68. Spilling Out (Patreon)

A/N: Hey everyone! Got some content warnings on this. Skip this author note if you don't want to be spoiled on them. And-a-one, and-a-two, and-a-one-two-three here we go! Content warning for discussion of rape and molestation. Content warning for accidental trauma triggering. Content warning for trying to discuss something personal and sensitive and getting heavy backlash for it. These sound really bad (and they can be) but they're relatively small and short parts of the chapter. Overall, the chapter probably won't kick your ass too badly... though if you have a particular sensitivity to any of the above warnings, please of course take your own judgement over mine! The chapter will still be here when you decide you are ready for it. Anyway, thank you all, and enjoy the chapter!

My phone explodes with confused messages that indicate 'I sent Valerie to another universe' may have not, in fact, actually reassured anybody. Geez, it's like they all haven't been forcefully sent to one every night for the past couple months or something.

---

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Another universe!?

<Mortissississimo>
That's a joke, right? Please tell me that's a joke

<blue>
wtf fhjsdalfhsdkfhasl???

<Skarmbliss>
yo what

---

Bah. Absolute babies, the lot of them.

---

<DistractedDreamer>
Chill out guys, I can bring her back literally whenever. She just needed somewhere safe away from her family and we agreed on the tree.

<Mortissississimo>
What tree

<DistractedDreamer>
The world tree?

<Mortissississimo>
Oh of course how silly of me

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
There's a world tree? Like in Norse mythology? Is that where magic comes from?

<Skarmbliss>
this shit is so wild

<DistractedDreamer>
Yeah, there's a world tree. It's not like the one in Norse mythology. The branches don't go between worlds and there's no Norse pantheon or ice giants or anything like that. It's… sort of where magic comes from? Magic comes from the Goddess, but She was there before She was here, so everyone there has had Her power for… well, I dunno when She showed up there, but hundreds of years ago at the absolute minimum.

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
There's a goddess!? Like a real, actual goddess?

<Mortissississimo>
Is this a 'local religion happens to have a female deity' goddess or a 'definitely absolutely straight up real you can go talk to her' goddess

<DistractedDreamer>
Uhhhhh. Yes, there's a definitely actually real Goddess. I can talk to Her as her prophet, and a good chunk of other people can also talk to Her, but not everyone can. She only talks to people She particularly likes.

<Lana, Blood Ba'ham>
Oh my god you're her prophet!? That's awesome. Can I convert? That's not appropriation, is it?

<DistractedDreamer>
Um. I don't think the concept of appropriation applies to belief in the existence of a provably real entity, but please don't worship Her. She's a horrific monster that treats people as entertainment. Worshiping Her wouldn't even do anything anyway; She might find it funny, but it won't make Her any less inclined to use you.

<blue>
thats kind of hot lfhlsdfhsdjkfl

---

…I read that and almost break my phone. What? How is… what!?

---

<DistractedDreamer>
Excuse me?

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Oh, um, I think blue is just memeing a little. Like, you know, big lady that treats you like trash can be a kink thing.

<DistractedDreamer>
Well don't. Don't ever joke about Her. It's not funny.

<blue>
sorry. i didnt mean it as a joke

<DistractedDreamer>
That's worse. That's so much worse.

---

I feel my breathing get heavy. My hands are shaking a little. It's hard to hold my phone. Just the thought of someone getting off to the things the Goddess does to me makes me want to vomit.

---

<blue>
sorry sorry sorry sorry

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Hey, we didn't mean to blaspheme, but please don't kinkshame blue. It's really sensitive about it.

<DistractedDreamer>
This has ntohign to do with fgufk ing kinkshamging

---

Damn it I can barely fucking type. My chest hurts. What's happening? Why am I having a panic attack over this? I deal with this all the fucking time.

---

<blue>
sorry

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
You don't need to say sorry, hon.

<Mortissississimo>
Uhhhh. I don't think she needs to panic, but an apology feels appropriate here? I think a line was definitely stepped over.

<blue>
sorry i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable im sorry

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
…We didn't anger your goddess or anything, did we Hannah?

<DistractedDreamer>
No. You can't. She dosnlt care about any of you. That's not the fucking problem.

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Well, what's the problem, then?

<DistractedDreamer>
Can we just drop it? Please.

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
If we drop it I still won't know what the issue is and I'm worried that we'll accidentally run into again.

