Beach Bimbo Blind Date (Patreon)

Kind of a general hookup story based on some minor wordplay of the title. A blind date bimbo gets her addresses confused and hooks up with a dude who’s way out of his element with surprisingly happy results!

In all honestly, the concept came to mind when I was catching up on some podcasts. I decided to fill some time by getting back into My Brother My Brother and Me and their newest theme song "My Life is Better With You” sparked the scene in my head of a beach bimbo girl rollerblading with a shorter shy boy.

“I could have never seen what was coming for me

Hangs at the skatepark, hangs by the beach.”

I also swapped out the main boy's name at the last minute today. I had started him as Shawn, but I had Goblin Addiction started with a character named Shane and wanted to mix it up a little more.

Mark was sitting on the beach minding his own business. It was finally his own business, too. His parents were always too careful about letting him go to the beach on his own, but he’d finally convinced them to let him have the day to himself. He had just gotten settled in, sitting on his towel in his trunks. The short and slim boy was modest enough about it to wear his shirt to the beach, but he was pumped to be able to head out on his own and make his own decisions.

Out of nowhere, a long shadow fell over him that blocked out his sun. Mark looked up, briefly worrying it was some bully or con man that his parents had warned him out. He immediately realized it was nothing like that.

“Heyyy. You’re the blind date I was supposed to meet here, right?”

Towering over him was a tall, thick blonde woman with her hair in a ponytail. She had notable tan lines around the edges of her hot pink bikini top. She had a slim waist but she was fit and toned, with a pair of upturned, perky breasts and a round set of hips. She wore pink-tinted sunglasses and tiny jean shorts with the bright pink edges of an obvious thong sticking out above them. She had a pair of roller blades slung over her shoulder and her phone open in her other hand. She blew a bubble with her gum and popped it as she glanced down at him.

Mark looked back up at the woman and couldn’t help but stare. She was easily the hottest person who had ever talked to him in his short life, and she was suddenly all he could think about.

“Well? You’re the guy on the app, right? Cuz you look younger than I thought. Like… wayyyy younger…”

“I suuuuure am?” the younger boy ventured, unwilling to do anything that might disappoint the absurdly out of his league beach babe.

“Hm.” She seemed skeptical for a moment, but she shrugged. She had to tug at her bikini strap after how much the simple gesture made her big, spherical orbs bounce around.

“Mmkay. I wouldn’t figure you as a ‘Musclestud66,’ but whatever. I guess I’m not much of a ‘Cheerleader69’ either.”

“Well you can call me Mark,” he offered, still literally basking in her shadow.

The pornographically busty blonde looked down at him over her sunglasses, appearing surprised by the idea. Mark briefly worried that he’d blown his bluff if the person she’d met online had given his real name already. What was he doing!?

The woman’s plump, pink-painted lips shaped into a smile. She bent over, making her heavy, round tits bob even further out of her skimpy bikini.

“That’s cool. Most guys I meet up with don’t really do names right out the gate.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yea, usually. Or at least ask if I wanna head out somewhere right away.”

She cracked a more bemused smile and clearly looked more interested than her overly casual approach from the start.

“Name’s Mercedes. So where did you wanna go?”

“Oh! Uh… right. For the date.”

SURE! He’d been on those… ever. And not just seen them in tv shows and video games.

“Let’s… get something to eat first!”

Mercedes looked pleasantly surprised again.

“Huh. Sure… guys usually just ask to go to a hotel room. Or under the boardwalk, or at least down an alley…”

She smirked as Mark got up and dusted some sand off himself. Even standing up, she towered over him by a couple feet. It took all of his youthful willpower to stare into her pretty face rather than her nearly spherical melons.

“Sorry?” Mark ventured, but Mercedes laughed.

“Don’t be! It’s a nice change of pace.”

