Chapter 32 edited conversation (Patreon)

This is the edited version of Xiulan and Gou Ren's conversation. I thought if flowed better this way. Additionally, there is Gou Ren's POV of the conversation, if you wish to read that. Honestly, nothing really changed, but I find it does flow better. A kind of "behind the scenes post, if you will.

Xiulan studied the scene before her. The people crowded around Meihua. Her father, the only man who she had met as tall as Master Jin, was crying as he beheld his grandson. The other men of the house were doting on Meihua like she was their own blood.

Indeed, the first child being a son was auspicious indeed.

She was happy for the other woman. The firstborn being a son solved all sorts of problems.

Xiulan was not a part of their family. She did not truly take part in their joy. So she watched and waited.

“Yoh!” The fox brother brother greeted, using the odd sound that Master Jin sometimes used. “Xiulan, you wanna come with us and get some tea? They’re gonna be at that all day.” He gestured to the bed and child.

Xiulan considered the offer. It was innocent enough, and he didn’t have the recording crystal, so she knew he wasn’t going to try and capture her face while she was eating again. It was quite embarrassing, to have her face seen like that, but… well, he meant little harm. Her eyes drifted to Disciple Gou Ren, who looked remarkably kept today. His hair was brushed, and he was wearing nicer clothes. His shirt was actually closed at the front, instead of baring his chest.

“Thank you for the invitation.” She said quietly, and stood Yun Ren’s smile got wider, and he took the lead, whistling merrily as he lead them onwards.

Disciple Gou Ren was quiet, and slightly unsettled.. He kept his eyes forward, like he was marching to a battlefield. She was about to ask him what was wrong, when his elder brother suddenly called out.

“Hey! Buddy! Long time no see!” Yun Ren called, waving to a man. The other man greeted him back, and they clasped arms in companionship. They talked for a moment. The other man glanced behind Yun Ren, nodding at Gou Ren, and his eyes widening on seeing her own face. He seemed about to say something, when Yun Ren spun him around, and slung an arm over his shoulder.

“Hey, I’m gonna go catch up with my buddy, yeah? Its been a while, so you two go on without me!” He didn’t even wait for a response, instead setting off.

Xiulan raised an eyebrow at the swift departure mildly confused. She looked at Gou Ren out of the corner of her eye. He stole a glance at her, his face slightly red.

Oh. she had a slight sinking feeling, with how this was going to go. Her shoulders sagged ever so slightly, but… she would not say anything just yet.

The teahouse she was led to was quite quaint

Well, quaint for what she knew of tea houses. She supposed this one must be one of the more expensive ones in the sleepy town, but it was still incredibly rustic.

They were seated at a table by a polite serving girl. Gou Ren winced slightly when he saw the prices, but ordered anyway.

Xiulan gazed at the lacking selection, and ordered one at random.

The serving girl left. The silence stretched, as a bead of sweat rolled down his temple.

“....Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” He asked.

Oh? A fine question. They spoke often of the weather at the sect, discussing the movement of clouds, and the impact of rain.

“Yes, the breeze is refreshing and sweet. Life and new growth abounds. An auspicious transition from spring, soon to be summer.” Xiulan said, trying to summarise her own feelings. The Disciple had picked a good topic. He nodded his head, more confident now.

“I can’t wait for it to get hotter. A long day’s work, and then see if Wa Shi will give us a ride through the river.” He said with a smile.

Xiulan agreed with him. She would have to bribe the gluttonous creature greatly, but she was confident she would fly again.

“Yes. The dishwasher is a most amusing one.” She noted. “To witness Fa Ram from the air was.. Indescribable.”  Really, there were no words in Xiulan’s mind to accurately explain her feelings, butr Disciple Gou Ren seemed to understand.

The serving girl returned with tea and snacks.

“Yeah. I wonder if you could make a map from up there? Or plan buildings?”

