Chapter 519 - Mangomoon (Patreon)

Auri

The Dungeon sounded like a ton of fun! Endless levels of puzzles and traps, fake-real monsters and TREASURE! It was one of the Things To Do around here!

From everything I could tell, The Dungeon was what Elaine called an Oddity, something that just Didn’t Make Sense. It played by its own rules!

I wanted to be an Oddity. I wanted to play by my own rules! Like be able to be here and be with Elaine and the rest at the same time. That would be fun!

The Dungeon was apparently a huge blast, a source of endless levels and amusement. Some places were fixed, the same for everyone. Some levels ‘overlapped’ where we could meet other Dungeon divers. Other rooms were random, but everyone agreed - go deep enough, and the experience started to get really good.

Getting in or out of The Dungeon was a bit of an adventure, given how many other creatures lurked near the entrance. It was worth knowing who was around, who’d gone in, and when someone had too much treasure for their level, and could spark an argument.

Leave with a few gems, some nice nest material? Sure, whatever. Sasha’s translation amulet was apparently a Dungeon reward, although one he’d traded for.

Leave with a few dozen level up obelisks because those were somehow a thing!?

Well, the high level creatures that lurked around the entrance would want to get their hands on it, or protect their youngsters who’d just gotten one. A kirin wouldn’t steal an obelisk from another kirin, but might be willing to snatch it from a phoenix, and…

“The whole stealing treasure thing is stupid.” I declared to my new friends. Magenta the pink flamingo, Chompy the velociraptor, Weavy the ostrich, and my latest friend, the fifth member required to go to The Dungeon, Four-Wing the thunderbird. She was alright with Lightning, but not as good as Fenrir.

“Go as deep as we can!” Four-Wing proclaimed. “Level as much as we want! Return with all the treasure we find, and dare them to take it from us!”

Chompy roared in approval.

“The bonfire for all the embers, and all the embers for the bonfire!” Weavy proclaimed.

“Burn down all obstacles!” I added in, fluttering my wings as we got ourselves hyped up.

It wasn’t Elaine. It wasn’t Fenrir and Iona. It wasn’t Exterreri or The School.

But I was determined to have fun here, make the most of things, and who knew?

Maybe I’d like it more.

Shouting and screaming, blasting Fire and Lightning around in all directions, we barrelled to the swirling purple mists in an ancient archway, vanishing into The Dungeon together.

Our flaming bodies lit up the dark cave we found ourselves in, the portal on the other side swirling red. A tiny snake hissed at us from the middle of the floor, baring its fangs at us.

[*ding!* Welcome to The Dungeon.]

Hmmm. I should change that notification.

[*ding!* Oh wise and beautiful Auri, we would like to once again welcome your august presence to The Dungeon!]

Much better. There was no harm in getting things to display nicely.

Four-Wing and Chompy wasted no time, both of them throwing attacks at the helpless snake.

[*ding!* Your party has slain a dungeon creature. Experience rewarded.]

Huh, another new one. The creature really wasn’t alive, was it?

Having ‘solved’ the room - the first room was always the same for everyone - the portal at the end turned green, signifying that we could leave.

“First!” Weavy yelled, sprinting full-speed to the portal.

“You have to say go!” I protested, zipping after her.

The rest of my friends followed, and we delved deeper into The Dungeon.

=======================================

Elaine

I waved goodbye to Auri until they were out of view, and kept waving for a minute later, just in case. My mouth cracked open in an involuntary yawn. Iona waggled her eyebrows salaciously.

“We’ve both been up more than a day, and it was a super high level day at that.” I said. “Buuuut… I do need a bath if you want to join me. Then bed.”

Iona looked far too excited at that.

“Sleep.” I corrected. The incorrigible rogue - my wife now!! - looked unrepentantly happy, her grin not fading a hair at my correction.

I went and did exactly that, waking up that evening to Iona gently shaking my shoulder.

“Hey wifeosaurus.” She teased me. “I figured you didn’t want to miss dinner, and start getting your sleep schedule back on track.”

I sniffed, detecting that dinner was just starting to warm up as Iona slipped into bed next to me. I cuddled up to her.

“The leftovers smell divine.” I said. “Shame we…”

I facepalmed as the obvious realization hit me. Iona grinned and quickly pecked me.

“Remembered preservation magic exists?” She said. I burrowed deeper into the blankets.