---

The intrigued blonde seemed just as interested to see where this went as the young man she’d stumbled across was. She was glad to start over and learn about the “real” Mark rather than the guy she’d flirted with over the dating app he definitely didn’t have an account for. Mark was lucky enough that he had some cash from his parents for lunch and emergencies, so he could at least buy them both a meal at the burger place he liked. The owner was always nice to him, and the stubby older man didn’t even consider that he was with a girl like Mercedes until he got his order and she skated off after him.

Mercedes clearly loved the meal, happily eating the greasy food and carelessly dropping and wiping up sauce that fell onto her perfectly shaped cleavage. She seemed just as happy to talk to the smaller boy, hitting it off surprisingly well. She was a flirty airhead, which took a lot of the hard parts off the quiet and polite boy, and she was quickly charmed by his sweet nature. He didn’t have to wonder how well he was doing with her after she leaned over to lick the ketchup off his cheek.

“So what’d you wanna do next?” Mercedes asked as they tossed out their trash from the meal.

“I didn’t have much planned out,” Mark admitted, considering he had zero plans to meet her in the first place. He was still flying by the seat of his trunks. “What about you?”

Mercedes thought for a moment, putting her bubbly brain to work. She raised her eyebrows and held up her rollerblades.

“You said you skate. Wanna go roll down the park?”

Mark blushed again. It was about time he got called out.

“I… didn’t bring mine. And I might have exaggerated when I said I knew how…”

Mercedes shrugged.

“Ah, it’s ok. Everyone lies on their dating profile a little. I don’t actually have my clit pierced either,”

Mark blushed harder as she made that wild comparison. Mercedes didn’t seem to notice and nodded towards a nearby shop offering skate rentals. She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him after her.

“So I’ll teach ya. C’mon.”

He was promptly fitted for some skates of his own and was soon stumbling along after her. She held his hand to help keep him up, which made it worth any embarrassment. He caught on quickly enough. Occasionally he couldn’t figure out how to stop and bumped into her, cushioning his fall with a face full of her eye-level tits or bent over butt. Mercedes giggled as he plowed face-first into her bubble butt for the third time. He tried to catch himself but that just grabbed onto her bare thighs.

“Sorry! I really don’t mean to!” he blurted.

“No sweat. I keep stoppin’ to check back on ya, so it’s my fault really. Just so long as you’re havin’ fun back there.”

Mark was nervous as hell, but he was loving all this time with Mercedes. He had gotten so lucky that he wanted to impress her as best he could. She squeezed his hand and gave it a tug to get him to follow side by side with the much taller blonde.

“C’mon. Follow my lead and you’ll get the hang of it.”

She leaned down and planted a kiss on his forehead. Mark felt the faintly sticky and wet sensation of Mercedes’ lipstick lingering behind, and he silently decided he would follow the skater bimbo to Hell if she led him there.

“Kay…”

He slowly started to pick up on it, and moving along with her made it easier to keep his balance. He didn’t need her curves as airbags, which he missed a little, but holding her hand felt like a step up from literally bumping into her. He kept his focus on Mercedes and his skating, but he caught the occasional jealous glance or quiet talk of “what a cute couple.” They became fewer over time, but it took Mark a bit to notice that it was because there were fewer and fewer people around where they went. Mercedes had taken him down a side path, a shady spot just between a couple bushes and between a patch of trees. It led to a private little paved spot with a park bench waiting for them.

“I didn’t know this place was here,” he mentioned out loud.

“Totes. Not a lot of people do. The park sorta forgot about it or somethin’, so it’s kinda out of sight. It’s a private little spot I don’t share with a lot of people cuz of that.”

Mercedes rolled to a stop, guiding Mark in front of the bench. She gave a small turn around before lightly pushing his chest, sitting him down in front of her. It was a comfortable spot between the shade and privacy, leaving him with nothing to distract him but the busty blonde.

“Wow. Thanks for showing me your privates… place,” he hastily corrected himself.

Mercedes giggled as she sat down next to him.

“You’re so funny. And nice and chill and stuff. Any other dude would have been totally down my pants or gropin’ somethin’ and I’d have another one night stand. Which is like, fun and stuff, but you’re just really really different.”

