Battletastic Battle Monsters (Patreon)

This was one of those stories that came to me in a dream. It was something along the lines of Digimon or the countless "kid with a pet monster adventure" stories. I specifically remember the title because singing it was the entire theme song and all I remember seeing of the dream show...

But basic idea of guy gets a remote control that can command monsters he's in charge of. I drew my vibes from the old Creepy Crawlers cartoon and your general Digimon, Zatch Bell, catch 'em all stuff, except it was more of what if the kid is super okay with abusing this power? Making the vampire princess stuck up, entitled and kind of bitchy was key to making it fun to humiliate her. It's a bit of ryona, bit of humiliation, bit of fighting, and bit of just sex. It's kind of experimental but lots of room for monsters and humiliating tasks.

Jason Anybody didn’t know what to make of the large box that arrived at his front door. It was so big that he could only guess that his parents bought a new big screen TV. He shrugged and figured it was best not to leave it outside and started dragging it in.

The heavy box bounced a little as it crossed the threshold, knocking something loose. What looked like a tv remote came bouncing out of a small tear in the box, confirming Jason’s suspicions as far as he was concerned.

“Aw man. It better not be damaged,” the young man sighed.

He was off from school for the summer, but his parents kept working which meant he was left house-sitting a lot. He was short with some scruffy black hair and a slightly chubby build, though not enough for him to get picked on. It left him floating somewhere in the middle as a forgettable kid.

He pushed the door shut before he picked up the remote. He studied it as a few different buttons caught his eye. It reminded him of when he’d helped his mom put together an office chair that was written in English but by someone who clearly used it as a second language. The remote had a few of the basic buttons but it was loaded with odd ones he couldn’t understand the function for.

Run. Search. Charge. Transform. Blast.

“Fight button? Seriously, why is there a fight button on a remote?” he asked out loud. He tapped on it thoughtfully as he looked back at the long and narrow box.

From the darkness of the box’s tear, a red, cat-like eye glowed with an eerie light.

“OH FUCKIN’ SHIT!” Jason yelped as he jolted away from it.

An entire half of the box erupted into foam and cardboard as a small, shadowy figure burst out. It seemed to shift and writhe for a moment like a shadowy ball before bursting out and taking clearer shape. It took the form of a human woman, somewhere in her 20s or 30s and tall and curvy. Short bat wings erupting from her shoulders, spreading to their full, seemingly useless wingspan. Chalky-white skin coated her body, defining her full and perky breasts and slender hourglass figure without giving away any especially private details. She hovered over him as bright pink hair appeared and spilled out over her back in long, smooth strands. Her big red eyes blinked at him as clothing appeared along her body, manifesting a frilly black and pink skirt that barely reached the middle of her thighs. Calf-high boots with long, thick heels appeared, still floating off the ground as a lacey top appeared low on her shoulders and chest. Her skin lost its strange glow as a pair of dark red lips appeared, bold on her fair skin and showing her two long, sharp canines.

The strange woman smiled happily for a moment as her eyes locked on him. Then she hissed like a vicious cat and raised her hands, pink-painted claws bared as she pounced at him.

“Oh jeez! Shit!” Jason yelped as he leapt off the couch. Her nails swiped where he’d just been, tearing open a pillow instead of his face.

Tapping into centuries of evolution, the boy grabbed for anything he could use as a weapon. With the remote still in his hand, his thumb unwittingly squeezed the pause button. There was a soft, barely audible beep as the woman lunged at him again, her mouth opened especially wide and fangs bared. She stopped her attack, though clearly not by choice. Her feline eyes widened for a moment, glancing around in frantic confusion.

“Holy crap… does this thing control you?” Jason furrowed his brow in confusion. “You’re not some kind of TV are you? Like that anime about the computers with vaginas?”

“I’ll thank you not to speak that way in front of a princess!” the bizarre woman demanded.

Jason looked at her in surprise, but at least she was speaking to him now.

“Well why were you in my tv box if you’re a princess? I didn’t get real tired and order a high-tech sex doll with mom’s money, did I?”

“A WHAT?!” the pink-haired woman demanded. “I will have you know that I am the royal rep-”

“Mute.” Jason tapped the matching button and the “princess” was left hanging in the air with her mouth moving silently. Her eyes widened again as she realized what he’d done. She was barely able to clench her fists in outrage as he went to investigate the box.

