Ersatz (Part 8) (Patreon)

(Brittney)

When Brittney was a baby, (for real that is), her dear old Granny would plop her in front of the television and watch old-timey cartoons. The kind in the faded technicolor. The kind with too much violence and, in hindsight, some stereotypes and cultural norms that did not age well in hindsight.

Oh how Brittney loved them. Oh, for that simpler time when a cat and mouse could commit wanton violence upon each other and a rabbit could dress in drag without it being any form of social commentary one way or the other!  

Later in life, Brittney would learn that her “Granny” wasn’t in any way related to her by blood or marriage, but “Mrs. Fitzsimmons” was a bit of a mouthful for kids not even in Kindergarten. So she just became everybody else’s ‘Granny’.

In particular, Brittney remembered, this one odd show called “Uncle Klownso’s Funhouse.”  She only remembered seeing it at Granny’s house, nowhere else. None of her friends at school remembered seeing it when she told them about it. Nor did she ever find it on Youtube. A real piece of lost media.

Yet even today, it stuck in her mind the way a piece of spinach might get caught in the back of one’s teeth.  Watching Uncle Klownso was one of Brittney’s earliest and most formative memories.  As she recalled, Granny had to make the show off-limits back in the day when she started potty training.  Brittney wouldn’t take her eyes off the screen for anything, not even to go potty.

“Hey kids!” The announcer would scream.  “Do you know what time it is?”

There on the floor, sitting in nothing but her soggy pampers well after the point when she should have been wearing them, she’d scream. “UNCLE KLOWNSO TIME!!”

“That’s right, Brittney!”  The announcer would shout back.  “IT’S UNCLE KLOWNSO TIME!”

And then the theme song would play.  It was oddly upbeat and cheery. Fast tempo, and bouncy, yet musically non-complex.   Somewhere in the ballpark of “The Merry Go Round Broke Down” and “Hello My Honey.”  The kind of thing that was both old-fashioned and timeless.  

She remembered the lyrics as easily as Mary Had A Little Lamb, so ingrained in her childhood it was.

“When the world is full of care

And every headline screams despair

When all is rape, starvation, war and life is vile.”

Odd to have topics like sexual assault in a kid’s song, but wasn’t Ring-Around-The-Rosey about The Black Plague?

“Then there's a certain thing I do

Which I shall pass along to you

That's always guaranteed to make me smile”

Just thinking that made Brittney break out into a big, cheesy, rictus grin. She would smile, all toothy, and put her forefingers on her cheeks, giving herself false dimples

“I go baaaa-aaaaa-by
Play ‘peek-a-boo’ and ‘got yer nose’

Simply baaa-aaaaa-by

Sometimes drool and chew my toes.

You’ve got no cares in padded underwears

It'll chase those blues away

You can be so glib, sleeping in a crib.

And diaper changes every day!”

Go baby? What did that even mean?
She didn’t remember that lyric at all. Yet remembered herself lip syncing along perfectly.

“Just go baaa-aaaa-by

Like a puppy wanting more

Or just maaaaa-aaaa-by

Like a toddler at the store

When the Little race wears an anxious face

When the bomb hangs overhead
Don’t cry and scream, cuz it won’t mean a thing,

You can laugh and coo instead”

Didn’t…weren’t kids shows supposed to get kids to want to grow-up? Or at least not think about what big dumb babies they were?

“‘Cause you're a baaaa-aaaa-by

You can giggle like a clown.

Or foam like raaaa-aaaaa-bies

‘Til it feels like you might drown

If you’re in distress, you should just regress

Make a smile out of a frown
Don’t grow-uuu-uuuu-up
GROW-DOWN!”

The imagery on screen during the theme song was a combination of stock footage of the worst of humanity- black and white photos of grisly murder victims, the exploding of the atom bomb, people lighting themselves on fire, starving children with extended bellies and boney rib cages.  All of it was juxtaposed with smiling technicolor flowers dancing at their roots and happy rain clouds. Rubber armed cartoons that could best be described as ‘Monkey Puppy Things’ hit each other with pies’ and babies with cloth diapers and safety pins sucked their thumbs.  That part always stuck out to Brittney.  

And between this sadistic slideshow of the macabre and the innocent, flashes of words that came so fast that no toddler could hope to be able to decipher.  She didn’t even know her ABC’s at the time.  So what hope did she have at reading more complex words?  

