77. Hell on Earth (Patreon)

A/N: Hey everyone! Happy holidays to those who celebrate. Next week is my monthly week off—which happily coincides with the holidays this month, but will be the last week of every month going forward, to see if that helps with my currently-terrible work/life balance and general unreliability. Thank you all for reading, and of course, we have our content warnings: heavy suicidal ideation! Yeah we're uh. We're hitting a lot of that lately. Stay safe, everyone, and enjoy the chapter!

"Sindri, you fucking snake," I hiss. "You're still doing this shit in the afterlife? Really?"

"He denies any knowledge of what you're talking about," Sela translates.

"I'm sure you do," I sneer. "But you know exactly what I'm talking about, you bastard. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you again."

All the ghosts around him—bar Teboho—immediately tense up at the obvious threat, preparing for a fight. Sindri, in response, spreads his blurry spirit-arms, indicating his amassed forces.

"I said a good reason not to kill you," I sneer at him. "And your victims are quite the opposite. I'm afraid that you were a little too good at teaching me to fight."

"His 'victims' are quite unanimously protesting the label," Sela says, sounding amused.

"He's a Pneuma mage with the power to make you all think he's your friend," I tell them. "To have you ignore anything suspicious and support him instinctively. It's subtle, and it works over time instead of requiring an incantation. And I know he can do it because he did it to me."

I turn to Teboho.

"He did it to Kagiso, too. She's safe now. We've been traveling together. She's a wonderful friend."

"This 'Teboho' has… many questions," Sela hums. "He can't believe you're real. He's not sure you are who you say you are. He wants to know a lot about how Kagiso is doing. He wants you to tell him something only you would know."

"Um… when you taught me to hunt, I ended up having to save you from magical starhydra acid. I used my sorting magic to get it off of you, but I needed you to make a glass cup. I also ended up putting your blood in the waterskin. Sindri drank it. It was really funny."

Teboho's ghost appears to chuckle, and a sad smile spreads across my face. It really is him, isn't it?

"Yeah, it's me," I say. "I'm a lot bigger now, but hey. Transmutation mages, right? Kagiso is… she's doing well. We travel together with Helen, actually. I know that's… a bit weird. She's… really torn up about everything that happened. She killed your village. She killed you. But you knew her, didn't you? You know she's not a bad person."

He nods his head.

"He says it's hard to believe she was a Chaos mage," Sela translates. "He's a bit frightened, for you and Kagiso. But… they both needed friends. If they're together now, that's good."

"Teboho…" I sigh, holding back more tears. "You probably don't believe me about Sindri, do you?"

He shakes his head, like I knew he would.

"But you still trust me?" I ask.

"He trusts you to be the kind girl that he knows you are. He enjoyed his time with you very much. He says… you filled the void his family left behind very well. But now, thanks to Sindri, he's with them again."

I tense up, looking out at the collection of ghosts.

"This… is your village?" I breathe.

"A lot of it is. We've picked many other people up along the way. Everyone is looking for meaning in this place. Looking for life after death. Together, Sindri thinks we can find it. Maybe we can even find a way out."

I hold myself in my arms. I want to kill him. I'm going to kill him.

"We're definitely interested in how you got here, Hannah," Sela says, finishing the translation.

"Space magic," I answer. "The afterlife is just a place. There's nothing whatsoever that necessitates you being here. There is no meaning in this place. If you could move through the fourth dimension like I can, you could just… walk out."

That seems to disturb them, but I don't know what else to say. I sigh. I'm really just putting this off for Teboho's sake. He's going to be devastated when the mind control ends. I know I was.

"Okay, Sindri," I say. "This is your chance to tell them the truth."

He hesitates. He doesn't say anything. The other ghosts tense.

"I know you're talking to them, and they're talking to you," I tell him. "I've been your victim before, you bastard. But I've moved on to much bigger abusers. The Goddess laughs when she molests me. I don't have any room left in me to still be scared of you."

"He says that your situation was a… misunderstanding," Sela says.