At first, he wasn’t convinced that it WASN’T for a television. Maybe she was some psychotic, cosplaying homeless person who had snuck inside. He fished through some more foam and cardboard before coming back with a manual, which seemed to be for nothing but the new remote. There were also a few tattered magazines and a trashy romance novel left along with a few empty plastic bags and bottles. All of the containers were stained with a scent and shade of red that triggered more of Jason’s basest instincts.

“Oh my god, is that blood? Are you a vampire!?”

The pink-haired woman’s face clenched furiously as she glared at him.

“Oh right. Uh, unmute.” He hit the button again and his attacker gave a loud, annoyed sigh.

“Yes! I am Contessa, princess and leader of all vampires,” she huffed impatiently. “Now let me down!”

“Maybe,” Jason said warily. “Then why are you living in a cardboard box and controlled by a tv remote?”

“What you hold is Tabula Prodigium. The Monster Slate. The latest incarnation of the tool that binds humans and monsters,” Contessa explained impatiently, clearly expecting more respect than she was getting.

“What? Monsters aren’t real.”

He was still a sucker for jumpscares and creepypasta stories online, but he gotten over the idea of zombies and werewolves getting him years ago.

“As you are meant to believe. Our existence was long ago bound by a powerful sage of…”

“Is this going to be a long story? Because you’re already losing me.” Jason shook his head, even having trouble staying awake in school.

Contessa pursed her ruby lips angrily. “The sage sealed all of monsterhood in a tome that was passed-”

Jason hit the fast forward button. Contessa’s eyes lit up again and cut herself off.

“Monsters are real. We are stuck in media throughout history as our only means of influencing the world. We rule ourselves by council in our banished world but the other leaders seek to betray the mercy humanity granted us and go to war by destroying the Tabulas. As the vampire manifest, I took the remote here to find a suitable inheritor without drawing attention from my enemies of the monsters of light. This is very annoying,” she rattled off quickly before taking a deep breath.

“So you came here to stop the bad monsters. But why’d you attack me?” Jason hit the Resume button and he saw the vampiress sign in relief before she spoke at a regular pace.

“You hit the fight button. As a monster sworn to humanity and the side of light, I am bound to obey the bearer of the Tabula Prodigium. It is why the darker monsters will try to obtain it.”

“So you mean MORE monsters are going to come and get me!? Why me!?”

“Because I picked a place at random!” Contessa blurted in frustration. “I don’t know where you mortals keep your heroes anymore, so I thought any one would do! But clearly you’re unworthy if you’ve already abused your power like this. Give it here.”

Contessa stood up regally and held out an awaiting hand. Jason looked the curvy monstress up and down before he hit Stop. She lowered her hand and turned away as if suddenly more interested in something besides what was controlling her and possibly half of all monsters. Jason snickered to himself before she snapped out of it and looked back at him.

“Wait! You can’t just keep it!” the pink-haired vampire objected.

“Why not?”

“You can!” Contessa snapped as if caving to the slightest argument. She really had stopped pursuing the idea of taking it back. He started to look over the buttons more closely.

“But the fate of all monsters lies in that artifact! You cannot expect me to just let-”

“Down,” Jason mused as he hit the matching button. Contessa’s eyes widened blankly as she dropped to her knees in front of him.

“Wha… you can’t expect me to kneel before a common human brat! I am the ruler of all vampires!”

“You sure look like you’re kneeling to me,” Jason teased. He was enjoying paying her back for nearly trying to kill him, even if it was by mistake. The namecalling wasn’t helping her cause either.

He glanced over the remote and found some more interesting buttons. He hit Jump and her face went blank again. She leapt to her feet and started bouncing in place, performing jumping jacks as her plump rack and ass bounced for his amusement.

“You… you unworthy thief!” Contessa snapped with her senses regained a moment later.

“So what’s Jump compared to Leap…” he pondered.

“No! Stop press-!” He hit the button anyway. Contessa stopped and performed a perfect acrobatic flip over his head, twirling in the air in a nimble show of her skills (and her tight black thong with a cute bat sewn into the crotch).

“I’m warning you, you warm-blooded mongrel,” the huffy princess growled.

He hit Enter out of curiosity. She briskly walked to and opened the nearby closet before stepping inside. Her face grimaced more nervously as she gestured at him pleadingly.

“There is a MANUAL right there. If you would just-”

Close.

She slammed the door shut behind her, closing herself inside. Jason snickered at her muffled objections before he hit Open again. He heard her fist beating on the door but it didn’t open. Curiously, Jason slid it back open.

