story in a way that seems to have a direct impact on the MC. - In Cradle, fate is not seen as an absolute even by the highest tiered beings: they can only make certain outcomes more or less likely. For lowered-tier beings, fate can be observed but not manipulated, but it can also be obscured. Altogether it ends up feeling very balanced. It's too soon (for the readers) to tell how fate works in your universe yet, so there may be no difference here. However, that goes back again to world-building and foreshadowing in advance, so the readers are generally aware of the rules and aren't blindsided. - Manipulation of fate in Cradle always appears indirect. As far as I can recall, there is never any tampering with someone's thought processes or emotions, but instead, the environment around them gets subtly manipulated. In your story, at least as it appears so far, fate can directly impact someone's thought process (removing Reivyns inhibitions), which feels a bit cheap. It's possible this is a misdirection and even that part is due to unreliable narration, but so far only the author knows this. All of this is just my opinion, obviously, and I don't know if it will help or not, but my intention is to provide hopefully constructive feedback by comparing a plot device people are currently loudly complaining about to another similar device in a different book that I consider to be well done.

Tsula

One time my cat got out, we lived in a very safe neighborhood where the speed limits were low, and there were no predatory animals to worry about. Cats are generally GREAT at finding their own way home.. I was frantic, I spent the entire day looking in practically manic state for my poor little one... if I could have torn up people's landscaping to find her I damn sure would have(she was waiting at the door that night) I cannot fathom what my response to a human child being missing would be.

EnigmaticOne

Author just do what you want to do. Ultimately people will try to impose criticisms of what they want but it's your story. Don't rewrite all that you've planned if that's what you want to write. I've enjoyed it so far, plus I actually have patience to wait and see what happens which seems rare on this patreon >.> (seriously three chapters of Reivyn encountering something out of his control, or really the readers who don't know what will happen, and people flip their shit.) I've seen inklings of this attitude in the patreon when I saw how commenters kept questioning every decision you've made with how the story works or why Reivyn thought this, only for you to address it the next chapter. Though, if you only put a little thought into what you read, instead of what you think SHOULD be there, there have been hints to deeper intentions and reasons behind everything. This happens all the time with litrpg stories. And unfortunately I think yours has attracted a lot more of these kinds of back seaters than is per normal. I would suggest to stop responding to every rando who doesn't know what is happening and just read the criticisms and make changes if they're actually pertinent to what you've planned. Its just not maintainable in the long run otherwise. This is what other authors do, it helps to keep people from breathing down your neck and you can still consider the rare useful gems that pop up.

Kyfe

Yeah. I have some major plot points I want to cover, and some things are necessary to put in place. I'm not going to neglect the meat and potatoes of the story, but I also need space to add these other things in there. I'm 100% going to do revisions for publication, and I'll even make those revised chapters available to Patrons along with the original (it's not happening yet, lol). I'm absorbing the criticisms and taking notes of the popular ones and the ones I totally agree with (even the ones on RR, but I place more weight to the ones from Patrons).

Tsula

Criticism is tough, and sometimes rude but it's mostly love not hate that fuels it. When I was learning to sketch, it was the one person who looked at what I was doing and told me where it was flawed that made my art better.

Kyfe

Thank you for the well thought out criticism. I think I'll go back and revise the inhibitions part (not in the dialogue), but add a bit about Galwit/Puppet giving Reivyn a drink, and give Reivyn a Poison Resistance Skill Up later when he wakes up. He was told by his dad that a spiked drink can give Poison Resistance. I probably rushed the way I handled the "lowered inhibitions" part, because Fate alters chance and future probabilities/potential, like it's shown with Galwit being told he has to work for the Fate magic to work. The main way the Masked Guy used Fate on Reivyn was to allow him to feel a need to go beyond the door, but Reivyn came to his own conclusions and decisions based upon that feeling. It didn't actually make him go there itself.

Torphin

The (17) shown beside Reivyn's age in his status represents the age Reivyn <i>appears</i> to be, not how old he actually <i>is</i>. If you do the math, Reivyn would be about 15 years old in Earth years.

Anonymous

I'm still fully suggesting a rewrite for the last 5 chapters (or 10 if necessary). Everything about the run into the dungeon gate felt forced and inorganic. Villain monologue included. The entire mind control plot just screams lazy writing to me, no matter what caveats are retroactively introduced to make the ability seem less powerful. I don't think the author understands why MC being manipulated to walk into a gate that leads to not-Hell by outside forces, is bad. Especially for this type of story. I still don't have a clue as to why the parents were acting "cheerful." Of all the ways they could have presented themselves, they shouldn't be happy in the face of their son's disappearance. Reassuring their son's teenage friends can be done without laughing and joking with a potential disaster looming over them. I'm also extremely skeptical of Galwit's dynamic with Reivyn in contrast to what it's apparently leading up to, but jury's out on that one I suppose.

Kyfe

The only thing his parents know is that he's stuck or something in the Dungeon, but he's alive and well. They've had over a month to deal with the situation. They have zero knowledge of any impending disaster, whatsoever.

EnigmaticOne

It's not that I don't see the point of criticism, it's been taken too far these last couple chapters. Feels like some kind of mob mentality. It'll calm down in a bit I'm sure, I was just letting off steam from what I was reading. By the way Kyfe I liked your description of orbs and energy lines outside of the dungeon by the way. The void in between realms is fun to think about. Maybe Reivyn will be able to travel through it like a void walker, and see different alien realms at some point haha.

SUlex

I noticed that while reading that I and probably a lot of other readers just take whatever is said at face value. The characters are bluffing, exaggerating and manipulating all the time. Most prominent the parent scene in the last chapter and the villain monologue. The parents where putting up a facade to the children and the villain made himself look way more powerful than he is. I really like this. But sometimes i catch myself not paying enough attention. I think, as readers we gotta start mistrusting the characters, read between what is written. But sometimes it really helps if the author would throws us a ball and make it more obvious a character is trying to decieve us. For example a one liner after the parent scene where Refix says something along the lines of: "you held yourself up well, darling" (this particular situation is resolved in the next chapter, so this is purely a periodic release issue, but you get my point).

Lommel

&gt; it's been taken too far these last couple chapters Who are you to decide that?

Leonard Marchant

You're being far too dismissive, op. There are some flaws with the storytelling when actions are constantly questioned, yet resolved in the following chapters(s). For instance, when Reivyn is being influenced, there could be snippets of "lucidity" followed by the influence retaining dominance to better lead the reader. Additionally, great changes in flow and story perspective have to be handled carefully, for me, these last few chapters have definitely lowered my level of investment in Reivyns fate, and I actually look far longer than usual to read them.