"Does he now," I say flatly.

"Indeed," Sela confirms, seeming amused. "His control of you was always meant to be temporary. He was frightened by what the Disciples of Unification said about you, and frightened further still when you confronted him so aggressively."

"Oh, I confronted him aggressively, did I?" I hum. "That's so interesting. I could have sworn I confronted him as I would a friend."

"Perhaps," Sela muses happily, "you simply misremembered?"

It is possible. Maybe I did misremember.

"Oh, you little bastard," I sneer. "You really think you can get me with that now? After all this time? Sela!"

"At your service, Hannah."

"You wanna kill this human again for me?"

"I have been excitedly anticipating that very question," it answers, and the ghosts immediately move to attack me.

But they're already too late.

I step out of synch with the afterlife, moving along the fourth-dimensional axis and avoiding every attack sent my way. Sela, meanwhile, never needed to be close to a soul on that axis in the first place in order to cast Death magic on them. I watch with vindictive determination as it attacks Sindri from well out of sight, a position he can't even try to retaliate against us from. His soul writhes and screams, twisting and twitching in obvious agony as it disintegrates piece by piece. The other ghosts panic, some fleeing, most staying to try and help. But nothing does. Nothing can. And before I know it, the ghost of my trauma vanishes into the stale afterlife air.

The backlash of dropping out of Sindri's control affects all of the other spirits at once. They fall to their knees in horror and disgust, they lament their fates, cursing Sindri and cursing me for ripping the pleasant lie away. But when I step back into a part of space that they can see, they don't attack.

"Sorry, Teboho," I say. "Sorry, everyone."

I'm sorry there was only ever hell. I'm sorry the Goddess never made heaven.

"Some of the spirits are asking to be destroyed," Sela tells me.

"...You do whatever you think is right," I answer. "It's your power that destroys them, not mine. But… thank you. For destroying Sindri."

"Of course, Hannah," Sela says, and a few of the ghosts around me start to be destroyed. It really means it, huh? It will help me die in peace. I guess I never should have doubted Sela, of all my friends. Between it and Helen, maybe the world will be alright after all.

"Can anyone here—anyone that's willing—help me find my friend Ida?" I ask the assembled ghosts. "She's trapped here, but she's alive, like me."

To my relief, I get some reactions from the less-hysterical spirits, including Teboho.

"They heard rumors of a living person," Sela answers. "They were going to check them out when they ran into you, coming from a different direction."

"That's wonderful, thank you," I say. "Which way? I really need to find her as soon as possible."

It takes an agonizingly long couple of minutes, but Teboho's ghost and the ghosts of his family agree to escort us after collecting themselves. It's… strange. Very strange. Teboho introduces me to them all, though I forget their names almost immediately. They ask me a lot of questions about Kagiso, about Helen, about everything we've done together. I tell them everything. Our journey together, our friendship, our troubles, and our ultimate fate. It all pours out of me in a helpless waterfall. I feel horrible, for dumping my troubles on the dead. They have more than enough of their own.

"If it is alright with you," Sela says, after a moment's silence, "Teboho has some messages that he would like to pass on."

"I… of course," I whisper, shrinking in on myself. "Of course, Teboho. I'll tell them."

"To Kagiso," Sela translates, "I know our village was never a place that felt to you like home. I know that you struggled with us. But now I hear that you have found many wonderful people. People who love you for who you are, not in spite of it. I am so, so happy for you, and I'm sorry that, as your brother, I always struggled to be that person for you."

I intake a sharp breath.

"Teboho, no—"

"To Helen," Sela continues with his words, interrupting me as he did. "I lost my life because I didn't believe what Sindri said about you. I died to your magic because I couldn't believe, in my heart of hearts, that you were the sort of person to be callous, cruel, and destructive. And now, reflecting on that death, hearing of your journey with my sister, I am so, so glad to have been right. Thank you, Helen. I am sorry you never felt safe enough with us to let us help you. Please, don't let my memory be a weight around your heart. I forgive you."

