Sidekicks Kick Back Part 1 (Patreon)

Anyway, shit-talking and complaining teenage superheroes chilling out are fun to write.

The world was forever grateful to have the Justice Bitches around: they saved the world more than any other super team and they looked hot doing it. The Daily Cape always had reports on them, whether they were crushing meteors out of the sky or appearing on talk shows. There was a lot to admire, after all, as all the women were powerful, sexy, famous and just. From the stylish Victorian vigilante Madame Masque to the practically perfect alien Alpha Bitch, there were women (and a few men) who would kill to be them. Everyone on Earth knew the name Justice Bitches, even if the name had been a joke that went out of hand during their first team-up when Grimdark mounted Lady Laser and famously said on camera "This is justice, bitches!"

Then there were The Sidekicks. As women that powerful, they had handpicked personal assistants, allies, squires, or what have you. They had been collectively (and uncreatively) been dubbed The Sidekicks as a whole, and they generally knew their place. It was one thing to be working with the most powerful women on Earth, but they were definitely dealing with their own issues when that meant forever living in their all-powerful shadows.

For each of the eight famous heroines, there was a girl in her late teens or early twenties sitting in the lounge of their own little fortress. They were welcome in The Overseer, of course, the orbital satellite built by Womandroid with the teleporters and global scanning systems, or The Penthouse, where Madame Masque's fortune had set up a heavily secured mansion/fortress that was their public face. Respecting the younger heroes' wishes for some occasional privacy, they were given their own smaller hideout they could access through the various teleporters around town. It was known as The Clubhouse, though a few hard started to sarcastically call it The Treefort.

"Ah, jeez," sighed Afterimage. The short-haired blonde sat up from the couch, threw down her Xbox controller and pulled out her phone. "I'm getting another text from Flasher. 'Busy at a meeting at the base. Can you drop off the... pff. Fine." There was a quick blur in place of her lean body in her shorts and t-shirt before she reappeared in her padded green bodysuit with the neon red visor. "I gotta deliver some package downtown. Can you give me a quick boost?"

"This is still so weird," Omega Girl sighed.

"Sorry, Meg, but I'm running low. I'll work a punching bag later, but I don't just MAKE super speed like she does." She held out her hands invitingly as Omega stood up. She smacked Afterimage hard enough on her shoulder to make her flinch, then slapped her a few times more in various spots. Like many of the Sidekicks, she was a lesser version of the real deal. If she could simply warp around at light speed like The Flasher, she would be able to be her own heroine. Instead, all she could do was absorb and redirect kinetic energy. She soaked up Omega Girl's smacks before she felt the power swell up, refueling her power source at the super strong girl's lazy blows.

"Got it. I'm good. Thanks again," she replied quickly, vanishing in another woosh of air as she launched the energy out through her legs to rocket towards the teleporter.

"Was that weird? Did I make it weird?" Omega Girl sat back down on the couch, taking her controller. The black-haired girl was a spitting image of a younger Alpha Bitch; in other words, athletic and gorgeous. Impossibly curvy while still muscular, long silky hair, ice-blue eyes and a high, proudly outthrust bosom made the relationship clear even in her street clothes. It came with being a clone of the world's most powerful heroine and friendly alien.

"No, not at all," Wonderbra answered in her eternally German-accented English. She leaned on her fist, her thick blonde curls almost absorbing her arm. "Ve are a golem and a clone playing ze X-box in our underground base vhile you slap your teammate so she can get back quicker. Ve are very normal." Despite using the term golem, Wonderbra did look completely human. Like Uberfrau herself, she was a creation of super science. The original heroine was experimented on by the Nazis to become a super weapon, but reclaimed her humanity and instead fought bravely beside the Allies during the war. Over the years of her long life, the beautiful blonde became curious about her creation and existence and magically created Wonderbra as an experiment. The artificially created daughter followed quickly in her footsteps, even if that meant lacking the elemental powers the German Justice Bitch wielded.

Wonderbra looked up as the game's music started again. Omega Girl was shooting at Afterimage's motionless character. "You know she von't be out for long," Wonder reminded her.

"I know. Whatever. Evil clone," Omega excused.

