Vending Machine - 150 - Miss Dungeon (Part 1) (Patreon)

"How about holding a Miss Dungeon Contest?”

Before I realised it, I was brought to the newly built inn run by Munami and family, which was finally completed during my two-month leave from Clearflow Lake Floor. Therefore, I was quite taken aback by this sudden unexpected topic.

Munami’s face was inching uncomfortably close to my metal body. She has a rather unassuming face, but it looks like she could really stand out if she puts on some make-up.

Come to think of it, most of the women living in this dungeon don’t seem to wear make-up. At most, I notice a few with lipstick at best.

"You're too close, Munami!"

"Sorry, sorry. As I was saying, with more people starting to gather in the village, I thought it would be a good idea to have a big festival so that we could foster better relationships with newly arrived people. That’s when I thought up the Miss Dungeon Contest.”

I see. They had an Eating Contest before, which had been quite a success. This could be a great idea too.

Eating contests and beauty pageants are some of the classic small-town events. Looks like things were not so different in this Other World.

Director Bear also told us to ‘relax and take it easy’ for a little while, so we have a bit of free time to have some fun.

“May-be ye-es”

I said cautiously, unwilling to appear too enthusiastic. I must give the impression of ‘Well, I guess that’s not a bad idea…’ to the people here.

Right now at Munami’s inn was the innkeeper herself, several restaurant owners, Ramis and Hyurumi. While a Miss Dungeon Contest is nothing but beneficial to men, some people may think that it is something like discrimination against women.

Therefore, I must maintain the ‘good for business’ stance and only see this from a commercial point of view.

“Right, I’d like some help from you. The last eating contest was a great financial strain on us, so I’d like to pay Hakkon 1 gold, no, 2 gold coins. The winner of the contest would get 50 free items from Hakkon, what do you think?”

If that is the case, I stand to make a tidy profit from this venture so there’s no reason to refuse. I’m also personally interested to see the Miss Dungeon Contest, so I’m more than happy to assist.

Still, Miss Dungeon Contest is quite the mouthful, so let’s shorten it to [1] Miss Dungeon.

Although… this does give off a weird kind of atmosphere that implies a completely different form of contest, there is no deep meaning to it. Still, is it really okay to use this term?

“Welcome”

"Thank you, Hakkon, you're a lifesaver!"

Once the economic and logistic negotiations were concluded, I could devote my time to thinking about the competition. There were many beauties in this world so I have high expectations for the coming event.

Several winning candidates came to mind almost immediately. However, there was no guarantee that they would participate in the contest. Still, I look forward to seeing what happens.

“A Miss Dungeon Contest, huh? I reckon Shirley might be a strong contender," suggested Hyurumi.

“Ah, that’s right. It’s not all about appearance, she’s also used to being in the spotlight,” Ramis nodded in agreement.

Neither seemed interested in participating, but it would be great if they did. Either could attain top place if not the top prize.

“You two talk like this has nothing to do with you, but I’m telling you now. You’re both participating.”

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?"

Ah, both actually screamed out their disbelief in tandem.

It really looked like both of them were eager to be spectators of the event and closed in on Munami to complain.

“No way, I’m not going! That’s final!”

“Me neither, it’s embarrassing!”

“Hmm, how about I let you two eat here for free for a week?”

“No-way!”

Looking at the way they react, one could really think of them as true childhood friends.

“Well, I’m sure Hakkon would like to see you two on stage, right?”

Kuh… why did you have to bring me into this? What should I say?

Ramis’ eyes widened as she stared at me, waiting for my response. Hyurumi still looked angry, but there was a faint flush to her cheeks that did not seem entirely made of anger.

If I were to agree with Munami, I’m sure these two would play along. However, if I were to think about it closely, I am not too keen on them being paraded about before everyone. It feels a bit silly for a mere vending machine like myself to harbour possessive feelings like this…

Should I agree or not? How about…

“Too bad”

I decided to fudge with a response that was basically a ‘no comment’. It could be interpreted as ‘too bad’ you don’t join, or as a plain ‘no’.

Hopefully, they would interpret it as they will. I shall leave it to them.

“Just what is that supposed to mean?

“Come on, Hakkon. Be clear.”

Hey, why are you girls attacking me? Can’t you just decide on your own?”

“Now, now, I’m sure Hakkon is saying that it’s ‘too bad’ that we can’t see you two in action. Still, it’s not good to force people, right? When Miss Shirley wins, I'm sure that she will be so touched that she will passionately hug and kiss. Right, the two of you aren’t participating, so let me just note this down…”

“H-hold on a minute.”

Munami had somehow whipped out a piece of paper and was about to write something on it when Ramis stopped her.

“Hmm? What is that, Ramis?”

“I- I want to enter the Miss Dungeon Contest too!” declared Ramis with a flushed face.

She must be saying this because she’s possessive of me and doesn’t want me to fall into the hands of others. It would be immature of me to believe that this is her being in love with me or some such nonsense.

I feel like I have had this happen to me several times. However, if I were to misinterpret her true feelings, the one who would end up embarrassed would be me. After all, I am just a vending machine.