I nod, tears dripping down my face, committing every word to memory. I'm sure Sela has it all memorized by default, but I should be the one to tell them. Teboho is talking to me.

"And," he continues, "to Hannah."

I shudder, fear and grief pooling in my body like rainwater.

"If you had met me when I lived in my village and told me the Goddess was evil, I would have never believed you," he says. "My life was beautiful. I was joyful in ways that seemed truly divine. But I see now that I was lucky beyond measure, and the burden of my happiness has always been carried by people like you."

"No. No, Teboho, That's not—"

"I cannot, should not, and will not tell you what you should do with your fate, my friend," he continues, and I start to sob. "It will never be my place. I do not know your suffering like you do. Do not let me or anyone else tell you that they have your answers. But know that if there is anything I can do, anything within my power, you need only to ask. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you for being there for my sister. Thank you for saving my friend from herself. No matter what you decide, I think it will be good enough."

I weep. I cry. I wail into the darkness of the afterlife. How could he say that? How could he crush me with those words? How am I supposed to call him a liar, in these final moments of our journey through hell? Kagiso and I lost him what feels like so long ago, and now he's here to give me his final words, his last offering to our battered souls. Even after we failed him so utterly, all he wants to do is make our lives more worth living.

I can't handle it right now. It's beyond me. His kindness hurts more than any cruelty could.

"H-hello?"

I freeze. That wasn't Sela's voice.

"Is someone there?" Oh Goddess, it's so scratchy, so raw, so nothing like her, and yet still—!

"Ida!?" I shout. "Ida, is that you?"

"Hannah!?"

"Ida!!!"

I break out into a sprint, rushing towards the sound as fast as I can. It's her, right? It's her, we found her, she's safe, she has to be safe! For some reason, hearing her voice is making me panic more than I have all trip, both from the apparent closeness meaning I'll know her fate very soon and from the ragged, terrified tone I've never once heard from her mouth in all the time we've known each other.

"Hannah? Hannah, where are you!?"

"Just stay there, I'm coming!"

My feet hammer against the ground, one step after the other, my claws gouging into the bark of the world tree as I accelerate towards the voice as fast as I can. And then, I see her. She's there, in my spatial sense, naked and afraid and alone in this dark, uncaring trash heap of the Goddess. There's panic in her eyes, a desperation that's horribly unlike her. How raw has she screamed her voice, looking for any sign of hope or life in this place? She's been trapped here for hours, unable to see even the slightest hint of light.

"Ida!"

I crash into her in my haste, wrapping her up in my arms and nearly knocking us both to the ground in a tangle of limbs. God, she's so cold! I didn't notice it myself, but it's freezing here, isn't it? There isn't a single source of heat. Ida shivers against my chest, burying herself into me and clutching on tight.

"Oh Goddess, it's you, right Hannah? It's really you?"

"It's me!" I promise. "It's me, it's me. You're okay. You're safe."

"You're alive," she sobs. "Oh, thank fuck you're alive. I didn't know, I-I thought that maybe you… is everyone else alright? Is Val safe?"

"Yes, she's okay!" I tell her. "Everyone is okay. We won. We won, Ida."

"Good. Good! Fuck that fucking centipede bastard! Who even has a spell like this!? Where are we?"

"Well, we're in the afterlife, but—"

"Oh fuck, I'm dead!?"

"No! No, you're alive. The afterlife is in 4D space. I walked here."

"Oh," Ida says, letting out a shaky breath and stitching a grin onto her face. "Well, I'll make sure not to turn around on the way out, then."

I blink.

"Um… huh," I frown.

Ida's smile gets even more strained.

"You, uh, you can get me out, right Hannah?" she asks desperately.

"Yeah, I totally can," I confirm. "It's just… I can't walk you out. You're way too big. I'll have to teleport you to Earth, and I sort of… fell asleep in somebody's car? On the highway. I'm not sure what that, uh. I dunno if that's a safe spot for you to exit. Plus you'd be showing up naked in some dude's car."