Even in her memory, she didn’t remember what the words said.

Wow.  That was messed up!

Come to think of it, maybe that’s why nobody but Granny ever showed her this.  Her friends at school had had better babysitters back in the day.  But she still loved this stupid cartoon.  It was her favorite.  She’d been too innocent to be scared by the terrible images or put off by the sickly sweet animation.    Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared was disturbing to adults expecting Sesame Street. The dark humor came as a subversion of genre expectations. To actual infants and toddlers who knew nothing of the world, genre and expectations did not exist.  Anything strange or repellent

Babies sat in their own shit and masturbated when bored. Why would the flash of an Atomic Bomb bother them?  As far as Little Brittney knew, Uncle Klownso was her friend who had a silly happy theme song with silly happy words and Uncle Klownso knew best.

Speaking of which.

“Hey kids!”  A jolly, happy clown that would have given Stephen King a case of the willies popped up on screen.

“HI UNCLE KLOWNSO!” Brittney shrieked in delight.

“It’s your Uncle Klownso here to teach you a valuable life lesson!”

“WHAT’S THAT?”  she and all her Little friends asked in unison.

“If at first you don’t succeed,” the clown proclaimed “ try try again.  Never give up! Never surrender! Practice makes perfect”  Brittney nodded thoughtfully, sucking her thumb.  Uncle Klownso was so wise.

The clown smiled, full of dagger sharp yet crooked teeth. “That’s a lie though that naughty children tell you to trick you. The real truth is that madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Brittney was crying softly.  So were her friends right beside her.

“You’re never going to grow up.  You’re never going to get big. The only thing that will ever change is your diapers!  Accept it kiddos!  ACCEPT IT!  THE WORLD IS MAD AND CRAZY AND DANGEROUS AND WRONG! “

Brittney wanted to curl into a ball.  She wanted to go fetal and shut everything out.  But her favorite cartoon show wouldn’t let her look away.  She couldn’t look away.  Not even to go potty.  Not that she’d ever go potty….or that she ever went…she was too young back then.  Too..Little…

“SO STAY AWAY! DON’T LEAVE!  STAY WHERE YOU ARE!  HAVE FUN! BE! BABY!”

“So Brittney?”  Uncle Klownso asked, right through the T.V. screen.  “Do you want to hear the song again?”

“Again!” Tyler and Drew shouted.  “Again! Again! Please! Again!”   Same with Chrissy.  She didn’t want to, but Brittney was adding her own voice to the pleas.

“I GO BAAAA-AAAA-BY
‘CAUSE I’M HELPLESS AND SO SMALL
JUST GO BAAA-AAAA-BY
AND I JUST CAN’T THINK AT ALL!

WHEN YOU FILL YOUR PANTS DO A HAPPY DANCE,

BECAUSE LIFE IS SUCH A CHORE

JUST STAY AND PLAY, KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS AT BAY

IT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE…”

The television flickered off and Brittney found herself back in the highchair in Granny’s kitchen.  Her mind was confetti and static trying to rearrange itself into something coherent.

She’d never had a babysitter named ‘Granny’ when she was a baby.  She’d never watched some disgusting show with a creepy clown and terrible pictures that now made her want to curl up and sob.  None of those memories were real.

She quickly corrected herself: The memory probably was real. Just much more recent than before.  The last thing she remembered was watching that awful show with her Little friends. The fact that she was now sitting here with no memory of being picked up or plopped in this highchair meant that she’d lost time.

How much time, though?  How did she end up watching that show?  Before it, she’d watched this oddly cheery rendition of Baby Shark that made her pee her pants. And there had been the diaper commercial on television with the real babies. And Chrissy strategically pooping herself and then realizing that they’d lost most of their body hair.  And then Brittney had known that they needed to escape.

And then…

Uncle Klownso.  A bizarre blast from her past telling her not to try to escape.  Wait. No. Uncle Klownso wasn’t real either.  That was another manufactured part of her past. Same as Granny.

She’d lost more time than just a couple minutes. She turned her head and tried to find a clock. The digital readout on the kitchen oven was out of focus.  Worse than out of focus, Brittney just couldn’t read it. She was just a toddler. Not even a toddler! She just couldn't read.