Contessa was still inside, but not in the way he’d left her. The tall and elegant (if slightly more cosplay than monstrous) vampire was now closer to 2-feet tall, a chibi version of herself with exaggerated thickness to her legs, hips and tits in particular to make her look hyper curvy while also cutely tiny. She planted her hands on her skirted hips (which now looked even wider than when she was full grown).

“Are you happy now!?” she snapped in a slightly higher and squeaky voice. “I told you I was one of the monsters of light!”

“What does that even mean!? And why are you a shortstack?” Jason accused.

“I assure you I am no pancake,” she huffed. Contessa pouted and folded her arms over her chubby little jugs.

“I am in my resting form. All monsters draw power from light or darkness, depending on their allegiance. I fight my best in sources of bright light or sun while shadow and darkness make me weaker… or smaller, in extreme cases.”

“You’re actually a vampire that likes the sun? That’s so weird,” Jason pondered as he squatted down to get a closer look at her.

Contessa huffed and in a brief flash, she popped back up to her normal proportions.

“I assure you that your storytelling over the centuries has grown absurdly inaccurate about our true forms. I am sure you’ll find yourself feeling quite ignorant once you learn more about us.”

“So do you still drink blood?”

“Well yes,” she muttered. “But my POINT is-”

There was a distinct crash from the kitchen in the back of the house. Jason jumped in surprise as Contessa’s eyes went wide. This time from fear rather than the remote’s influence.

“Friend of yours?” Jason asked.

He peered down the hall just as a squat green creature scrambled out into view. Glass from a nearby window was on the floor as it waddled towards them, just shy of three feet tall with big loping ape arms. He held a small stick, sporting a little red mohawk and a loincloth. His stubby legs made him lope along with a comical amount of wobbling.

“Oh jeez. They sent a goblin after us?” Jason snickered. “Guess they’re not taking you so seriously after all.”

“Oh no,” the vampire muttered. She grabbed Jason by the arm and tried to run, dragging him along on his heels.

“What? He’s a shrimp? Aren’t goblins like the crappiest monster?”

“He’s not a goblin! He’s just a monster of the darkness! I don’t know how but they must have changed my ogre Vog’s alliances!”

“Your whaaaaaaaOH ok!”

As the creature got away from the sunlight of the window, its body started to spasm and grow. It shot up a couple feet, then a few more. Soon it was tall and wide enough that its broad shoulders scraped the walls and ceiling of the hallway. A gaping mouth full of tusks and fangs growled as keen, red eyes focused on them. The twig it had was now a club the size of a sapling and its fists the size of Jason’s torso.

“I’m okay to run now!” Jason yelped as he ran into the living room. Contessa grabbed him by the sleeve and frowned, stopping him short in her surprisingly strong grip.

“Nonsense! I was moving us to better ground. Surely such a castle as this has some defenses. Guardsmen, spike traps, enchanted suits of armor…”

“This is my HOUSE! I have a smoke alarm and a camera that lets me see who’s at the door!”

“A what, you say?” she asked, furrowing her brow before shaking her head.

“Nevermind! If we flee now, Vog has clearly been turned. He will only come after us again at night. This is as good a battleground as any. I can bring him back to us or worst case, take him down.”

“How are you going to do that exactly? He’s twice as wide as you! In most places, anyway…”

Jason’s eyes roamed down to Contessa’s hips.

“Stop staring! Just stay back and let me handle him. You just need to-”

The ogre crashed into the room like a raging rhino, roaring and swinging its club around. It took a missing swipe at Contessa before throwing a punch into her face, sending her flying across the room. She bounced off the wall and crumbled listlessly into the couch.

“Oof. That looks like it hurt,” Jason winced.

“It did,” Contessa grunted as she floated awkwardly back to her feet. “So why aren’t you helping?”

“Oh screw that! You’re the vampire here! You fight him.”

“I mean with theeeEAAAH”

Vog grabbed Contessa by one of her legs and lifted her upside down. The vampiress’ eyes went wide and she kicked at him feebly from the awkward angle. The ogre just grabbed her other leg and forced them apart like a wishbone, immediately splitting open the lacey panties between her legs. Her skirt flipped up uselessly as it flashed her pussy to Jason, spread wide by the painful hold as the regal vampiress screamed pathetically.