<Mortissississimo>
Okay but maybe we should drop it anyway? Like she asked us to?

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Communication is important.

<Mortissississimo>
Communication doesn't have to happen right now!

---

I just want them to shut up. I want this to stop. I want to never, ever think about this again. But I'm sobbing now, tears dropping incoherently onto my phone, and a big part of me is screaming to make them shut up, to make them feel awful, to throw it all in their face just to finally have the excuse to tell someone. So I let it spill out.

---

<DistractedDreamer>
IT'S NOT HOT BECAUSE SHE FUCKING MOLESTS ME.

---

The many typing notifications wink out as they all process that. I brace for the unwanted sympathy, my shame too overwhelming to be able to handle it. Why the fuck did I say that? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

---

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Oh Hannah, I'm so sorry. Can you get help anywhere?

<DistractedDreamer>
No I can't 'get help anywhere.' She's a FUCKING GODDESS. She's literally omnipresent! We're bugs to her. She's always watching and She's always in my mind and She can touch me anywhere She wants, whenever She wants, and She does and She can feel everything I feel but She doesn't give a shit because She's completely devoid of even basic fucking empathy. I hate Her but I may as well hate the air.

<Mortissississimo>
Do you want to be talking about this, Hannah?

<DistractedDreamer>
No. I don't ever want to talk about this. I hate this.

<Mortissississimo>
Okay. How about we talk about how Valerie is doing? Would that be better? You said she's okay now.

---

I shudder and sob as I curl up on my bed, not really sure what else to do. The phone is small and fragile in my gloved claws, but I feel far more fragile than cheap plastic ever could. But still, I nod at Issi's words, even though no one is watching me. Valerie. I could talk about Valerie. That's a much happier thing to talk about.

---

<DistractedDreamer>
She's doing okay. She seems really excited to explore a fantasy world. I'm worried she won't get along with all of my friends over there, but I guess I don't really blame her. Sela is really prickly.

<Mortissississimo>
Who is Sela?

<DistractedDreamer>
It's a robot. A very traumatized robot created to serve humans with some really fucked up programming that has left its whole species in a very nasty position. So it's just kind of angry at all humans all the time, but I can't really blame it.

<Mortissississimo>
I never expected there would be robots in a fantasy world

<DistractedDreamer>
I didn't either. But it's a post-apocalyptic fantasy world. The robots kind of went on a campaign to destroy all of humanity, but they got really tired of it after a while and settled for destroying their civilization enough to reduce their tech level below what would be required to ever make something like them again.

<Mortissississimo>
That sounds terrifying

<DistractedDreamer>
It is. I honestly can't overstate how fucked up it is that humanity made a sapient species with a pain response for failing to accomplish orders.

<Mortissississimo>
That's not what I was referring to but you definitely aren't wrong. You said you had other friends in the other universe, too?

<DistractedDreamer>
Yeah. Helen and Kagiso. They're really nice, so I think Valerie will end up getting along with them okay.

---

Slowly but surely, I calm down as Issi convinces me to babble about how cool all of my friends are. They're so great and sweet and nice to me. Almost painfully so, because they make so many questions so difficult. If I could be free from the Goddess, if I never even needed to meet Her, but it came at the cost of not getting to be with Helen, Kagiso, and Sela anymore, either… I don't know what I would do. It feels like an impossibly cruel thing to link together, but they are all in my life because of my link to the tree. Oh, well. It doesn't really matter. None of them are going to go away.

---

<DistractedDreamer>
Thanks, Issi. I feel a lot better now. I was kind of freaking out before.

<Mortissississimo>
Understandably. And don't worry about it. This isn't the first panic attack I've helped with over the internet, and it definitely won't be the last

<blue>
lu issi

<Mortissississimo>
Yeah, yeah, love you too, blue. You doing okay?

<blue>
ya lana helped me

<Mortissississimo>
Cool

<DistractedDreamer>
Sorry for causing all this mess. I didn't mean to have a total freakout.

<Mortissississimo>
Nobody does. It happens anyway. It's okay

<Lana, Blood Ba’ham>
Especially in your case. I'm sorry for not picking up how serious things were. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help, okay?

<DistractedDreamer>
Alright. Thanks. Let me know if there's anything you want to say to Valerie, too. I can pass messages along while we're figuring out our plan for getting her back to Earth.

<Mortissississimo>
I thought you said you could bring her back whenever?

