Earth. What a dumb name for a planet. (Patreon)

I dunno where this came from but I just kinda felt inspired. I think No More Heroes 3 alien theme might have brought about this about. 

Lexa is a clumsy, ditzy, lazy, hungry, giant, alien girl. Maybe a bit like Garfield?

Her species is probably more closely related to an octopus than human but they have mammalian characteristics.

Earth, what a dumb name for a planet 

Lexa focused on her star phone as she sat in the backseat of her brother's space cruiser. She searched the Galaxy Wide Web for articles with lists of things to do on class 1 planets.

"I think you'll have a good time Lex. It's an easy assignment for sure. Definitely shouldn't have any issues with the lesser beings this time. " Watt tried to console his sister from the pilot's seat.

"I should have just stayed at the Bureau and learned micro-handling there. At least they have decent signal there," Lexa protested

"We put in a good word for you to help you get this internship. Maybe you should try to focus more on the job and less on your star phone. Do I need to remind you what happened with the Nanoscians?" her sister Krill scolded

Lexa recalled the warning from the Bureau of Micro Civilization Preservation she received after tripping and dropping her phone while trying to take a selfie. If she could not hold onto the star phone then she would not be eligible for "system custodian" status. Further-more, the bits that broke off from her phone advanced the micro-civilization's technology to a pre-mature societal collapse, adding to the already long list of extinct species. "I'm only 21...hundred cycles old," Lexa pouted "Can't I have a little fun while trying to preserve and extend the life of the galaxy's most vulnerable species?"

"Your definition of fun spells doom for the Earthlings." Krill warned. "Just get the preliminary scans of the lifeforms and general state of the planet. Watt and I will be back to pick you up after we finishing scanning the rest of this system."

"Earth...what a dumb name for a planet," Lexa said as they approached the blue and green world. The space cruiser was put into hover over the atmosphere as Watt prepared the proximity teleporter before wishing his sister goodluck and beaming her to the surface.

As Lexa's body materialized she felt the warm water around her feet up to her ankles as she began to touch the ocean floor. She had teleported to a beach, to the surprise of hundreds of humans who looked up in awe of the colossal alien girl who had just appeared off the coast of Florida. Her chubby womanly body shimmered in the sun with a translucent sheen similar to that of an opal. From far away she looked almost human except for blue skin with stripes, greenish-yellow hair, and antennae poking from her head. Up close, however, her skin was rough and slimey with suckers covering her palms and soles of her feet which allowed her to taste the ocean she was standing in.

"At least the water isn't too extreme. Could do worse than sodium chloride," she remarked.

"Alright, what's the stats on this mudball?" Her star phone lit up with various information about the history of Earth.

"Hmm, homo sapiens huh? You had electricity for 200 years before developing long-range wave-length communication? Sheesh, not the brightest bunch of lifeforms. Oh well, if I'm stuck here for a while I might as well try to fit in with the locals."

She zoomed in with her microcamera built into her star phone on the beach inhabitants in their swimwear before finding a buxom lady in a bikini. "Well, at least you guys have style," Lexa remarked as her star phone clicked, taking a snapshot of the woman. Instantly Lexa's translucent bodysuit began to glow before disappearing to reveal a yellow bikini just like that of the woman in the photo, exposing Lexa's striped blue skin while covering her more sensitive areas. She felt a tinge of embarrassment showing that much skin with her slightly pudgy body spilling out of the tight yellow fabric but that feeling faded as she realized she was by herself and was only observable by beings considered ants by her race.

She was a bit curious though and took a step toward the beach. A wave of water rose up with her foot sending the crowds on the sand running inland.As her foot descended into the water, another wave was sent toward the land. People were now screaming as they were sucked into the ocean unintentionally by the giant alien girl.With another step she was on the shore. The unlucky people scrambling to get back on their feet after the incoming waves were crushed by her sole, their remains captured by the suckers on her feet.The rooms inside the hotel darkened as people looked out of their windows to find their view obstructed by Lexas's body. Most of the hotels only came up to her knees so She knelt to try and get a better view of the people on their balconies at varying heights.

People ran inside their rooms terrified of the giant face that hovered outside. Lexa's breath pushed the curtains back and fogged the windows with every exhale. Coming so close to the building her antennae picked up a peculiar pattern of sounds. Springs squeaking, a banging of wood against a wall, and a high-pitched moaning. Lexa located the window they were coming from and saw 2 humans on a bed. The couple had decided that the coming of the giant alien girl signaled their doom, the end of the world, and what better way to go out than in a euphoric sex romp.

"Oh my stars, are they? Mating? " Lexa aimed her star phone to record a video and snapped some pictures to show her friends. After posting the video of the mating humans to soci-lactic media, she looked again into the room with the mating humans. Being filmed had killed the mood as they had stopped what they were doing and were now rushing to close the curtains of the window to keep the giant eye from seeing them any further.

Her phone began to vibrate and make a shrill dinging noise that could be heard for miles. She looked at the screen and saw her post of the mating humans had received hundreds of thousands of likes and shares. She now had hundreds of new followers.

"Woah, this planet...is a content gas-mine!" Lexa had discovered the Earth equivalent of cat videos. Taken aback by the popularity of her post, she lost her balance crashing into the hotel and whatever buildings were nearby. Her legs completely crushed the hotel but she caught herself before she fell onto the rest of the city.

She panicked. Where was her star phone? It better still be in one piece. That upgrade after the Nanoscian incident wasn't cheap. She spotted it ahead of her. No cracks or scratches as guaranteed.

While she was picking herself back up, the humans military saw this as an opportunity to strike. Jets that were scrambled and circling above dove downward to barrage the giant alien girl while she was recovering from her fall. Their missiles had little to no effect on Lexa as she let out a giggle, amused at the tiny explosions which tickled her shoulders, arms, and sides.

"Oh, the mud people want to play huh? Well alright, Lexa hoisted herself up before letting her upper body drop back down again on another section of the city. Her soft breasts enveloping the skyscrapers before pushing them over until they were nothing but rubble. She took some photos of her chest resting against the ground which was once again well received by the galactic wide web and garnered her even more followers.

Several Earth hours later Lexa's siblings returned to pick her up. They only gave her a five-second warning before appearing in the sky, which was just long enough for her to change back into her less revealing translucent bodysuit. She begged them to let her stay for a couple hundred cycles. She was entranced with the tiny civilizations on the mud planet. She wanted to try and help them solve their problems to prove she was worthy of being a "system custodian".

This was a lie. Secretly she wanted to become a viral Outernet star and work in entertainment. She could farm the human's planet for content under the guise of charity work.

Senior system custodians Watt and Krill agreed albeit reluctantly after seeing some of the damage their junior intern sister had caused. At least it was only physical damage and not societal. The humans could rebuild and return to living their short lives. Krill made Lexa promise to at least stay in the ocean for five cycles before she would engage in contact with the humans again. That was fine with Lexa, she had enough fun for one Earth day and was ready to rest. She gave her siblings a big hug and thanked them before walking into the ocean. She waited until they were just out of sight before continuing her bullying of the micro-civilization known as homo-sapiens.