Vending Machine - 137 - Hunter Association Director (Patreon)

On the morning of the second day at the Dark Forest Floor, I had a sudden realisation.

I haven’t seen the Director of this floor yet.

From what I know, there should be a director from the Hunter’s Association on each floor. Looking back, they were all pretty memorable characters.

Starting from the top floor, the Director of the Beginner’s Floor was a young woman in a bright red suit who looked rather strong-willed but had a cute side to her.

I haven’t met the Director of The Wailing Dead Floor yet, but if I were to guess, they probably be kind of ghost-like. To fit into the atmosphere of that floor.

Then, there’s the Clearflow Lake Director, our beloved Director Bear. He won by a landslide when it comes to first impressions.

The Director of the Labyrinth Floor happened to be a talkative chubby lady, whilst the Director of Scorching Sand Floor was a very loud person with an equally loud Hawaiian shirt with flame patterns on it.

Below these floors are the Dark Forest Floor, Rocky Dog Mountain Floor and the partially explored Everlasting Floor.

I think I should have seen all the directors during the meeting at the Wailing Dead Floor, but I could not confirm one way or another. I was too busy then… I should have looked at them more closely. Still, I heard later that not all of the directors could personally attend the meeting, so some of them might have only been representatives.

Now, I’m even more curious about what kind of person the director of this floor could be. Since Hyurumi is right next to me and doing nothing but sipping at a can of juice, I might as well ask her.

“Do yo-u kn-ow”

“Know what, Hakkon?”

“Di-rec-tor”

“Of he-re”

There, I think that’s pretty well put together, right?

“The Director of Dark Forest? Come to think of it, I haven’t seen them yet. Unfortunately, I don’t- hey, Hevoy!”

"Yes, what is it?"

She called out to Hevoy, who had been wandering around the front of nearby houses and rest areas. Let’s not think about what he was doing.

It was probably better not to know.

“Do you know what kind of person the director of this floor is?”

“Hmm, I am acquainted with them…”

His usual thin little smile seemed to crumble into something rather stiff. I have to wonder, is there something… unusual about the director of this floor?

"What are they like?"

"He is… a very suitable director for this floor.”

What kind of information is that? Was he only talkative when it came to shoes?

“To make you hesitate like this, is that person a much bigger pervert than Hevoy?”

“I have no idea what you mean. He is a very bright and cheerful person.”

Hyurumi narrowed her eyes at Havoy. It looks like she doesn’t trust his word. Well, that’s perfectly natural considering his reputation thus far.

“Hm? What are you guys talking about?” Shui, who happened to pass by, asked us.

Well, here’s another person to ask since none of us were satisfied by Hevoy’s answer. Hyurumi had the same opinion as me and did just that.

Unexpectedly, Shui’s expression changed. Her face twitched and a forced smile stretched her lips. What could this mean?

“He’s… not a bad person.”

A bright, cheerful and ‘not a bad person’.

Anyone would think that they are describing someone nice, but their facial expressions are a bit…

What should I do? I am even more interested in that person now. At the same time, I get the feeling that I’d be better off never meeting them.

“Well, if you’re interested in meeting the Director. Now is the best time. I have to let him know that you’re all here anyway.”

“I-it’s not like we’re in that much of a hurry to meet him. He must be really busy and stuff, right?” said Hyurumi.

She must have sensed something odd in the atmosphere, just like I did and was quickly waving her hands and doing her best to deny ever wanting to meet with the mysterious Director.

“No, no, there’s no need to hesitate. You will have to meet with them sooner or later, so it’s best to get it over with quickly.”

It sounds kind of like getting a vaccination shot.

“But, since Ramis isn’t here, we should do it another day-”

“Hey, what are you guys talking about? Let me in on it!”

For some reason, Ramis who had been conveniently away, had chosen to return at the worst time possible. From the cloud of dust behind her, it looked like she had run over here too.

Now that our way out had been completely cut off, there was no escaping this meeting. Still, since they were ‘not a bad person’, surely it won’t be too bad? I’m sure it would be fine.

There are all kinds of eccentric people in this world, take Hevoy for example. Let’s not judge them for their strange fetishes or hobbies.

Please read this at kitchennovel dot com ~

Hevoy led us to a two-story wooden building and, without any hesitation, threw open the large double doors.

The inside was a large room with a mission counter and several round tables where hunters would gather to wait for mission assignments. In short, it was a pretty typical interior for a Hunter Guild.

Hevoy approached two female staff behind the counter.

"Is the Director here?"

"Yes, he is in his office on the second floor."

"These people would like to greet him, is that alright?"

The employees froze. One of them blinked at me. Perhaps they are surprised by my appearance?

“Ah, this must be Hakon-sama. Please go right to the second floor. I believe the director would be very pleased to meet with you.”

Permission was granted pretty easily. Moreover, it looked like she let us through immediately because of me. Was this what they call a ‘face pass’?

I had only been in this village for two days, but news about me seemed to have spread around. Enough that I was instantly recognised. Well, I think these two bought food from me at some point.

"Thank you. Shall we go, everyone?"

The staff were pretty normal. I had assumed that the Director would be someone strange, but he could also be just a misunderstood, ordinary guy. It was also possible that Shui and Hevoy had gotten together to play a prank on the rest of us.

We stopped in front of a door at the corner of the second floor. Hevoy knocked lightly on the door.

“Director, it’s Hevoy. I have brought Hakkon, Ramis and Hyurumi who have just arrived on this floor.”

"Please come in."

Well, the voice certainly sounded cheerful enough. Like a jolly man in his forties or fifties.

Ramis must have thought it would be rude to carry me in like a backpack, so she set me down and picked me up in her arms.

