Gacha God: Just Deserts (ch. 18) (Patreon)

As far as plans went, it was a solid one. Shield didn't know about the Ring of Nine Dragons, and I doubt that me being able to produce clones would be their first assumption. Instead, I imagined they would assume that I -- Audacity -- had a team. And they were right about that, just less so than they figured. My face would be outed in connection to Audacity, nothing could be done about that, but they would have no reason to believe that I was Audacity himself.

"So, how exactly do I handle this stuff?" I asked the question in general, standing before the ball of Gravitonium. It was a normal ball now, collapsing into a perfect sphere. The science jargon went right over my head, but I understood the basics -- Gravitonium produced gravity in response to an electric charge being channeled through it. Ergo, no electric charge, it was inert. And safe for travel?

"You don't. You can't. You've ruined everything," Dr. Hall bemoaned, being a real Debby Downer. He was half collapsed in a chair, his head in his hands. Skye was hovering around him, clearly wanting to reassure him. "This element is too powerful for humans to use. Not now. Not any time soon. It has the potential for so much, but short sighted fools will abuse it for their own benefit. Quinn was going to profiteer from it. Restart the Space Race, and with Gravitonium, he could plunder the stars themselves. Meaning he could choose who he got to take with him."

I was half listening as I looked around. Peter said that I shouldn't handle it directly, but I couldn't exactly take the whole machine it was hooked into with me. Damn. I really miss the days I had a shrink ray. So very convenient. But, I didn't have one and there wasn't a roll to get one. Meaning that I had to find an alternative method of getting the Gravitonium. Hm… you would think some super high tech lab would have containment fields out the wazoo, but no such luck.

It was Skye that spoke up, "I get that you're afraid of how it'll be used, but leaking your location to Quinn? I don't get it."

"Quinn was going to use it. Weaponize it, figuratively and literally. I knew he found Gravitonium, and I knew he would want my expertise because I'm one of the few that believed that it existed in the first place," Dr. Hall sighed, shaking his head.

Skye's lips thinned as I was rummaging through drawers. "Then why not go to Shield? You could have just told them what was going on. They would have helped-"

"Themselves," Dr. Hall interjected, his tone harsh and clipped. Skye wilted ever so slightly at that while I found what I was looking for. "I don't doubt all of their good intentions, young lady. But the road to hell is paved with those and those that never had good intentions in the first place could wreak untold havoc across the world. It wasn't worth the risk. I know this element best and all that it's capable of. Better to bury it at the bottom of the ocean."

I couldn't stop myself. I laughed. Dr. Hall's gaze snapped up at me, his face pinching. "What is so funny about that?!"

"It's funny because Shield took Vibranium, one of the rarest elements in the whole universe, and turned it into a glorified frisbee. A frisbee that they were so proud of they named their entire organization after it," I said with a snort, unfurling a trash bag before I swept it over the Gravitonium. Dr. Hall was so horrified that he leapt out of his seat, his jaw hitting the floor as he openly gaped at me.

"What are you doing?! What- where- where are your safety precautions!?!" He exclaimed, rounding on me, but cut him self off when I shot him a sharp look.

"Dude. Chill. I'll double bag it," I said, trying off the bag filled with Gravitonium. Grabbing another trash bag, I did exactly that. Dr. Hall made a strangled sound that reminded me of a dying animal. Once the Gravitonium was safe, I pulled it out of the stasis field and I found that it was actually pretty light for its size. I cocked a triumphant eyebrow at Dr. Hall to see he was on the verge of an existential breakdown. Huh. I barely even talked to the guy. He must not have been doing too well if this was all that it took.

"You- You're transporting an element that can destroy nations -- the entire world -- in two trash bags," he sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

"We're gonna see if that hefty tagline is just marketing or not," I agreed, slinging the Gravitonium over my shoulder. He made a gasping sound but I ignored him in favor of turning to Skye. "Stick with me and we can blow this popsicle stand," I told her, making a conflicted expression pass over Skye's face. Then she froze before offering a jerked nod in agreement. Orders from Shield. Did they think I just forgot about the ear piece?

No matter. It helped me in the end.

The two of them fell in line for radically different reasons as we made our escape out of the lab. Dr. Hall was hovering, not willing to let the Gravitonium out of his sight. Skye was following me because of the Gravitonium and Dr. Hall, leading Shield right to us. Heading up the stairs, I checked the hallways and heard the sounds of panic coming from a hallway. Followed by sounds of gunfire and glass breaking. Not going that way, I decided, heading in the opposite direction.

"So… do you work for Audacity?" Skye started fishing for information, and not being particularly subtle about it. "How'd you meet?"