Xiulan agreed with this insight. “A fine idea.” she said, considering the merits of his statement. “It would certainly be a boon to city planners. After working on the road, I do appreciate how much work goes into such things.”

The younger man nodded rapidly, as they began to discuss the way they were building the road. The disciple complained about his back. At first, she had been put off by his constant bellyaching, thinking it a ruse to shirk his duties. But as she observed him, she noted that that was just how he was. He worked diligently no matter how he complained. More diligently than some of her own sect members.

Now, it was mildly amusing background noise. Giving out some of her own traitorous thoughts on work that she would have been chastised should she have ever uttered them. In front of her father.

But the conversation was not to last. Eventually, the boy trailed off. He took a sip of tea, and Xiulan did as well.

Serviceable, but not great.

“...adequate, for such a quaint place.” She mused.

The snacks weren’t any better. Gou Ren chewed on one thoughtfully, clearly working up his nerve.

He swallowed, and opened his mouth.

Xiulan interrupted him.

“Disciple Gou Ren, are you going to ask to court me?” she asked. She hoped he didn’t. She did not wish this to escalate into a fight.

The young man swallowed thickly, but gained some confidence, squaring his shoulders.

“Yes.” He stated.

The sinking feeling completed. Xiulan closed her eyes and sighed internally as to what was to come. The same reactions were played out over and over.

“I refuse.” She stated bluntly, and winced internally. That had come out slightly harsher than she intended. But best to nip these things in the bud. Being nice often had the opposite effect. “Your advances are unwelcome.”

Still, she prepared for the reaction. The rage. The insults. The fury at being rejected. Maybe he would even disregard her completely, and attempt to force the issue. He was one of Master Jin’s disciples, so she could likely not chastise him too badly. She did not want to chastise him.

The boy swallowed.

“...Okay.” He said quietly. “I kind of expected that, but… well, you never know if you don’t try, right?”

He smiled at her. It was a brittle thing.

….He was accepting her decision? This was not in the standard script. They normally got angry by this point.

“Sorry that it bothered yeh so much. Wasn’t expectin’ it to be that bad of an idea, but more fool me.” His voice was thick with emotion. He looked away. He was frustrated, and dejected… but he wasn’t angry.

He started to get up to leave.

Something twinged in her chest. Now she felt a bit bad. He wasn’t some young master who was used to getting his way, he was.. Well, he was more like Master Jin and Senior Sister. And she had just cast doubt upon his character to think of him that way. He probably didn’t even know why she had refused him.

She could let him go. She could have him never bother her again. He probably wouldn’t even glance at her after this.

But… he did not deserve that.

Her hand caught his shoulder. He froze at the contact, but allowed himself to be gently pushed back into his seat.

He looked as if he might resist for a moment, but in the end, allowed himself to be guided, looking away from her and at the floor.

“...okay?” she asked, her voice was quiet. “You are not going to call me a whore or harlot, and demand that you are able to have me anyway?” It was a rude question, but one she had to be sure of.

Gou Ren turned back around, his jaw dropping open. “Wha?! The Hells you talkin’ bout woman? I ain’t no scum suckin’ bastard!” Anger tinged his words. Rage that she would even say something like that.

Xiulan’s mask faded. He paused, as he saw her regret. The way her body relaxed, as she stopped preparing for an altercation that would never come. She was tired, so tired of that happening.

And she was glad that it didn’t

“...forgive my harsh words. They were completely unwarranted, and cast slander upon your character. You did not deserve it.” She bowed her head in sincerity.

Gou Ren bit his lip as she took a breath, and let it out in a sigh.

“You… well, you could not have known, either, but I did not speak of it. My husband is the choice of my father, for the good of the sect.”

It was something that she had long since come to terms with. She was a dutiful daughter, and the fact that some would even ask her to betray her own father was another mark against them.

Even if recently she was starting to feel a bit tapped by that statement.

Disciple Gou Ren actually relaxed a bit at that, nodding in understanding. He hadn’t known.