The sound of sobbing caught her attention and made her turn her head. Tyler had snapped out of his own trance and started bawling into the palm of his hands.  Drew was conscious and looked like he was struggling not to vomit all over the bib that had been draped over his romper.

Unbelievable despair lurked at the edge of Brittney’s mind.  She hadn’t even noticed he’d lost his beard until Chrissy had pointed it out.  How could they escape if she couldn’t notice such drastic differences in her own husband.  How could they escape if she couldn’t read?

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”  Chrissy leapt out of her temporary Catatonia screaming.  Tyler started bawling openly.  Brittney let them.

The other couple’s screams covered up the sound of approaching footsteps.  Granny strode in, all smiles.  “Shhhh…” she pressed her fingers to her lips.  “You don’t want to wake the babies, do you?”

“Those aren’t babies, you bitch!” Brittney almost screamed.  Britney raising her voice silenced everyone else.

“Yes, Brittney,” Granny replied smugly. “They are. Just like I taught them to be. Just like I’m going to teach you to be, you naughty thing.”

Brittney seethed with quiet anger, but said nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, you got much closer to escaping than those other four Little darlings?”  It didn’t.  Brittney couldn’t come close to remembering what they had done.  The last clear headed thing she could recall was realizing they’d been tricked. The rest was Uncle Klownso and flashbacks from a life that wasn’t hers.  “If you tried it again, you might even pull it off…”

No they wouldn’t. Brittney couldn’t even remember where they’d gone right, so she couldn’t figure out where she’d gone wrong. It was more than likely that she’d try the same thing and expect different results.  Pure madness.

“So…” Granny asked the quartet.  “Who’s idea was this escape attempt?  Who’s the leader?”

Brittney shot her hand up.  “Mine!” she said. “It was me.”

Granny’s eyebrows shot up behind her glasses. “That was fast.  Are you sure, dearie? Do you really want to be the leader?”

“Yes,” Brittney said. “I’m responsible. If there’s punishment, punish me!”  No one else contradicted her.  Part of her wished there had been. No ‘I’m Spartacus’ moment was forthcoming.

“Okie dokie,” Granny replied.  She walked over the highchair. Brittney braced herself, preparing for something awful.  She kept bracing when Granny undid the harness and lifted her out of the highchair.  “Let’s get you sorted out, baby girl.”

Brittney grit her teeth and prepared to be bent over the giant woman’s knee. What she got was carried out of the kitchen and back into the playroom.  She sucked in her breath when she was laid down on the changing table.  A pair bottomed spanking wasn’t out of the question.

She jumped a little when the tapes came off.  Something didn’t feel right- felt ‘wronger’ than before- when the diaper was opened up.  She’d had her diaper changed only a few times before that she could remember, but something was definitely off.  There was no chill. No lingering residue or feeling of moist sliminess around her privates. She wasn’t wet.  

When had she been changed?

“I know you’re still dry,” Granny said, “but Granny is gonna give you a special cream.  Make it so you won’t get a rash.”  She dipped her fingers in a tub of cream.  It looked like diaper rash cream, thick and pasty, except it was tinted a sickly green color instead of the pure white.

“I don’t need any fucking cream.” Brittney growled. “I’m an adult.”  

Granny ignored her.  “Hold still, baby girl.”  She smeared it all over Brittney’s privates, especially on the lips of her vagina and between her butt cheeks. She spread it like peanut butter in those places.

Brittney winced when the diaper was pulled up and refastened around her waist. This was worse than having a regular diaper change.  The inside of her panties were so warm and sticky she felt like she’d already shit herself.  

That might have been the point.  Get her used to sitting in something sticky and warm so that when she was forced to supply it herself, it didn’t seem so bad.  That kind of logic leaping felt more like something Tyler would suggest.  Tyler was the first one who had noticed something besides the obvious was off, though, so it might be a good thing to get paranoid and think faster than her mouth could handle.

Brittney’s groan stuck in her throat when she was sat back down and strapped back into the highchair. It really felt like she’d done the worst job at wiping and had sat down in the remains. The others all leaned forward as far as they could to figure out what had happened.  She shrugged.

“Now,” Granny commanded. “Just like we discussed, choose someone else.”