"Do you really expect an answer? Even if I wasn't soulbound to secrecy -- cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, and a pinkie promise on top of that -- what fun would that be? I wanna see what Shield comes up with," I admitted, dropping a fake hint for them to work with. Soulbonding was a thing, but it had nothing to do with me. I had pity for the poor intern that would be tasked with puzzling out the fake hint.

Not enough to not do it, but I did have pity for him.

Skye shot me a dirty look as we continued through the halls. "You're- you're trolling Shield?" There was a laugh mixed with disbelief that escaped her.

"If they didn't want me to troll them then they shouldn't be so easy to fuck with. Honestly, they're so wound up that the smallest little things send them into a tizzy. It'll never not be funny," I admitted, opening the door at the end of a hallway to find the garage. Glancing over, I saw a wall of keys. Grabbing one, I pressed the clicker and saw one of the five vehicles flash to life. A two seater. Another key… another two seater. Third time the charm left us with a four seater.

It was of those secret service looking cars complete with tinted windows. Neat. Walking over to it, I popped the front door open but froze when I heard the clocking of a gun. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Skye leveling a gun at me, her posture with it absolutely horrible -- elbows locked -- and her expression… you'd think I had the gun leveled at her. "Where did you even get that? Where'd you pull it from?" I asked, tossing the Gravitonium into the front seat as my gaze ran the length of her.

Her dress didn't leave a lot of room for pockets.

"I need you to get on your knees and put your hands in the air," Skye order, the faintest quiver in her voice. Dr. Hall looked at the gun. I could see him turning an idea over in his head. "You're under arrest."

"Wow. You seriously just guzzled down that kool aid, huh?" I wondered, cocking my head at her. Skye's eyes narrowed in response while I scratched at my cheek. "Look, I was sent here to rescue you. So, if Shield didn't mind whammy you and this is… I don't know, fear of reprisals, or something, then you're overthinking things." I offered, taking a step forward, making her jerk the gun up but she didn't take a step back.

She had no idea what she was doing. "Shield really threw you in the deep end, huh?" I questioned, taking another step forward. She went tense, her eyes wide before I ripped the gun out of her hand. "Word to the wise? Don't bother with a gun unless you're willing to pull the trigger," I said, leveling the gun at her, making her throw her hands up in a surrender. "Now get in the van so I can rescue you."

"And me?" Dr. Hall questioned, going still when I leveled the gun at him. "Have you heard a single word that I've spoken? Are you even listening to yourself?!" He protested and I paused for a moment in consideration, pursuing my lips. Was it really that crazy?

"Hm. I'm going to steal a super rare and powerful element so I can have a really awesome pair of roller skates… no… no, that checks out," I decided, finding no flaw in my reasoning. I jerked the gun at the vehicle, "Now get in the van so I can kidnap you."

"I don't need to be rescued," Skye spoke up while Dr. Hall just gaped at me. "I'm… I'm with Shield now. They're my team," she continued and I rolled my eyes to the high heavens. Seriously?

"Fine. Fine! Then I'm kidnapping you both," I decide, making her sputter. "I came all this way -- a fourteen hour flight -- to bring you back to the Rising Tide. This is no longer about you. It's about me and how you've inconvenienced me. Now get in the van," I instructed because the outlandish mind control theory that Ned floated was looking more and more likely by the second. We could clear her and if she really was as impressionable as a newborn duckling, we could send her waddling back to Shield.

"You can't be serious-" Skye started to protest.

"You brought this on yourself. I am the consequences of your dumbass decisions. Take out the ear piece, toss it, and get in the van." I said, looking to Dr. Hall, who seemed pensive.

"You-... Very well," Dr. Hall nodded, coming to some conclusion. "I'll come with you. No kidnapping needed."

For the love of fuck.

"So, I'm rescuing the guy I was here to kidnap and kidnapping the person I was sent here to rescue. Perfect," I summarized while Skye took out the earpiece with evident reluctance. She flinched, nearly jumping out of her skin, when I shot the earpiece that she dropped. I think that's what convinced her that this wasn't a game or a request. Her face paled and both her and Dr. Hall climbed into the van. "Seatbelts," I instructed, getting behind the driver's seat, feeding the key into the ignition and the engine roared to life. Opening up the garage, I saw it was nothing short of chaos of people fleeing the house.

The shouting was pretty annoying, so I put on some tunes and cranked up the volume as I put the address for the safehouse into the gps. Jason Mraz? Nice.

"Dr. Hall, you can't seriously be thinking about working with this guy," Skye said in a low whisper, thinking that I couldn't hear her as I blasted the horn to get some idiots out of the road. In my rear view mirror, I'm pretty sure I saw a glimpse of Future Me tearing through the villa, drawing as much attention on himself as possible.