“The men who ask for his blessing are the virtuous ones. The men who ask such questions directly of me… Well, normally such incidents result in a fight.”

Disciple Gou Ren froze as he considered her words.

“Wait, they try to--?” She nodded. His eyes flashed with rage, and his muscles unconsciously flexed beneath his skin.

Xiulan smiled at his reaction. Only the most loyal of her sect reacted that way. Her hand tightened slightly on his shoulder, as he started to squeeze hard enough to break skin, startling him out of his dark thoughts.

“The strong can take as they will.” Xiulan quietly informed him. “My mother taught me that there are times to resist… and times to…”

She shrugged. “I normally have my sect behind me, so only the boldest attempt such things. Normally, it is just insults. They are particularly fond of calling me a harlot, or a whore.”

He scowled and crossed his arms, trying to glare a hole in the table for daring to exist. Her heart warmed just a bit more. She had seen how Senior Sister acted around him. She paused for a moment, as he brooded, clearly imagining fighting off those who would dare to say that to his fellow disciple.  It was nearly cute, in a boyish way. He wanted to protect her. Unnecessary, as he was not yet strong enough, but flattering.

Xiulan’s hand went from his shoulder to his hair, running through the short locks affectionately. He jolted again, and his face flushed as she smiled at him. Was this what it was like to have a sibling? She didn’t know. But it was a nice feeling.

There was a slight bit of hurt in his eyes, as he took in her expression.. But more of the tension drained out of him.

He sighed, exhausted by the conversation.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” He began, but Xiulan just shook her head.

“No, no apologies, Junior Brother. It is again my apology to give. I was unduly harsh and you did nothing to deserve my reaction. You are right. It is no sin to strive for something.” He blushed and looked away.

“No apologies.” He finally said quietly. “It's fine.”

She ruffled his hair again. Now she knew why Senior Sister did it so often, even if she had to stand on the tips of her toes to reach the taller boy. It was kind of nice.

But… there was something she wanted to know.

“Junior Brother… what was it that compelled you to ask?” she asked quietly.

Everybody always said it was her beauty that drew them in. Was that all they saw? Was that all even Disciple Gou Ren saw?

Gou Ren sighed.

“At first… it was because you're the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.” He admitted, and her heart sunk slightly. “But… the other things were pretty too. You practise every day. You work as hard as you can. Like.. you learning to cook. Or going on that balance pole thing. It was… well it was beautiful too, ya know?”

“And then.. Well, when we were back home, and you came in wearing that flower brown, and carrying the kids I thought “man, she’d make a good mom.””

She felt her own face heat slightly at the words, as her Junior Brother looked away. He had seen something beyond her skin. The things she liked about herself.

“..I want… I want what Mei and Jin have, ya know?”

Yes. she did know. She saw their relationship, and her heart yearned for it. Called for it. “I do.” She stated simply. It ran up against everything she was taught all her cultivation. The other part of her tried to reject it.  “But at the same time… I do not know what I wish for.”

Disciple Gou Ren nodded at her words. They lapsed into silence again. Xiulan absently kept her hand on his head, occasionally brushing her fingers through the short strands.

Finally she turned back to him, her eyes set. “You wish for that, do you? I believe you shall find it. You are not unattractive, Junior Brother. And you have a fine character.” She declared.

...it was honestly the largest compliment she had ever given to a man.

Gou Ren snorted, even as his face went red from the tips of his ears to the bottom of his chest. “You’re just being nice. I look like a monkey.” he muttered.

“None of that. Your Senior Sister has a good eye for these things, you know?” She shot back haughtily. “And, she shall give you whatever aid you require in your endeavours!”

Yes, she would repay him a hundredfold for her ill thoughts! By the time every kind beauty in the Azure Hills would know his name!

He huffed and shook his head.

“Sure, Senior Sister. Help your poor junior out.” He griped.

“You doubt me?” She asked reproachfully.

