Lois' Lucky Day (Patreon)

Another day in Quahog. Sun is shining, TV is on and Peter is once again watching a stupid show. "We now return to 'Who Done Did It?', with Daniel Craig."

- Y'all still don't know who done did the thing with the donut? And the hole? And this here horse? It's ALL in the HOLES!

- I think this guy has something weird going with holes. - Peter says to no one in particular.

- Peter, I need you to go shopping. - Lois says, walking in.

- Why me, I just sat down to watch this!

- Peter, you've been sitting there for days and you only get up to use the bathroom!

- Actually, I made a hole in the couch so I can go right here. - Peter clenches his fists for a second, and a loud splash is heard a few feet below the house - See, there it goes. *gasp* Daniel Craig is a GENIUS!

- Peter, I need you to help me around here! I've been working nonstop 'round here and we're barely still going. I need my husband to help me!

- Ugh, fine. But I'm gonna do this one thing and then I'm gonna spend the rest of my life on this couch, like a law abiding american citizen must in these trying times of quarentine! - Peter says, standing up and saluting to the sound of the american anthem.

Peter walks out and slams the door. In a few seconds, he walks back in.

- Forgot my mask. - He says. After putting it on, he walks back out. - And my shoes.

Lois stands there, waiting. Waiting. She hears the car start as he begins to drive off. Still, she waits. The car parks.

- If you're waiting for me to put on pants, I've decided that I don't need them and they threaten my freedom of expression.

- Peter, you can't walk into the market with no pants!

- YOU CAN'T STOP ME! - He slams the door and runs out. - OW! OW! OW! OW! My balls keep slamming against my legs and it hurts to run! Ow! Ow!

Lois sighs.

A few hours later, Peter is still not back. Lois tries to keep calm. Meanwhile, Stewie is playing with Brian up in his room, Chris is masturbating and nobody cares what Meg is doing. She turns on the news.

- This is Tom Tucker, reporting live, as a naked man is rousing thousands to rally and fight against the quarentine and express their rights to be naked. We're going live to the scene to hear from him.

- FELLOW AMERICANS! WE MUST REBEL AGAINST THIS STUPID GOVERNMENT AND  ENSURE OUR RIGHT GUARANTEED BY THE AMERICAN CONSTITUTION TO NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE LAW! FOR FREEDOM!

The naked mob cheers. A few start coughing.

- What about masks? Aren't they supposed to keep us safe from the virus? - a voice asks.

- Get a gun, it'll keep you safe. - Peter answers. Another cheer as the mob pulls out firearms and marches on.

- Oh, God... How is this even possible? What should I do? - Lois cries out. Worn out, with heavy eyes from sleepless nights and almost overtaken by exaustion, she sees a light coming from behind her.

- Sometimes I don't even know.

Lois turns around.

- God??

- Were you expecting Seth MacFarlane?

- I... That was a bit of an easy one.

- Yeah, I know. The writer is not very talented.

They look at the 4th wall. The writer is actually kind of ashamed and tries to find a good segue into the next dialogue.

- Why are you here?

- Well, you literally asked me a question 5 seconds ago, and I came to discuss the answer with you.

- Why?

- Because, well... I know all of creation. I mean, I made it! I'm like the artist behind that impressionist painting with inumerous pieces, all coming together to create a cohesive total that everyone looks at, but no one truly understands the concept behind it like I do, even when I try to show them.

- So... What is Peter in this painting?

- He's the stain of black ink that Jesus spilled on it while I wasn't looking.

- Really??

- Well... It's more complicated than that. But the point is... Peter is a person that should have been somewhat different. But after he already was this way, I never wanted to change him. I thought he brought something unique, something I might even be surprised with. But after that Trump-like extreme liberalist bullshit speech of his, I realized he has to change.

- So... What will you do?

- The real question is "what will YOU do?" Haha!... I'm kidding. But seriously, I had this idea to give you enough power to change him and his influence on this world.

- Kinda like Bruce Allmighty?

- Tom Shadyac is a hack.

- What?

- You'd think when you give a guy some insight on an idea of yours, he'd at least thank you or mention you in the credits. But NOOOO. He'll get what's comming. Anyways, What do you say, my child?

- Gosh, I don't know... I guess it wouldn't hurt to be able to do some good for our family and the whole world.

- That's the spirit! Also, I'm gonna take this opportunity to go on a holiday with Odin and Rah to the Boob Universe, just so you know. Good luck!

God snaps his fingers and everything flashes white for a second, and he's gone. Lois slowly opens her eyes.

- Okay... Nothing seems different. Let's see...

She walks to a mirror. She's exactly the same. Her clothes still look ragged and she still looks tired, but she feels fine. "I wish I looked better" she thinks, and instantly her figure changes: her hair straightens back, her clothes renew themselves and her face looks even better than Dua Lipa's. Even her breasts return to their pre-birth states!

- Oh my gosh, it worked! - She says, grabbing her breasts. - Wow, these were so much firmer before Chris!

- MOM! STEWIE IS SAYING I CAN'T HAVE TITTIES ANYMORE! - Chris yelled from upstairs.

- What?? You guys got breastfed? - Meg yelled back.

- SHUT UP, MEG! - They all yelled back.

- Wow, you really wanted to use that one, didn't you? - Lois asked the writer. The writer chuckles and nods. - Alright, then. When do I get to discover my powers? - The writer pretends to count the pages on a digitial document that has no pages. He holds up 3 fingers. - 3 what? You can't count on a single page document! 3 dialogues? 3 scenes? What?

As Lois asked him these questions, the writer decided to progress the plot and ignore her. Lois heard the TV again, as they announced that Peter was now taking over as President after pulling out Trump's skin accidentally.

- We know you're a robot, you alien bastard! I'll show them all as I tear off your fake skin! - Peter announced. He grabbed the orange shithead's cheeks and started pulling before the image cut.

- The mob of thousands of people are now clamoring for President Griffin to pass the "No More Corona" Act. As they are doing so, a few hundred just fell dead due to too much stress and coughing, most likely from catching Corona Virus in the mob. Obviously. This is Tom Tucker, and I'll be here where I can be naked, but safe.