“THE TABULA!” Contessa shrieked, flailing out in Jason’s direction. Her eyes were watering from the bigger monster’s groin-splitting grip on her seeming to tear her in half.

“We monsters fight stronger when under the command of the Tabula!!”

“The what now?” Jason asked with a furrowed brow.

“THE REMOTE!” Contessa corrected angrily.

Vog ignored her attempts at struggling as he shook her up and down. Her pink hair flopped around along with her breasts, which bounced around and repeatedly smacked herself in the face.

“Oh! Yea, you should have just said so,” Jason calmly scolded her.

He went to the remote, skimming over some buttons before he tapped one experimentally.

“Pause,” a dramatic voice called out from the device. Its buttons flashed blue for a moment before the screaming and flailing Contessa froze completely in midair. Vog paused as his shaking of her defenseless form was halted, suddenly unable to push her petrified form down. Her boobs were left in mid-flop as her eyes darted towards Jason. Even with her mouth stuck open in mid-scream, she looked excessively annoyed.

“Oh… oh so it only affects YOU,” Jason noted.

She couldn’t even answer, only widen her eyes to imply an enthusiastic “YES!” Her body suddenly shuddered as the ogre punched her in the side. She still didn’t move but it was clear that she felt it as her eyes remained wide open, stuck as a punching bag as he unleashed a few more heavy blows.

“Okay, okay,” Jason assured as he went back to the remote. Contessa just let out a few more quiet gags as the best she could do in the face of the ogre’s beating.

“Then unpause… and let’s Split him in half!”

The vampiress unfroze and immediately gasped as she reeled from the body blows.

“Not that one!” she wailed, but she was already in motion.

Contessa broke into a split on the spot, spreading out her thick legs until her crotch was flat against the ground. Her ass stuck out for Jason to stare at covetously.

“Let me back up, you fool!” the vampire ordered, but Vog’s bulge from his loincloth pressed into her face.

Contessa grimaced just before he kneed her in the chin. She went flying from the big brute’s impact before she flipped and landed on her feet. Jason scanned over the remote, his eyes clearly curious about what else he could make the sexy vampire do for his amusement.

“PUSH! THE! ATTACK BUTTON!” Contessa ranted at him, red-faced and with her fists clenched.

“It’s right on top!!”

Jason ran his finger thoughtfully over it as if considering whether he was ready to let her win yet.

“I mean that’s not fair to me. How am I supposed to know that would be on a remote?”

“Just do it!”

Jason rolled his eyes and finally tapped the button. Vog was charging after Contessa as her eyes lit up, glowing with a red energy as she broke into a fanged smile.

“Sorry, old friend. But with the power of the Tabula, I cannot-”

Contessa gasped as the ogre’s giant hands grabbed her by her breasts. He lifted her up by them and slammed her into a wall, smashing it to pieces around her while also tearing open her blouse. Her pale, pink-tipped tits were left out for all to see with her eyes and mouth wide with pain.

“Ugh… by the light,” Contessa groaned, but her gawking expression lit up in another flare of red light.

“But by the will of mortals, I will fight on!” she announced dramatically.

Contessa wrapped her legs around Vog’s head and performed a swift flip, swinging the hulking monster around in a full circle as her wings beat rapidly to stay afloat. She finally brought it crashing down, sitting crotch-first on its face as the floor shook and cracked. Whether it was her finally having a clear shot at the guy or she was empowered by Jason’s remote, she basically floored the challenger in one blow.

“It looks like you were scared of nothing,” Jason pointed out. “I could have screwed around a lot more and you’d have been fine.”

“Would you just capture him?! Before he can get up!” Contessa shouted indignantly.

“What? I don’t have rope or anything around the house…”

Contessa shivered suddenly as the ogre’s thick tongue ran between her pale thighs, making her shudder.

“Capture button! It’s only one of the most pivotal powers of the Tabula!”

“You can’t just act like that’s common knowledge,” he grumbled as he tapped the button.

Beams of light sprouted from the floor and wrapped up the ogre, binding it in place. The light shone brightly until the monster shrank down to its original childish size. It still had a large head for its size and muscled little arms, more of a chibi version of itself. Contessa had said that their kind was stronger or weaker depending on the light, after all, so the bindings must have put it back into its weaker state.

Jason sat back and looked over some of his options on the remote while Contessa knelt by the ogre. She and Vog spoke in some other language, harsh and hissing as they spoke in what he guessed to be monster talk. The vampire finally nodded and she stood back up.

