Gacha God: Winding Road (ch. 32) (Patreon)

There was this little thing called self control that I had in spades, but also never particularly found any use for. Sure, it suddenly became relevant on the occasion but, if I was being particularly honest -- and I rarely was -- I mostly used self restraint to delay doing what I was already going to do until it became less of a pain in the ass. Meaning it came with less consequences. It was all about finagling things so that I was either in a position to run from them or could take the bite out of the consequences of my action.

Why was that relevant to the here and now?

I was always going to steal Captain America's shield. It was always going to happen. In the near infinite realities that extended beyond this universe, at the moment I decided that I was going to steal his shield… there did not exist an alternate universe where I did not steal his shield. Not a single one in infinity. That's just how it was. I just had to wait for that golden moment to nick it and beat feet to get away with it.

That moment wasn't now.

"Dibs," I called out, pointing at Malekith, who was still recovering from the abrupt arrival of the Avengers, glaring at Thor in particular.

"Audacity- no. No calling dibs on invading aliens. And don't try to change the subject -- you can't go around pulling heists on museums."

"Can. Did. On both accounts," I argued, letting the 13 Totem Pole take the form of a staff that I lazily shouldered while walking forward. Captain America stepped out of my way, watching me cautiously. This was a rather interesting turn of events, I decided. The Avengers were here to save the day and, to be honest, I wasn't that invested in kicking the shit out of Malekith. I'd rather go back to investigating Kingpin. Malekith was just a villain that dropped into my lap. I would be a lot more invested if he interrupted the date before we got to the fun part… but, as it was, he was pretty meh.

However, it was a matter of principle. I had to beat his ass like a Cherokee war drum. Far more interesting, in my opinion, were the Avengers. They were playing softball now in the face of a common enemy, but what happened when that common enemy went away? I still had the Scepter, the Gravitonium, and now the almost the entire contents of the British National Museum. Because Past Me was an asshole, they also knew about that little death game that Dad organized.

So, what would they do? Malekith was boring, but at the very least, he had led to something interesting.

"I have heard of this dibs," Thor rumbled, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "Darcy has espoused its cultural value to me at length -- a tradition that must be upheld at all cost. I shall respect it now, Audacity -- but take care. Malekith is an ancient foe and not one to treat lightly." Was… was someone fucking with Thor? That was hilarious. I had no idea who Darcy was, but my respect for them skyrocketed.

"I can't believe this backfired on me," I heard Tony mutter under his breath, and it seemed like he was in on it. Nice.

I came to a stop in front of Malekith, who only looked away from Thor to me. There was a seething hatred in his eyes that seemed personal now. Did he think Thor and I were allies? "If you kick my ass, then you get the Aether. If I kick yours… I want your spaceship. It looks neat," I said, leveling the staff at him. I felt a thrill of excitement rushing through me -- Malekith might be boring, but stakes were never dull. I could have a spaceship and a secret space base. No matter how you looked at it, life was a grand thing.

"I'll rip it from your corpse!" Malekith snarled at me, ripping a black blade free from his belt and striding towards me.

"You lot get the minions!" I called out, throwing myself at Malekith with a laugh that just seemed to set him off. He was fun to tease, I would give him that. Thrusting out with my staff, I extended it to make contact, lightening the gravity around us enough to send Malekith flying. He bounced down the street, traveling a good half a block, and with a long flip, I sailed through the air to meet him. Bringing the staff down, he blocked the blow with a snarl.

He was tough, I found, when he pushed me back, but I recovered instantly, landing lightly in the ground. And he was strong. Not as strong as Thor -- thankfully -- but he was far beyond what mere mortals could hope to reach. However, he couldn't fly. That was his biggest weakness. All the strength in the world didn't mean shit if you couldn't leverage it properly. With a grin under my mask, I kicked the staff with the back of my foot, making the last three totems swell in size until they had the mass of three cars stacked on top of each other.

When the staff reached the falling point, I amplified the gravity, adding more weight to it as the momentum held strong. Malekith, stupidly, tried to block the blow, only to get smashed into the ground like a nail as the street buckled underneath the weight of three fully loaded eighteen wheelers. The ground trembled, windows cracked and I shook the trees enough to spot Black Widow when she was forced to abandon her position of overwatch, keeping a close eye on me. My smile grew a fraction when the end of my staff shrunk down, a laugh escaping me when I saw Malekith was half buried in rubble and shit from where the sewer had collapsed around him.

He was still trying to pick himself up, seeming hurt but in a bad punch kind of way rather than 'a brick was just dropped on my head'. No problem -- just meant that I had to hit him harder. I let the staff fade away as I flipped into the air, a totem pole erupted from underneath Malekith, knocking him into the air. As soon as he was airborne, the staff reappeared in my hands as I wound up for a mighty swing. Catching him in my zero Gs, he really had no other choice but to eat the swing that sent him flying blocks down the road, bouncing off of the street like a skipping stone.