“Yup.” He answered bluntly.

Xiulan’s eyes narrowed at the goading. She accepted his challenge.

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GOU REN POV

“Are you sure this will work?” Gou Ren asked his brother, staring down at his clothes. The finest clothes he had, really. His hair was brushed, and he looked… presentable?

“Hey, leave it to big bro, yeah? When have I ever steered you wrong--” He snorted, unable to actually say the blatant falsehood.

Gou Ren scowled.

“If you want my honest opinion? I dunno.” He said with a shrug. “It’ll get you alone with her, nobody to interfere, but... She's like a princess, right?”

“....yeah. Kinda.”

“We’ll do our best then, little bro.” Yun Ren declared, patting his brother on the back. “Now let's go.”

Gou Ren took a deep breath and stood, following after his older brother. Miss Cai--Xiulan was seated off to the side, while the rest of the house fawned over the child. Even normally brash and boisterous Elder Che had been reduced to a sobbing wreck, much to his daughter’s bemused embarrassment.

Xiulan was watching them intently, seemingly studying their reactions, but she seemed a bit bored, with Jin and Meimei out for their walk.

Yun Ren bet him ten silver it was an excuse, and they were rutting against a tree somewhere. Gou Ren had declared it a sucker’s bet. He had seen the look the two had given each other.

“Yoh!” The elder brother greeted, using the odd sound that Jin sometimes used. “Xiulan, you wanna come with us and get some tea? They’re gonna be at that all day.” He gestured to the pack around Meihua.

Xiulan’s eyes travelled back and forth between the two groups, considering.

“Thank you for the invitation.” She said quietly, and stood gracefully. Her hair was out of her braids again today, and the sun highlighted every feature, seeming to shine a spotlight down on her.

Gou Ren swallowed, the twinges of nervousness intensifying. They set off, Yun Ren leading them onwards and whistling cheerily.

“Hey! Buddy! Long time no see!” Yun Ren called, waving to one of the workers who travelled between Verdant Hill and one of the other villages. Gou Ren couldn’t quite recall the name of it. The Man grinned at his brother, and they both clasped forearms. The other man’s eyes widened a bit on seeing Xiulan, but he didn’t say anything, greeting Yun Ren back.

“Hey, I’m gonna go catch up with my buddy, yeah? Its been a while, so you two go on without me!” He didn’t even wait for a response, instead slinging an arm around the other man’s shoulder and wandering on.

Xiulan raised an eyebrow at his brother’s swift departure, and looked at Gou Ren out of the corner of her eye. Her shoulders sagged ever so slightly, and the nervous feeling in Gou Ren’s chest intensified.

They continued on to the tea shop. It was a fancy place. As fancy as you could get, at least, in Verdant Hill, with prices that would surely make Gou Ren’s coin purse weep. Hopefully, it would be worth it.

They didn’t just wander in and find a place, they were seated by a serving girl.

Gou Ren had never been seated before.

They even had a selection of teas. Well, Meimei and Elder Hong had a selection of teas too, but they were all herbal and medicinal. This was like… fancy stuff.

He licked his lips and ordered.

The silence was just a bit uncomfortable, as they waited for their tea to be prepared. Everything Gou Ren had been practising talking about for longer than he cared to admit just fell out of his ears the second he tried to open his mouth.

“....Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” He asked.

Internally, he started screaming. What the hells?!

“Yes, the breeze is refreshing and sweet. Life and new growth abounds. An auspicious transition from spring, soon to be summer.” Xiulan spoke, somehow turning his fumble into a poem, carried by a melodious voice.

Okay, it wasn’t really a poem, but it might as well have been to Gou Ren. A poem, or perhaps a song?

Some of his confidence restored, he forged onwards. His mind went to safe topics. Work. Work was safe! Jin’s farm was safe!

“I can’t wait for it to get hotter. A long day’s work, and then see if Wa Shi will give us a ride through the river.”