"Don't care," Ida says immediately.

"But it could—"

"Hannah do I look like I wanna wait in literal hell for another couple hours for you to prepare my landing spot?" she snaps. "I'll be fine! I'm ready. If I end up on the road I'll just fly to safety."

"But what if—"

"Hannah," Ida hisses. "Get me out of here. Now."

"But—"

"Please," she begs, and that tips me over the threshold. She's right. I can't bear to keep her here a second longer. I just wish there was another way.

"Sela," I say. "I'm going to pass out. I'll need your help to protect my body."

"That's true regardless of how conscious you are, fool," it buzzes.

"Heh. Yeah. I guess you have a point," I agree. "Wake me up when you can, and we'll head back. Let's go, Ida."

"Thank you," she says softly, and squeezes me extra tight in the moment before I pull her through my soul and that familiar exhaustion hits. I take a few steps through the fourth dimension, distancing myself from any wandering ghosts that might pass before I ultimately collapse to the ground and pass out.

I do not wake up in a car. I wake up on a couch in what appears to be some kind of waiting room. It's a bit more barren than the waiting room at Dr. Carson's practice, very hastily set up with mismatched white chairs and a single, somewhat damaged houseplant in an attempt to make the room look safe and comforting. Honestly, it's not a bad effort, and it might even have succeeded if not for the fully-kitted military guy who pulls a rifle on Ida the moment I gain consciousness.

"Go on, try it," Ida hisses, staring down the barrel of the gun. "I've had a bad day."

"W-woah, hey!" I yelp, flailing a little as I try to sit up.

"Stand down!" Don barks before things escalate further. "Weapons away, now!"

After only a brief hesitation, the guy with the gun complies. Good. Cool. I don't have to kill anybody right after getting back to Earth. Don then takes off his jacket and offers it to Ida, who accepts it after a short delay.

"...Ms. Kelly?" he asks.

"Uh, yeah," Ida mutters, still tense. "That's me."

"Are you alright? Do you need medical attention?"

"No, I…" she cuts herself off and frowns, shivering a bit as she snuggles into the jacket. "I could use some food and water, actually, if that's alright."

"Of course," he nods, then gives a meaningful look at one of the handful of other people in the room. Everyone else seems a bit stunned and overwhelmed by all of this, but eventually someone departs for refreshments. Ida falls backwards onto the couch next to me, hugging her knees to her chest underneath the jacket and wrapping her tail around her ankles.

"Where are we?" she asks.

"The Department of Homeland Security Paradimensional Task Force compound," Don answers. "I'm Agent Don Taylor. We heard from your father that your body was recently changed, and then you suddenly went missing."

"Oh, yeah," Ida says with a wince. "Can you guys let Daddy know that I'm okay? Or I guess give me a phone to call him on?"

"I'll call him right now," Don says, giving her a soft smile, pulling out an actual, real-life flip phone—like the kind without a touch screen—and handing it to Ida after a few taps. She gives him a smile and holds it up to her ear.

"So," Don says, turning to me while Ida assures her father that she's alive, "in the meantime, could you tell me what just happened, Hannah?"

"Ida offered to help me with a major problem over treeside," I tell him. "It… well, it didn't go as badly as it could have gone, but it didn't go great. I had to pull her back here as sort of an emergency situation."

"I see. And will you be taking her back 'treeside' any time soon?"

I shrug.

"Probably not? Hopefully not. It's up to her, though."

"Do you need me?" Ida asks, butting into the conversation. Which is fair, since we're having it right next to her. "You said you kicked bug dude's ass, right?"

"Yeah, we beat him," I confirm. "I shouldn't need you for anything else."

"Why are you so glum, then?" she asks, narrowing her eyes at me. "No answer on the, uh… the thing?"

I shake my head.

"We got an answer," I tell her. "A very definitive one. And at the end of the fight, the Goddess confirmed it."

