Chapter 514 - The Wedding I (Patreon)

Time had passed, both too slowly and too quickly. Too slowly, in that the three phoenixes kept finding new and interesting ways to give us all grey hairs, and too quickly in the sheer excitement and anticipation of getting married!

It was like I blinked, and my wedding was going to be the next day.

I couldn’t sleep a wink. I spent the first half of the night with my Phoenix party, sipping wine, nibbling on cheese, and playing stupid games with my friends. Then I headed off to bed for the big day, put my head on my pillow, closed my eyes, and willed sleep to take me.

It. Would. Not.

There’s nothing more frustrating than wanting to sleep, needing to sleep, knowing sleep was critical for the next day, and being completely, totally, and utterly denied it. It was so unfair! I was doing everything right! Good sleep hygiene, going to bed at the right time, leaving enough hours in the night to be well rested - everything. And I was betrayed by my overexcited brain that refused to let me sleep!

Iona was far luckier than I was. She staggered back home from her Wyvern party with a number of other Valkyries, muttered ‘love you’, flopped into bed and was out like a light.

I tapped her with [Universal Cure] so she wouldn’t be hungover, and continued to stare at the back of my eyelids as the hours dragged by.

Then it was the day! The big day!

Our wedding day!

I was brimming with too much nervous energy, and a liberal application of [Zenith Everlasting] didn’t help in the slightest. Auri was already up and about, baking a few quick things before making her way back over to her industrial-scaled operation in the city.

She had initially wanted to do all the baking for the wedding, but the cruel realities of math and logistics had reared their ugly heads. She’s settled for doing only ‘some’ of the wedding baking, including the prized centerpiece - the wedding cake itself.

“Oh! You’re up!” Amber popped out of the kitchen, her hands smeared with flour. She was my maid of honor, and her long hair was done up in a braid as always, glittering with dozens upon dozens of gemstones woven into it. “Give me a moment to fix you breakfast.”

“No need, I can-” I started to say before the woman interrupted me.

“No no no, this is your big day. Sit!” She commanded.

I wasn’t going to argue. I sat down, and a sleepy Iona joined me a minute later, yawning the whole way.

“Isn’t it supposed to be bad luck for us to see each other before the event?” I asked. Iona popped something in her back.

“Ooooh, that hit the spot.” She slumped down into a chair. “It is, but then again, I’m supposed to kidnap you back to… right here, so it’s not like we’re bending a few traditions already.”

“More like the two of you are making everything up wholesale.” Amber came back into the breakfast room with a tray for me. A cup of tea, a cup of milk, a slice of heavily buttered bread and slices of a half-dozen fruits, mangos included. “Iona, can I get you the same?” She asked.

Iona accepted with good grace.

“I know I sprang my wedding present on you a little last minute,” I said. Iona snorted and interrupted me.

“You gave it to me three days before the wedding, in nobody’s world is that last minute.” She said.

“Yeah, but I’m just checking. It fits well? No issues? You’re comfortable with it? I’m just a little worried here.”

Iona put her hand over mine and lightly squeezed.

“It’s fine. I love it. Everything’s going to be alright.” She said.

Amber came out a moment later with a little tray for Iona.

“Where’s Goblin Slayer?” She asked. “We need to coordinate, and make sure everything is set.”

“I think my maid of honor is still sleeping off last night.” Iona said.

Amber tsked and vanished back into the kitchen. Auri passed her in the doorway.

“BRRPT! Brrrpt? Brpt? Brpt? Brpt???” She asked rapid-fire. Iona held up her hands.

“We’re fine, we’re fine, thank you.” She said. “Good idea though, I’ll ask Goblin Slayer to help you with moving the cake.”

It was one of the most hilarious issues I’d never thought of. Moving a regular cake was easy enough. Just throw it in a little box or something, and carry it from one place to the next. It can tilt a bit, it can slide, and worst come to worst? No cake.

A wedding cake was an entirely different problem.

The party had grown far beyond our expectations, and at a certain point (and with some angelic - errr vampiric - funding making it a big old ‘not our problem’) we’d just thrown our hands up and went along for the ride Arachne was planning. Sure, there was always the option for a private little ceremony, but Iona wanted the Valkyries, her sister-in-arms, with her, and there were quite a few Sentinels I wanted to celebrate with. Auri had her group she’d like with her, and the whole thing had quickly become a large affair.

We’d put our feet down hard when Arachne suggested it might even become a State Affair. Full on Sixth Legion parading through the streets, the [Emperor] blessing our marriage, making a big deal of a Sentinel getting married off, making it a whole diplomatic thing.

No. Absolutely not. I wasn’t going to start having random [Diplomats] and the head of every other guild in attendance. It would end up becoming stupid, and I didn’t want my wedding to be like that. Not at all.

Iona was in full agreement.

Bless Fenrir for having no additional guests.

Back to the wedding cake!

Auri took the large guest list as a challenge, and had magnificently risen to it, baking a 12-layer monstrosity. There were all sorts of fancy little tricks inside it to stop it from collapsing under its own weight, but cake wasn’t exactly a strong building material, nor were the layers cemented to each other with anything stronger than frosting. Tilting the cake a little risked the entire thing toppling, and it wasn’t so small that it could fit easily inside a box. Moving the cake from Auri’s bakery to the wedding venue was a significant challenge.

We had hired a [Courier] special to get the cake from one place to another, preservation skills saving the day. Goblin Slayer would be a solid added layer of security, helping if there was something as wild as a runaway cart or anything else nearly as crazy.

A spoon rapped my knuckles. The only harm was emotional - mom used to do that all the time - and Amber was standing over me, arms crossed and glaring.

“No! Bad bride!” She scolded me. “I know that look on your face. You’re thinking and plotting. Absolutely not. Your job is to be happy and get married. My job is to make sure it all happens.”

