Tondemo Skill - 488 - Eating the Crab (Patreon)

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In the end, we made our way outside the city to a nice spot just by the river. Naturally, being so close to the river risk being attacked by monsters, but, hey, if that happens, more prey for us.

We’re here because there’s something I’d like to try.

While I did make fun of the floating boiling Water Ball technique, there’s no reason why I can’t try it out with the crab legs. After all, even though the legs appeared pitiful compared to the 4 ton body, it was still quite cumbersome. Especially the thick and squat bit with the flipper.

If I were to cook these in a pot, I’d be better off cooking them in my bathtub instead…

No way, no way!

There’s no way I’m cooking crabs in my precious bathtub.

I laid out the crab legs on the grassy bank and considered my options.

“Sui, come here for a moment,”

“”Yes, Aruji~~”” Sui hopped down from her position on Grandpa Gon’s head and bounced over.

“Could you use your Water Magic and make a Water Ball big enough to contain these crab legs?”

“”Hmm~~””

Water begin to gather around the crab legs and all eight legs floated up.

“Get rid of all the dirt or grass sticking to the crab, okay?”

“”Okay~~””

It was fascinating to see the impurities leave the crab leg joints and gather into a ball before it was squeezed out like a pimple. Nice, that saves me from having to scrub the legs.

“Next is…” I rummaged through my [Item Box] and brought out a packet of salt. After estimating the volume of water with my eyes, I tossed in a handful. Then, I made a fireball in my hand and…

“Oi, what are you doing?”

“I’m cooking, now shh, I’m an expert at this since I heat up my own bath water all the time.”

“That fireball is tiny.”

“It’s meant to be tiny! This is precision work, not a wham bam, kaboom work!”

“Tch,”

“If you complain again you can eat your crab leg raw!”

[1] [1] [1]

“Gunununu…”

Ignoring the grumbling behind me, I dropped my fireball carefully into the roughly one tub full of water. Since I usually heat up my bathwater to just above body temperature, the fireball I dropped into this body of water was twice the usual size.

As expected, the water began to steam and, wow, it’s fascinating to see water boiling in midair…

“Ouch!”

I leapt backwards. The bubbling hot water actually struck me in the face. Huh.

There was snickering behind me, but I ignored it. Crab meat cooks fairly quickly and the crab legs in front of me were rapidly turning red.

“”Aruji~~”” a cool tentacle extended from Sui and touched my face.

“Ah, Sui-tan is the best~~” I said as Sui’s cool tentacle on my cheek warmed my heart.

“Humph, Master is as weak as ever. It’s just a bit of hot water.”

“I was just startled, okay? Startled!” I snapped. A short while later, I told Sui, “Okay, you can let the crab legs out of the water now. Put it on… hmm, Earth Table! Okay, put it on the Earth Table here.”

“”Okay~””

This time, I made sure to be far away as the hot water splashed and quickly evaporated as Sui transferred the crab legs onto the table. 8 steaming red crab legs remained. Hmm, how should we eat this-

“Oi, are we eating it like this?”

My eye twitched. “Not yet.”

Whatever, I grabbed a large tray as well as my Mithril knife and used it to chop down on the leg at 6 inches intervals. Woah, it’s like chopping bamboo poles. Red, steaming hot bamboo poles filled with meat!

We still have those crab forks from that time we ate those spider legs, so I brought them out. A little poking around and-

Plop!

A plump, red and white piece of meat fell onto the tray.

“Oooohhhh~~~”

“Oi, hurry, hurry!!”

“Ugh, your drool, stay away from me!”

“”Sui will clean~””

“Ah, that’s sweet Sui-tan~” Even though the sight of your absorbing those drool is… never mind, I focused on getting the meat out onto the tray.

Plop! Plop! Plop!

“Right, here’s the first round of crab!”

“Ou!!”

“Yay!!!”