"He intends to keep the Gravitonium out of Shield's hands, and that's enough for me. His plans for it are arbitrary… but… erm, excuse me, Mr…?" He trailed off, sounding uncertain.

"Cassius Ulysses Michaelangelo," I rattled off a fake name.

"Mr. Michaelangelo, what do you intend to do with the rest of the Gravitonium after you have your… really awesome roller skates?" He questioned, watching me carefully as I turned down a street, seeing flashing lights in the distance, the 5-0 -- were they still called that in other countries -- racing to deal with Future Me. "It would only require trace amounts to create bearings for your roller skates."

"I'm going to shelf it. I think it'd look really cool in my storage space. Maybe put it in some kind of a lava lamp?" I muttered to myself, quickly warming up to the idea. I needed to talk to Peter about making a giant lava lamp case. It would really shine in the Cave of Wonders. In the rearview mirror, I saw Dr. Hall shoot a pointed look at Skye, as if to say, 'Look at this idiot.' I didn't mind. It was just a difference of opinion. "Might use it in a pinch, but I mostly just like collecting stuff I think is cool. You don't see me judging people that collect coins or other much lamer knicknacks, now do you?"

Both looked like they wanted to argue the point but neither was really sure how. And it was a good thing that I was keeping an eye on the both of them because it was for that reason I noticed a car was following us. It clearly belonged to a secret agent because it was a van and the windows were tinted. Just to make sure, I made some erratic turns and without fail, the car followed me for each one. Almost certainly Shield.

That could complicate things, I decided. Ned and Peter were securing me a flight out of the country, but that would only really work if Shield didn't know where I was going. Meaning that I would need to deal with them before I headed to the plane and before Shield managed to send in reinforcements to box me in on the island. My fingers tapped on the steaming wheel as we closed in on the safehouse, driving leisurely down the narrow roads. A safehouse wasn't really a safehouse if you led the enemy right to it.

But it could become a trap.

Making a decision, I continued on to the safehouse and came to a stop directly in front of a square two story building. It looked nice. Glad that Ned wasn't skimping out on the AirBnB. Grabbing the trash bag of Gravitonium, I hauled it out and ushered the others to do the same, pretending that I didn't notice the car that parked just up the street. Skye was a poor actor, I thought, glancing at her as she stuck close to Dr. Hall, who headed to the safe room -- second floor, right side. Skye wasn't even trying to run.

They had a second way to communicate. Or she also noticed the black van behind us. Or maybe she just had faith that Shield would come to the rescue. Maybe they would. I dunno. We were about to find out, though.

"Here, hold this," I said, tossing the Gravitonium at Dr. Hall when I noticed that the doors swing outward. The apartment was nice -- spacious, dark hardwood floors, cream colored walls. More interestingly, I saw a note on the counter. I recognized my handwriting easily enough and it was another message from Future Me. Taking a look at it as I grabbed a chair, I saw that the only thing on it was a set of coordinates as well as a time. 1:30.

A quick glance at the clock showed that it was 1:15.

"Better make this quick then," I muttered, understanding the message and heading for the front door. Skye was in the kitchen, trying to look inconspicuous. "Skye, put the knife back in the drawer. Both of you stay here for just a minute. This shouldn't take long," I remarked, stepping outside, closing the door, and jamming the door underneath the handle. Not a second later, I heard a banging on the door from Skye.

"So not cool! Closing the door isn't going to stop me from escaping," she informed me and I ignored her in favor of looking across from me. It was the simplest way up. With so much valuable cargo, I very much doubt that Shield would be willing to let it get away. As far as they were concerned, they were on the clock just as much as I was.

For that reason, it wasn't much of a surprise when I saw two figures making their way up the stairway. A woman. Asian features, dark name of black hair, her clothing was well fitted, but she wasn't wearing any tactical equipment. The other was a white male, short brown hair, clean shaven. Handsome. He had a tactical vest on with a pistol in hand. Both of them seemed surprised to see me waiting for them, but they hid it well.

"You knew we were coming," the guy voiced, his tone deadly serious.

"Whoever drove really needs to learn how to tail someone. I knew you were there from the very start," I admitted, striding forward with a confident gait and an easy smile on my face. "Don't suppose I could get some names?"

"I don't suppose you would be willing to surrender?" The woman questioned, reaching out a hand and lowering the guy's gun. "I'm Agent May. This is Agent Ward." Ward seemed less than enthused with being introduced based on the sharp glance he shot her. "We're here for Skye, Dr. Hall, and the Gravitonium you stole. We need to take you into questioning, but I would prefer it if you came with us willingly." Well… that was nice of her.