Probably didn't help him that I flew right after -- catching him with each bounce with my gravity field and battering him. My armor coiled around me, a black tendril shaped like a fist clocking him in the head before I tossed the staff into its waiting palm and the staff thickened accordingly. It was stronger than me, after all, and this time when I smacked Malekith… "Home fuckin' run, ba-by!" I cheered, watching the ancient dark elf older than the universe itself fly away. I could see him flailing around helplessly, trying to correct his balance, but no such luck. Damn. It sure did suck not being able to fly.

I hummed a pleased tune to myself as I gave chase after him, knowing damn well that I was being followed, but I was moving at a pace that no-one but Thor or Tony could hope to keep up with. Divide and conquer. A trick as old as time.

Malekith touched down near the river, skidding to a halt and he laid still for a moment. "Never… never before have I endured such humiliation," there was raw, genuine hate in his voice and I just laughed at it. Kind of hard to take that seriously when I had all but been T-bagging him. He picked himself up, and I saw that despite all the solid hits, he didn't seem too badly injured. Clearly he has been on the wrong end of an ass kicking, but he wasn't so badly battered that I felt I could say he was on the ropes. I suppose if you couldn't fly then durability had its own charm. "I wished to restore the universe to what it once was, but that is a fate too kind for you! Your suffering shall be immense and never ending. You will never know the peace of nothingness!"

I twirled the staff in between my fingers, that last threat just tickling me. "Oh, but I do," I told him and I saw his eyes narrow into slits. "Not before the Big Bang of course -- before my time -- but I've known it. You see, one man's bliss is another man's torture. And my father was very fond of torture," I admitted with a chuckle. I didn't have anything that packed enough raw force to kill him, I decided. Not that it mattered -- there were a lot of ways to kill him. "One of his favorites was nothingness."

"How could such a thing be torture?! If you experienced it yourself then you should know it is the way things should be! Are you insane?!" Malekith growled at me, and I realized at some point he lost his sword. Fuck. I wanted that as a trophy.

It was that response that told me that it was genuinely pointless to try to reason with him. If not because he had blatantly ignored what I just said, then because he was incapable of seeing any alternatives to what he knew. He would never stop. He would never rest. He would always, relentlessly, pursue oblivion over creation. "We're built different, you and I. The human brain needs constant stimulation in some capacity. Boredom is the greatest torture of all for us, and nothing sure is fucking boring. Dear old Dad made use of that fact. Actually… how about I show you?" I said, a slow smile tugging at my lips.

Tsukuyomi.

It wasn't a fond memory of mine, I mused, feeling a sharp pain in my eye before a single drop of blood welled up from my mask's eye-hole to trail down it. Memories, I suppose I should say, casting the illusion and shaping it. It was a core memory, one of the events that shaped who I was.

We stood in a pitch black void, devoid of anything. No air. Nothing to see. Nothing to feel. No taste, smell, or hearing. Complete and total sensory deprivation, yet the mind still grasped for something to latch onto. It was an insidious torture because, at first, you thought nothing was wrong. "I kind of hate this ability, but I can't say it doesn't work," I remarked, pushing those sensations onto Malekith -- the sensory deprivation, but keeping his mind active.

"Dad had certain expectations, you see," I continued, slowing his sense of time until a single second could feel like an eternity. Within this illusionary world, I was god. "First time you got punished, it was a hundred years of this. The human brain can't handle that. You end up going insane -- it's not about how hard you are, or how tough. You just end up thinking yourself half mad. But, upon pulling you out of this special slice of hell, he would expect an apology. 'I'm sorry for failing you father. It won't happen again.' That last part is important, you see. Everyone eventually failed again, but he considered it a lie. That's when the punishments got harsher."

Fuck. I didn't even like thinking about it. I could already see the effects it was having on Malekith. A hundred years in and he was already breaking down. Much better than a human, but I expected better considering his age and his desire for exactly this.

"The next time was worse. A thousand years in this hell. Then two thousand. Five thousand. Ten thousand. I got punished a lot as a youngin'. I didn't have the raw power that my siblings had. A thousand years is manageable, barely. Two thousand isn't. I came out insane and Dad's response was to put me in for another two thousand. You see, that's when I learned the trick." I told Malekith with a laugh. "Everyone thinks madness is something you can't come back from. Now, believe me, it's a winding fucking road back, but you can navigate it. The first time is the hardest. It always is. But if you walk that path again, and again, and again and again… well… everything gets easier with practice."