"You are not evil," sighed Handmaiden as she walked by with her laptop balanced in one hand, a soda in the other. "I saw you punching evil in the face like two days ago. Alpha talked to you for like 5 minutes and you broke out of that killer brainwashing thing. You're anti-evil now." She was Madame Masque's sidekick and gadget-caddie, as well as personal assistant. She was in a comfortable skirt and blouse for now rather than her usual French maid outfit, since she was just working out of the base out of sight. Straight brown hair stopped just shy of her pale shoulders.

"Not according to the boss Bitch," Omega grumbled. The other girls hissed sympathetically.

"Ouch. This again?" Gearhead pried. The slightly chubby but chesty redhead was working on a spare robotic arm on one of the tables near the corner. Womandroid provided her with all the parts she'd want, but she felt obligated to maintain and make some of her own to keep up to date on the systems. She lifted up her goggles and frowned in their direction. "I'm sure she doesn't mean anything by it. You know how my boss is. Womandroid has that 'what is human slang?' thing going on, and Alpha is still a alien..."

"It's not like the time Womandroid had you help her install her 'Booty Canon," Omega grumbled, though Gearhead still shuddered.

"So uncomfortable..."

"She just keeps reminding me, like she thinks I'm gonna go berserk some day and kill everybody..."

"My parents keep emailing about that too," rasped Lilith. "Except they sound excited about it. Did I mention I hate my parents yet today?" The red-skinned, long-horned girl sat in one of the armchairs, her toxically bright green hair draping over her shoulders and around her forehead horns. She wore low, black leather shorts and a tube top for an extra gothic look, showing the full red cleavage and leaving space for both the edge of her thong and her forked tail to poke out. A pair of silver crosses were pierced into her long and pointed ears.

She had been working for Grimdark ever since she had been rescued from a family of cultists attempting to create a hybrid demon. They had apparently gotten their math wrong and created closer to a 1/8th demon instead of a half-breed, so despite her looks, Lilith wasn't especially powerful. She had some shadow powers and vague levels of super strength and all, but Grimdark and her "666 demons contained in her pitch black soul of justice" blew that away and then some.

"Yea, you've mentioned," Omega replied casually. "Every six hours. On the dot."

"Oh, I do not," Lilith grumbled, folding her scrawny arms.

"I've heard her do it in her sleep!" Gearhead added brightly.

"Don't listen to her, babe." Splashdown walked behind her, holding her horns and kissing her on the head. Since the half-Atlantean had started dating, she had learned to be careful about where those horns were going. Especially since their one makeout session was interrupted by some horns jabbing her in the tits. "Lily makes the cutest noises in your sleep."

"Yea... when you're actually there and not on royal guard duty," Lilith grumbled. Splashdown showed all the signs of being half-Atlantean; the blue skin, a little taller and more muscular than usual, the retractable webbing on her fingers, long shimmering green hair, and gill slits in her neck and ribs. She was a royal knight of Atlantis, but Gusher was the real star of that particular racial spotlight. Queen Gieshan Tydana had gladly volunteered to join the Justice Bitches, and the rainbow-haired mermaid beauty queen tended to catch the eye, even when she wasn't conjuring waves and geysers out of nowhere or capturing minds with her siren song. That was all well beyond Splashdown and her simple carpenter heritage, and even she was finding it hard to stick to her duties around such an obnoxiously beloved woman.

"Oh come on! Really?" Afterimage returned from her few-minute dash across town, the blonde speedster hipster shedding her visor and tossing it aside. "I took like two minutes and you guys fuck me over!" She gestured at the screen where Meg and Bra were going on with their shootout and blasting her whenever they could for kills.

"Don't worry. I gotcha." Diana Might slid into her seat, snatching up Afterimage's controller and biting her lip as she started shooting back. The black girl was in just jeans and a short tanktop, showing the muscular arms and abs that were downright Olympian at her age while still leaving her with some sizeable breasts. Her dark hair was wound up into a large bun behind her head.

"What?! I didn't mean steal my turn too!" Afterimage threw up her hands in frustration and walked over to the couch with her hands on her hips. She didn't bother trying to take it back from the super strong Sidekick.

"Blackbox says, never leave an opportunity untaken," Diana teased with a grin.

"Even if your mom is kind of a bitch?" Afterimage huffed.

"Sure is," Diana scoffed. "But if Omega gets to throw her mentor around as an excuse, I sure do too." She had been adopted by the afro-sporting Blackbox a few years ago when she started showing similar mutant powers to the proud black heroine. It was strange watching the back of someone who was almost immune to physical harm, especially when she herself was definitely vulnerable rather than invulnerable.

