v3c29: The Great and Noble Emperor (Patreon)

“...And that is all that has been revealed to me.”

Big D fell silent as he finished his summary from his place at the chalkboard. We were all seated around a table before him, after he finished recounting to us his tale. Our little group was made up of myself, Meimei, Xiulan, Chunky, Peppa, Tigu, and Rizzo. The first of the people who had joined the farm.

He’d be talking to everybody else later, but for now, it was just us. He’d said he wanted us to help him figure out what to do.

We had gotten the cliff notes version, it just wasn’t feasible for every one of us to individually check the memories ourselves. Entering the crystal to check everything would have taken at least a day.

Even with the short version, listening to Big D recounting the crystal’s memories was like listening to a tale straight out of some tragic Shakespearean play.

The Tale of Xiaoshi and Tianlan: The Tale of the Azure Mountains.

In the quiet after Big D finished I sipped at my tea and looked at the crystal, floating off to the side. Everybody else was silent, clearly digesting the tale. I glanced at Meimei. My wife’s eyes were narrowed into slits, and she was chewing on her thumbnail, deep in thought. My other disciples were similarly pensive. Xiulan in particular looked slightly lost. She had gotten some pretty hard shocks like finding out the origins of her martial style was traditional opera of all things! Not to mention the sudden shock that the last Emperor and her direct ancestor had uh… had relations.

The whole thing… I won’t say that I expected it, but I had been fairly certain something fucky had been going on ever since the whole formation had been revealed. Some part of me had suspected something simmering in the background, because of course my life couldn’t just be simple.

It was honestly better than what I had been expecting. Tianlan wasn’t some kind of strange parasite leeching off me until she became a demon god or some shit. There was no doomsday clock over our heads. No ancient evil sealed that we had to combat, lest it take over the world.

It was a broken piece of land that needed fixing, and a pack of Demons that might, or might not, be active.

Which I won’t jinx by saying that it sounded manageable. The demons could obviously be a large threat… but it was one that I could tell other people about, like the Cultivators in the Crimson Phoenix Empire, if they believed me.

This had the trappings of some kind of “fated story” written all over it. But the point was, I had options other than “gather a ragtag band to save the world.”

Hopefully, at any rate.

“Thank you, for telling us all of this, Big D.” I said, nodding my head to him. The rooster bowed in return. “But you’re right. We’ll have to come up with a plan, together, on what to do in this situation. Any ideas?”

“Yes!” Tigu shouted like she was in class, immediately raising an arm.

“What do you think, Tigu?” I asked.

“I’ll set up a scouting rotation!” Tigu replied immediately. “We shall range far and wide to see if there is anything out of the ordinary! We can use recording crystals like the ones Disciple Yun Ren has to document anything we find!”

She was focused and absolutely serious right now. More like a hardened military woman than the happy girl I had gotten used to. A tiger that would devour anything that got in her way.

Pain and pride mixed in my chest. My little girl, ready to go off to war, for the sake of her friends and family.

“We’ll train, get stronger, and protect our home if there are any demons. As for the crystal itself… I shall trust the First Disciple’s judgment.” She crossed her arms at the statement, looking away from Big D as the rooster smiled at her.

“They shouldn’t be able to get close to the house at least.” Meimei's voice was calm and matter of fact. “Even before I was a cultivator, I could smell there was something off about Zang Li. Even if they try to hide, I can help sniff out any… vermin.”

Her eyes went cold, two flinty amethyst chips that looked almost like they were shining with malevolent light. “And if push comes to shove… well. Demons don’t count as people.”

Rizzo, sitting beside her, chuckled darkly. ‘Yes, yes. What murder-poisons affect-hurt demons? A good-fine question, Master.’

Both Tigu and Big D leaned slightly away from the two women as they muttered under their breaths about ingredients.

‘Chunky protect home. Help Big Little Sister.” Chunky said quietly. ‘Make sure no more hurt.’

Peppa nodded from beside the boar. ‘The poor dear. She seemed dreadfully injured.’

“She's well enough to headbutt people.” Tigu dismissed with a wave of her hand.

‘Well, you do have a very headbuttable face.’ Rizzo ribbed.

“Haaa? Say it again, wormtail!” the cat turned girl glowered at the rat who simply snickered.

Big D sighed as the two broke into an argument. Peppa watched on, amused, while Meimei had a piece of paper out and was scribbling furiously on it. I caught the words “blood necrosis” and “transmission vector” as my wife plotted horrible war crimes.

I, on the other hand, turned to the last person who hadn’t spoken yet.

Xiulan was staring straight ahead, her face locked into a frown.

=========================

While the others were focused on the demons, or protecting Fa Ram, all Cai Xiulan could think about was the crystal.

Or rather the knowledge it contained.

