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On Wings of Steel - Chapter 19 & 20 (Patreon)

Published:
2020-11-01 01:44:43
Imported:
2021-03

Content

Holy crap. I cannot believe it's already the last day of October. I've been writing and tweaking these chapters back and forth for nearly two months, ffs.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not 100% happy with how they turned out. I keep thinking there should be something more, but this is what I had planned for the plot since a long time ago. If I don't release them now, I never will.

So here they are. Chapter 19 and Chapter 20. The resolution and immediate aftermath of the first real conflict. I hope you enjoy them.

See ya.

PS: Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Have spooky Halloween, y'all.

Comments

Bookwyrm

You may not be satisfied with the chapters, but I certainly am. You did a great job with them. The fights were very well written, the depth that you’ve given Takami is intriguing, Shirou’s inner conflict over what he was doing and did was done very well, and you’ve done a better job of describing Shirou’s way of thinking than a lot of other writers have done. You’ve also done an absolutely amazing job fleshing Kochou out and have made her thoughts about things very believable. I can’t wait to see how this story continues to develop because you are doing an amazing job.

Obsessivehobbyist

Yeah, like Jacob above has already said. What excited me most about seeing you taking a step into this particular foray was your incredible ability to capture Shirou's "voice". This chapter perfectly encapsulates that. I also really enjoy seeing a more bitter and jaded version of Shirou who is a little further along the "Nameless Hero" path. I feel this Shirou will go on to be the counter guardian we all know and love. All in all, I think these chapters, chapter 20 particularly, are the best ones you have written so far. The drama was so poignant since we have had time to become attached to the characters and the build-up and payoff of the conflict with Mikogami was perfectly executed as well. Thank you for your hard work Neoalfa! I look forward to more.

Anonymous

I can only second the previous comments. (When Shirou leaves the scene of the fight you spelled „open“ wrong)

Eternity Smut

Shirou finally opening his tool box at the end of the last chapter. :)

GameCrusher55

Dude are you feeling okay. Lately your chapters have been getting darker and darker with more death with each scene in all your stories. I liked your previous works with the struggles but then the happy go lucky scenes, but now everythings so dark. I didn't like this chapter and I feel like I don't want to read the next one. You keep painting Shirou as this mindless killer while in most of his stories, he's always trying to save others. I haven't seen a single scene ever in Fate where he cut's down people unless he dosen't have to especially if there just good people who want to live. I think your overlapping a massive darker nature onto Shirou which isn't there. Please reconsider this chapter and rewrite it please.

Anonymous
>>46911771

I mean... its his story to tell. And this isn't really any similar to the Shirou's from his previous stories with the very blatant hints that has been put in. I'm sure the majority are curious how the story will unveil. I for one, like the change of tone and think there is no need for a rewrite.

Bookwyrm
>>46911771

I’m inclined to agree with Helx on this. This Shirou has been shown and very blatantly told to us to be very different from the Shirou’s in Neo’s other works. Everyone he cared about is either dead or (spoiler)*, on top of having spent the last few years as a wandering mercenary like EMIYA did. That and his actions have been anything but mindless! In the original VN Shirou showed the most willingness to kill when the people he personally cared about were in danger. Kochou and Akitsu are currently the only living people he has any personal attachment to, on top of him ascribing to a mentality of prioritizing the people he has sided with over his enemies as well as what I stated before make Shirou’s actions very understandable. *(spoiler)- Neo said that one of Shirou’s friends has become a DA in his forum on FFN and is actively trying to avoid him.

Anonymous

*Sucks in breath* Holy shit that was brutal, seriously Shirou is going full blown Bogeyman when it comes to this. Completely scarred-if not broke Hayato and after said fucked brat explains how he witnessed the deaths of everyone around him MBI is going to realize that they’re not dealing with an ordinary merc but a fucking terminator. Gotta wonder if Hayato had his placed filled with any camera’s?

DragonXRL

Wow, I not going to lie, I did not expect Shirou to outright murder a Sekirei and traumatized a 15-year-old boy as well. On the one hand, I somewhat like the dark direction this will take Shirou and his Sekireis because it kinda matches some of the dark themes that the Fate series explores when it introduces personal tragedy to the characters and why their suffering is their justification to fight what they have to believe in. I can see a plot of Shriou's flock being increasingly isolated from the other characters of Sekirei because of his notoriety of taking down a soon to be powerhouse so early in the game and that he murdered a Sekirei as well; I can imagine Kazuhana, Homura, and others being VERY upset of Shirou doing that to one of their kind like that. However, at the same time, I thought it was kinda a waste that Hayate's flock is just written off like that. I would of like to see more of Shirou causing a critical blow to Hayate's flock in that attack and cripple Hayate's ability to continuously hound Shirou's flock for the time being. (Maybe Shirou managed to take down Mutsu, in a brutal way that can traumatize Hayate when Mutsu tried to protect to near death, even to look like that he died, for Hayate since he is the main card that Hayate needs to easily overpower and take in more Sekirei for him to wing) It would have allowed you to do some characterization of Hayate's overall perspective about the world; that the Sekirei games are not just a competition that is something that a player can restart and play again, but it is a real live death game where lives, including his own, are at constant risk and that people will get hurt or worst end up getting killed. It will also serve as a convenient plot point for Shirou's group when Hayate resurfaces in order to bring vengeance against Shirou. Then again, it is your story and overall is a conclusion that I think people may like. I hope to hear more about On Wings of Steel in the future :)

Anonymous

The reveal at the end... anyone think about Emiya Alter when that happened?

GameCrusher55
>>46911771

Maybe you guys are right. It is his story, and he’s the one who decides on what direction it goes. I may not like where he is going with the story, but that has nothing to do with his own writing. I apologize It seems your story still has many people who enjoy reading it. I’m just not that into such bloody and gory stories.

Sarnon

And Shirou's proper introductions are done.