"Nah," I said, throwing the two a smile. "Not my style. Thirteen Totem Pole," I intoned, my pocket chain flashing before it became a quarterstaff. Ward snapped his gun up, but by the time he pulled the trigger, I’d thrusted the end of the staff in his direction. The end of the totem shot off, enlarging until it was the size of a brick, and slammed into his hand, ripping the gun from it and sending it flying down the stairs.

May's eyes flashed, but she threw herself at me all the same. She, I quickly noticed, was a martial artist. She lashed out with a high kick that I diverted away with the end of my staff before following up with a roundhouse at my head. Leaning out of the way, I spun my staff, the weapon feeling natural in my hands, to divert a punch that she followed up with a three hit combo and a high knee. Her eyes widened when I flawlessly blocked every attack, realizing that I was no slouch either.

I never knew what I would roll, but I had seen a lot of items in my day. Some were utility only, but there has been a fair number of weapons. Swords, guns, spears, staffs, bows, and so on. Couldn't really claim to be a master of any of them, but I knew my stuff. My edge came from the fact that I knew how to use my weapons -- what they were intended for, what they weren't… how to bend the rules and how to break them.

Ward threw himself forward, joining in on the attack, falling in step with May and forcing me to back off. I had twelve links left, so it was time to use them. Planting the staff in the ground, I leapt up, running on the wall to build up momentum before lashing out with my staff. May took a step back, perfectly judging the distance. Only to prove that she miscalculated when I extended the reach of my staff -- the two links at the end broke off, hovering in place like they were connected by an invisible force. They slammed down on the forearm she threw up defensively at the last second, and she cried out in pain.

The two links broke off at the blow, the invisible force not able to hold on to them, but with a quick spin of my staff, I managed to reconnect them. Ward picked up the pace, covering for May, only to find himself on the defensive as I broke the staff in half, making it become two escrima sticks and started battering him with them.

The Thirteen Totem Pole had two set forms -- the giant totem poles and the staff. However, with the staff, I found the rules that could be bent. Each head on the totem was separated from the whole, connected by something -- probably magic -- and with a little coaxing, I found that the links could be further separated. Additionally, the size of the totem pole was left to my discretion and the foundation that the bottom totem was based on for stability. But, if I didn't want the structure to be stable?

I could freely change all the links if the staff except for the bottom one. The angry faced totem.

Ward wasn't half bad, I noticed, but it was clear that hand to hand wasn't where he thrived, and I think I busted his wrist when I got rid of his gun. He blocked one strike with his forearm, only to find that the links broke past that one, opening him up to a thrust to the chest with a totem the size of a basketball. He grunted, knocked back while I collected the two links, rejoining my escrima sticks into a staff to fend off May's renewed assault. She was by far the better of the two. Fast and strong, but more than that, she was precise with her attacks.

"Who trained you?" She questioned, watching me but keeping a close eye on the end of my staff as she narrowly avoided three links that were the size of a barrel all together that smashed into the ground with the downswing. I used it as a platform to throw myself up, running on the ceiling for three quick steps, breaking my staff in two uneven halves.

"Self taught," I answered, aiming one half that only had two links to it. Another thing that I could control with the Thirteen Totems.

Momentum.

I fired it off and it grew as it raced between me and May, growing to the size of a dumpster in a fraction of a second. Impossible to dodge in the narrow hallway. It slammed into her, forcing her back into the window that was directly behind her and sending her right through it as the totem tore through the wall. There was a thunderous crash below and I glanced outside to make sure I didn't crush her. May was fine -- just on her back and unconscious while the totem crushed a car behind her. Luckily not mine.

"What is that thing?" Ward asked, his voice tight and controlled, ripping a knife from its holster and settling in a stance.

"Not exactly my weapon of choice, but I don't think I'm half bad with it," I remarked, striding forward and collecting the loose links. Ward waited until I was close before going for a lunge -- the blade aimed for my neck. I swept the floor, flicking the end of my staff across the ground and sending a barrel-sized totem that swept his feet out from underneath him. He tried to recover, but doing that midair was always tough without leverage. Lashing out with the other end of my staff, I caught him in the temple and with a good whack, I knocked him unconscious.

Ward landed in a heap on the floor, the knife falling from his hands.

I pulled out my phone to check the time. 1:20.

"Not bad," I decided, my staff collapsing into a pocket chain before I paused. Through the hole in the wall, I saw the agent's car, along with a bunch of people that were curious about what was going on. Summoning the Thirteen Totems, I channeled the second form. There was a slight vibration in the street but a split second later, a large totem the size of the van itself ripped up from the street, towering over the two story buildings with the car perched directly on top. I'd like to see them get it down…

But I had a flight to catch.