I walked to Malekith, standing on nothing. "Calling me insane was rather hurtful, Malekith, but above all else, it's factually untrue. I've made my way back from madness more times than I can count. I know the way back to sanity like the back of my hand, you see. I'm the sanest man in the whole wide world." I came to a stop, a frown tugging at my lips. "Well, maybe I am a little crazy. I'm talking to myself, aren't I?"

Malekith had already gone down that winding road after all. And he wasn't coming back.

"That's disappointing," I told him, the illusion fading away until we were suddenly standing back in London. "Ah, fuck -- that stings," I muttered to myself, my eye feeling like it was being pricked with pins and needles. Malekith collapsed in a heap in front of me and a quick kick to the ribs told me that he was not responsive. "Maybe you'll find your way back, eventually. Like I said, the first time is always the hardest. Now, do you have a set of car keys or what?" I asked, kicking him over in search of whatever the spaceship needed to fly. Found a knife and a weird rock -- weird was cool, so I pocketed that.

Nothing as blatant as a car key, which has me looking up at my new spaceship with a frown tugging at my lips. Maybe they were left in the metaphorical ignition? I had to do something, and rather quickly. I heard the crackling of thunder, and I'm guessing the dark elves were being genocided by an Asgardian again. I didn't want Shield getting ideas about putting their grubby fingers on my property.

"Over already?" I heard a smooth voice speak up, bringing my attention to Black Widow. She was a lot better at cardio than I expected, because we were a ways away from our starting point. She didn't look particularly winded either. Teleportation? Maybe. I did see her running after me, so either it was something that took a bit of charge time or it was short range. My gaze lingered on the belt, noticing that it was different than the one she wore on her last outing.

A teleportation belt? Neat.

"He talked a big game, but that's it," I replied, leaning on my staff as I watched for what she would do. Recruitment pitch? Moralizing? To my memory, I left Past Me with her, Hawkeye, and Phil -- so, she would have been the one that Past Me spilled the beans to. Tony tried to take me in to 'help' me, but we had a pre-existing relationship and I had dirt on him in the form of him having the Tesseract and not sharing. So, I really was curious what approach the super spy would take. "So, just making things clear -- that? That's mine. You can tell Fury that," I told her, pointing at my spaceship.

Faint amusement did enter Black Widow's eyes, but I didn't trust it. You didn't become a super spy by being bad at lying, after all.

"Going for a new look? Ominous spaceship, ominous armor…" Black Widow replied, already fishing for information.

"I'm a teenager. I'm in my rebellious faze," I shot back, giving her nothing, but an eyebrow quirked up all the same.

"I thought you were a thousand years old?" She said, her tone aloof as if it were an idle remark. She stood with her arms crossed at the opening of an alleyway but not inside of it. She had likely figured out the limitations of the 13 Totem Pole. But, I'm banking that she was banking on being able to use them as a means to escape to the rooftops where any sizable totem would lead to the building collapse. Her body language betrayed nothing but idle curiosity and preparation in case I decided to throw hands.

"I am. Time is pretty weird, you know? It's only linear if you want it to be." There. That should be a suitably vague remark that would torment some poor Shield intern. "And I notice that you didn't say you would tell Fury to keep his hands off my property."

"I don't think he would listen," Black Widow admitted and I heard the rumbling thunder stop. Meaning that fight was done. Some alien invasion.

"So, he's a thief?" I remarked, crossing my arms as the totem pole faded away. Her expression didn't change in the slightest, but I knew for a fact that she tensed.

"I would say responsible. We can't exactly have an unknown force running around with a spaceship of unknown capabilities," she replied, her tone decidedly amused to hide her tension. She was damn good at that, I decided -- I was looking at her with the Sharingan, and I was still getting nothing from her. That was… that was just flat out impressive, honestly.

I also saw exactly where she was going with this. "And if I were a known force? Then would Fury and the council of chucklefucks be okay with my new ride?" I said, cutting to the chase and Black Widow allowed herself a smirk.

It wasn't her that answered. The space near her rippled before Tony, Thor, and Captain America appeared. Still no Hawkeye. I wonder where he could be? "I think he might be more amenable to that, son," Captain America said, his shield on his back as he approached with a friendly smile. "Not happy, probably, but amendable."

Damn, dude. The dark elves sucked ass. They didn't even look tired after wiping the floor with them. They sucked and they weren't even hot. And, more than that, the fact that they were all here for this conversation raised some alarms -- they wouldn't do that unless they were certain that the odd hundred dark elves were a complete non-threat. Meaning they had something up their sleeve, or there were Shield agents running amok.

