Monster Essays: Humans (Patreon)

Something I'd set up a couple essays back, with the teacher offering "a species you'd forgot about." I think there's a surprising amount to say about them in the world of goblins and dragons and shit. I avoided the fantasy trope as best I could of "they're the normal ones" because that's boring and dumb. I always imagined humans as being very diplomatic and durable, especially when you consider how many tiny races there are. We're also the baseline, having set up the world that they're entering, and I've gone into logic about why humans are the most fuckable species before.

I was also taking a page from the "humanity fuck yea" discussions, just going over how fucking terrifying we are biologically. About how humans were kicking animal asses even if you don't consider guns and fire and stuff. Like how our bite is ridiculously infectious and we can catch prey just by walking after it long enough until it has a heart attack. Similarly I know there's some sci-fi that theorizes our animal handling skills would translate over to alien species, making us weirdly charming to them.

Dylan Eywind

Interspecies Relations Masters Study

Oh the Humanity.The History of Humans.

A. Excellent use of quotes in this one. I knew this project would challenge you to look at the norms and your history.

Historians are still split in terms of the origins of the sentient species. Theories of evolution are still considered true by scientists, but the introduction of magic and other races has created numerous other factors. The notion of an outside source sparking life, whether intelligent or not, remains unclear but possible. What cannot be denied, however, is that among all the races, humans were the most publicly established for most of history. Reasons tend to lean towards humans having a larger population and being physically fit while versatile and adaptable. Out of fairness and respect for all races, this essay will focus on humans, their broad history, and their role in modern society.

A human is a biped, normally of some shade of brown or dull pink color. While not as distinct individually compared to an orc or gnome, humans tend to have more variety to their species than others. They average around 4 to 6 feet, with males normally larger than females, and tend to have quite high stamina compared to most species. They are capable of living and thriving nearly anywhere with solid ground to stand on, as they’ve shown by populating a large portion of the world.

For reasons unknown, many races were lost or went into hiding throughout ancient history. While demons originated in their own homeworld, elves left Earth as we know it to live in their own realm of magic. Goblins lived quietly on the outskirts of humanity, scavenging in forests and our trash heaps, while halflings vanished into their reclusive burrows. This has led to some believing there was an age of persecution and fear instilled by humanity that drove the predecessors of the other races away, leaving them to form a more visible and consolidated society.

This has established humans as a very sociable “host” race. While they may not often agree with one another, humans tend to quickly and practically solve their problems. Whether this is through negotiation, violence, or finding common ground to overlook problems, their insistence on surviving and expanding has given them a strong level of diplomacy while the other species remained highly internalized and cooperative. When the other races began appearing in the world, humans met them with initial suspicion before they proved to be as reasonable as they were while always offering something they wanted. This introduction to a world outside themselves led to not only the magical awakening of the world, but a steep decline in war and prejudice. As Terry Pratchet, a pre-magical author stated, “Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.”

Humanity quickly learned it had more to gain than fear from the other races and their vast territories quickly became shared with any that agreed to live by their laws. Said laws rapidly changed as things such as centaur-friendly walkways and ogre-sized bathrooms became points of debate. Magic and lost technologies were incorporated into human society, using them as a baseline for which most other companies, systems and services would advance from. Humans were not necessarily the strongest species, but they were so widely populated and established that many things devolved into a “my house, my rules” kind of mindset that others quickly adapted to. Eventually, around the time of halflings being discovered, humanity officially conceded on the matter of differentiating species. Proper treatment and rights were mandated around the world.

Senator and interspecies right advocate Charles Thurst was famously quoted at the time during a speech made at the opening of the first magic-focused hospital, “If this is what monsters have to offer us, then I am glad to consider myself a monster.” This was considered the first step in the rapidly spreading trend to where humans fell under the term “monsters” along with every other intelligent species on the planet, popularizing terms like “monsterkind” when referring to everyone at once.

Perhaps just as importantly, humans are seen as a highly attractive species. Calbur magazine polled a variety of non-human races and humanity was found to be the most sexually attractive by them. Studies show that humans being fairly large and durable creatures gives off an air of confidence and having spent generations in a modern world, they seem more dependable. Their middleground appearances appeal to most other races, able to satisfy an ogre while intimidating but compatible with a goblin. While orcs, centaurs, and ogres possess larger genitalia on average, they possess their own risks that make humans feel like a safer option while being among the more hung races, especially compared to their size. Sexual psychologist Gush Hakenbak describes it as “The combination of distinct curves with a comforting touch and exaggerated sexual characteristics gives off a natural response of an attractive mate and a trusted parent, triggering all sorts of instincts about it. Not to mention that humans dominated the porn industry before the other species could even get a foothold.”

While crossbreeding has remained difficult and a slowly growing phenomenon, roughly 65% of the world’s hybrid species have some amount of human DNA to them. The world may be the melting cauldron it has come to be, but humans are the water to the concoction if not the pot itself. They are the foundation of the world we live in before the charming flavors of goblins, merfolk and others were added to the mix. While the pureblood human population has drastically slowed its climb in preference for more hybrids and non-impregnable couples, they appear to be as they always were; widespread and always willing to adapt and survive.