"Oh," Ida says, picking up on the fact that this means the answer is very bad.

"Yeah," I say. I'm glad she doesn't press me on what it is, thanks to our current company. I don't want her trying to convince me to stay alive, too.

"Is this related to the calamity you warned me about, Hannah?" Don asks.

"Yeah," I answer, rapidly trying to think of a satisfying thing to tell him about said calamity other than 'kill me.' I should at least say goodbye to everyone first, right? "I, uh, already told you about it. Ida just didn't know about it for the same reason I had to go rescue her. Our timeframe for the apocalypse is a few months, at most."

"Oh shit, really?" Ida says, not having to fake her shock since she was actually stuck in hell when we learned that… but knowing Ida, she can tell it's not the only thing we learned. "That's not good. Did you at least get a lead on fixing stuff?"

"I… yeah, we did," I admit. "Best case, we can fix this…"

I swallow.

"Today," I manage to say. "It's possible we could do it as soon as today. Or I guess tonight. Whenever I sleep. It'll just… it's difficult. To do."

Especially for a weak coward like me.

"Well again, please let us know if there's anything we can do to help you, Hannah," Don says.

"I will," I lie.

I don't need his help. Not really. I just need an opportunity to be alone with Ida, to say goodbye to her in a way that won't get her to stop me. It would be good to say goodbye to Alma, too, though I don't know if I should message her or go see her in person or what. And then I need to go back to sleep, wake up treeside, trudge out of the afterlife, and convince Valerie to let me die. The United States government can't help me with any of that anyway.

Someone returns with food and water for Ida, which she gratefully chows down on while continuing the conversation with her seemingly distraught father. They also bring clothes, but she just ignores them to focus on eating. I don't really blame her. I feel awful for taking so long to rescue her. There wasn't a whole lot I could have done to be faster, and we were really lucky to run into Teboho and the others, but… still. I feel like I failed her.

I'm failing everyone who cares about me, really. But I know it in my soul: the Goddess is no liar. I will cause the apocalypse, or I will die. There is no way out of that choice. There is no clever, outside-the-box play to be made. I die, and the Goddess loses, or I live, and the Goddess wins.

But I lose either way.

"Agent Taylor, sir?" some guy says, poking his head into the room. "They're ready for you."

"Ah, of course," Don nods to him. "I'll be right there. Hannah, Ms. Kelly, would you be alright waiting here for a moment? I've got to go talk to the bigwigs."

"I don't have anywhere else important to be," I shrug. "But… Ida. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll come home as soon as I can, Dad," Ida sighs into the phone, holding up one finger at me. "Promise. I know. I know, sorry. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't important. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Love you too. Bye, Daddy."

She ends the call and closes the phone, handing it back to Don.

"I'll get dressed and presentable," she tells him. "Would it be okay if I had some privacy for that?"

"We'll clear the room for you," Don agrees amicably. "Hannah, we have—"

"It's alright if she stays," Ida says quickly. "I'd… prefer if she stays."

Don stares at her for a moment, and then nods.

"Of course. Well, we'll see you both shortly, then."

He and the other government goons head out, leaving the two of us alone. To my surprise, there don't even seem to be any cameras or listening devices in here either. At least, none I can see with my spatial sense. I guess it's always possible that I'm just bad at spotting them, but I'm pretty confident.

"So," Ida says conversationally, "government compound, huh?"

I shrug.

"It's better than appearing in the middle of the freeway, at least," I mutter.

"I don't know if it is," Ida says. "For as long as we've known each other I've done my absolute best to teach you that all cops are bastards, Hannah. And feds? Feds are like super cops. Ultra bastards. And now we are surrounded by them. They're everywhere. It's only a matter of time until they start trying to fuck us over."

"Yeah, maybe," I sigh. "Don has been nice so far. I think he genuinely wants to help. And we do need help, Ida. Unregulated magic would be a nightmare."

"I'm not saying we don't need help, I'm just saying we don't need the kind of help that has us waking up in the middle of a government compound with a gun pointed at our heads. And that's clearly what this is, considering that literally just happened."