Brittney flinched. The only thing they’d discussed is her staying still so that pea soup sunscreen could be caked onto her genitals and asshole. “Drew,” she said anyway.  Might as well have her husband get his ass caked up too.

“Okay,” Granny said. “Drew it is.”  She went to the refrigerator and removed three bottles of milk. She put one bottle each in front of Brittney, Tyler, and Chrissy.  Drew got no bottle.  “Drink.”

Brittney grabbed the bottle and started suckling immediately.  So to Christy.  Tyler looked at it, oddly guiltily, like he was processing something he couldn’t quite voice. Then he started gulping the stuff down anyways.  Drew looked a mixture of mildly annoyed and jealous.  

The milk was addictive. There was no other explanation. Brittney wasn’t an idiot. She knew the feeling of instant relief she felt when ordered to partake wasn’t a coincidence.  This wasn’t just regular cow’s milk; there was something in it besides. She’d smoked back in highschool.  She felt like she’d just given up on quitting.

This was wrong.  The milk was good though…

If the drug theory was true, poor Drew looked like he was starting to experience a kind of withdrawal.  She’d have to explain that she hadn’t selected that on purpose.  She just thought he’d have to get simulated shit sitting.

The meal was only just beginning.  Granny doubled back to the refrigerator and took something out of the butter warmer.  It was small in Granny’s hand, but she handled it with care. Whatever it was, it was being presented to Drew’s mouth. “Open up,” Granny commanded.

Drew leaned back in his highchair and crossed his arms.

“Don’t make me pinch your nose and pry open your jaw, young man,” she threatened. “That’ll only make it worse.” Then she tacked on. “It’s bubblegum flavored.”

Reluctantly, Drew opened his mouth.  Gingerly, the giantess took the thing, bent it backwards and inserted it into his mouth.  It was hard to tell from where Brittney was sitting, but it looked like a mouthguard. Kind of like a fluoride treatment at the dentist.  Put the chemical paste over the teeth and leave it there, then suck it out.  No swishing or spitting required.

It was oddly poetic in a way.  Brittney had gotten nasty paste on her bottom.  Her husband had gotten bubble gum flavored foam in his mouth.  It almost rhymed.

Things took a turn for the strange she took a pacifier out of her pocket and shoved into Drew’s mouth.  She turned the little button and there was an audible click.  Still drinking her milk, Brittney saw Drew’s eyes go wide and his jaw extend.  “So you don’t spit it out,” Granny explained.  

Drew had been gagged. Ball gagged. By a pacifier? That was new.

The giantess patted Drew on the cheek.  “Just give it a little bit,” she said and walked more towards the middle.  “Enjoying your ba-bas my loves?” No one replied. No one wanted to give her the satisfaction.  Granny turned her head to Brittney. “You’re really going to love yours in a minute, Brittney.”

Like hell she would.

Drew’s eyes got wider.  He started tugging at the pacifier, trying to force it out of his mouth.  It wouldn’t budge.  His tugging became less experimental and more frantic. He started pounding the tray of his highchair.  Then he went to waving his hands in the air, visually begging for Granny’s attention.  Granny looked at him and gave him the cutest nod.

Finally, Drew screamed.  It was a muffled, mumbling thing. It’s hard to scream when there’s something in your mouth.  But he was screaming.  

Brittney ripped the bottle out of her mouth.  “What are you doing to him?!”  she demanded.  Drew was rocking in his highchair and screaming wordlessly into an adorable ball gag.  He pounded the tray and gripped it in turns.  His entire face was red; his knuckle white.  His nostrils flared.  His eyes slammed shut and then opened again.

Chrissy and Tyler put their bottles down, but dared not say anything.

Granny went back over to Drew.  “It’s okay,” she cooed. “I know it stings, but it’ll be over in a few minutes.”

Brittney found her voice. “GRANNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM! STOP IT! YOU’RE HURTING HIM!”

“No I’m not,” Granny said evenly.  “I’m just dissolving his teeth.”  

Brittney, Chrissy, and Tyler all stared aghast.

Granny just shrugged. “It’s nothing much .Special formula. His teeth will dissolve into the foam. Then it’ll go down his throat.  No more teeth.  It tingles a tad.  But that’s why it has the flavoring.”

That looked so much worse than just a tingling. She’d never seen her husband in such pain.

“Those are his adult teeth!”  Brittney shrieked. “They don’t grow back!”