Mark blushed at her talk about her sex life, about as much as he did from feeling her sitting beside him. Her huge, bikini-wrapped tits reached further than her shoulders to bump against his arm.

“I mean… you’re really pretty. Like REALLY pretty,” the younger guy admitted.

“Aww~!”

“But you’re still a person. You shouldn’t have to do what me or anybody else makes you do. You should be able to do whatever you want.”

Mercedes had been looking at him with a fond, admiring stare for the last leg of their date. Hearing him tell her that made her eyes widen and light up like the small guy had just unlocked the meaning of life to her. She shifted her weight to one side, rolling over in the bench so that one leg swung over his lap and she was fully straddling Mark. Her tits swayed to a stop, dancing around right in front of his face

“Total… wow… you are so super dreamy when you talk like that,” she muttered quietly through her juicy lips, painfully close to his own.

Mark could practically hear his pulse racing in his erection as her barely dressed body rested her hips on his. Her hands braced on the back of the bench, leaving him effectively stuck there. Leaving was still the last thing on his mind. Apparently she was so easy and starved for any show of genuine respect that this was all it took to charm her.

“Th-thanks! But I’m not trying to trick you or force you into anything!” Mark rambled, trying not to talk so loudly that he gave away their privacy.

“Exactly.”

Mercedes traced her glittery fingertip over Mark’s chest.

“I can do anything I want with you, right? That’s what you said~.”

It wasn’t what he had meant, but he nodded anyway. Mercedes smiled and planted her plump lips on his, kissing him firmly enough that his neck arched back over the rear of the bench. He could taste the gum still in her mouth, expertly juggled around on her tongue so it stayed in her despite her masterful tongue work. She was clearly much more experienced than the young man, so he let his jaw go slack and let her do as she pleased. She promptly buried her tongue in his mouth, running it all around inside him like she was dying to explore every part of him. Mark moaned and went to brace his hands, blindly landing them on her thighs again and rubbing encouragingly. Mercedes moaned deeply and sucked harder on his tongue, grinding her hips on top of him. Her legs slid around under his hands as she dry-humped him like a bitch in heat. Her huge breasts rubbed against his chest, having to stoop down to reach his level for their lusty makeouts.

Mercedes popped her lips off of his, running her tongue on her glossy lips to sever the string of drool between them. Her half-lidded eyes locked on Mark as her hand found the waistband of his swimsuit, giving it a needy tug.

“Off. Gimme,” she urged simply.

Mercedes raised her hips just enough to give them a fraction of an inch between their groins. Mark mewled quietly, too overwhelmed and horny to imagine any reason to disagree. He shed his trunks, blushing nervously as his hard young cock popped out. He definitely wasn’t what he’d consider “hung.” From all her talk about previous dates, he had to be among the smaller ones she’d seen.

“Oh thank GAWD!” Mercedes sighed loudly as she reached back to undo her bikini top.

“I thought you were gonna have one of those massive monster cocks. I’m just like, whatya want me to do with somethin’ like that, y’know? I can barely find the space to stick it in.”

Mark wondered what unknown god he’d pleased to get this lucky and how to thank them properly. He was just rewarded further when Mercedes whipped off her top, fully exposing her tanlined tits. She tossed her top over her shoulder with a stripperific twirl before she leaned in again, mounting him and looping her arm around Mark’s neck. She drew him in so that his face fell between her sun-warmed boobs. The feeling of warm bread dough and the faint scent of her horny, warmed up sweat blinded him to the rest of the world and any hint of fear of being caught.

“Play with them for me,” she purred into his ear.

Mark hurried to obey her, his hands popping up to her breasts. He squeezed them firmly, flinching a moment later when she gasped from his rough handling. He worried he’d gone too far with it but she just moaned louder, making her huge chest vibrate in his face. She brought a hand down to her own shorts, wiggling out of them to bare her smoothly waxed pussy. She shimmied them down her legs and only then did she kick off her roller blades, moving her knees up to mount the bench around his hips. She bit her lip as she sat up, cradling and angling his cock until its tip rested just between her pussy lips.