“And Arachne’s. And Goblin Slayer’s. And -”

I got another harmless spoon across the knuckles.

“You’ve got 64 minutes to have a bath and get ready for the getting ready stages.” Amber said. “How you use that time is up to you, but that’s the timeline we’re working on.” She sighed dramatically.

“If I’d known what type of insane markups weddings could command, I would’ve gone into that business instead of the skill selling one. ‘Weddings’ are intangible enough for my class, I could’ve made an absolute fortune.” She said.

“Unlike the massive fortune selling skills?” I teased her around a slice of orange. “The sheer bounty of the gems I’d charged in the Han wasn’t enough? Coming right as the three phoenixes were feeling extra-generous and charged a gigantic gem each for you didn’t do it? You gotta move into the wedding industry now as well?”

Amber rubbed her fingers together in a universal gesture.

“Yes.” She said without a single hint or shred of shame. “Money is money.”

I rolled my eyes and popped the last, the only slice of mango in my mouth to finish up my breakfast. It was pure bliss, the sweet fruit practically melting on my tongue as the explosion of flavor echoed through my mouth.

Even though today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, it was also one of the more stressful and regimented.

The bath was quick and perfunctory, no matter how I wanted to lounge. We’d refilled it after the phoenixes had been around a few weeks, Iona judging that they were comfortable enough that we could have the luxury back. Iona shouted through the house that she was leaving for the city, and I felt my heart rate spike.

The next time I saw her, we’d be minutes away from marrying. It was like a dream come true.

Soon I was ready to go.

“All set?” I asked Amber, invoking a rune to instantly dry my hair. Beat having it up in a towel for hours by miles!

I grabbed my ‘day of’ bag, prepacked the week before. Jewelry, under-dress clothes, nice shoes - basically everything except the dress. My vanity insisted that I double check it all.

“Yup, let’s go!” She said.

“Want me to carry you to Sanguino?” I asked. “No need to burn a good gem on the trip on my account.”

Amber internally warred with herself for a minute before agreeing.

“Auri! We’re going!” I shouted through the house, my little hummingbird friend zipping over a moment later.

The three of us headed over to Sanguino, where I had my first appointment with a [Hairdresser]. One so good, she’d been turned into a vampire for it, and it turned out we hadn’t started making plans a minute too soon - she’d been booked for months, and it was only thanks to a generous payment that we’d gotten squeezed in for ‘a quick five minutes for the lovely Sentinel’ instead of ending up years down the waiting list.

We walked into the salon.

“Hi-” I’d barely gotten the word out before a finger with a long nail was pointed at me.

“Elaine. Waist-long hair, modest curls, volume on top. Preserved for a day.” She snapped her fingers, and my hair morphed and changed all around me to the predetermined hairstyle. A wall flipped around, revealing a full length mirror.

“Thank you, come again.” The woman said before I even got a word out, turning back to another client of hers, one that she was spending excessive amounts of time and chatter on.

I didn’t mind - it was the difference between being a regular slotted in permanently, and someone who’d taken the ‘back door’ for a ‘quick session’. The lady knew her work well - it was absolutely perfect. I bounced the curls around a bit, the System-enforced vanity from my companion bond finding it just right.

“I’ll never get over how fast some people can use their skills.” Amber said with a shake of her head. “Come on, let’s get your makeup done.”

“Brrrpt!” Auri was equally impressed with the speed and skill used.

“Shouldn’t you be at your bakery by now?” I asked her.

“Brrrpt, brrrpt.” Auri protested. This had been on the way, and she wanted to see the cool skills and support me on my big day. The few minutes now was worth it.

“Need you back before I’m done with my makeup, remember?”

I supposed it wasn’t that much different from my healing. I had the longer sessions where I teased out the issue and educated my patient about what was going on, what I was doing, and why - often to help train someone else - and when I just needed someone healed and to move on.

“Makeup!” Amber decreed next. “Let’s go!”

The makeup was slightly less fancy, and I sat down in a chair, letting the couple - a man and a woman - fuss over me and apply everything needed for the big day. Foundation first, and I was secretly pleased that I needed no concealer. Permanently running healing on myself left my skin absolutely flawless. Some artful blush helped highlight my cheeks, and only the slightest touch of primer was needed. I was almost certain they did that just because they felt the need to do something. Setting powder helped lock everything in - it was going to be a long day - then mascara, eyeliner, and eye shadow were applied.

I briefly debated going fancy with the lipstick - either some combination of blue and gold for the Moon Goddesses, a single red streak down the middle, or some other fancy pattern, but elected for ‘only’ red. I kept a stick in my bag - I’d apply it later, there was no keeping it on easily all day, and no sense putting it all on now.

A number of skills were used the entire time, giving it all a mystical look. It was good. I approved!

We half-walked, half-hustled - Skills or not, I didn’t want to ruin any of my prep work - over to the temple where the wedding ceremony was going to be held.

There was a little chapel-like house just across the street from the temple, and that’s where we were headed.

It felt weird. So many people were moving and organizing on our behalf, and I was mostly oblivious to it all, having been hustled away by Amber to get ready. I bumped into Julius and Artemis on the way in, but they seemed to be having their own issues.

“We are going to be late!” Julius hissed at Artemis.

“We’ve got plenty of time!” She retorted.

“Not if we need to go all the way back!”

I smiled and waved at the two bickering like an old married - wait.

They were an old married couple.

We were guided into a little room where I got ready, and one of the key items of the ceremony was there - The Dress.

“You ready?” I asked Auri as I got changed into my under-dress outfit and asbestos shoes.

“Brrrpt!” She confirmed.

Starting at my head, then slowly flowing down, as Auri dressed me in flames.

The door opened.