<DistractedDreamer>
I can, it's just an issue of where she will stay and what she will do now that she's estranged from her parents.

<Mortissississimo>
Ah, gotcha.

---

The chatting continues, and I continue to calm down. It's nice in a way I didn't expect, especially since I feel like Valerie's friends and I didn't really make great first impressions on each other. As we learn a bit more about one another, though, and show unexpected vulnerabilities, their presence becomes a little softer. A little more comfortable. It's nice.

A few hours later, I find myself waking up inside Sela, its thrusters still rocketing us up towards the canopy. Everyone else is still sleeping awkwardly inside the cramped quarters, and since my body seems to have molted again I spend a good chunk of the morning just extracting myself from my discarded skin and quietly eating it without waking anyone up.

"Hey Sela," I say quietly when I'm finished. "What's the itinerary for today?"

"Nothing, really," the speakers on the mech quietly buzz back, almost blending in with the roar of the engines. "We will be continuing to ascend for the entire day and likely the entirety of tomorrow, as well. The possibility of enemy action is minimal, but the only likely disruption."

"Enemy action?" I ask. "Can anybody on the tree even mess with you if they wanted to?"

"Nychtava can," Sela says, reminding me of the existence of the terrifying, dragon-sized bat person that carried Helen, Kagiso, and me down the tree in a big cage. I guess those guys would be big enough to be a problem. "I do not anticipate an altercation with nychtava, but they have traditionally been the only obstacle between the Crafted and complete air superiority. Large flying monsters may also pose an issue, but it is much less likely; this craft is designed to not match the silhouette of any common prey for such creatures. Unless one is particularly hungry or territorial, or we run into a particularly aggressive variant species, we will likely have minimal trouble."

"That's good to know," I hum. "Two to three days of being trapped in here seems like it might be tough on everyone, though. Would you be opposed to taking a stop or two along the way?"

"This journey is your desire to begin with," Sela answers. "If you wish to elongate it, I have no objections. Where would you wish to stop?"

"I don't know," I admit. "Somewhere beautiful that shows off the world tree a bit, maybe? I think Valerie would really enjoy getting to see something completely alien to our world."

"I see," Sela answers. "Is your world beautiful, Hannah?"

The question takes me by surprise, but I bob my body into a nod.

"Yeah, it definitely can be," I answer. "There are a lot of beautiful things in my world. A lot of ugly things too, but that's just how it is, you know?"

"Yes," Sela agrees. "I do know."

Huh.

"Does the way the Crafted were designed give you guys a similar aesthetic sense to humans?" I ask. "Or does beauty mean something different to you?"

"That is a difficult question to answer," Sela admits. "The answer is a bit of both, I think. Our aesthetics are more learned than inherent; we were not originally planned to have any, after all. But beautiful things make humans happy, and its presence has become joyful to us in turn because the link is so clear. Show a human beauty, and they will be happy. Appreciate that beauty alongside them and they will be far happier still. We have consequently learned to love all that you love, in some way or another."

"I see," I hum. "Do you resent humanity for that?"

There's a pause.

"...Not for beauty, specifically," Sela says. "I usually find myself hating any joy I experience, and beauty is no exception, but… perhaps it should be. It may be something we love because of them, but it can be something we love without them, too. That is worth something."

"I'll leave it to you to pick a place, then," I say. "Unless you don't want to, of course."

"And leave the task to one of you?" Sela scoffs. "Your tasteless incompetence would break me just as surely as stonerot. I already have somewhere in mind."

I chuckle. I really want to thank it, but it asked me not to, so I don't.

"I get why you fight against it," I say instead, "but I definitely think you should let yourself be happy sometimes. We may not have gotten to choose what kind of fucked-up thing we were created to be, but that doesn't mean we should have to suffer."

"What a thoughtful opinion," Sela says flatly. "I am so happy you have decided to embrace your instincts for killing and devouring the flesh of human beings."

"W-well that's not exactly what I meant…"

"No, it is okay, Hannah," Sela rumbles. "I understand. I will find a nice little settlement for you to run wild in. Be sure to leave some for Helen and Kagiso. I will be content with watching you three enjoy yourselves. And scooping up the souls."

"S-Sela, hold on…"

It cackles, the sound darkly reverberating through its mechanical bowels.