“Always wanted to try it like this,” she huffed before she dropped her hips, impaling herself on the smaller boy’s cock.

She grunted softly to herself, but Mark choked out a shocked gasp. It was his first time and it was far more intense than he was expecting. Having the busty bimbo of his wet dreams riding his hardon was incredible! She was warm and wet, and her subtly gyrating bouncing made his cock slip and slide about inside her. Her boobs bounced in front of his face, too huge and heavy for his hands to fully contain them. He just squeezed weakly around her nipples, giving them a desperate kiss or lick whenever he could stop panting long enough to do so. Mercedes moved at her own slow but strong rhythm, thrusting out his thick bubbly ass and tipping her tits into his face before slamming her pussy back down on top of him. She moaned and her eyes fluttered, clearly enjoying herself as she used him however she pleased rather than the other way around.

“Ohhh my god. Yea… just like that…” she panted.

The gawking bimbo cupped Mark’s cheek, turning his face up towards her and kissing him again. Her drool ran through her mouth and into his as she moaned deeply, leaning hard into him so that her plump tits puffed up beneath his chin. Her hips pivoted in a gentle pattern as she started picking up her pace, latching her thighs around Mark’s hips to make shorter, faster humps. The boy gasped as his lips fell away from hers, letting her saliva fall over her tits and his chest.

“Oh god… ohhhhh yes,” Mark moaned as he shut his eyes, batting them back open just to stare up at Mercedes. Anything to assure him he wasn’t dreaming something that felt so perfectly good.

With a soft, girlish grunt, he thrust up in a spasming finish. A quick shot of cum shot into Mercedes, giving her his virgin orgasm in their secluded part of the park. He’d never had dreamt it would have been in a place like this with a girl like that, and definitely not that it would feel so amazing. He kept shaking beneath her, which seemed to suit Mercedes just fine. She smiled warmly down at him before biting her lip again, leaning harder into him. She squeezed him tighter and hugged him between her tits as she gasped into his ear. She gave his earlobe a small but hard bite as her breathing shuddered. He felt a burst of warmer, thicker juices come from inside her, cumming over his cock shortly after he did.

“Fuck… that was so good,” the bimbo panted hotly like it was another part of their perverted secret.

Mark hugged around her skinny waist, nodding rapidly. It felt like an amazing peak to his first time, but he could feel his pulsing cock retreating with every throb. He had shot his load and that was the end of that, he figured. He moaned and slumped back into the bench, but Mercedes gave him a soft, curious look.

“Oh you’re like… one of those one-shot guys?”

“Guys can do more than one?!” Mark gasped.

Mercedes snickered and smiled at him. She patted the naive boy’s cheek and stood back up.

“Don’t worry. I knew some guys like that. I can get you back in the game.”

The bimbo went to her knees in front of him, planting her big round orbs on his lap. She leaned in closer until her long, hard nipples poked at his stomach and his dick was rested in her tight cleavage. His hardon was fading, but it was still wet with their mixed cum, Mercedes smiled up at him as she cupped and started pumping her tits around him. His small and now even smaller dick reacted quickly, swelling back up a little more between her boobs. She licked her lips as she left the boy gasping and leaning back in the bench, gripping it like it was all that was keeping him sane.

“Theeere we go. Doin’ better already, aren’t ya?”

Mercedes milked his cock a bit more with her titfucking before peeling them apart. His precum stuck to her inner boobs, and his erection was indeed starting to return. It was more sensitive than ever, but he was glad to have it. Mercedes clearly was herself.

“Perrrrfect. I knew you were somethin’ special, Marky.”

She planted a firm kiss on the tip of his cock. She took the helmet just inside of it, waggling her tongue to tickle it around his cockhead. Mark moaned his heart out as he ragdolled onto the bench, happy to leave himself as her horny mercy. Her giggles vibrated her lips around his member before she raised her head again, tugging at his cock to slap it against her wet tits.