Xiulan’s face lit up with a mere quirk of her lips, her joy radiating out with the tiny movement.

“Yes. The dishwasher is a most amusing one.” She noted. “To witness Fa Ram from the air was.. indescribable.” The wonder on her face was indescribable. His heart thumped a bit faster.

The serving girl returned with tea and snacks.

“Yeah. I wonder if you could make a map from up there? Or plan buildings?” It had been really cool to fly. To see the world from that high. He idly wondered if he could ever learn that.. But he probably couldn’t. Besides, even if he never could, he could always hitch a ride from a bastard, begging dragon.

Xiulan actually smiled at his thoughts. “A fine idea.” she said, considering the merits of his statement. “It would certainly be a boon to city planners. After working on the road, I do appreciate how much work goes into such things.”

They chatted for a while amicably, about roads, and farming. It was everything Gou Ren wanted. She even chuckled, once or twice, a lovely sound that made his heart beat faster.

But.. what seemed to be all too soon, they trailed off. Gou Ren nearly lost his nerve right then and there. Could he really do this? Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. He had been working himself up for too long to give up right before he even tried.

Gou Ren took another sip to wet his dry mouth. The tea was… well, it tasted kind of weird. Was it supposed to taste like this? Xiulan, glazed at hers with a neutral expression.

“...adequate, for such a quaint place.” She mused.

The snacks weren’t any better. Gou Ren popped one in his mouth.

He swallowed, and opened his mouth.

Xiulan interrupted him.

“Disciple Gou Ren, are you going to ask to court me?” she asked. The good cheer faded. Instead, she looked tired, and like she was preparing herself.

Gou Ren swallowed thickly, but squared his shoulders.

“Yes.” He stated.

Xiulan sighed, and closed her eyes. At that moment, Gou Ren knew the answer to his question.

Eyes opened. Cold, Hard, and prepared. “I Refuse.” She told him with complete finality. “Your advances are unwelcome.”

He had thought he was prepared for those words. That this was a longshot. But they still felt like a punch to the gut.

Xiulan’s eyes were focused on him.

He swallowed again, and forced the words out.

“Okay.” Was he that repulsive? Was monkey boy that much of a monkey? Maybe he had stared a bit too much in the beginning, but they had been getting along? What had he done to provoke that reaction? She looked like she was ready to fight him.  “I kind of expected that, but… well, you never know if you don’t try, right?”

He tried for a self deprecating smile, trying to force through the lump he felt in his throat.

“Sorry that it bothered yeh so much. Wasn’t expectin’ it to be that bad of an idea, but more fool me.” The lump in his throat slurred his words, as he looked away.

He was expecting scorn. Maybe something to tell him how inadequate he was. Really, what had he been thinking!?

He nearly got up to leave.

Xiulan caught his shoulder. A soft grip. A grip that no matter how soft, he knew he wouldn’t be able to throw off.

“...okay?” Miss Cai asked, her voice was quiet, and. “You are not going to call me a whore or harlot, and demand that you are able to have me anyway?”

Gou Ren turned back around, his jaw dropping open. “Wha?! The Hells you talkin’ bout woman? I ain’t no scum suckin’ bastard!” Anger tinged his words. How could she--?!

There was regret in her face. Apology. The tension had drained out of her, and in that instant Gou Ren realised she had been preparing for a fight. She looked him in the eye. He could see a kind of exhaustion in there.

“...forgive my harsh words. They were completely unwarranted, and cast slander upon your character. You did not deserve it.” She bowed her head in contrition.

Gou Ren bit his lip as she took a breath, and let it out in a sigh.

“You… well, you could not have known, either, but I did not speak of it. My husband is the choice of my father, for the good of the sect.” She said those words as if they were a matter of fact, but here was a bit of resignation to them.

Gou Ren felt a little bit foolish now. Of course she had said no. Far be it from him to challenge tradition, and she was kind of a princess.