As my familiars gorged themselves, I looked at the single piece of leg meat on my plate. Woah, I had never seen such a thick and succulent crab leg in my life. [2] Even the rare Hokkaido crab leg served at one of our more luxurious business meetings looked tiny compared to this. I mean, just look at it, it’s almost thicker than my wrist!

I take my first bite and… woah!! It’s like electricity just shot through my spine!

“Th-this is…”

“DELICIOUS!!!”

“Aaahhh!!! What is this deliciousness? Such a rich crabby flavour, sweet and savoury, not even a hint of muddy flavour… kuuhhhh, ahhh!!!”

I had taken three more bites before having to force myself to stop.

No, I have to exercise self-control in order to experience greater deliciousness.

Thus, popped open the bottle of ponzu sauce that I had prepared and splashed it on my plate. Then, I dipped a bit of the crab into the sauce and took a bite.

“Delish!!!”

Crab and ponzu sauce is the best! The ultimate perfect match!

Aahhhh~~~

“Oi, what’s that? Gimme that too.”

“Oh, hum, this? It’s called ponzu sauce and-”

“Don’t care, gimme.”

“Some here too, please.”

“”Ou! Me! Me!””

“”Sui wants to try too~!””

Hohoho, everyone’s eyes were sparkling at me. Okay, okay, I splashed on a bit of the ponzu sauce on everyone’s second portion of crab.

“Mumu, this makes it even more delicious.”

“I had no idea that deliciousness could be heightened with just a bit of seasoning.”

“”Ou!! Master is great! Master is awesome! I’m so glad to call you my Master!”

“”Mister crabby is so yummy~~””

Please read this at kitchennovel dot com ~

[3] After we finished eating the crab legs, we all flopped down on the grass for a nap. I was on the verge of falling asleep when I suddenly sit up.

“Oi, what is it?” Fer muttered.

“I need to go back to the Adventurer’s Guild. There’s something I want to check.”

“Ugh, do we have to move…”

“”Sui will go with Aruji~~””

“Right, you guys just nap here, I’ll meet you back at the mansion later, okay?”

“Hrm…”

Since no one seems to want to move, I grabbed my leather bag with Sui in it and sprinted for the Adventurer’s Guild. Woah, I never realised this, but my stamina has improved a lot. My speed too.

I screeched to a stop in front of the Guild and, after a quick wave at the startled receptionist, dashed towards the warehouse

“Oh, Mukouda-san, what happened-”

“The crab! Have you opened it up-”

“Oh yes, it’s here…”

“What about the crab miso, I mean, the guts! What did you do to the guts?” My eyes roamed around the room, noting the opened-up crab shell, and… a bucket! Three buckets of brown and black goo. “There! That! I’m taking it!”

“You want… the guts?”

“Yes, give it to me!”

“Uh, sure,” Orson-san waved at the dismantlers and they set the three buckets of goo down.

I seized them and smirked. “Hohohoho, hahahaha!”

“Um, excuse me, are the guts some kind of special ingredient for potions…?”

“No, I’m going to eat them.”

“…ah,”

Crab Miso secured, I rushed back to the mansion. Time for a nice rare treat~

Back at the mansion, I considered the bucket of miso in front of me. The guild was pretty happy to let me have them, so I accepted.

The bucket was not one of those huge, water-carrying type, but the flatter, wider ones. The crab miso shimmered enticingly at me.

“Ohh, I’m going to eat you~~”

“”Yummy?”” asked Sui as she reached out a tentacle to poke dubiously at the black, green and brown content.

“Fufufu, it could be really yummy, you know? It may look ugly, but crab miso is very rich and creamy, with just a faint hint of bitterness.”

“”Sui… don’t like bitter…””

“Eh, more for me~ it’s fine if Sui doesn’t like it, there are plenty of other things to eat.”

“”Okay~~””

Now, how to cook the Crab Miso? Traditionally, you just put the top crab shell on fire and heat it up, with the shell being its own plate and then scraping the miso with the tips of a crab leg…

Oh, that’s right, the crab leg!

