10 Things I Hate About You (Patreon)

Since I may be without power because of a hurricane, I thought I'd leave this up for some fun. This is a list of things in Fanfiction that I can't stand, and I'd love to hear what you all think as well. Feel free to agree, disagree, or add your own in the comments. 

1. It Harry! Just Harry! Changing Harry's name to Hadrian, or Harrison. I can't stand this to the point that, if I see it, I instantly close the fic. A bit irrational, perhaps, but I really can't stand it. 

2.Goblin healers. Why would Goblins know how to heal humans, or even care to do so? Honestly, this isn't that big of a deal, but it does irritate me when I see it. The same goes for Goblin suddenly seeing Harry as a friend or making an alliance because of a few nice words. There way too much bad blood between humans and Goblins for that to work without a huge concession by wizards. 

3. Nobody talks like that! We've all seen it. A good idea or story ruined by horrible dialogue where everyone is stiff and formal to the point Percy Weasley would shy away, or just so unnatural it makes you cringe away from the screen. The one that has stuck with me for years, is a fic where Snape said Mayhaps. That one made me cringe so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. No, just no!

4. Going overboard. This one kills me. A story that starts out great but the author just doesn't know when to stop. They just keep adding more and more, like they want to fit every idea they've ever had into one fic. The big one that comes to mind for this is Barefoot. I was so into the first few chapters, and then they just killed it by adding all sorts of Ideas like Pixie gold, the origin of Dementors, and making Hedwig human that it just died under it's own weight. Such a shame to see that happen. 

5. Everyone's evil. This is for stories where everyone, Dumbledore, Hermione, the Weasley's, are all slipping Harry potions, stealing from him, and using him for their own purposes. I'm all for a good revenge fic, but Harry's had enough bad stuff happen to him that you don't really need to add to it. The ones that turn this up to 11 really drive me crazy. Especially when there's so little justification for some of their actions. Hermione's evil because an authority figure told her to be, Ron's jealous, Ginny's obsessed, and Molly wants money. Come guys, you can do better than that. 

6. Soul bonds. I've seen this done well a few times, but the vast majority are just lazy excuses to hook Harry up with some witches and give him some power. It gotten to the point where even mentioning it can turn people away because of some of the more horrendous examples. That and it's been done to death so much that anyone that write about it is bordering on necrophilia at this point. 

7. Quit bitching. This is for every fic that tried to make Harry seem like a vengeful god, only to turn him into Anakin Skywalker at the end of Revenge of the Sith, nothing but a whiny little bitch that goes off the handle and either screams at everyone, or just murders them outright. Instead of raining down painful truths like they're hammer blows, he just flies off that handle at every little thing and it makes you hate him just a little more each time. 

8. Chose your words wisely. This one's just a small gripe, but we've all read a fic where the author feels the need to throw in big words just to show off. Any time someone needs to pick up a dictionary in the middle of your fic, you're probably doing something wrong. 

9. Lame! You're 30 chapters in, Voldemort finally shows up, and then dies in the lamest way possible. All of that build, all of that tension, gone in one or two paragraphs and in the most unsatisfying way possible. I'm seen him shot by a sniper rifle, had a pillow placed over his head and smothered, fade into nothing, and Obliviated by Lockhart. I'm all for creativity, but when you kill the bad guy, it needs to be well earned, hard fought, and worth the wait. 

10. Oh, the names. Moldyshorts, Gred and Forge, Flopharts, Dumbledork, Fumbledore, Moldywarts, The Order of the Fried Chicken, Death Munchers and many other names have been used to insult characters and groups for over twenty years now. Used sparingly, they aren't that bad. At least, the first few hundred times you read it. When you're the one thousandth person to use it, not so much. When you use those names again and again throughout your fic, it makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Top tip: Avoid!

Those are some of the things I find annoying in fanfics I've read over the years, now I'd like to hear what you think.