“Yes.” I muttered. “Be real easy to apply as well.” I yawned again, wanting to get up naturally and not use [Zenith Everlasting] to get going. There was a slim chance I wanted to go back to sleep later to fix my sleep, and if I zapped myself now, that would never happen.

I slipped out of bed, and instinctively called out.

“Hey Auri, want to do a flame bath?” I asked.

The wave of wrongness, of loss, of emptiness hit me before the echoing silence did. Iona came up behind me, slipping her hands around me and giving me a surface to lean on.

“She’ll be back in no time.” My wife said.

“I know. The place just feels so… empty.” I said. Iona gently squeezed me.

“That would be because you missed breakfast and lunch.” She informed me. “Now, let’s go fill that gaping hole of yours with food.”

“Food!” I agreed, bounding off to the kitchen. “It would’ve been wrong last night to eat it, but I am going to eat all the garlic dishes!”

Iona pulled a face at that. I had a demonic grin.

“Then kisses!”

My wife looked unimpressed.

“Alright, I didn’t start this fight, but I know how to end it. Where’s the spicy food…”

I mock-shook a fist at her as we kept walking.

“You might win this round, but you’ll lose on the other end!”

Laughing, we went to sit down and eat our first home meal as a married couple.

======================

“We should leave tonight.” I said.

“Only if you roll me to Fenrir.” Iona groaned, putting a hand over her stomach. “I don’t think I can move an inch.”

“We can’t exactly change our reservation at the Stellar Oasis.” I plowed on, heedless of my spouse’s self-destruction. “From everything I’ve heard, each minute is unbelievable. Why delay?”

Iona picked up the last rib off her plate, examined it, and decided she didn’t want to explode.

“Okay.” She groaned. “Just so long as you’re rolling me.”

I grinned, the imp of perverse mischief overcoming me.

“Challenge accepted!” I declared, leaping up and prodding Iona. “Okay, lie down on the floor for me.”

Iona was a good sport about it, and slumped over onto the floor. I started rolling her, realizing that she was too tall for the door - and some of the hallways! Who asked Iona to be so stupidly tall?! - and turns would be extremely difficult. Her arms flopped over every time I rolled her over, needing to be tucked in so I could roll her again. It was frustrating and difficult, and I thought I saw another way. I started to pick her feet up to drag her instead.

“Uhn uhn uhn.” Iona tsked me. “Rolling only, no dragging.”

I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Fine then.”

I took three steps over to get in range, then [Rapid Reshelving] a length of rope from our room to my hand. Fun little tidbit about the skill - I only needed part of the item in my range, not the entire thing. I shuffled her limbs around, tucking her into a medium-sized ball, then secured her with rope.

“This is way more uncomfortable than just walking.” I pretended I couldn’t hear Iona’s muffled voice.

She was far more maneuverable like that, and I wheeled her past Titania, who’d gotten used to our antics. Our [Caretaker] had a stoic, unflappable look on her face, and bowed slightly as we passed by.

“We’re probably heading out for our honeymoon! Thank you again for taking care of everything!” I called out over my shoulder.

I eventually got Iona out through the front door.

“Alright, alright, you win, untie me before I break the rope.” She said.

[Rapid Reshelving] to the rescue! The skill was really, really, really neat with rope. I was practicing tying knots with it, but there were all sorts of fancy stuff that could be done.

Iona got up and crinked her neck.

“No longer so full you’re going to pop?” I teased.

“Any more of that rolling and I would’ve. You won.” She gracefully conceded. The two of us started to walk up the mountain to Fenrir’s cave. Before long we were in the air, flying under the moons, headed to Jurcor and one of the best luxury tropical resorts in the world.

==================

Fenrir was less than welcome in many parts of the world, and Jurcor, being an Immortal land run by devils, was no exception. The country had provisions for him to stay… if we filled out all the paperwork in triplicate. To apply. Then get rejected, because Jurcor also didn’t want huge wyverns hanging out. They’d happily take our application fee though!

Heavens help us if we didn’t fill out all the forms though, and it wasn’t exactly clear which ones were needed… it was kept deliberately vague, although we could pay a solicitor that specialized in the case to find the proper paperwork and-

“Fenrir, go have fun. Fight some whales and find some cold caves to sleep in.” Iona patted Fenrir’s neck affectionately. “We’ll find our own way back home, but I’m sure there’s stuff you’d like to do on your own.”