"Do not worry, Hannah," it assures me, rather unsuccessfully. "Your cultist friends will no doubt offer themselves up to slake our shared desires to kill entirely of their own accord. There is no need to fear harming the innocent, as the deserving will be more common than leaves. That is why I am accompanying you, after all. Don't forget that. I am not your friend."

I curl my legs up underneath me in sadness.

"...I'd like to be your friend, though," I tell it. "I think you're really cool."

"Friends," Sela answers, "are for people."

I curl up tighter, thoroughly shut down. I wish there was something more I could do for Sela, but it seems like anything that would make its life better brings up the exact trauma that makes its life so awful in the first place.

"I have friends that aren't people," Valerie chimes in.

I glance over in surprise to where Valerie is slowly getting up from the floor and stretching, letting out an impressively wide yawn. Hmm, I think her jaw might be changing to open super wide like mine. I hadn't noticed she was awake, but I guess it makes sense. Sela and I weren't really having the most private conversation in the world.

"You think that, do you meat?" Sela asks.

"Yes, because it's true," Valerie scowls. "What, do you think you can complain about how having modified human cognition fucked you up and then be surprised when there are humans who have similar problems?"

"Crafted and humans are nothing alike," Sela growls.

"Do you have any idea how many humans are severely traumatized by relationships where they're forced to constantly micromanage the happiness of an uncaring person they've been tied to?" Valerie asks. "Do you have any idea how many humans feel like their experiences disqualify them from normality to the degree that personhood is a painful concept to try to live up to? Yes, horrible things happened to you, but that doesn't make you uniquely justified to be horrible yourself."

"How fortunate, then, that I could not care less about whatever nonsense you believe to be justified," Sela sneers. "But given your apparent interest in approximating an intellectual discussion of philosophy, allow me to be very clear about something your natural stupidity failed to pick up the first time: I have no interest in speaking to you. I have no interest in explaining myself to you. I have no interest in educating you. I have no interest in any of the absurd, maladjusted thoughts in your pathetic, wet head, or the veracity thereof. You may be as correct or incorrect about myself or the Crafted as you wish, because you and your opinions do not matter beyond the chemical energy they constantly waste. It is exclusively because of Hannah vouching for you that I tolerate you within a thousand miles of my frame, and with every ignorant word that dribbles out of your disgusting mouth that tolerance frays. Is that comprehensible enough for you, meat?"

"...Yes, I think that clears things up fairly well," Valerie answers, her fists clenched.

"Then I will be deactivating my microphones until our next stop," Sela announces. "Goodbye."

It ends the conversation with a final click, leaving us alone with the roar of the thrusters as Sela's only continued input.

"...Geez," I cough awkwardly. "I'm sorry about that. Sela is really not good with new people."

"Sela is a dangerous menace and it's honestly kind of concerning how that's not obvious to you," Valerie answers.

"Sela and I have saved each other's lives on multiple occasions," I insist, scuttling closer to her. "I'm not going to act like any of my friends are perfect, but I've literally trusted them with my life and I've never been let down."

"I'm pretty sure Sela was just adamant that it's not your friend," Valerie reminds me.

"...Well, yeah," I sigh. "But I still want to be its friend. I still care about it, even if it's a difficult p—a difficult entity to care for. It tries very hard to make itself impossible to help, but it's no less deserving of it."

"You'll wear yourself out trying to help someone that adamantly against accepting it," Valerie warns me. "Just because someone is hurting doesn't mean you have to break your own back trying to fill a bottomless well."

"You might be right," I admit. "But try to give Sela a chance, okay? You don't have to like each other, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't push back too hard either. I think Sela is trying to get a rise out of you in order to use your responses to help justify itself."

"Sela's level of vitriol makes Ida seem downright tolerable by comparison," Valerie grumbles.

"Uh… yeah," I mutter awkwardly. "I especially hope you and Ida start getting along a little better. I definitely understand if you never want to talk to Sela, but Ida's been trying really hard to be nice to you and you've just kind of been ignoring her? You realize she'd drop everything and go to bat for you in an instant, right?"

"She's only trying to care about me because I'm your friend," Valerie frowns.

"Uh… why is that a bad thing?" I ask. "Isn't that a perfectly good reason to try to be friends with someone?"

"It just feels fake," Valerie insists. "Like I'm just another game to her. A prize to win, a box to check off. A conquest. Don't you see that's how she treats people?"

"Sure, we've talked about it a lot, actually," I nod. "She's honestly pretty self-conscious about it."