"...Fair," I admit. "But if a naked demon suddenly appeared out of nowhere next to me I'd probably point my weapons at her too."

"Is that a promise?" Ida grinning and leaning closer. "You're so hot when you're threatening my life, you have no idea."

"I have… some idea now," I mumble, blushing. "Put your clothes on."

"Bah. This is racism against succubi."

"Ida."

"Fine, fine, geez," she agrees, though she flicks me in the nose with her tail first. I'm glad she does; it seems she's feeling a lot better now that she's free from the sensory deprivation chamber and has gotten some food.

"I just wish we had some plan to deal with this," I sigh. "I don't know if I can actually be of any help. I don't know how to write government policies."

"Well, you might have something worse you need to worry about anyway," Jet says.

I blink. Huh? Jet is… what?

"Jet!?" I gape at her.

She's casually sitting next to me, legs crossed and munching on a pastry that she got from Goddess knows where. She waves with her free hand, then feeds her tail the rest of the doughnut. Alma gobbles it up happily.

"Sup," Jet says.

"How did… when did…?" I say, trying to think back. Holy cannoli, I forgot about her all the way back when I was at her house. I forgot about her during the period when Alma was active as a near-invulnerable construct, never even trying to think about where that construct came from. "Oh my Goddess you can make an invincible projection and hide where your real body is with mind magic. That's terrifying."

"Yup," Jet agrees. "Anyway, I've been snooping around."

"How did you even get here?" I ask.

"I was in the backseat of that Agent Taylor guy's car," Jet shrugs. "Anyway, there's this big conference going on about what to do with you. Lotta people have different opinions. Some of those opinions include locking you up here and never letting you leave. Just thought you should know."

"I… thanks," I say. "I appreciate that, Jet."

"It's relevant to us, too," she insists. "And you did help Alma and me out today, so… thanks."

"O-of course!" I say hurriedly. Yay, repairing our friendship maybe!

"Don't tell anyone we're here, though, if you happen to remember," Jet says, scratching the underside of her tail and smiling a little as it squirms happily. "It'll be Our Little Secret."

I blink, wondering why I've been staring at the empty couch next to me for so long. What was I…? Oh, right. I was thinking about how there probably are members of the government who want to do the black site thing and force us to stay here. We should be ready for that, I guess? I mean, I don't know if it really matters to me since I won't be around for much longer, but it might make a big difference to Ida.

…Oh, right. I… I need to tell Ida. I… fuck. Fuck. I don't want to. I'll never want to. But I have to. If I don't do it now I might chicken out until I never get to say goodbye at all.

"Ida, I… we should talk about what I learned fighting Aimilios."

"Oh, are we using that bastard's name now?" she asks, putting on the last of her clothes after cutting holes for her wings and tail. "Damn. I would have bet a fortune that you'd never remember it."

"Ida—"

"I get it, I get it, this is serious," she grouses. "Are you sure that means you wanna talk about it here? No shot we actually have privacy."

"I don't see any surveillance stuff with my spatial sense," I tell her. "There's nobody waiting outside the door, either. They're watching the door, of course, but there's no way they're close enough to hear us talk."

That feels really fortunate, for some reason. We could safely incant in here. Or… hmm. Did someone already do that? No, wait, of course not. When or why would we have bothered? Why do I…

"Well, if you're sure, it's your call," Ida shrugs. "But I get to say 'I told you so' if they have some kinda crazy long-range microphone aimed at the room or something."

"Yeah, okay," I mutter. "Um. So…"

I trail off like the coward I am, squirming in my seat. Ida raises an eyebrow at me.

"Yyyyesss…?" she prompts.

"We found out what causes the apocalypse," I blurt. "And it's me. It's… I do it. I will do it. Not… not on purpose or anything, but it's what the Goddess made me for. I-it just happens, all on its own, no matter what we do, as long as I'm alive. My soul is designed to pull the two worlds together, smash them into each other, with catastrophic consequences."