"Okay, to heck with you people. I'm gonna bite the bullet and buy us a fourth controller!" Handmaiden pulled up Amazon as Wonderbra looked at her quizzically.

"Can't ve send Image for another controller? It vould be faster zan ze mail."

"I could build us one," Gearhead offered. She raised her robotic arm and wiggled its whirring metal fingers. It ran up to her shoulder, and matched her leg from the knee down. "It would just be a real Gear job; works fine, but doesn't look so pretty."

"I just don't feel like going back to the Penthouse to use the fabbers right now," Lilith sighed in her unnaturally smokey voice.

"Yea, it's a day off," Omega frowned. "Still, you'd think the Bitches would have known that there's supposed to be four controllers for co-op..."

"Especially when there's eight of us," Splashdown added.

"Look, we've all got the short end of the stick. I get it," Handmaiden spelled out. "But it's an opportunity. Sure we're not the big shots right now, but we're the next in line! Even if we don't inherit the whole legacy, imagine the job references you'd get from the ONE alien on Earth or the women who saved the president."

"Technically, Uberfrau does not age," Wonderbra muttered. "So I'm not sure how much I vill be inheriting..."

"Mermaids can live to be up to a thousand years old," Splashdown muttered.

"Robot brain," Gearhead sighed. "Even if she blows up, she's got backups."

"Nobody knows how long our species lives," Omega grumbled.

"Okay, bad example. So things are kind of crummy right now. It doesn't mean we don't do a lot of good living in their shadows and doing their laundry and mostly yelling 'Watch out, Mademoiselle!' now and then."

"Man, it sucks you have to do the French accent," Afterimage said, shaking her head.

"I know! Is that racist?!" Handmaiden blurted. "Like am I going to go to jail for hate crimes or something if people find out I'm not French!?"

The alarm blared overhead, interrupting their complaints. "Oh man! Shit's on," Diana yelped, running to grab her specifically torn up leather jacket made of otherwise unbreakable material. "What've we got?"

Handmaiden was already typing away at her computer, frowning at the lack of results. "I've got... nothing. Overseer shows panic and property damage spread around the city, but no villains or threats are showing on the records."

The girls paused and looked puzzled. Gearhead popped off one of her metal fingers and pulled a USB cable from the knuckle. "Here. Let me try." She plugged her finger into the computer and numerous cameras and screens started popping up on the screen. Most of them vanished from sight again, leaving just a dozen or so that showed the Justice Bitches destroying the city. Blackbox was hurling a truck into a building while Womandroid was randomly destroying cars in the streets with eye beams. Madame Masque had broken into an office building and was expertly beating down anyone who came close while Gusher was creating massive riptides just off the coast. Handmaiden quickly checked the trackers and confirmed that it was definitely them.

"What ze hell are zey doing?" WonderBra asked as she moved in to peer over their shoulder.

"They're just doing as much damage as possible. They don't even seem to have a clear target," Splashdown pointed out as she pulled on her bodysuit that seemed to meld with her skin.

"Like crappy supervillains..." Lilith mused. "You think we've got an Earworm situation going on?"

Handmaiden took the laptop back and typed away at something. "Just a second. Running a scan... yep. Brainwaves are all over the place. There's some chemical in them mixed with... coffee?"

"So someone drugged the Penthouse coffee machine! Duh!" Omega realized. "Even if we'd been there, we just drink soda and bottled water anyway!"

"So what do we do?" Afterimage asked, toying with her goggles. Handmaiden started to answer, but froze up. They all realized the problem at hand: their obligation was to stop crime and save people, but this time the threat was entirely made up of their respective heroes. The ones proven to be better than them in every way.

“No one else can do it,” Diana muttered, cracking the knuckles on one hand. It was more of an anxious behavior than a ready one. “But how do we stop the toughest women in the world when we’re...?”

“Knockoffs?” Lilith muttered. “Let’s face it. Nobody knows better than we do that we’re the fallbacks. They expected us to stand in for them, not stand up to them. They’ve all but told us so.” She frowned and folded her arms as they looked at her. “I’m not saying I won’t do it, but we’d just be slowing them down. Not winning.”

“Actually…” Handmaiden was smiling slowly as she stared at Lilith. “You’re right!” 

“I am? Then why are you so happy about it?” 

