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Bethellium: Chapter 1 - Script Draft (Patreon)

Published:
2017-08-15 15:58:17
Edited:
2020-04-08 15:35:30
Imported:
2021-07

Content

This time I'm presenting you the script for the entire first chapter of Bethellium. As the title says, this is still a draft, and there's still a good amount of work needed to polish it until it reaches final version quality. But the general idea of what will happen will be the same in the final comic version, so you can have a peek on what's to come!

Keep in mind that this is the greatest possible spoiler there can be. So I'd suggest to read it only if you don't mind knowing what will happen in a story. I sincerely hope you'll like it and that it will interest you enough to keep supporting this project until we finish this first chapter!

Bethellium Chapter 1 Script (Draft) PDF  

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Comments

Anonymous

Thank you for this. I'm finding that I can understand what is needed in a learning environment when I have real examples. My writing coach is being nice enough to share all his notes on one story he's writing, and that's helping me understand what's needed done. So many books say 'do this, do that' but it's like --- Whhhhhaaa? but seeing an example, I get it.

Godel Fishbreath

The girl when she meets the three is putting herself in danger. What if they were testing her to arrest her? She should have demanded that they perform some illegal magic, puttting themselves in an arrestable place. If they trust her, then and only then should she have trusted them;

Godel Fishbreath
>>6696341

I too am a beginning writer. Anatomy of Story is my latest study book. And Bujold's Sharing Knife series is a high level course's set of examples. Steven King is very good as examples. There is a SK anthology that shows his progression from Lovecraft wantabe to professonal writer. Alas, I have forgotten the title.

Godel Fishbreath

A backpack for her equipment? how about a wheelbarrow? Or a pickup truck? Or a moving van. I doubt that it can fit into a back pack. OK teleported equipment. So why then the backpack full of beakers etc? Notes, yes. heat sources for alchemy? unlikely.

Godel Fishbreath

quill or quell? writing or suppression?

Godel Fishbreath

I suspect that the girl's guardians will not be mentioned or considered ever again? They should be moved with her maybe?

dark_blue_workshop
>>6707585

You put a good point. Although this is partially in the actual comic pages up here and it will be further explored in the future of the story. As you may probably understand, writing scripts for a comic is not the same as written narrative. Stopping too long to explain every detail with dialogues or general exposition can be tiring for the reader of comics. So we have to take decisions and most of the time, divide a long exposition into smaller parts, expanded upong various scees and chapters when the information can be more easily digested. In this case, in the comic page, the masters show Zoana a safepass through the kingodm with an official seal. Besides, Zoana is way more than she appears, and it is thoroughly hinted through the comic that she's capable of taking care of herself.

dark_blue_workshop
>>6707729

Remember this is barely a draft. Some ideas are quickly tossed away or refined over the course of the development of the project. But if you can take the time to actually check the pages, then you'd see that plenty of the stuff written here has been adjusted. Her equipment will arrive later to her new place, way after she got there herself. Why trusting those people? She has a few reasons that will be explored later, because I don't want to spoil the entire plot. But believe, that detail will be pointed out. Everything in this universe moves by foot or wheels, so there's not far teletransportation.

dark_blue_workshop
>>6708127

Maybe you'd like to discuss the script in more detail through email or chat. It seems this medium is a little limited on that regards. Feel free to send me your notes on the script to my email the.dark.blue.workshop@gmail.com