Let’s think about love seriously once I am human again.

“So, Ramis will be participating. Excellent, given your popularity, you have a great chance to make it to the top!”

Munami certainly looked thrilled to have Ramis as one of the contestants, if the way she was giggling was any indication. Or, maybe she was just happy that things were going her way.

“I-I will be joining too. I have been, uh, working on magical tools that attract a man’s attention, and, so, it would not be a bad idea to gather some first-hand information on this…” Hyurumi actually blushed as she gave her excuses. She turned away to hide her face, but even her ears were bright red.

Oh, to think that Hyurumi would be joining too. If the two of them are participating, I must do my best to support them with all my might.

“Alri-igh~ so the two of you are in. Ufufufu~ this is becoming quite interesting~”

Munami was making a rather sly face, I guess her story about Miss Shirley planning to hug and kiss me is all made up.

Anyway, now that the major decisions had been made, everything else moved along quickly. Permission came down quickly from Director Bear who also gave us some sponsorship for the event. Other directors also provided some funds through a joint sponsorship and we actually found ourselves with plenty of money to do something a little more extravagant.

I guess the directors all agreed to give everyone a break, despite the current situation, or more likely, because of it.

Next was the creation of posters to inform everyone of the event. This was when I transformed into a <Coin Operated Photocopier Machine> or <Copy Machine> for short.

Plenty of people used these <Copy Machines> in their student days. I have had to make copies of maps of notable vending machines and other important vending machine trivia on more than a few occasions.

Right now, I am using the <Copy Machine> form to print out flyers en masse so that people could paste them around the village. I also made sure to keep a pile by my side and use my <Telekinesis> to hand each customer a copy.

“Ooh, so it’s something like a gathering of beauties, eh? I’m super excited about it, see you there!” Karios’ reaction was a little over the top, even though I had a feeling that he would like this kind of event.

“Don’t you already have a girlfriend?” Gors asked pointedly.

“Th-this and that are completely different things! Look here, this event is like going to a play and seeing the actors on stage…” was Karios’ lame retort.

Personally, I think he could get the tool-shop girl to participate in the event. That would solve most problems, right? Also, she’s quite a beauty with her tied up, so I think she could give the rest of the participants a run for their money.

After Karios excused himself, Suori, a young lady with her hair tied up in twin-tails stepped forward.

There were the men-in-black lurking around somewhere as usual.

“It’s been a while, Mister Hakkon, hasn’t it? I heard that you’ve recently involved yourself in a new project?”

Looks like news about this coming event has spread throughout the village, and suddenly, everyone became very lively about seeking out more information about this event.

I guess Suori must have come by to gather intel while buying her usual orange juice.

“May I have a flyer as well?”

Was this her true intention? That’s alright, take as many as you like.

I floated one flyer from my pile and let it flutter over to Suori.

"I see, there is no age limit. The only qualification is that they must be a woman. The winner gets 50 free purchases from Hakkon. The event will be held in a week… our company would like to invest in this event. I look forward to that day.”

Looks like she, a local resident of Clearflow Lake, was also pretty eager for the event. Well, no matter how much funding we have, nothing is too much. Thank you very much for your generous contribution.

“Thank you very much for letting us buy a large quantity of ‘that’ the other day.”

The next significant person who stepped forward was Shirley. As usual, her evening gown looks dangerously sexy. She was flaunting her ample cleavage and slender legs without hesitation as always.

“By the way, I heard there will be a Miss Dungeon Contest, yes? I plan to participate, what do you think?”

"Welcome"

As expected, she would be competing as well? Here comes a formidable opponent for both of them.

There will be no chance of winning if the girls compete in the normal way. Their only option was to play up their youthful appeal against mature sexiness.

“Festivals like these are pretty fun, yes? I’d be delighted to assist as a local resident here. Do consider where you would like me to place a kiss on the off chance that I win. Ah, if only Hakkon as lips.”

Then, with a seductive smile, her tongue slipped out to wet her lips before she pivoted on her heel. She sauntered away, her ample hips swinging in ab eye-catching manner.

Was that for real? To receive a kiss from those lips… I guess that pretty… intriguing? No, no, no, I’m team youth! That’s right, I shouldn’t indulge in such shameful thoughts!

From a spectator’s viewpoint, Miss Shirley’s participation is a cause of celebration (and a feast for the eyes), but that does not bode well for Ramis or Hyurumi’s chances of success. I must find a way to help them win? Surely there’s some sort of product or item I could provide to increase their chances?

There’s still some time left, I should investigate this thoroughly.

[Gumihou: It’s hilarious how invested everyone is about this event, but I guess it’s some form of escape as well]

[1] The original was ミスダンジョンコンテスト‘Miss Dungeon Contest’ which the author wants to shorten to ミスダンコンMiss DunCon’, which doesn’t sound attractive in the English language but made sense in Japanese since it’s basically just a string of katakana to most Japanese.

The more natural version would be ‘Miss Dungeon’, so let’s go with that

‘Dungeon Con’ eludes to ‘Dungeon Conference’ so, was rejected.