“Not the losing part! Nobody knows them better than we do! We know what they can do, but we know what they can’t too!” She gestured everyone to gather around as she started pulling up files and speed-reading them while she types up a storm. “Omega. We’ll start with you: what are Alpha Girl’s weaknesses?”

“None? She’s an ultra strong alien who once ate an assault rifle to freak a guy out. He surrendered before she could lay a hand on him.”

“Perfect!”

“I missed something.”

“She’s honorable. They’re the heroes, and no matter who’s commanding them, they’re used to fighting fair. Trust me on this… we might just have a chance.”

"This is some bullshit," Afterimage muttered as she stepped out of the teleporter in the sub-basement of a building owned by Masque's alter ego. She tapped her foot a few times rapidly for a boost before zipping out the door.

"We know," Handmaiden replied in her earpiece. "Just keep comms open, everyone, and hit them as quick and closely timed together as we can. We don't want to give them the time to alert each other or whoever they're working for so they can group up."

“I still think this is crazy!” Splashdown squeaked into her headset as she appeared in a seemingly abandoned warehouse stocked with various Justice Bitches equipment.

“You got this, wet stuff,” Lilith assured her as she manifested into a dark alleyway. “You’re just up against the princess of fish.”

“Oh, ha ha. Listen, we all like to joke about the water powers here. I get that. But I’m about to go up against the woman who is the literal queen of the ocean, who controls water and fish and is currently SURROUNDED by water and fish. I AM going to die doing this!”

“Zen back off, gills,” WonderBra scoffed as she leapt across a rooftop. “Complain all you vant, but you are a true varrior like ze rest of us.”

“Yea, but not a warrior like THAT.” Splashdown gulped as she looked out to sea where Gusher was flinging around boats in a massive whirlpool, sharks and whales circling around her.

“Good. You’ve got visual. Let’s move out!”

Afterimage hid behind a corner, taking a deep breath as she heard the air rushing past her at lightning speed. With some careful timing, she burst out from around the corner and emitted a quick blast of kinetic energy. Flasher was much more fast than she was durable, so the supersonic blonde went flying off her feet into a wall. Flasher lived up to the implications in her name, her purple costume closer to a sling bikini than a bodysuit. Long, bleach blonde hair trailed behind her wherever she went sprinting, creating an effect like a silver comet. Her visor was a strictly digital projection and forcefield, some piece of complex tech she needed for her hyper speeds compared to Afterimage's basic boosts.

Flasher rubbed her head as she stood back up and glared at her protege. Afterimage aimed a hand at her while rapidly tapping her foot, knowing she'd be needing every little boost of kinetic force she could get. "Last chance, boss. Stand down or I'm taking you down. Please oh please surrender, please," she demanded frantically. Flasher just snarled and broke into an instantaneous dash, so After screamed and ran the other direction. She knew she couldn't outrun her, but she lowered her hand and shot another blast of invisible force into the pavement. The concrete was blasted into a cloud of pebbles and stones, stuff that wouldn't be much of a threat to anyone else. Of course, when you're going a hundred miles an hour at a jog, suddenly every little impact had a lot more momentum to them. There was a reason they wore their visors, after all. She looked back and saw Flasher have to stop short and dodge around every last speck of stone. She was quick enough to do it, but it was that much less distance that she could cover.

"Gotcha!" After laughed, turning sharply and tackling her mentor around the waist. She raised a hand to fire another blast but Flasher's hands moved as fast as the rest of her. They smacked her charging fist aside in the blink of an eye and Afterimage barely stopped herself from wasting another burst of her precious force. She was too caught up in stopping herself when Flasher's hands started to pummel her from every direction, punching and slapping her protege's head and chest around. A sudden and super-fast palm strike to the chest sent Afterimage flying back off of her with a grunt. Another speedy sweep of her leg took out the sidekick's footing and dropped her back to the ground, and in a blink Flasher was behind her with her in a chokehold.

"Ack... boss... come on," Afterimage grunted. Her face started turning red, but her teacher's silence told her that nobody was home. This wasn't the kind of mind control you could just beg them out of with emotions and crap. Afterimage sucked up as good a breath as she could and tapped into her reserves. She was surprised at how much she had stowed away, only to realize that Flasher had just been smacking the shit out of her. Less than ideal, but she took her kinetic energy where she could get it. She quickly stood up and sprinted backward, smashing Flasher between her back and the brick wall behind them.