Fenrir roared his agreement, his voice traveling for miles. I slapped on a fast poker face to hide how I felt about that. Iona grabbed a pair of chests off his back, one full, one empty.

“Ready?” She asked, and I grabbed my own pair.

I glanced over Fenrir’s back, confirming that we were over the resort. “Ready!” I confirmed.

The two of us stepped off Fenrir’s back in tandem, dropping miles down to the ground.

“I need to look at the saddle!” Iona scratched her backside. “It is so uncomfortable without armor!”

“I was wondering why you kept shifting around!” I shouted back, hoping I could be heard over the wind. Thank goodness for the little enchantments in the dress I was wearing - the hem of the skirt was staying down.

What had my life come to? Casually skydiving off a wyvern, holding two trunks. I should grab an umbrella to complete the look.

“Shopping or exploring first?” Iona shouted back. I looked down; the ground was rushing up at us.

“Exploring!” I said, snapping open my new wings.

Goddesses, they were pretty. They stretched far further than my outstretched hands, and were made out of shimmering, golden light. There was an argument that the size of them was suboptimal for combat, but screw that - they were gorgeous. I’d been worried when I lost my butterfly wings that I’d get a crude replacement, worse-case looking like a harpy, but no, they were everything I wanted and more.

The world swam, and we slipped past the privacy illusion the Stellar Oasis had. A few seconds later, I gracefully landed, Iona crashing down with one bent knee next to me a moment later.

I looked around. Beautiful tropical sun, gently swaying palm trees, and a deep breath brought the salty smell of the ocean. The entrance to the Stellar Oasis was nearby, and Iona and I walked past a minotaur [Bellhop] with curled horns who didn’t look the slightest bit fazed at our arrival. He gracefully opened the door for us.

“Welcome to the Stellar Oasis.” He bowed. “Can I take your luggage?”

We happily handed our luggage off to the minotaur, who seemed to have an extra spring in his step as he followed us over to the front desk. We quickly confirmed our reservation, who we were, and to my great surprise, the bill was already taken care of.

“A note was left for you.” The devil at the front desk handed over a small slip of paper. I finished reading it before getting it.

Elaine,

Congratulations on getting married!

I footed the bill as my present to you. Surprise! Hope you don’t mind - you’d planned on the spot anyway.

Enjoy your stay!

Amber

I passed the note to Iona, who raised an eyebrow.

“That was exceptionally kind of her.” She said. “I’ll have to see if we can get her a nice basket of flowers to say thank you.”

“We just have a few waivers for you to sign please.” The devil at the front desk said, taking out a comically large binder and putting it on the desk with a thud. “Just the standard stuff.”

It had to be at least two feet thick. Iona stifled her laughter beside me, as I shot the receptionist a frosty glare.

Then I got reading, as Iona knew I would. [Manuscript Mastery] would’ve gotten a dozen or so levels if it wasn’t already capped as I speed-read my way through the document, pushing [Parallel Thoughts] to the max.

While I could easily read the words, understanding the dense legal jargon being used was a different matter. There were cases and precedents referenced that I lacked the proper context to understand exactly what it meant.

All in all, no matter what happened, the Stellar Oasis was off the hook. That’s how I was reading it at least. No subtle clauses that we suddenly owed them our souls, or were signing up for eternal servitude, or any number of other obnoxious tricks Jurcor devils and [Lawyers] were infamous for pulling. I suppose enough [Partners] came to the resort here that they didn’t want to pull any tricks.

Well, any beyond the usual.

The receptionist coughed softly.

“She’s got skills for reading paperwork without even opening it.” Iona explained. “Give her a second, this is the longest I’ve ever seen her take.”

We were a team now, and the entire thing looked fine enough. I signed with a flourish as Iona finished her sentence, mostly to punctuate her words.

The devil waved her hands, the paperwork vanishing and replaced by a pair of ornate keys with a glittering gemstone in the middle.

“You’ve got the underwater rooms as requested.” She said.

“If you’d please follow me, I’ll show you to your rooms.” The [Bellhop] offered, moving off with a spring in his step.

“I swear he reminds me of a rabbit somehow.” I whispered quietly to Iona.

“Shhh!” She shushed me while trying to restrain her own laugh.