Ida stares at me for a bit, then flashes her trademark grin like I just told her something funny.

"Wow, the Goddess is a right bitch, huh?" she says. "Rigging everything to make us on Her team whether we like it or not? That's a dirty move. So how do we minimize damage, then? Is that what we need these government schmucks for?"

"Ida—"

"Because that's our goal, right Hannah?" the smile reaching further up her mouth but vanishing from her eyes. "That's the sensible decision we're all agreeing on if this can't be avoided any other way? You've been getting that hopeless look in your eye because it's such a big task, and not because you're thinking about doing anything stupid, right Hannah?"

"Ida, we… we're talking about billions of lives here," I say softly, bringing my feet up on the couch to hug my knees.

"Yeah, shame about them, and we're gonna do whatever we can to help, but—"

"This is doing whatever we can to help!" I snap. "Not killing myself is avoiding the most important thing we can do to help!"

She stares at me, the fake smile melting slowly off her face and twisting into a glower. I look away, unable to meet her eyes with my human pair, but can't ever stop myself from knowing what her expression is like anyway.

"So it's not just my imagination," she scowls. "I didn't think it was, but damn did I want to be wrong."

"You're mad at me," I mutter. I want to say that's not fair, but I know that would be a lie.

"Mad at you? Mad at you!? You think I… uuugh!" Ida growls, starting to pace furiously around the room. "Fucking hell, Hannah, why do you even care about the world!?"

"W-why wouldn't I—"

"Why wouldn't you!? Hannah, for shit's sake, the world has done nothing but fuck you over for your entire life! You were raised by a narcissist for eighteen fucking years who gaslit you into believing you should never speak up about your problems because they were all your fault anyway. You were sexually abused by someone whose job it was to help you. Then, all in short order, you were mind controlled, you started mutating, you were forced into multiple life-or-death fights, you got kidnapped by pirate slavers, you got kidnapped again and fucking soul-tortured, and while this whole fucking thing is happening you're back to getting molested, except worse this time! You don't owe the world shit, Hannah! Can't you just be selfish for once!?"

"This IS me being selfish!" I shout at her, the claws on my hands digging into my ribcage hard enough to draw blood. "This is what me being selfish looks like! I can't do this anymore, Ida! I can't handle this, on top of everything else! I… I know I have things to live for. People to live for. But I can't… I can't…!"

I can't bear that burden. I can't cause those deaths. It would crush me. The only thing I'd do with my immortality is want to die even more. And then as the years pass, and my friends get older while I stay the same… when they finally die and leave me alone with my sick joke of an eternity…!

The Goddess strokes my cheek, my chest, my inner thigh. I'll still have Her. I'll always have Her.

"You can," Ida growls.

"No," I sob. "Don't say that. Please."

Ida stomps over, grabs me by the collar of my shirt, and yanks me to my feet.

"You can and you will," she hisses into my face. "You are mine, Hannah. You don't get to do this to yourself. I won't allow it."

"Ida, please—"

"No!" she shouts, tiny drops of spit hitting my face. "I didn't put all that work into becoming the person you see me as just to be thrown away!"

She's snarling at me, fangs out and tears streaming down her face. I still can't meet her eyes, and I still can't stop looking.

"I finally, finally got to make you happy," she says quietly. "But it was so stupid. Imperfect. Fleeting. I won't just leave it at that. I'm not done with you, you stupid bitch."

"I'm sorry, Ida," I say softly. Just one flick of Spacial Rend. Just a concentrated dose of Helen's annihilation. Just a bit of help from Sela. There are so many ways to make it so easy. "You can't stop me."

"No, Hannah," Ida says. "You can't stop me."

I say nothing. She's blustering and she knows it. I'll probably be dying in a completely different universe. And regardless, it's at that moment I see Don returning with a couple military guys from wherever the heck he was, and I'm content to just let the distraction run its course. I don't have the energy for this conversation anymore. All I can do is keep saying I'm sorry, anyway.