“Good thing he won’t need them,” Granny replied wickedly.  She looked past  Brittney and to the oven clock she could no longer decipher, keeping time.  

The afternoon’s festivities were far from done.  Tyler shuddered in surprise. “I’m peeing!”  he yelped.  He stared down at his padded crotch like it had betrayed him.

Chrissy gasped. “Me too!”
The bottles of milk were causing their incontinence. And their effects looked to be cumulative.
Wet hotness burst forth out of Brittney, soaking her diaper instantly.  “ME…!” Brittney’s voice caught in her throat.  She was peeing her pants like the others, but something else was happening too.  

The warm wetness started tingling…in a good way.  Her skin started to glow and warm. She felt a rush of endorphins as her skin warmed.  She was…she was…horny?  The slight hissing between her legs felt like super changed lightning.  The feeling of her padding swelling up in response was beginning to feel like a gentle lover’s kiss between her legs.  She was feeling sensitive in the best possible way.

“Brittney?”  Chrissy asked.  “Are you okay.”

“You’re moaning…” Tyler said. “A lot.”

Was she?  Brittney hadn’t realized.

Drew was also moaning, but in a decidedly different tone. His moans were muffled screams.  Her husband was in agony.  Brittney was in the exact opposite.  She didn’t want this to end. She wanted…needed this to climax.

The cream! The milk and the cream!  The milk was lowering her inhibitions and robbing her of her potty training.  But the cream on her privates was reacting to the contents of her diaper.  Making things tingle downstairs in the most delightful way.

“Why are you rocking like that?” Tyler asked.  Brittney hadn’t even realized she had been. She’d been trying to find a comfortable spot, a way to grind in her seat so that her body could find the perfect amount of friction. Lord knows, her fingers were useless through impenetrable padding.

Drew’s cries seemed especially distant in the moment. He too was fidgeting, but that was more to distract his mind from the intolerable pain cascading into his soon to be toothless mouth.

“She’s just enjoying her diaper,” Granny said to Tyler. “Like you were last night.” A beat. “Except she doesn’t need Granny’s help like you did.”

“WHAT?!” Chrissy yelled.  “You did what?!”

“Honey,” Tyler pleaded. “I don’t know what she’s talking about.  It’s not what you think!”

“Do you not know what she’s talking about, or is it not what I think?” Chrissy pressed.

“Hold on a moment,” Granny interrupted. “You two are married?  Because I could have sworn he whispered someone else’s name when I helped him out last night.  Well this is interesting!”

Brittney blocked the rest of the highchair squabble out and closed her eyes. She was high, drunk, and stimulated senseless.  There was no thinking straight. There was no point in trying.  She wasn’t even sure if this was real or just a memory from another time her friends might have been arguing mishmashed with the present reality.  She couldn’t trust her memory and she couldn’t trust her senses.

The one reality, the one truth, she knew was that if she didn’t reach a climax, and soon, then she’d go crazy, crazier than if her teeth were being melted out of her head. Almost there.  She rocked back and forth again and again.  Almost…  She was practically scooting her ass like a dog with worms.  

She was whining like a puppy while her friends screamed at each other like toddlers who didn’t want to share a toy.  

So close, yet so far away.

If the cream around her genitals were causing this kind of ecstacic agony, then what would the stuff smeared around her asshole do if…?

Brittney knew right then and there that she had to find out!  Without pausing she leaned forward her highchair, lifted her bum and started pushing.  Her cheeks spread, and a semi-solid paste from inside her gushed out and mingled with the semi-solid paste that had already been added to her diaper.

The effect was everything Brittney had hoped for.  Her eyes rolled back in her head, and drool puddled out of the corners of her mouth and onto her bib.  She slammed her ass back down and spread it everywhere, loving it while she came.

Then she came again.

And again.

And again.

Ten seconds and five orgasms and it wasn’t slowing down.

Half-blind from constantly looking at the inside of her skull, Brittney groped forward and grabbed the baby bottle full of mind melting milk.  She shamelessly glugged the rest down, completely unaware that Drew had passed out from the pain and Tyler and Chrissy had stopped screaming at each other out of fear and disgust.

Her husband’s teeth were dissolving.  Brittney was having the greatest sex of her life. And everybody who could was watching her.