“A few of the doors with the gold and silver inlays are portals.” The minotaur said, and my jaw dropped. “There are a few different buildings that you can go to, but right now I would like to direct your attention towards the sapphire, which will link you to the underwater rooms, and the central diamond, which will bring you to the Stellar Oasis’s hub. Simply press on the gem, and witness!”

I was only half paying attention to his words, my mind frantically studying the detail, enchantments, and inlay. Portals?! They were insanely expensive! Having them as an enchantment to boot, that anyone could activate!? That was extra expensive!

The modular nature was a non-issue, and it probably helped that they were all going to fixed locations, but just how much mana and arcanite was this place sitting on!?

[*ding!* [Butterfly Mystic] leveled up!]

I’d shortened my notifications at long last. Yay for [Butterfly Mystic!]. If this place lived up to half its reputation, I’d get another half dozen levels just by studying all the cool and interesting magic. Weird how I could sort of pay to level up… but wasn’t that basically what [Students] and [Apprentices] did?

Iona nudged me, and I realized I’d zoned out a little. I stepped through the portal, [The World Around Me] going a little wonky as I split through. I briefly ended up with two ‘fuzzed’ spheres as my body was ‘split in half’ as I moved through the portal.

[*ding!* [The World Around Me] leveled up!]

We were underwater. Properly, truly, underwater, in a vast hall that was all rooms on one side, and pure glass on the other and ceiling. Underfoot was warm, tropical sand, and I immediately slipped my shoes off to let my toes sink into it.

“Your rooms are right over here.” The minotaur gestured. “Let me reassure you that the soundproofing on the rooms is quite sturdy, and there are no ‘quiet hours’ or anything of the like. One of the Classers running the Stellar Oasis has [Party All Night], an aura that will leave you feeling constantly refreshed and invigorated, no matter how little sleep you might get, effectively adding days to your stay.”

Oooh, that sounded like a great aura! I think my [Saintess] class had a similar aura offered in its endless set of skills, but with a different name and theme.

We got to our room. The side away from the door was dominated by more floor to ceiling windows, giving us a beautiful view of a colorful coral reef and the thousands of tiny fish swimming around in it. There was one large bed that was literally made out of clouds.

“The glasses will teleport any drink we have directly to them. Do not fear, we are not conjuring material, but at the same time, i would beg you to have caution. With no [Bartender] keeping an eye on you, and the ability to summon substances of varying strength, it is possible to partake too much. While the glasses are resistant to breaking when dropped, they are nowhere close to indestructible.”

“And we’re billed a small fortune if we do break them.” I whispered quietly to Iona. It had been in the paperwork I’d just signed. Page 289.

“The bubble tour is a popular first experience at the Stellar Oasis. It can give you a good overview of all the amenities offered. If you need any assistance, simply request assistance out loud. We will promptly be at your side.”

Interesting! And maybe a little spooky.

“Thank you.” Iona said, tipping the man generously. He bowed and left. Iona’s eyes drifted to the cloud bed.

“You are insatiable.” I replied to her wordless request. “Let’s go try that bubble tour that was suggested.”

“One moment!” Iona dove into her trunk, retrieving a fresh notebook and her drawing pencils. “Alright, I’m ready, let’s go!”

The heat hit me in a wave as we portaled to the central hub. It was wonderful. Blue skies, a few white clouds drifting through the sky, some birds cawing on the wind. A few other guests were walking around, Immortals from all over. A demon held hands with an elf, while a pair of devils were merrily bickering by a pool.

It was easy enough to find the bubble tour, and there was a devil giving away ice cream to anyone who wanted some. The place was all-inclusive, we’d paid enough at the start that everything inside was free. I got mango flavor, while Iona got a chocolate-vanilla-fruit mix.

I mock-shuddered at her choice.

“What?” She licked her treat. “I like tasting everything. It’s not like I’m a one-noter like you are.” She teased.

We sat down in the staging area, and a great bubble of soap popped into existence around us, including a little love bench for us to sit on. I sat down and crossed my legs, aware that the bottom of the bubble was transparent.

“There’s something nice about going with the old familiar comforts.” I flirted back.

We took in the sights as the bubble lifted up, getting a good view of everything going around. Waterways crossed through the air, a lazy river that went up. The beaches were made out of sparkling white sand, and every incoming wave was huge, right until the moment it was about to hit the shore. Then it decreased in size to a more reasonable amount. Guests of the Stellar Oasis were playing games on the beach, there was an amphitheater, a buffet hall, and so much more!