“See? I kissed it and made it all better. That’s the kind of shit I can pull when you let me do my own thing: you get something we can both enjoy, y‘know?”

She patted his cheek and leaned up, steadying him as she kissed him on the mouth. The fleshy, faintly bitter taste of her dickbreath was an entirely new and exciting flavor for Mark as she guided him to lean back on the bench. She climbed on to straddle her accidental date once again, only this time she faced the other way. She knelt on either side of his head, leaving her dripping wet pussy hovering over his face. She ran two fingers over it, parting her lips enough for him to see her swollen hard clit. He’d never seen one before, and definitely never this close, but he’d heard the other boys and his health class talk about them enough to know what he was looking at. She was right from earlier: it wasn’t pierced.

Mercedes planted another kiss at his cock that got it to twitch, spurting some more precum over her lower lip.

“Just enjoy, alright?” she murmured quietly before she sat on his face.

Mark was blinded to anything but some of her pale ass cheeks. Her drenched pussy landed right on his face, grinding in a lapdance level gyration that smeared her sensitive slit over his mouth. She gasped and moaned loudly, running her fingers down his stomach before starting to tease and stroke his cock. She occasionally leaned down to lick or kiss at it, but she was clearly having an amazing time riding his face.

“Mmmf… ahh…. oh fuck yea… eat me, Marky… stick that tongue up there, my good boy~!”

Mark did his best, rolling out his tongue and licking like an attentive kitten stuck beneath her. She moaned louder at that, but she broke into pornstar level cries when he ventured into licking past her clit. He blindly felt out her sweet spots, finding the best angles to stroke it to make the bigger bimbo moan. He ended up mostly flicking his tongue at the base of her clit going towards her taint, which made her collapse forward. The taller girl’s tits landed on his cock as she wailed and drooled over it, her hot breath making his eager young erection pulse back to full force. The faint aftertaste of his own cock returned to him but didn’t deter him from helping his blind date get off.

“Ohhh~! Yes! Eat me, daddy~! Eat me allll up~!” Mercedes cried just loud enough to not get caught.

Mark did his best, going until his tongue hurt with effort. His smacking lips teased at the unevenly tan girl’s asshole while his tongue kept tugging at her clit, slurping up her dripping pussy juices to keep his mouth from drying out drooling all over her snatch. It drove her wild until he felt her pussy clenching and unclenching around his tongue.

“OMG… oh yea! Yea! YEA! UHHHNNN!”

Mercedes clamped her thighs around Mark’s head, burying him completely in her pussy. She slammed her hips down on his face, riding him hard enough to bump his head against the bench beneath them. He broke into a quick cough as her next orgasm shot down his throat. He swallowed the pleasantly musky, slightly sweet juices of her pussy, feeling like he was immediately addicted to the taste. He cleared his throat and quickly dug in for more, kissing and sucking on her clit to keep her orgasmic wailing and humping going. She planted a few more eager kisses and licks at his cock but she remained collapsed forward. She slumped past his erection, tits on the warm bench and her ass and pussy sticking up in the air. She moaned constantly, clearly taking longer to recover from this orgasm.

Mark’s dick pulsed again, demanding more of the new and intense pleasure. He’d been teased through their 69 but he still hadn’t finished his second time. With Mercedes bent over and presenting herself like that, he ran his hand up her pussy. The beach babe mewled needily as he brushed past her swollen and tender clit. He slid carefully out from under her and moved to his knees behind Mercedes, rubbing his hands over her ass cheeks.

“Ohhhh… oh my gawwwd,” she panted, as she remained face down and ass up for him.

The rollerblading slut was too tempting to resist. He slid his cock up her slit, and when she just raised her hips higher to offer herself up, he thrust himself fully inside. She let out a huge, rough grunt of pleasure on the spot.