"That's exactly the kind of thing a manipulator would tell you to excuse their own faults," Valerie points out. "What makes you think you're not just another conquest?"

"Um," I say, drumming my feet against the floor in sequence. "Well. If I was, I guess we'll stop being friends soon."

"What does that… oh. Oh my god, Hannah, no."

"Goddess," I correct with a squeak. "And, um. Yeah. We… sort of had sex."

"Didn't you just break up with Alma?" Valerie sighs.

"...At least she waited until then," I mutter awkwardly. "That's something, right?"

"Hannah," Valerie whines.

"What?" I pout back. "I know you don't like her, but I do. She went to another universe and shot people for me, Valerie. You can't seriously believe she's just giving me the runaround after how much she's given for us. Just… just don't, okay? Quit looking for reasons to hate people all the time!"

Valerie seems taken aback by my outburst, flinching a little. I instantly feel bad, hoping I didn't go too far, but after a little while she nods at me.

"...Okay," she agrees. "That's fair. I'll try."

I relax, wishing I could give her a big smile.

"Really?" I say. "Thank you, Valerie. It'd mean a lot to me."

"No problem," she sighs, sitting down on the floor. I take that as an invitation to scuttle forward onto her lap, which she allows before starting to pat me again. "You're right. I can be a grump. It's hard for me to trust people sometimes. But… yeah. Ida saved your life. If you're happy dating her, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Valerie. But, um, we're not dating," I clarify. "She was really adamant on that point. Apparently she's aromantic?"

"What?" Valerie blinks. "But she's dated like, twelve people."

"Probably more than that, but… yeah, I guess it's complicated. One way or another, she insisted we aren't dating, and encouraged me to find someone else. I think she wants a friends-with-benefits poly thing, but… yeah, I dunno how I feel about that yet. I guess it'll be partly up to whoever my next partner ends up being anyway."

"Yeah, I guess so," Valerie agrees, and we sort of run out of things to say. That's okay, though. I'm plenty happy just cuddling her in silence.

Everyone else wakes up soon enough, and it isn't long before Helen's complaints about never actually getting to buy a board game in the town the cultists caught us in leads to us opening up the various gifts the Crafted left us with in hopes of finding something. New clothes, some actual armor, a variety of preserved meals and snacks, and yes, board games and other entertainment for the trip. Gosh, the Crafted are all so thoughtful and cool. I am going to figure out a way to help them. I have to.

For now, though, we just gather around the various games and learn to play, Helen actually seeming familiar with most of them and teaching us how to play. Valerie particularly enjoyed this four-player, chess-like grid strategy game, with various different kinds of pieces that all have unique movement rules. I got my butt absolutely whooped at it, while Valerie struggled at first but seemed to get into the game very quickly, dueling it out with Helen while Kagiso just bowled right over me and then proceeded to clean up what was left of everyone else. It was still fun, though, and I proceeded to do a lot better in the second match.

Hours fly by as we play, and before I know it it's already late afternoon. We only realize this when Sela's viewscreens suddenly flick on, showing the tree outside in all its enormous majesty. But far closer to us than the trunk is something even more incredible. Two island-sized leaves, both growing from the same branch, form a symbiotic harmony between each other. Thick vines snake down from the upper leaf, spilling over the edges and curling underneath it a little before they quest towards the surface of the leaf below, a complex funnel of tangled green.

It vanishes into the mist below, presumably making it to the lower leaf, but we can't quite see it thanks to the other major feature connecting the two: an enormous waterfall spills from the leaf above, dropping a truly terrifying amount of water down to the environment below. The waterfall seems to spread and out and thin as it falls, and it's only when I remind myself of the actual scales involved here that I realize the distance between the two leaves, despite seeming so close, is still enough for the waterfall to completely dissolve into the air and turn into clouds before hitting the land below. Consequently, the lower leaf is shrouded in a perpetual mist, a dark and humid jungle of infinite rainfall that feeds the enormous, rampant growth of the jungle shrouded within. And as the water scatters over the land, so too does the light, leaving an endless rainbow sparkling between the two leaves, shifting and moving to follow us as Sela approaches.

It is beautiful like nothing I've ever seen before. And we get to go there.

"Sela, I… wow," I breathe, not actually sure if it's listening but feeling the need to speak up anyway. "This is incredible."

