failed update (Patreon)

I keep trying to write an update that will give some illusion that I have some kind of a path forward in mind, but every time I start it just all comes out rage and bile. I’m just so fucking angry I can’t function, let alone make coherent business decisions.

In some ways I regret the tone of the last post, not because of how it inflamed my agitators (well, not only that), but because of how much it upset people. In a way it was selfish, being so naked about how hurt and angry I was/am, because it doesn’t really help anything. Doesn’t help me, only upsets people who supported me or liked my work, sends my detractors into a rage for insinuating that their actions might cause hurt (even to people who they think deserve to be abused), and all in all just plays into the “cancel culture” narrative of reactionaries and diet nazis. Truly, a lose-lose. I should not have framed it the way I did, but then again, I genuinely did not think it would get much attention outside of Patreon.

So I was going to write this long post about monthly cost breakdown and how a company with multiple employees earning thousands of dollars per month is in no way near the same as an individual earning the same, but then I realized, why bother? These people don't care. Long and short - businesses are tedious, boring and expensive to run, comments still need moderating, and the PBS contract isn't done. But it will be soon (hopefully by the end of this month) and after that, I just don't know. I didn't have a plan to jump to, I only knew that I couldn't do YouTube anymore, or any kind of opinion based "content creation" when having a milquetoast banal observation on a goddamn Disney movie is what napalmed my life in the first place. I don't even know how I can keep writing, because my name is attached to my books, and my name is the thing that's most toxic.

So the only thing I’ll say now is that this abbreviated post is all I have while I figure out how to add value to this Patreon account in ways that don’t involve me being on camera. This nightmare never ends.