“The men who ask for his blessing are the virtuous ones. The men who ask such questions directly of me… Well, normally such incidents result in a fight.”

The statement took a moment to process. “Wait, they try to--?” He demanded, inscened. When he heard what that bastard had tried to do to Meihua, nearly a year ago, he and his brother had been so angry they had whispered deep into the night about how they could get into the guard’s holding cells to mete out some of their own justice

Nothing came of it, despite both of them sneaking out of their rooms and prowling the streets.

The anger was here again, and amplified. His muscles bulged beneath his skin. Now he could break rocks with his bare hands, and probably just walk straight into the jail cell, and there would be nothing anyone could do to stop him.

The hand tightened slightly on his shoulder, breaking him out of his wrath. Xiulan… Xiulan was looking fondly at him.

“The strong can take as they will.” Xiulan quietly informed him. “My mother taught me that there are times to resist… and times to…”

She shrugged. Gou Ren was absolutely appalled.

“I normally have my sect behind me, so only the boldest attempt such things. Normally, it is just insults. They are particularly fond of calling me a harlot, or a whore.”

….He was a farm boy. A country hick formed from the union of a “savage” tribeswoman and a wild-man hunter.

And he was really beginning to understand just why Jin had gotten the fuck out, and preffered to hang around with him, if thats how people had acted to a woman like Xiulan. He scowled, and crossed his arms, trying to glare a hole in the table for daring to exist.

He wasn’t expecting Xiulan’s hand to go from his shoulder to his hair, ruffling through it. He jolted from his brooding to the soft, amused smile on her face. It was affection.. but it was the same look Meiling, Meihua, and even his own mother gave to him. He kind of hated that expression on Xiulan’s face. It was an expression that said that he was little Gou, and not a man.

He sighed, exhausted by the conversation.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” He began, but Xiulan just shook her head.

“No, no apologies, Junior Brother. It is again my apology to give. I was unduly harsh and you did nothing to deserve my reaction. You are right. It is no sin to strive for something.” He blushed and looked away.

“No apologies.” He finally said quietly. “It's fine.”

She ruffled his hair again, getting into it like Meimei did sometimes. They lapsed into silence.

“Disciple Gou Ren… what was it that compelled you to ask?” she asked quietly.

Gou Ren sighed.

“At first… it was because you're the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.” He said, telling the truth. “But… the other things were pretty too. You practise every day. You work as hard as you can. Like.. you learning to cook. Or going on that balance pole thing. It was… well it was beautiful too, ya know?”

“And then.. Well, when we were back home, and you came in wearing that flower brown, and carrying the kids I thought “man, she’d make a good mom.””

Xiulan seemed honestly surprised at that statement, a bit of red dusting her cheeks.

“..I want… I want what Mei and Jin have, ya know?”

There was a bit of silence. She closed her eyes, and nodded her head. “I do.” She stated simply. “But at the same time… I do not know what I wish for.”

They lapsed into silence again. Xiulan absently kept her hand on his head, occasionally brushing her fingers through the short strands.

Finally she turned back to him, her eyes set. “You wish for that, do you? I believe you shall find it. You are not unattractive, Junior Brother. And you have a fine character.” She declared.

Gou Ren snorted, even as his face went red from the tips of his ears to the bottom of his chest. “You’re just being nice. I look like a monkey.” he muttered.

“None of that. Your Senior Sister has a good eye for these things, you know?” She shot back haughtily. “And, she shall give you whatever aid you require in your endeavours!”

It was still rejection. But the lump in his throat was gone. This was a kind of relationship he was more familiar with, being the “junior brother”. It was a step backwards for what he set out to do, But the look of sudden eager preparedness and determination on Xiulan’s face was kind of funny.

He huffed and shook his head.

“Sure, Senior Sister. Help your poor junior out.” He griped.

“You doubt me?” She asked reproachfully.

“Yup.” He answered bluntly.

Xiulan’s eyes narrowed at the goading, but she did seem amused.