Bad news (Patreon)

I have no idea how to write this. I don't think there is any right way to do it, and I guess that also means there's no way of doing it wrong. So here we go.

For the last year, I've had a swollen eyelid on my right eye. It didn't really bother me: it didn't itch, get red or hurt. So I gave it very little thought and days and months passed without me doing anything about it.

But these last couple of weeks it started hurting. Not on the outside, but on the inside. I woke up in the morning with blurry vision, and the swelling got worse. Mom started worrying. A lot.

Last week my doctor sent me to have an MRI scan, and it turns out I have a brain tumor. It's what has been pressing on my eye, and displaced my brain. 

They sent me to the ER. The doctor there joked that after this "you might start building useful machines instead of useless ones" which sounds pretty insensitive when I write it, but it was genuinely funny, and one of the highlights of my fucked up Friday evening at the ER. 

Good news in all of this is that it's probably noncancerous, and there's a very small risk that I'll die from it. Bad news is, well yeah, I have a brain tumor.

I really feel like I should put more jokes in here to make sure that you know that I'm alright. Because I really am. In some way, this is as real as life has ever been for me. I have made a list of good things that have happened because of all of these brain tumor shenanigans, and it's already long. Most of the bullet points are about the people around me, and how something like this really brings you closer together.

I'm going into surgery May 30th. After a lot of deliberation, I filmed a video where I tell people about it. I just want everybody to know what's up, and why things might be weird for a while. I'm uploading it in a bit, but wanted to let you know before I tell the rest of the internet. Family, friends, Patreonizers. In that order. 

Thank you so so so much for being here. I can't say how much it means to me.

XOXO