I still have a few of the emptied crab legs. I saved those just in case I wanted to make some French bisque soup, but it could be made use of now!

First, I split open the crab leg lid bamboo hollows, and then, over a small fire, I grilled the miso on the split crab leg. Woohoo, by doing this, I could maintain the umami of the Crab Miso and maintain an elegant cooking style as well.

By the time the first Crab Miso was sizzling on the fire, Fer and the rest appeared.

“Oi, what are you eating?” said Fer.

“It’s Crab Miso, come and have a taste.”

“Hmm, it smells like guts.”

“You’re pretty sharp, it’s basically crab guts. Want to try one?” I held out a split-open crab leg for him.

“Umu, I supposed it’s edible.”

“”Sui wants to try a little~~””

“”I’ll share with Sui,”” said Dora-chan. “”It smells weird, but you’ve always served nice things.””

“May I have some as well?” said Grandpa Gon.

In the end, only Grandpa Gon really liked the Crab Miso, which was totally fine with me!

“Hmm, it’s bitter, but there’s something irresistible about it,” said Grandpa Gon as he slurped up the Crab Miso.

“Ufufu, I guess the something irresistible is an ‘adult taste’ that those kids just can’t appreciate.” I tsked at their immaturity. “Want some saké to go with the Crab Miso?”

“Please,”

“Oho, Grandpa Gon~” I hollered as I opened up [Net Super] and got us a 1.8-litre bottle of Niigata saké. It’s the current most recommended liquor so can’t go wrong with that!

While setting fresh Crab Miso on the grill with a little soy sauce, I poured myself a clear shot glass of saké, Grandpa Gon’s drink was served in one of my deepest bowls.

Once most of the liquid had evaporated from the Crab Miso, I picked them off the fire and set out five portions for Grandpa Gon and kept one for myself. With a little spoon, I scooped up a mouthful of Crab Miso and chased it down with the Niigata saké.

Grandpa Gon, of course, devoured an entire crab leg of Miso in one slurp, followed by a thoughtful gulp of the clear saké.

In short, we had a fine time eating fine food and drinking fine saké, Grandpa Gon and I.

“What’s this? Aren’t you two just using this as an excuse to drink liquor?”

“Have another one, Grandpa Gon,” I crowed as I opened up another bottle of saké.

“Oi,”

“Don’t mind if I do,”

“Whatever, I don’t care anymore.”

As the evening progressed, our party of two was suddenly joined by someone else. Well, ‘joined’ was stretching it. Visited might be more correct.

“Goodness, a fellow saké lover, how nice.”

“Un, Demiurgos-sama!” I leapt to my feet. Luckily, I was mostly buzzed and not really drunk at this point. “Would you like some, uh, Crab Miso?”

“If you don’t mind, fuoh, fuoh, fuoh,”

I had already sent in the saké offerings just before the Ronkainen subjugation, so I only had to arrange some of the Crab Miso on Crab Leg Shells on a cardboard box and prayed.

“Please accept these humble offerings!”

“Hohoho, thank you. Well, your reward will be mitigated soon. Do look forward to it.”

I must say, the gods of this world are really free, aren’t they?

[Gumihou: By the way, part of Mukouda’s cooking technique is ‘throw the crab legs away once it’s boiled’. I swear, my ancestors just screeched in their graves.]

[1] Deleted over 350 words of adding salt, testing, add fireball, testing, add more fireball, waiting for a long time

[2] Add details re the practice of eating crab legs. The act of throwing crab legs away is extra weird since most Japanese’s idea of crab is usually the snow crab. Where the legs are eaten and body thrown away. It’s just really contradictory.

[3] There’s a crab miso episode in this chapter, but since Mukouda only took the legs… and considering how long the crab miso scene is, this entire arc was probably to eat that thing and make fun of Fer for ‘not knowing how to enjoy adult flavours’ like… these are wild animals? It’s the guts-eating episode all over again.

Anyway, fiddled around a bit to fit the crab miso scene in.