The blonde heroine let out a pained grunt as Afterimage raised both of her hands, angling them to point behind her and blasting her with a double-barrel shot of force. The invisible burst launched Flasher through the wall, bricks crumbling behind her as After trotted a few yards away. It wasn't as quick as she'd like if things went south, but at least she'd done her damage. She held her breath until the sound of crumbling bricks was interrupted by that zipping noise of Flasher's top speed rearranging the air around her. She rammed into Afterimage and plowed her across the street, the pavement softening from the heat given off by her blazing fast feet.

"AH! FUCK!" After cursed as her back was bashed into a food truck, just to rebound as Flasher dragged her the opposite direction. She was slammed into a parking meter and then whirled around as her face was bashed into a brick wall. Afterimage felt her nose bleeding, but she had gathered enough energy once again to fire up her powers. She had seen Flasher do this same trick with a robot before; slam them into a wall and just start running. The friction ground and melted off their armor, and she didn't dare to imagine what scraping her face against brick for a few miles would do to her. She fired up her hyper senses and shot a blast into the brick, making her fall through it and slip out of Flasher's grasp. When the heroine inevitably poked her head through the hole, her head snapped back as another blast of solid force hit her like a like a cinder block to the jaw.

After popped back up to the hole, throwing another blast that caught Flasher dead in the chest. She tumbled head over heels backward, landing with her back across the hood of a car as her tits bounced out of her flimsy costume. The brainwashed heroine didn't bother to fit it, and while After had the time to climb out of the one-story office building she was in, she didn't bother. The lights were out and there was plenty of cover, so Flasher couldn't catch what she couldn't see. If she could pick her off with her kinetic bursts like she had been...

But there was a loud rumbling around her. Afterimage zipped away as a chunk of roof hit where she had been standing. She looked up as the roof was simply ripped off its hinges, a howling wind going through the sky. "Ahh dammit," After groaned. "I forgot she can do this bullshit."

The walls and furniture were quickly swept up in the growing hurricane as Flasher ran lightning-fast circles around the building. The winds she kicked up soon had the building torn to pieces in a miniature tornado, with After shielding her eyes from the debris. The purple and blonde streak that was Flasher ran circles around her, giving her nothing to properly target. She started to run tighter circles, which After could only see because of the wind closing in on her on either side. It was getting harder to breathe as the whirlwind was sucking the air out of its concentrated area.

"Alright... let's see," After muttered with her precious little air. "Going counterclockwise. Got to be at least 200 miles an hour... five foot ten... kay! Let's do it!"

Afterimage drained her reserves for a quick burst of speed to rush towards the tornado's edge. Before she got too close, she fired off another kinetic beam. The shockwave hit a nearby parking meter, blowing it up into a cloud of shrapnel and quarters. While she could see them coming in slow motion in her current state, the debris instantly flew into the path of the tornado; which meant it went into Flasher's path. The heroine had to slow once again to dodge around every last piece of metal while After sidestepped in the other direction.

Flasher was slowing down but still moving at impossible speeds. After ran in the same direction from the other side, sending them on a collision course. So while Flasher was dodging around the quarters, Afterimage dove into a baseball slide before thrusting both feet upward. The topless heroine suddenly howled in agony when her sidekick's reinforced boots smashed her in the pussy while she was effectively running over a hundred miles an hour, to say nothing of Afterimage's own burst of speed. Even as the fastest woman alive, Flasher froze in one spot after a maximum-velocity cunt punt.

"Sorry not-sorry, boss!" After shouted as she stood back up, grabbed a plank of wood from a busted desk, and smashed her over the back of the head with it. Flasher crumbled on the spot, leaving her sidekick bruised and gasping for air as she leaned against a brick wall. "Oh man... don't throw up. Don't throw up," Afterimage told herself. The chant seemed to work as she dragged herself over to her mentor. Even if she was a little superior than thou at times... she decided it was best to adjust her costume so her tits weren't hanging out when the cops showed up.

"Okay... I nearly died like three times, but I got one. Flasher down. How are you guys doing?"

"NOT GREAT!" Splashdown shouted curtly.

"Been better!" Omega Girl grunted like she had just been punched in the stomach.

"Pretty shitty, thanks for asking!" Diana reported.

"Shit. Okay, yea... I'll come over for some backup," After reported. "Just uh... I'm gonna have to lie down for a second..." She slumped against the nearest wall and just tried not to pass out for a while. She hoped the others could pull through like she did... maybe with a little less bruised ribs and oxygen deprivation.