“Please excuse us,” we said as we stepped through the door and into the Director’s office.

I was set down a few steps into the room, where I found myself face to face with a… black figure.

No, really, I meant what I said. It was a completely black figure.

It was as though darkness had condensed and solidified into a human shape. It was like looking at a solid shadow, or a human man covered in black tights all over his body.

“Nice to meet you, please address me as the Director of Darkness.”

Even though there were no visible eyes, nose, or mouth, he spoke normally enough. It was really strange. Also, what’s with the golden coat? And the lack of shoes?

Why am I noticing the lack of shoes?

“Right, do make yourself comfortable.”

While we were standing there, stunned by the appearance of the Director. Hevoy had quietly left the room and shut the door behind him. He must be quite satisfied with our shocked expressions.

Still, even though his appearance was kind of out of this world, I had already seen quite a few monsters by now and calmed down quickly.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Ramis, from the Clearflow Lake Floor."

"I'm Hyurumi."

"He-llo."

The Director of Darkness nodded back as a greeting. He had been standing by the window and was now approaching us with light steps. It was kind of unsettling not being able to gauge someone’s feelings through their expressions, but I don’t think he’s angry at least.

The closer he came to us, the more conscious we were of the contrast between the absolute blackness of his person and the incredible sparkle from his golden coat, which was starting to hurt our eyes. Also, his wide-open arms… that had to be some sort of welcoming gesture, right?

"Oh my~ nice to meet you~ I am the Director of the Dark Forest Floor. If you could recall even my face when you return, it shall make me very happy. Oh, but you probably can’t tell that I am beaming now because of my pitch-black face, eh? I am part of the Dark Demon race. Although we have ‘dark’ in our names, do not worry, we are renowned for our cheerfulness. It’s not like we have to be all dark and gloomy just because we’re Dark Demons, right?

Life may be tricky and difficult right now, but as the Director, it is my duty to stand firm, keep my head up and do my best! Speaking of which, you’re from Clearflow Lake, yes? How is Director Bear? He must be incredibly busy. He is always saying how he is very bear-y busy~ as for myself, on top of regular desk work, I also farm, do night patrols and even sweep chimneys. That’s the real reason why I’m all black, you know?”

The words came gushing out of him all at once, even as he stared in our direction. Although we cannot see his expression, he must be feeling very smug right now.

The two people with me were frozen by the barrage of nonsense words. It was only then that I finally understood why Hevoy had run out of the room in such a hurry, and why those two had such a weird reaction when asked about the Director of Dark Forest Floor.

This onslaught of dad jokes along with this stand-up comedian way of speaking is… kind of hard to deal with. I had some immunity myself thanks to a relative from Osaka who had a similar way of speaking, but I’m sure these two had just suffered a terrible shock.

Neither of them even had the presence of mind to fix their expressions, their bodies were entirely rigid, their backs bent forward slightly as though they had been literally crushed by the barrage of words.

“I’m a Director of this place, but it’s not like I’m some sort of important figure. So, there’s no need to be so tense and stiff, haha. Ah, Hakkon-han [1], I heard that you serve some really unusual food and drinks. Is it alright if I ask you for a demonstration?”

Wait, is he targeting me now?!

W-what is he even saying? The person is a Director of the Hunter Association, so no matter what I could not refuse him. Um, although I’m not sure what he likes, let alone how he eats or drinks through that weird featureless face, let’s serve the most popular Milk Tea first.

I used <Telekinesis> to pick up the plastic bottle of Milk Tea and send it to the Director of Darkness’ table. I even twisted the lid off for him.

“You can really float and manipulate things in the air! Wow, that’s amazing, wa. Well, I shall now have a taste of this~”

A hole opened in his face where his mouth was supposed to be and the contents of the bottle were poured in.

"Kuhahh— Delicious, yan~ Even though it’s just sweetened tea, it’s still so delicious. If only I could have this daily-cious thing daily~!”

He was slapping his forehead, clearly very amused by his own wit.

It was too annoying. If I leave things like this, I may have to sit here and listen to dad jokes forever. Is there a way to counter him? With my halting way of speaking, there is no way for me to break through his rapid-fire talk.

Still, there must be something I could do to stop this person’s jokes… wait, I think… that’s right, I think that could be of use here?

Right, right, first, let us put up an <LCD Panel>, then, let’s put up the <Double-Act Comedy Vending Machine> which I thought would never be used with some point and prepare to broadcast.

This was a real functioning vending machine in the Kansai area. During the one-minute wait for the hot drinks to brew, a comic act would be played on the LCD panel for the buyer’s entertainment.

It was part of the set that came with the <LCD Panel>, however, I never thought that I would ever find myself in a situation where I could use this thing.

“That being said, there’s that matter… h-hey, what is that?”

The Director of Darkness was suddenly distracted by the moving images being shown on the LCD Panel.

To my ears, it sounded like rapid-fire Japanese gags, but from the way the Director’s attention was glued to the panel, he must be hearing it in the local language.

That’s right, time to pay attention and learn what true comedy is!

At the end of the one-minute show, the Director of Darkness became oddly silent. Finally, after a quiet, “Thank you for going out of the way to visit this place’, we were ushered out of the room.

I can't help but feel that I did something slightly bad, but if it made him a little quieter than usual, surely it would be a relief to everyone around him?

From the next day onwards, for some reason his comic abilities appeared to have upgraded. I had to wonder whether he was perhaps inspired by the Double-Act Comedy program I put up for him.

[Gumihou: Goodness, that’s one way to invert tropes, haha]

[1] ‘han’ is a very Kansai way of saying ‘san’. This term is used to underline his Osakan accent along with ‘ya na’