I rested my head on Iona’s shoulder.

“I love you.” I said.

“I love you too. Now, stay just like that, I want to capture this moment forever.” Iona said, her pencil moving over the page at high speed.

The Stellar Oasis was amazing. The bathrobes were so soft I wanted to weep when I took them off. There was a snow section, with a downhill ski slope that seemed to never end, and the snow was warm enough that there was no discomfort. A potion hot tub had all sorts of interesting effects, and the [Bartender] had taken a potion to transform into a dilophosaurus… or so she claimed.

“She’s actually a dinosaur!” Iona whispered urgently into my ear, able to sneak a peek into her stats. “A dinosaur is mixing our drinks!”

That was far cooler than ‘oh I took a potion to look like this.’

The beach was eternally perfect, and I could even somewhat control how ‘solid’ the sand was, letting us make an epic sand castle with some of the other guests. Iona was half of a competitive spirit, and some “famous” general - I’d never heard of him - was the other half of a competitive spirit, and the two ‘teams’ built the largest castles we could, then fired harmless sandballs at each other.

One of the buildings had all sorts of ‘tinker toys’, including a set of runes engraved in stone that could be rearranged in various orders to make different fun effects, letting anyone play at being a ‘wizard’. It was briefly novel for me then boring, since I could do my own wizardry - and they did it all wrong!! - but Iona had a blast.

There was the most skillful ‘skill-less’ performance I’d ever seen. Someone had decided to turbo-charge their initial class by not accepting anything, and was still level 8 at 150 years old. The benefits of being Immortal. He had a wonderful stage act and performance, made all the more novel and interesting by the fact that there couldn’t be any ‘true’ skills on display.

Level 100+ [Actors] and [Thespians] were a dime a dozen. But someone who could stand, act, and joke better than one, while clearly not having any skills or classes for it was fresh and revitalizing.

Iona did not like the instant painter. She wanted - perhaps a little jealously, she freely admitted - to have all of our pictures and memories of the place made by her. I had no strong feelings about it, and if it made her happy, sure, why not?

A trampoline section sent us to dizzying heights, made manageable only by the fact that both of us could fly. A few of the other guests looked a little green, which was pretty funny.

One of the only things that was truly limited at the resort were transformation tonics, where we could drink them and experience being another animal for half an hour or so, limited to one per person per day.

A [Hundred Hand Massage] followed a trip in the ‘every direction is down’ room, where we could easily walk on the wall, ceiling, or innumerable little fun ‘obstacles’ that littered the room. Iona was nearly as glued to it as I was to the innumerable enchantments I found all over the place, studying them and adding them to my list of spells I knew.

One thing I had to be careful about - I didn’t know the runic language they were using, and until I did and spent time studying it, I was basically casting blind.

A gang of super intelligent racoons tried to rob the resort, and there was mutterings of a Pekari assault going on nearby. Iona and I needed to remind ourselves that we were on vacation, and that other people were paid to fix these problems.

Didn’t stop me from scruffing one of the racoons I found in my belongings though.

“Now listen here you.” I said, staring at the dangling raccoon at eye level. “I am here on vacation. I don’t want to have to deal with you and your gang’s shit. Go bother somebody else before you become enough of a problem that I need to handle you. Now shoo.”

Fortunately for us, they didn’t see it as a challenge, instead causing mischief everywhere else.

We went diving in the sea, and with a mix of potions and enchantments, were able to walk and freely swim among the coral reefs with no problems.

Jurcor was weird about their fashion - in my opinion. The devils put way too much stock on who was wearing what, and had whole things about fine clothing. That I could tell, there were clearly hidden depths to it all.

The short of it was a ton of clothing shops in dozens of different styles, cuts, and makes, and was the whole reason both Iona and I had brought an entire extra empty trunk.

Shopping and souvenirs! I spent an unwise amount on dresses and trinkets, while Iona liked custom-tailored suits. She also spent an unbelievable amount on a set of paint.

Well, unbelievable to me. The artist believed she’d gotten it at an absolute steal.

I didn’t know it was physically possible to charge that much for paint.

Iona, with her brilliant silver tongue, somehow managed to talk the management of the resort into giving us an extra two weeks stay.

For free.

I had no idea how she managed to do it, only complaining about how stupid charisma was. Quietly.

Sun, sex, food, and alcohol, it was the perfect mangomoon for us.