“Just as I suspected. Vog was enchanted by one of our enemies. He doesn’t remember attacking me but apologizes for betraying his vows to protect me and the bearer of the Tabula Prodigium. He should be safe from such spells in your presence, and make for a valuable ally.”

Jason thought on it for a moment. “Well he’s not a slutty-looking monstergirl… but I guess he can make himself useful.”

“Slutty?! I am a princess!” Contessa reminded him. “The avatar and leader of all vampires! I will not be treated so rudely!”

Jason looked at the bound Vog. The ogre winced a little and tilted his head in a shrug, clearly not disagreeing with the human but not about to say so in front of the monster princess. Jason held up the remote.

“But you swore to the light and to obey the human with the remote, right?” he reminded her.

“Er… yes. It is my duty, ever since the vampires accepted the daylight…”

“So I outrank you,” he added.

He clicked the down button on the remote and watched with a sly grin as she dropped to her knees. The topless princess went wide-eyed as she knelt before him and he stepped up to her.

“Don’t you dare!” she snapped tersely.

“You really are more like a genie than a vampire, aren’t you?” he chuckled.

“THOSE classless creeps?! How dare you!?”

“I still have no idea where all that ego comes from. I think… Insert should do it,” Jason mused.

He tapped a button and Contessa’s eyes went wide again. She gave off a faint red aura before she grabbed and pulled down his pants. She shoved his expectantly hard cock into her mouth and started rapidly sucking, letting Jason feel her fangs sliding against either side of his dick.

“Oof! For a class princess, you’re weirdly good at this. I guess a vampire would be a natural sucker, huh?”

He heard her fume, which did make her mouth clench around his dick tighter. He sighed and pulled on her wild pink hair, pushing himself deeper into her mouth. The princess glared up at him but opened up her throat to take him in deeper. She growled bitterly but made no effort to bite him or even pull back, clearly as bound to his relic as she said. Jason freely groped at her tits, bouncing and pinching them as he pleased until she started to moan begrudgingly.

“Look at it this way,” Jason sighed.

“The more satisfied I am, the more likely I am to help you with this monster quest whatever thing. Plus you guys owe me for how much you messed up my house.”

Contessa scowled at him and made some muffled argument or another. It didn’t last long as her wriggling tongue pushed his dick up against her mouth and lips, making him tense up and shoot his load inside her. Her annoyed protest was cut short as she gagged on his load of fresh cum bursting down her throat.

She finally pulled back, released with his orgasm as his seed spilled over her ruby lips and pale tits. She grimaced and wiped off what she could, sputtering and coughing up his cream all the while.

“You are the worst master I could have imagined!” she finally blurted out.

“Yea, well you picked me,” Jason reminded her as he zipped up his pants.

“But if this mission thing means getting more monsters to work for me and do whatever dirty stuff I want, this could actually work out. Just…”

He frowned and looked around the wrecked living room.

“I’m just not sure how I’m gonna explain this to my parents.”

“Hmph! So even the mighty Jason has a superior,” Contessa huffed.

She folded her arms over her chest, just to blush as she remembered she was still topless.

“And I shall need to meet your tailor for a replacement for my damaged garb. I assume they are capable of enchanted loom work?”

“Uh…”

Jason picked up one of his t-shirts laying over the couch that he hadn’t bothered to put away. He threw it to her instead.

“I have spare t-shirts. Maybe we can get to the mall, if you’re as rich and powerful as you like to sound like you are.”

Contessa frowned at him but put on the baggy t-shirt, hanging low on her and clashing with her skirt.

“Yggh nog rah vsh’ka,” Vog offered from his still bound position.

Jason suddenly remembered him even being in the room. The shrunken ogre was a lot less notable than his mouthy and busty vampire princess underling all of a sudden. He thoughtfully tapped Eject and the light bindings vanished, letting him stand back up to his shrunken height.

“The ogres are a race of craftsmen. On top of being a powerful bodyguard, Vog was a very capable carpenter, blacksmith and runemaker. He is sure he could fix your damaged home.”

“Oh! That’s great. Thanks a ton, Vog,” Jason said more optimistically.

“You guys really do know how to pull your weight. Vog can fix anything, and Contessa can give the best BJs in town.”

“I AM A MAGICAL VAMPIRE PRINCESS!” she reminded him furiously. “Not your… your personal cum dumpster!”

“You can be both.”

Even Vog let out a guttural snicker under his breath.