“NGGH~! Fuck yes! YES!” she ranted through gritted teeth.

Even with his lacking girth, she was so overworked that he didn’t have to do much to fire her back up. Every little poke and prod that barely bumped against her clit got her shaking, so her loose pussy rubbed all over him each time. His short, rapid thrusts kept her wailing, even biting her knuckle to keep from giving them away. Her younger date just humped like mad, venting all the pent up excitement into every thrust that slapped his hips into her big bubble booty. Her pussy splashed wetly with each passionate impact, matched by her lusty grunts and moans. Her ponytail bounced around her back, whipping temptingly enough that he finally snatched it out of the air. It took him a few tries but once he caught and pulled on it, it drew him in harder and deeper into her pussy. Mercedes immediately broke into a shriek of pleasure so shrill and intense that she had to clap a hand over her mouth to contain it. Her muffled, reverberating cries still hit his ears and shook her entire body as she squirted a geyser of cum over him. Mark just grunted and remained buried inside her, sticking in as deep as he could go and firing every drop of cum he had into her.

The two collapsed together, falling forward with Mark slumping over her upthrust ass. His hands instinctively latched onto her breasts, groping and massaging them as she moaned beneath him. It made him shudder and release a final spurt of semen into her from the vibration of the body surrounding his cock.

“Ohhh, babe. How are you so perfect?” Mercedes moaned huskily.

“Just uh… lucky, I guess,” he admitted.

“At least you lived up to the stud part of your screenname,” she sighed, turning and pushing herself up just enough to kiss Mark on the lips.

Mark finally slid back out of her as his wet, limping cock conceded to a retreat. Mercedes smiled at him, actually looking a bit bashful for the first time he’d ever seen. She twirled her ponytail and clicked her gum thoughtfully.

“So… it’s just a first date and all, so I had some plans for later tonight. But did you maybe wanna… meet up again sometime?! Cuz I’d LOVE to go on a second date.” she asked eagerly.

“Definitely!” Mark agreed as soon as he found the air to do so.

He had no idea how he’d explain to his parents that he was dating the blonde bombshell, but he’d figure something out. She really was sweet and gorgeous and made him feel good to feed that flimsy ego of hers… plus all the mindblowing sex was nice. She quickly deleted her dating app and happily traded phone numbers so they could contact each other directly.

Still, as they got dressed and prepared to keep their relationship going long and strong, Mark had to wonder what happened to the other guy. She had been talking to somebody, afterall, and Mercedes had messed up on her directions finding him. Whatever had happened to musclestud66?

---

The skinny, pale college girl with large glasses and long black hair looked up blankly at the stranger standing in front of her. He was huge, buff and shirtless, deeply tanned with short, bleach blonde hair. He was wearing sunglasses and frowning in confusion at her. She was already under a large sun umbrella, shading her while she read her book on the opposite side of the beach.

“Soooo… you’re NOT Cheerleader69?”

“Again: no,” the woman answered bluntly.

The beefcake checked his phone on another chat.

“And you wouldn’t happen to be BJQueenlol either, would you?”

“Ew. No.”

Musclestud grunted dejectedly.

“Well shit… this is kind of a bust.”

“Sorry, dude.”

The woman went back to her reading. MS sighed and started to turn when something caught his eye.

“Whoa… is that Hazel Hill’s new book?”

The spectacled girl raised her eyebrows and cracked a smile.

“Why yes it is. Are you a fan?”

“Oh my GOD, bro! You got no idea! I can never find anybody who’s into her shit! I stayed up all night reading Maine’s Umbrella when I got to the… spoiler? Okay, cool. The part where the murder was all a farsee to get her husband’s attention. You can feel so much of the character’s emotion in that reveal all going by so quickly.”

“Right!? My friends all tell me it’s a total snooze but the detail involved in her dialogue is just so genuine! I cry at like, every book or two like the last one when-”

“You learn the monster narrates the opening chapter!” they finished together, happily sitting down and quickly bonding over the series.