Bad News (Patreon)

So I've been pretty inactive this week. I don't have the mental energy to put this all togther into a newly cohesive story of the crapstorm I've been stuck in so I'm just gonna paste the major messages I sent to people throughout the week as things got worse and worse. 

Monday(I think)

"Sweet's grandfather had a stroke, caused by a blood clot that was ultimately blocking 90% of the blood flow that reaches his brain. It means he's continuously having strokes and being kept on life support. If this wasn't bad enough, he was the caretaker for his wife who suffers from dementia/Alzheimer’s. He wasn't equipped to take care of her and both of their health suffered for it. She was admitted into the care of psychiatrist specialists after attacking her daughter(Sweet's mother) at the hospital. After being given an interview to see how severe her case was, (ie. What year is it? Who is our president?) of which she failed miserably; she was officially admitted to a psych ward. Sweet's mother isn't someone I particularly like and hasn't really taken any initiative at taking charge. She's been pushing off telling other members of the family onto Sweets and Sweets is not handling it at all. I was waiting to tell you guys this because we were juggling two options. We fly out from here in California to Little Rock, Arkansas and take control of the situation now because it's only going to get more expensive with each passing day(we'd be gone for a long time). Two, we let it roll out the way we all know it's going anyway and go for just the funeral(gone four days max). We can't afford two trips, not with the move coming closer and closer. Overall, we're pretty damn beat. I'm worrying over Sweets and trying to take care of her the best way I can imagining this is what she does with me when I'm in this level of a low. Sweets is extremely tired and depressed. She was close with them. She keeps saying she's already made her peace with them when we met them last year but it's still getting to her. So I'm going to be floating in here and there but I might not be all here when I am. I just wanted you guys to know what was going on."

Wednesday

"The wound up pulling the plug at 6pm our time, 8pm over there. They say he wasn’t in pain but he was having multiple strokes up until this point. I don’t think they should have let it get this far since he stated well before this whole damn thing that he didn’t want to be on life support. That he never wanted to be like that. The downside is now they just have to WAIT for him to die."

Thusday

"Sweets was telling me that he finally passed. It took him almost 24 hours to die. Her mom kept saying updates like “He’s still breathing. Shallow but it’s there.”"

(at this point I figured I should make some time to see my grandma since I might not get that much time to do it in the future. She lives in a rest home that facilitates her medical needs. I planned to go with Sweets and my parents.)

Friday

(A friend had asked me how the visit went. It was bad.)

"It's complicated. I'm not affected by this emotionally but I know my dad will be so I'm just annoyed by the situation in general because I can't feel anything when I know I probably should be feeling at least something. So, I went to see my grandma at the rest home today. Got in there early because I felt like it would be easier. Hoo boy. I thought it would be kind of a day thing but it was about 10 minutes. She was staring at the sky, talking almost incoherently to her husband, who has been dead and buried for 5 years. She doesn't use her dentures, she can't really see because of her cataracts(?), and she has gangrene in her legs. Anyway, most importantly, she had no idea who any of us were. It wasn't like she was just gonna take a few seconds and then remember. She had literally no idea who we were. She didn't recognize my dad. That hurt him because he's all about family and if anything, I'm worried about him instead of my grandma who is more than likely going to die soon. When my grandpa died, he was a real piece of shit but his death made everyone somehow forget that and they mourned him like he was the greatest man who had ever lived. My brother cried, everyone cried. I wasn't bothered. So I kind of just kept tabs on everyone to make sure they were doing okay. I can only guess how it'll be when she does die because she's actually a good person, or she was. Not really much a person now as just an echo of one. It might sound odd, but I don't REALLY worry about death itself, I worry about what the dying of a person does to the people I care about and how it'll hurt them. With Sweets's grandfather dying, I figured we should spend some time with my grandma while we still could. Now I regret doing it because that wasn't good for her since he just died and my dad didn't realize how fast her health was declining now. It was bad."

(I tried to get some new work done to try and de-stress but I wasn't really having it. I'l post what I got after this post.)

Saturday(today)

I've kind of just been lazing around today, not enough energy to do one thing over the other. A couple of friends were trying to get me out of the house today to go see the Sonic movie but I think I'll just stay in bed for the day. Sorry, but I really haven't gotten any work done this week. I just need a day or two to kind of mush myself back together.