"Come in," I call out when they knock on the door.

"Hello again you two, we…" Don says, trailing off as he sees us, Ida still glowering at me with the front of my shirt in her fist. "...Is everything alright?"

"Peachy," Ida growls, letting go of me. "Sorry, my friend was just being a characteristic dumbass. You can escort us out, now."

"Pardon?" Don blinks.

"Ignore her," I tell him. "She's had a very long day. I mean, Ida can go if she wants, but I'm happy to stick around to help for as long as you need me."

I can't hide how miserable I'm feeling, which makes me feel even worse. Don awkwardly clears his throat and glances at Ida.

"Were you, ah, planning to leave shortly?" he asks her, and something about the way he says it makes me frown.

"I'm sticking with Hannah," Ida insists, and the subtle release of tension in his and the other soldier's muscles is hard not to notice now that I'm looking for it.

"Would, um, would Ida have been allowed to leave, if she wished to?" I ask, for some reason feeling a strong hunch the answer will be no.

"I… the security council is against it," Don says diplomatically. "I did my best to talk them out of it, but given how Ms. Kelly suddenly showed up in the middle of the compound, they are understandably worried about the risks posed by interuniversal transport and… disinclined to leave you unguarded until those risks are fully explored."

"So we're being locked into the fucking black site?" Ida snaps. "Of course. Of fucking course. Hannah is literally trying to give you the world, and you just fuck us over for it."

"Ida…" I say, trying to calm her down a little, but I should have known it would be a mistake to try.

"Don't you dare fucking 'Ida' me again," she says, wheeling on me. "Are you going to let them get away with this shit? Are you going to let them walk all over you like they always do?"

I grit my teeth, certainly not happy about the government's decision, but it doesn't really affect me. I'm here to help them figure out a way to deal with magic and then die. I never planned on going anywhere else anyway.

"I am staying here willingly," I insist to her. "If I didn't want to be here, I'd leave. If you want to leave, I'll get them to agree with that."

"Oh, fuck off with—"

Don clears his throat again, cutting her off.

"To be… fully transparent with you girls, this is liable to be a long-term policy," he says. "Given your own advisement towards minimizing the spread of magic as much as possible, and the understanding that magic is spread via its use, the decision was made to restrict magic users—all magic users—to authorized areas of the base. And… nowhere else. In the entire country. I'm sorry."

I gape at him, feeling betrayed despite the fact that he clearly isn't a fan of this plan either. Possibly because he has a better idea of what I can actually do.

"I… no," I tell him. "Keeping me here is one thing, but you are not going to be placing all magic users in indefinite incarceration."

"I did everything I could to fight that decision, Hannah," he says helplessly. "And I will continue to fight it. I promise you."

"And you're fucking crazy if you think that's going to be enough," Ida says, stepping towards him. All three of the soldiers tense up, their hands on their weapons, but Ida doesn't even glance their way. "I'm not attending your black site tea party, asshole. No one will be."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Kelly, but I'm afraid I can't—"

"I'm not asking you, pig," she growls. "I'm warning you."

The guns come up, and for the second time since we got here Ida is staring down the barrel of a rifle.

"Step away, ma'am," one of the soldiers orders.

"Don't even think about it," I warn him, my own blades unfolding. "Do not start this fight. If you fire on my friend, I will retaliate. It doesn't have to come to that."

"Doesn't it, though?" Ida says with a grin. "Come on, motherfucker. Try it. I already told you: I've had a bad day."

The soldier's only response is to point the gun at me, as well. As if I'd want to avoid a bullet to the head.

"We're here to escort you to where you'll be staying," he says. "Please step away and follow instru—"

Ida's hand whips out without warning, grabbing the gun pointed at me as she ducks the deafening shots from the other two. With a single motion, she rips the weapon free from the grip of a man twice her size, cuts the rifle sling, and steals the gun wholesale.

So of course, even though we just left, all hell breaks loose.