Xiulan chewed her lip. It had been a shock to realise that her legendary Jade Grass Blades were opera props. And of the… general disposition of her Honoured Ancestor. Her face flushed slightly as she recalled Bi De’s description of the woman: “The Healing Sage, as she is when drunk.”

Which told her all she needed to know, really. When she had time to look within the crystal… she would have to steel herself before witnessing that. Lewd and crass as the memories may be, it was still knowledge about their long forgotten ancestors. The progenitor of their entire line. Most of the Azure Hills only had scraps of history preserved. Bits and pieces of knowledge about their founders, and even their styles could be said to be fragmentary.

The crystal was full of information that the sects of the Azure Hills would quite literally kill for. A true connection to their ancestors. A chance to fix their corrupted and warped styles. To regain what they had lost so long ago.

It represented both danger and opportunity in equal measure.

The first of the dangers was the Crimson Phoenix Empire. Knowledge that the Emperor they had sworn their oaths to was not the Emperor that they currently served? Well, it certainly wouldn’t go down well.

They couldn’t be the Empire of the Azure Hills. Such a challenge would be met with swift reprisal from the Crimson Phoenix Empire. It was a fight that they certainly couldn't win.

Xiulan doubted anyone sane would consider rebelling against the Crimson Phoenix Empire. Time and the cataclysm Bi De had spoken of had eroded whatever loyalites might have existed. They were as much a part of the Empire as any other province.

There was only one person under the heavens that could get her to raise her swords in remaking an ancient empire… and he was the only man she knew who would likely utterly reject the possibility.

And thus, Xiulan pushed those thoughts aside and focused instead upon the potential opportunity.

For the crystal could make her plans to unite the hills a reality. Returning with this? It would cement her claims and help her forge the ties to bind them.

Although… Even thinking about disseminating this knowledge to a select few was a rather novel thing. The old part of her, the part of her that hailed from the time before Fa Ram urged her to simply hoard all the knowledge for herself. To keep it all, and leave the others in the dust. But it was something she could use, so she had to think of how best to use it.

Knowledge of their ancestors. The truth that they had all been under one banner in the past, instead of disparate, feuding sects. Those that joined with her would have all the power of their forebears granted to them… while those that refused would be left in the dust.

The outright domination of the other sects using the ancient knowledge didn’t sit entirely well with her. Her plan had been more in line with forging lasting cooperative bonds with the Young Masters and Mistresses.

Those who would resent her controlling such a wealth of information were liable to try and steal it, or call their members to war to try and take it by force of arms.

It was a bludgeon that would ensure their loyalty. She didn’t want to use it as such though. She just… wanted peace, unity.

She could even just leave it here, and set about her plan without it.

Xiulan sighed. Why couldn’t things just be simple, for once? She ceased her wool gathering and looked back up at the table. Tigu and Ri Zu were still bickering, while the others watched on. But Xiulan could tell Jin was patiently waiting for her to speak.

So she cleared her throat, catching their attention.

“Jin. Bi De. If you had brought this to my sect, the Verdant Blade would have sworn their undying loyalty to you in a heartbeat. Whoever bears this crystal and the knowledge within... Is, effectively, the Lord of every sect within the Azure Hills.”

The table went silent again.

“There are two real options, in the use of this knowledge,” Xiulan continued, “To hide it away from the sects… or to use it as bait, to lure them in and control their movements. That is the value of the knowledge within this crystal to the Sects of the Azure Hills.”

The table was quiet, as they digested her words.

Finally, Jin broke the silence.

“Or we could just give it to all of them.”

Xiulan just stared at him. Just give people advanced cultivation advice. Just give them knowledge that they would gladly beggar themselves to possess. That they would sell their sons into slavery and gift their daughters to warm that person’s bed in order to even get a glimpse at.

And yet… as she thought about it, it did make a certain sort of sense to disseminate the knowledge to all.

Honour would demand that all who received the knowledge act with all due courtesy to the gifter. It had the potential to remove the thought of those attacking her and her sect for the crystal, or even getting desperate enough to snoop around Master Jin’s farm.

It was a novel solution, something to think about at least.

The mood was once more solemn and contemplative. Until she saw a mischievous look in Jin’s eyes as he turned to the First Disciple.

“You know, there was one last thing that was bothering me.” He began with the utmost solemnity in his voice. “Does this mean I have to call you My Lord now, seeing as you’re apparently the Emperor's heir?”

The rooster physically recoiled and Xiulan snorted at the question. “Heavens, Master, no, of course…” He began, denials springing to his beak.

And then he saw the grin and huffed at his Master’s teasing words. Bi De coughed into his wing.

“Great Master, you are obviously more qualified than I.” The rooster returned, his eyes narrowing. “Shall we proclaim you tomorrow, or today?”

“I didn’t find the glowy crystal with the will of the Emperor in it. I’m just a farmer.”

Xiulan heard Chun Ke snort and she felt her own smile start to steal across her face—until the bow fired an arrow directly at her.