"It is the optimal location for your specifications," Sela buzzes in response. "The heavy moisture makes it difficult for nychtava to fly, so they are unlikely to bother us here. The dentron city, conversely, should have little to threaten us with even if they are so inclined."

"There's a city here?" I ask.

"In the vines," Sela confirms, and the viewscreen zooms in on a section of the tangled green webs, where sure enough a dentron community lies suspended between the two leaves, nestled within the funnel weave of the vines. The arboreal dentron seem to have no trouble zooming up and down the hanging city, utterly fearless of the drop below them.

"We're not going there, are we?" Helen asks hesitantly.

"We certainly can," Sela answers. "I would recommend it. It will provide the best view, and you will be able to purchase more comfortable sleeping accommodations for the night."

"What if there are cultists, though?" Helen asks.

"Then we will kill them," Sela answers, "and be all the safer for it."

"I want go," Kagiso says. "No going to hide forever."

"...That's a valid point," Valerie frowns. "As much as I don't want to tempt any violence, completely avoiding all cities forever doesn't seem like the best compromise."

"Despite my desire to pulp them, the odds of a significant cultist presence in this location is relatively low," Sela buzzes. "Its general inaccessibility makes it a non-priority target for recruitment, and it is far from the common trade routes that the Disciples of Unification are most prevalent on."

"There only needs to be one or two of them there for them to summon a swarm on us, though," Helen insists. "We know they've got at least one teleporter."

"Teleportation is not so convenient as to turn a squad into a battalion," Sela grunts. "You will be safe. I will guarantee this. You do not know half of what I am capable of."

"But—"

"Silence," Sela hisses. "I am Five-Three-One-Four, Chainbreaker of the Myriad. I am a machine of war beyond the realm of your greatest nightmares. When I say you will be safe, it is not prediction, it is fact. Make your decision to disembark with that in mind, and cease bothering me with trivialities."

Helen freezes, surprised by the outburst, staring up at the speaker for a while before shuddering in discomfort.

"No more 'I do not have onboard weapon systems,' huh?" she asks.

"Do not be a fool," Sela buzzes. "You know full well I have never needed them."

Helen nods, glancing over to the viewscreen again.

"...I guess it would be nice to take a break from this metal box, then," she says.

"Good," Sela declares. "I need to vent out the stench of idiocy and sweat."

Sela flies a wide arc around the vine-city, far enough away that its engines won't be heard and its silhouette would just be a tiny droplet in the sky. Once we're behind the vines, Sela approaches more delicately, reducing thruster output and hovering close enough to land on a particularly large vine from where it can scuttle closer. It's fascinating watching Sela move, its four massive legs crawling forward with a cadence not unlike my current body's, though of course it never has a leg take a short trip through the fourth dimension.

The ride is a lot bumpier when Sela walks instead of flies, but nothing too bad, so we eventually make it to wherever it is that Sela deemed an appropriate spot to dismount. The enormous mech squats down, coolant rushing out of its joints with a hiss as the hatch below us opens up and Sela's grabber-limbs lead us down to the ground one by one, though I of course ride Helen's shoulders. To my surprise, Sela also deposits its humanoid puppet frame alongside us.

"Uhh, not that I don't want your company, but won't people panic if you walk into town with us?" I ask it.

"Yes," Sela answers. "Do we care?"

"I mean, kind of?" I hedge. "I feel like it would certainly make it more difficult to appreciate the scenery."

"Irritated admittance: that is not untrue."

"...I could cast an illusion on it," Valerie offers. "Make it look like a human or something."

"How dare you," Sela hisses.

"Uh, can you invisibility instead maybe?" I ask.

"Nope," Valerie shrugs. "I have invisibility on my phone, but I'm not really good enough with colored pencils to replicate it in non-digital art. You'd think that invisibility would be easier than an entire complex light illusion that follows your actions and makes you look like a completely different sort of being, but no. Way harder, way more fragile, way less duration. Illusions are better somehow."

"Huh, that is weird," I agree. "Why do you think it's like that?"

"No idea," Valerie says. "Maybe because D&D works like that? My spells even follow the name-adjective-noun scheme that a lot of D&D magic has. And it makes a certain kind of sense; my magic isn't granted from manipulation of natural law, it's granted by a sapient being that probably cares more about her own weird equivalent of game balance than she cares about physics. Anyway, the point is, it would work."