"Well… I can't exactly say that I care what he finds agreeable or not," I admitted, digging my heels in just to see what they would do. Thor, I couldn't do a whole lot about. Best shot would be knocking him far away with the slate and a few good hits, but I had my doubts that it would work with the teleportation that Tony was rocking. Tony, I could do a little back and forth with, but I also knew he would have made some upgrades to his armor in response to our last bout. Captain America, Hawkeye, and Black Widow were also threats, but comparatively small ones. "Or that I want to be shoved in a small room with some power tripping assholes deciding what I can and can't do. I'm the only power tripping asshole that I'll tolerate."

Captain America leveled a look at me, his gaze… compassionate? "There won't be any of that. We just want to talk. We… know about your situation. About what your father is making you do."

So they were still operating under the assumption that it wasn't the Past Me that I shot. Good. Still not entirely sure what they thought my deal was, though. "No… no, you really don't know the half of it," I told him outright. "And I'm really not interested in explaining. Plus, if I'm going to dress like this, my deep, dark and tragic backstory needs to be mysterious until I can reveal it all dramatically."

"Kid -- I'm a big fan of showmanship, but there's a time and a place for it," Tony spoke up, sounding as serious as I had ever heard him. "You're right -- we don't know the half of it. All we know is what your brother or clone said about it and it sounded like hell. If you're in that hell, then you can consider us your guardian angels because we're getting you out of it even if we have to drag you kicking and screaming every step of the way." He continued, and that…

Not going to lie, that was a bit of a gut punch.

They gave a shit. I wasn't used to that. Self interest? I could manage. Self justification? We were the best of friends. Genuine selflessness? That… that I had far less experience with, and I didn't know how to handle it.

"I appreciate the thought," I admitted, "but there really is nothing that you can do. If there was, I'd tell you." Dad was way out of their league. So far out of their league it wasn't even funny.

Thor puffed out his chest, "You would do well to not underestimate us, Audacity. If there is a foe you would face against, we will stand at your side." Fuck man.

I felt uncomfortable. That was probably the best way to describe it. I knew myself intimately -- both from within and watching myself. This… concern… was making my skin crawl. Part of me wanted to tell them to fuck off, but they didn't deserve that for trying to help me. Even trolling them felt dickish and uncalled for.

"Before your brother was murdered," Black Widow spoke up, watching me carefully. I had little doubt that she was able to see through me. I embraced my emotions and my every whim. Hiding myself wasn't in the cards, and especially not from a trained super spy. "He mentioned a prophecy. One your father was trying to fulfill." Jesus fucking Christ, Past Me. What the fuck didn't you tell them? I wish I could kill him again. "Care to shed a little light about that?"

"Not particularly," I said, my guard all the way up. "It's really not something you should bother yourself worrying about."

"Son," Captain America said, taking a step forward and giving me such a reassuring smile that I kind of wanted to punch him in the face, "We're heroes. It's our job to worry and stick our noses in other people's business." Fuck. Fucking fuck. I didn't even want to steal his shield anymore. What was this… fountain of goodness before me?

I didn't like it. Honestly, I was thinking of just taking off. It would mean leaving behind the spaceship, and that would be a loss, but I'd rather lose it than deal with whatever the hell this was.

"I'm telling you that for your own sake. Sticking your nose into this mess and getting it bitten off is your best case scenario." I warned them, and… I think I got it. A little. Why Past Me was such an unfathomably huge dickhead and went about talking about the things I never wanted to say. To think about.

"Sounds scary. What's our worst case?" Tony asked, his tone flippant but I heard the serious tone that lurked beneath.

"Eternal damnation, the destruction of Earth, and the extinction of the human race," I replied, my tone every bit as flippant and serious. "Hate to play 'my dad could beat up your dad', Thor -- but my dad could beat up your dad," I added, and to that, Thor blanched. Odin was a scary motherfucker. There were a lot of Asgardian kings before him, but… well… when you had a primordial force of the universe named after you, that's when you knew you were at the top of the food chain.

But even still, Thor's dad had a snowball's chance in Hell against mine.

There was a brief pause that was only broken by Black Widow. "Your dad is Lucifer, isn't he?" She hazarded a guess.

To that, I scoffed. "Lucifer is a poser with daddy issues." I had met the guy. He wasn't that impressive. More powerful than me, sure, but pretty standard when it came to demons-slash-fallen angels. I chewed on it for a moment, my eyes flickering between each of them. They were good people, I decided. And, as terrible as I was, I did my best to give people what I thought they deserved.

Which is why I swallowed what I wanted to say down and turned away.

"You can keep the ship. I decided I don't want it anymore," I said, a portal opening up in front of me.

"Wa-" I heard Captain America exclaim before the portal closed behind me. I let go of a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding, my heart pounding at my ribs…

Then I sighed, taking off my mask and throwing it to the side, unbothered that it broke in half when it landed. "Future me is going to be pissed."

I really did say too much.