“Looks like you're the Empress, Lanlan.” Meiling deadpanned looking up from her notebook, turning to her with a little smirk.

Xiulan froze at the statement.

‘Empress Xiulan, we are not worthy.’ Ri Zu squeaked, bowing low.

“Who wants to join my rebellion?” Tigu asked.

Well, technically, she did have a blood claim—er… well, no, no thank you, Xiulan most certainly did not wish to be proclaimed Empress. She had a hard enough time with her own sect, thank you very much.

She cast about for anything that dismissed the claim… and then remembered the laws on inheritance.

“My Honoured Ancestor and The Emperor never formalized my family’s status. While the Children of concubines may inherit, it requires specific provisions. Therefore, by all laws, This Cai Xiulan is not eligible to inherit the throne.”

The room lapsed into stunned silence at the solemn declaration, though there were a few chuckles after a moment. Jin sighed, and shook his head.

“We’ll talk again next week. I gotta run some ideas past the Lord Magistrate as well. Bi De, I trust you to tell everybody you think should know.”

The rooster bowed. “Of course, Great Master.”

“And… thank you, for trusting us all like this.”

The Rooster flushed, looking around the table. Xiulan smiled and nodded at him, she was gratified and humbled by the rooster’s trust.

“Now… let's go get some lunch and some more tea.” Jin’s command took them all out of their seats, the tension dispelling.

A world shaking revelation… and then lunch.

It was amusing how often that happened around here.

The others had already eaten, and though Wa Shi was obviously curious about what they had been talking about, the fish kept his peace, trusting that he would be told when he needed to be. He was remarkably unbothered by such things if they did not involve his stomach.

They resorted to one of Jin’s favorites. Xiulan still had no idea why they were called sandwiches. The name was foreign on her tongue, but the result was, as with most things Jin made, delicious.

It was two simple pieces of thick, crusty toasted bread, served with pickled vegetables, smoked meat, and dried herbs from the garden. Jin always packed his high enough that it looked like he had to unhinge his jaw to get it all into his mouth. Meiling’s were significantly thinner, though she often added a few drops of honey and some cracked peppercorns.

Tigu made hers like Jin’s… and then begged for bites of Meiling’s, which her friend bore without complaint from years of her little brother doing the same.

Xiulan, on the other hand, guarded hers well from Tigu’s questing fingers, no matter how much she pouted. It had some of the smoked deer Gou Ren had made, along with some spicy oil, pickles, mushrooms, and cheese.

While Chun Ke, Pi Pa, and Ri Zu could eat their sandwiches just fine, the First Disciple had his deconstructed. He would peck each ingredient in turn, including the special ones that Wa Shi had helped him create.

The pepper worms weren’t terrible, in all honesty, though her Petals would cough blood seeing her eat bugs.

They ate their fill, and in what felt like no time, they were finished eating. Tigu eventually won… no, Xiulan took pity on the cat, and gave her a bite of her sandwich.

The little devil had gone “eh” and waved her hand dismissively at the taste.

Xiulan was in the middle of teaching her a lesson, her fingers digging into Tigu’s scalp, when she heard Bi De’s voice.

“I mean to travel to Verdant Hill myself. There is one I must speak to. I shall only be a few hours.”

Jin looked at the rooster as he balanced the plates and dishes he had collected to be cleaned.

“Need anything for the road?” Jin asked, but the rooster shook his head in denial.

“I do not need anything, Master. Thank you for the offer.”

Bi De turned and began to walk for the front door of the house, only stopping so Chun Ke could nuzzle his feathers in goodbye.

Xiulan stood up and approached the rooster before he left. Taking a place at the door, her face solemn, her back straight just as she had seen done a hundred times.

“Cai Xiulan pays her respects to the Emperor.” she intoned, bowing perfectly.

Bi De’s eye twitched.

Almost as if they had choreographed it, though they had not, Tigu speedily took up a position opposite Xiulan to bow as well and said “Rou Tigu pays her respects to the Emperor.”

Xiulan shot a glare at the cat. Really, rebelling under Xiulan, yet declaring her loyalty to Bi De? The cat was courting death!

Well, it was probably because she saw the rooster’s eye twitch in irritation. A figure flashed down from above the doorway to land lightly before the rooster and added her own bow.

‘Hong Ri Zu pays her respects to the Emperor!’

The First Disciple’s attention turned back to Xiulan.

And then she was out of the room, an explosion of feathers following behind all three of them as the First Disciple made his wrath known.

Xiulan ended up with her head shoved into a snowbank… but this time, the rooster had to work for it.

Progress.

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Man, its been forever since we've been in Lanlan's head. Also, a bit of slice of life, and a return to something more humerous.

My Break this Month will be from the 15th to the 19th.

Edited by: Brandon “Philosophysics” Zhang-Leong, Ayje, Massgamer, Oshi