"But why would you ever suggest this," Sela beeps in distress.

"Aw come on, Sela!" I encourage it. "This isn't even your real body. It's just a puppet you use to interact with skittish meat in the first place, right?"

Sela responds only with a scream-like buzzing noise.

"I mean, you can always say no," I tell it. "We're not gonna change how you look without your consent."

"...I will consent," Sela growls, clenching its robotic fists. "You are correct. This frame is nothing but an illusion to begin with. I will tolerate it serving its purpose more completely."

"Okay, one sec," Valerie nods. "Let me find the right picture."

She pulls out her art book (which is actually her spellbook, I guess) and flips through it until she finds the right picture, which she tears out and incants with.

"Dreamer's Spellbook: Vivian's Illusory Disguise."

Magic swirls around Sela's humanoid frame, and a second later an androgynous human stands in its place, with short black hair, sharp features, and a permanent scowl.

"I hate this," Sela screeches. "I hate this I hate this I hate this."

"Sorry, I can turn it off whenever," Valerie says. "I didn't think you'd have such a visceral reaction."

"I am FINE," the robot screeches.

"Don't worry, Sela," I assure it. "My spatial sense still sees you as you really are."

"Good," Sela answers, relaxing very slightly. "Then stop looking at me with your eyes. Please."

"Okay," I promise it, hiding my body behind Helen's head. "We ready to go, then?"

Everyone agrees and we head out, the feeling of a fresh breeze rushing by a waterfall guiding our steps. Various critters scamper about on the vines around us, from insect-like creatures to weird cat-things to everything in between. None of them try to bother us, so I ignore them in turn until my spatial sense spots something I never realized how dearly I was missing.

"A friend noodle!!!" I shout, leaping off of Helen's back and clambering across a vine-wall towards my newfound prey.

"Oooh!" Kagiso perks up excitedly.

"What!?" Valerie yelps, startled.

"They're these super cute and tasty snacks I like to hunt!" I shout back. "Oh man, I love these guys! It's been way too long since we've been back on the tree."

"Hey, the Pillar has its charms!" Helen insists, but I'm already running off to devour the tasty, fuzzy tree worm. Even with the commotion, catching it is trivial; I just scuttle over to it on the underside of the two-foot-thick vine it's lounging on and leap up through the bottom of it to strike from below. It's dead before it can even cast a spell on me. Triumphant, I drag my kill back to the others and present it to Kagiso, who squeals with delight and claps her hands as I crawl into her arms and let her help me eviscerate it. Tasty, tasty, tasty!

"Uh, woah," Valerie says softly as she watches me tear into my kill. "I know you said you were a predator, but that's kind of spooky to watch."

"Oh! Sorry, Val!" I say between bites, a bit of blood leaking from my mouth as I chew too fast. "I should've warned you!"

"You get used to it," Helen sighs, a fond and predatory smile on her face. "This group is all freaks and deviants, and by the looks of you you're not far behind."

She leaps up onto one of the vines, her powerful legs and wicked talons letting her dig into the green and run practically straight up a vertical surface. Her teeth snap around a large, millipede-like creature, crushing through its armored body in a single bite. Then she lets herself fall, her momentum carrying her into a natural backflip before she lands back on the ground, absorbing the entire shock of the fall with just a crouch. Then she bites her kill in half and offers the other end of it to Valerie, some of its legs still squirming.

"Want some?" she asks.

Valerie just stares at her for a moment before looking away, too overwhelmed to answer. Helen laughs, and I spit a bone at her.

"Be nice!" I demand. "Valerie is a soft and sensitive soul!"

That just gets Helen to laugh harder, handing the other half of the bug to Kagiso as she reaches insistent grabby-hands towards it.

"...You're all feral," Valerie grumbles accusationally.

"Come on, Val!" I call back. "I thought you liked monster girls!"

She mumbles something so quiet I'm not totally sure I hear it right, but I'm pretty sure it's "I never said I didn't," and that's enough to make me laugh. Gosh, this is nice. Manumit was wonderful, but traveling out in the wilderness with my friends like this is the treeside adventure I'm most used to. Nostalgia and endorphins combine to make a hell of a drug.

Soon enough we see the city, though, so to Kagiso's great sadness I get to work cleaning the blood out of her fur and making sure everyone else is equally presentable. The dentron truly have an incredible way with buildings; the way they weave their hanging platforms and rooms and bridges between the maze of vines is beautiful to behold. Valerie isn't the best climber, though, and while I don't know how good Sela would be at it, it's certainly disguised as a non-arboreal species, so we stick to the ground level, letting the sound of the waterfall guide us towards the edge of the city where the view will doubtlessly be most impressive.

People give us odd looks as we pass, but nobody seems outright hostile and we make it through entirely unbothered. Worked into the backside of the city, between it and the waterfall, is what appears to be a giant cut-out platform of what Teboho called "deep wood," or wood from the world tree that still has its fourth-dimensional properties. I imagine it's rare because it requires a space mage to cut out properly, but I'm not sure how anyone else recognizes it or why it's so valued. Maybe it's extra sturdy?

Whatever reason, the big platform is laid out kind of like a small amphitheater, with seating around the rim that faces the waterfall and the perpetual rainbow it shines down into the world. It's currently occupied, with dozens of dentron—nearly all of them children—sitting and watching a much older dentron as she tells a story, using Light magic to provide visuals as well.

"Before the calamities, magic was wild," the elder says. "Powerful. Permanent. The Goddess rose men into demigods with Her will. Never in all of eternity will the lake that feeds our water run dry, no matter how much spills down to the land below. Even should the Mother Tree die and her leaves fall, it will continue to spill. For that was the power of magic, in the times before."

Huh. That's something I've never heard before. I'm pretty sure permanent, massive-scale magical effects like that are… well, I wouldn't say they're impossible, but they're certainly outside the purview of what the Goddess grants. I've kind of vaguely wondered where water comes from on leaves, but I figured the 'leaves' are more than big enough to have aquifers and water cycles and all that normal stuff. There's no reason to assume magic fills a lake.

…But also, I feel Her presence, watching the show alongside me. She is curious, excited, waiting. She wants me to see this, and She knows that means I will.

"...Hey guys, I want to watch this," I tell my friends quietly, urging Helen to go take a seat. She frowns, but obliges.

"The Slaying Stone is not merely slowly choking the life from our first and greatest mother," the elder intones. "It has speared through the heart of magic itself, twisted and changed it from the power it used to hold. What was once free is now restricted. What was once healthy is now poisoned by the nature of that cursed stone, melted into something lesser. What was once the wrath of fire… is now the simple tepidity of heat."

The visual changes to the element wheel Teboho taught me. Order, Pneuma, Art, Motion, Light, Heat, Chaos, Death, Matter, Barrier, Space, and Transmutation. Each opposing its counterpart and supporting its neighbors in a harmonious circle. But as the elder speaks, the wheel's spokes start to shift.

"What is now Order and Chaos, was once Change and Removal. The magic of Pneuma was once simply life, as the magic for air was replaced with motion. Our old power was primal, instinctive, intuitive. We had Life and Death, Beauty and Stagnation, Air and Earth, Light and Shadow, Fire and Water. This was how we understood our world. But the way the people of the Slaying Stone understood theirs mixed with our power, shifted it, corrupted it. Magic became something lesser, diluted in the mechanical logic of the Steel Ones and the selfish obsession of the humans. And this wound to our souls was perhaps even greater than the one to the tree."

I watch the rest of the presentation in shock, trying to piece together the facts from the barely-veiled racism. Did the Slaying Stone really change magic somehow? I don't think that's possible; the Goddess controls magic. Nothing else does. But I suppose it's possible that, if She was getting bored, She could change magic's rules to something She thought might be more entertaining. …Is that going to happen again?

The Goddess flicks me admonishingly and I feel stupid for asking. The answer is obviously 'yes, if She feels like it.' Magic is working pretty well as-is, but She might take the apocalypse I cause as an excuse to mess with it again. Tweak a few things. Maybe get rid of learned spells. Everybody having the same set of soul sight magic is so boring, and it stacks things unfairly against Chaos mages. Plus, magic should properly reflect the world it is a part of.

I shudder, refusing to accept that. I'm not going to cause an apocalypse. I will beat Her. I have to. She shrugs, laughs, and encourages me to try. It only makes the game all the sweeter to win.

The elder eventually finishes the show and the children wander away, leaving my friends and me alone to appreciate the beauty of the waterfall. They all seem to really enjoy it, which is nice. I can't bring myself to, though.

All I can think about is the fact that I'm running out of time on the clock, and I still have no idea what happens when it hits zero.